Raggin' Piano Boogie


HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010

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February 28, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

Mo and I were on Main Street today for our usual commitment to pick up supplies anyone wants to contribute for the homeless. The street is becoming more crowded weekly. I played almost for the entire two hours I was there. I have not created much music this week and the weather was perfect. I need to milk as much as I can to enjoy the weather before the heat begins. Interacting with the general public is becoming more and more difficult as I discover the growing number of gaslit brains concerning the wearing of a mask, the virus, vaccination, republicanism, fascism, trump, etc... how people think against their own best interests and act out of indoctrination... I just do not feel strong enough to tolerate any of it while speaking out feels like the responsible thing to do. But that is always asking for trouble.

I can just play la,la land like nothing is happening and not be myself but negotiating that field is exhausting. The growing evil in society, especially through the 20 to 40 year old group is being done one by one by converting of people's minds. I hear more and more the word "mentor..." my mentor says, told me, explained, etc... some think they are being intuitive with their thoughts through what is really gaslighting through self-centeredness, I am experiencing psychedelics, drugs and pot being pushed, used to convert vulnerable minds. The idea of success and money being attached to trump is a major motivating factor even though reality knows that is all a lie. People say they are antifascist and blame antifa for all the trouble as I say, what part of "anti" fascist" as in "anti" "fa" do you not get? God, Grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

February 27, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

I am still feeling Christmas as I process the last of Christmas photos. It was the best Christmas I have had since I was a little child. The presents, fun, friendship and respect given to me by friends, the presents people gave me to give to others on the streets... my friends on the streets on Christmas Eve... actually, I still have my halloween pumpkin in my room lol, a $4 pumpkin from a supermarket, it has not gone bad yet and why throw it out? I took inventory of my homeless food supplies to cook and store today, that took a good five hours! I cannot believe March is just about here and we are all still alive.

February 26, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

The days are so gorgeous right now it is almost impossible to not acknowledge the good feeling it creates. Mo and I drove to get another cat scan. It was quick, easy and would not have happened without having health insurance. As I left after ten minutes and having a photo taken by a machine, I joked saying well, I hope that was a good three thousand well spent! All day I felt incredibly drained of energy. I continually had to tell myself, that everything is great, I need to have no concerns, no fear, no worries. Unfortunately that did not help. I finally got to some deep cleaning in my room. It is unbelievable how in such a small place there is so much to clean all the time! I had wanted to cook food and take t out onto the streets but that was not meant to be. There was no energy even for music. On Facebook I have been catching myself as there is always energy for ranting. As soon as I find myself getting stirred up, I sign off. There was a time when I could not do that.

February 25, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

It seems over the last few days that more people in the city know me. I am constantly being acknowledged with hello's and familiar gesturing like there is something they know about me that I am no aware that they know, lol. I like it but it does not feel comfortable. I'm talking like at least five people a day in different areas like pulling up to a stop light or as I am walking down the street or in a store. What really feels uncomfortable is when people living on the streets refer to me as reverend! That has been happening more and more. I reject it jokingly saying, trust me I am no reverend. They say yes you are reverend. Please, no putting the piano man on a pedestal. These happens ebb and flow. Makes me wonder how much I am on media through other people. I like and need attention, validation and reassurance, just not so much that I begin to create expectations for myself or feel like I have to watch myself and what I say and do. That already happens enough, just enough.

February 24, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

We went to bed at 10:30pm exhausted last night and hoping to get up by at least 8:00am to go out into the desert. Still... could not get up until after 10am! And then we did not get going until after twelve noon. It was enough time. The sun is now up until almost 6pm thank God and I am loving that! We ended up driving out to a place called Redstone in Lake Meade. On the way, I felt nothing but relief in getting out and into nature. Doing that has not been often these days. There were some glorious vistas and I did not even want to take a photo, just enjoy... nothing else. I know what my biggest problem is physically with everything that has been going on... it is my weight. Ahh... yes my weight... the bane of my existence since the beginning of my life. With my age now, it is going to take me down totally if... and I have an attachment to enjoying food more than to my health, ugh. Mo... he was huffing and puffing before we even got started from his old age. He even was walking behind me! But we both eventually got going and got lost in the smell, feel, exploration and beauty of nature.

The spring desert green is already showing. I looked up at a ridge and said someday I want to get up there. We ended up getting there today. It is amazing what I can accomplish when I do not think about it. The process was, "l can go farther" ... about six times with no effort. Coming down from mountains now is much more difficult the going up concerning balance and footing. At the top of this glorious red rock we both laid in the sun with a cool breeze in complete silence and 360 degree awesomeness all around. Its funny, when we hike off path to places unknown and I see a foot print I think, damm... someone else has been here! Lol, there are in fact spots we find where very few people have ever been, if ever. When we were done I treated Mo to his birthday sandwich,,, ham and cheese with mayo and lettuce on white bread. Now he's farting. But, it was worth it... once a year he gets people food like that.

February 23, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

TODAY IS TRAVELING PIANO DOG MO's BIRTHDAY He is now 11 Years Old. This day is my most favorite holiday of the year! I am always ecstatic with gratitude, happiness, joy, fulfillment, love and peace for and with MO on this day. Thank God for Mo. We are not going to do anything out of the ordinary. I will cook more food for those living on the streets, maybe create some music. Mo will jump into the truck and onto the piano even with his limp because that is what he wants to do... tomorrow we may finally go into the desert for a hike, to celebrate. I'll probably give him half a hoagie, lol. Thank you to all our many friends and acquaintances who appreciate Mo and our relationship. Mo's life here on earth means a lot to many people, for sure!

February 22, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

Mo is limping big time. Sometimes I think it is neurological. We were going to go into the desert today but I thought it better not to. So... it became an all day cooking day. I love to impress myself with accomplishment. If I had the where-with-all, I could make a great television show on cooking big in a small kitchen area! I made spaghetti with a white meat sauce to take out onto the streets for people, seven gallons! Pre cooked meat, spaghetti noodles, flour, butter, milk, salt, pepper, nutmeg. This photo shows the size of my entire kitchen! With every step along the way while cooking, I need to keep the area spotlessly clean. A few years ago, when doing the rounds of giving out water I came across a group intently eating out of quart containers. I asked where it came from and they pointed to a couple giving out this amazing soup. I got some of the soup to find out for myself and never forgot watching those people appreciating and enjoying the soup in knowing it was special. Tonight, as I was leaving I saw about 15 people like that, lost in the enjoyment of the food eating out of the containers. It brought back the memory. Words cannot convey how gratifying that was for me!

February 21, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

Whew, life is strange! I did get up today to live it today. Mo is limping. I wanted to take him to the desert tomorrow for a hike to honor his birthday on Tuesday. We are still going hike or not. If we just have to sit and "be" together and nothing more, that is going to happen. Even myself, I have been having serious physical issues with being able to function. Being careful not to transfer the pain into other people through frustration or whatever, I wanted to do that today but I am not allowed, lol. A lot of my time at my commitment on Main street was spent talking to a kid I know who's mind has been warped concerning trump and capitalism and making money as the priority of life. Ugh! Then Eric, Mary and Barbara came to drop off all the prepared food to hand out on the streets from their work yesterday. Loretta another friend left off bags of muffins and oranges. Bananas were added and just plain bagels, water, a few blankets... off to the streets we went. One of the guys living on the street asked me to create music, so that happened.

Then towards the end I came across a woman lying in the street passed out, really a mess which led to a conversation with a nearby neighbor until the police came. I was not going to just let her lay in the street, there is no question that she would have been run over once it got dark. All the food went today. I need to constantly be careful with Mo... he limps and as a result I think it is the end for him and then I tend to go into a very unsettling spiral downward without any ability to help myself. Need to keep thinking about gratitude and enjoying life and the work I do... which I do in fact, enjoy. With Mo, it is all about living in the moment with him and enjoying every moment, which I do. The street was more packed today then ever before. It is like there is no virus happening. Yet, America alone went over the half million people dead mark while I talked to some today without my masks on. When I feel like I just cannot wear a mask I must just not go out! I can't wait until I can start inviting people back onto the piano seat. Literally, I can't wait but I had better no matter what. It is torture.

February 20, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

I was going to go over to my friends house to make egg salad and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and also cream cheese and bagels with all the loot from the day before but... just did not have the energy so they made them without me. Tomorrow I'll give it all out after my time on the street, my Sunday commitment to pick up anything others have left off during the week. Concerning the Art Photo Galleries... I have a space in a booth here on Main Street to sell my photos and just need to find the time to make the signs for the booth and decided what I want to say on them and also get the photos in the frames and ready for display. Mo's birthday is coming up and I also want to make him his yearly birthday card. His birthday is my favorite day of the year!

February 19, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

I really pushed it today! I play hard and strong for an hour and a half at the local stagehand union while they gave away food to members. Most people had come and gone but that did not stop me on this beautiful day. My friend Dave Huff stopped by and played a little piano and sang. He is a terrific performer! Afterwards, I was able to get a major amount of groceries for the homeless but... have no where to store the food so I called my friends Eric and Mary and asked if they could help. of course they did. And... this is a major food preparation, cook situation because it was all groceries. You can see from the truck load it is totally full. What a haul! Butter, cream cheese, bagels, loaves of bread, bacon, sausage, bisquick mix and syrup, eggs, cheese, granola, popcorn, soups, beans, sauces, mac and cheese, pop tarts, oranges, potatoes, carrots, rice, lots... lots... more. My friends are going to help me with it all. Tomorrow we will start with making egg salad sandwiches, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (need to use up the bread) bagels and cream cheese and with all that I'll go out with oranges, water, I still have a few blankets to give out... Before the sun set I wanted to get a picture of it all so Eric helped me sort the food from boxes and place it all in the truck for a quick photo. With the sun setting I had to work at a maniac pace but we got it all done and repacked and into Eric's garage. A major amount of work but I love it, just hope I'm alive tomorrow and can still move my body from all the energy and activity.

February 18, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

When I was a young boy I was criticized for any opportunist impulses. Now as a grown man I am thankful for those qualities in myself and realize that the criticizing when I was young, came from the fear of asking or receiving desires and a taught lack of self-respect and trust in motives. Never was my intent to take advantage of a situation for self-serving agendas only. The priorities have always been to share, nurture and give first and foremost but there must be some personal gratification attached. And if that is the catalyst, so be it as long as the self-motive part is not dominant. It takes work to be and stay honest about that. So, as I was sitting today trying to find inspiration to get outside with the Traveling Piano, I saw online that there was a food give away at the Las Vegas stagehands union. I had been there for that one or two months ago. The post said it was for anyone not just members and with the idea that I might be able to get some goodies for myself and for those living on the streets more so, I went to create music for the volunteers, administrative people and those coming in with their vehicles to pick up food. It felt really good to do. They told me to come back tomorrow and maybe they will give me what is left over for those living on the streets. I am going to do that and hopefully they will come through. They are a strict bunch, by the rules and I suppose that is the nature of the animal with unions, they have to be.

February 17, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

With all the snow happening back east and the freezing temperatures in the south, with the Traveling Piano I am reminded how we have been snowed in many times through this journey and how when I was younger I used to perform for events even when it was snowing. I once played in a blizzard on New Year's Eve in Rhode Island for the 1st Night Festivities there. It was all a fun challenge for me that I was getting paid good money for. And so many Christmas parades through the years, I would take note of how every year my hands would get colder and colder when trying to play. There we're little tricks I would use to be able to do it like gloves without finger tips, sitting on my hands, shaking them, etc... Now, if its in the low forties... forget even the idea although... if a lot of money was involved and it was not over a long period of days... maybe, lol. We have missed most of the cold here in Las Vegas and the sun has been out and I am so thankful for the days. We will get our turn with the suffering in a few months when summer arrives. It is absolutely brutal here with heat last year ongoing from April to October with up to a hundred and twenty degrees! I am hoping last years was an unusual year and not a sign of what is to come.

February 16, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

The Healing Garden down the street from where I live, originally created to commemorate the Gun Massacre here in Las Vegas a few years ago is once again over run with over fifty American flags and American flag artwork front and center in the small park. I wrote a few sources saying that there is absolutely NOTHING patriotic about an American gunning down over five hundred other Americans. This park is meant to be personal, peaceful, an emotional healing space for those affected by the massacre. That is why it is called the "Healing Park." The park is not for objectifying what happened by using it as a platform for Ra-Ra Flag Waving as the dominant theme. The fact is... the first original impulse for the park was pure which was immediately taken over with a profit mentality which those profiting immediately buried to avoid seeing the truth of spirit in themselves. Their pro-gun, republican mentality took over with a hollow show of "I care" and then they began milking money sources through the idea ever since to keep adding to the park by calling it a "non-profit" for the city and to make it a tourist spot for downtown. Every year they buy up little parcel of land around the area to add onto expenses, there's more and more masonry, iron gates, blah, blah, blah, it goes on and on. To create the expense for flags now each little hand waving flag is attached to its own pole with a small metal lock... so ridiculous as the park is locked at night so no one can get in to seal anything, anyway. And then there are the cameras all around. It is just sad for me personally as I would use the park and create music there if it was not so attached to the fake reality it has become. I had supported the park until I realized what it was about and helped to save the large centerpiece tree of the park in a wind storm with the Traveling Piano truck when it was first placed there.

February 15, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

Last night, I was exhausted in going to bed. I slept fourteen hours and must have needed it. I called my doctor again and left a terse message saying they needed to return my calls. It was the fourth call over a period of a week and a half. It worked and I got an appointment for Wednesday. With the rest I had I was able to go out with the supplies that friends dropped off for those living on the streets yesterday... Mo and I went out with large bags of oranges, lots of home made cookies and cases of water to give out and we also gave the rest of the blankets, socks and knitted hats I had stored away. One on one relationships with people especially strangers, there is nothing more rewarding. It does not need to be for long periods of time, just a few minutes of hello, a look in the eyes and a smile... that is all. I was reminded how I need to get some books. There are many people on the streets who enjoy reading, especially to pass the time! I enjoy doing my work whatever it may be when I have the energy and am rested. I have never done well without the rest I need.

February 14, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

Mo and I made it to our once a week commitment on Main street to create a little music and pickup supplies for the homeless. A couple people actually dropped off cookies during the week that I picked up from inside the Peddler's Antique Mall while I play. My energy felt good and I was able to sustain two hours easily. Then we went over to friends for dinner and to wash and dry my clothes. How awesome that I do not need to use a laundry mat with machines that destroy my clothes and rip me off with pricing. We all played a table game together. Wow, it has been many years since I've done that. It feels so good to have friends, real friends who i can really be myself with. Mo loves them, the house and their two pups. We all made dinner together. Once I got home I started to feel the energy drain from me totally. I'm still having issues physically.

February 13, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

I was born, bred and raised 100% as a republican. As a child I watched the willingness of my family and my republican, authoritarian oriented parish church... to bend, manipulate, use, lie and spin rules politically for self serving agendas and, if necessary at the expense of others. They all operated out of a lack of self-respect through a fear of indoctrinated neediness. I learned at an early age the repression and suppression that results, the lack of creativity it fostered, the anger, and resentment. I know well the fear of not supporting each other in the deception of truth in spirit and the demand to stick together and keep self-centered lies alive as one. I was gifted as a child with insight and intuitiveness concerning the truth of spirt. That saved me along with a lot of work to learn better ways for life, to find better people to associate with. To see the ways of what I was raised with become so transparent in todays politics disgusts me. My obsession with correcting it drives this journey through anger. It also drains me of energy and time in the worst of ways. Senate members, the political leaders who have stood up to our countries cowardly traitors, deserve our utmost respect. Can you imagine continuing to work in the same room, across the table from those who have supported your murder through insurrection after it almost happened? I wish I could be more like them. God Bless Them, God Bless America. Today marks the day trump was acquitted from his second impeachment by traitors, cowards, trumpsuckers, qualities I was taught to embrace as a child. I reject it all and all those who support any of it.

February 12, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

I've written many times probably, about this. It needs to be repeated over and over because it is such an ongoing and consistent drive for motivation to live. I used to wake up every morning literally shaking with fear of having to live through the day. That fact has dominated most of my life. When I wake up in the mornings now, Mo often lays his head on my belly and begins to stare into my eyes. It is only in the morning when he does this, never at night. He stares at me until I feel his love for me. He does not want anything from me, I have tested that many times, like for me to get up or to get his food, etc... he is simply content to stare at me until I am ready to begin the day. It involves an amazing amount of respect. love, faith, a knowing of togetherness and a gratitude that cannot be compared to anything else in life. The tenderness is phenomenal. I wish it could be shared for other people to experience but know it can only be for us.

February 11, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

My friend Mandeep who runs a Kundalini yoga studio around the corner was having an event there so I went to park the Traveling Piano outside of it even though everyone was inside. An old neighbor Bobby happened by. I've not seen him for about a year. He is 77 years old and a piano player from Las Vegas for many years. He got onto the piano to play and then a blues singer came up. He sang while Bobby played and it was like old times mixed with a little angst about letting it happen with the pandemic but I just do the best I can. I posted it online and I could feel the relief people were feeling from seeing a little bit of Traveling Piano normalcy. I think it may have been only about the fourth time for something like this to happen in the last year because I have been very conscious of responsibility through example. With people that do not care about precautions, I try not care about them. I care about those I can affect in positive ways through my actions. Damm, I hope that someday soon we all can just go back to relating and interacting together without killing each other off from disease! Its bad enough we all need to sift through the gaslighting of humanity with the politics encouraged by trump, republicans, traitors, cowards, gaslit brains and conspiracy theorists.

February 10, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

Today's winter photos are from West Virginia and Montana. I miss the traveling days of this journey and hope they will return. Life is difficult. Life is changing. Life is strange. Life is full of hate, pain, resentment and anger. Life is frustratingly slowing down. Life is full of wonder. Life is full of love. Life is full of potential, wish I knew what that potential is. Life is full of faith and knowing of reality, the truth of spirit. Life will always be full of positive relationship if so chosen. Life is full of belonging. My life is full of memories. Life is full of struggle. Live is full of wonder, amazement and joy. Life is full of compassion, empathy and care. Life is full of music, fun, friendship and respect... inspiration and empowerment through the Traveling Piano.

February 09, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

Todays photos are from Sequiota Park, Missouri... Noximixin, Pennsylvania... and Baltimore, Maryland with Traveling Piano Dog Boner. The picture in Missouri (the middle picture) is from just two days before Bo passed which was on February 20, 2010. He was very sick but you would not know that from the picture, eh? He enjoyed life up to the very last moment. That was our decision, to keep going and doing what we love to do together until the very end. He returned, manifested as Mo to help me to continue going until the very end myself... enjoying what I enjoy doing. Bo's return as Mo is miraculous and all documented clearly here on this website) The picture is a wonderful reminder not only of our life together but for me to stay focused on living life in the best of ways possible.

February 08, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

It is a constant dilemma, the purpose and direction for this website now. For so many years it was simply all about the journey. It has become much more personal. I signed up for a made in Nevada commercial business site today to sell the Traveling Piano Art Photos. Hopefully, whomever reviews the application will be able to make their way through the uniqueness of what the Traveling Piano offers so I can transition back into a business of sorts. But then, how will I be able to fuse the personal intimacy and journey with business for this website? Ahh, for the love of transitions. Next... I am losing all sense of routine in my life almost completely. It is unbelievably disconcerting. The truck problem I had yesterday went away today so I did not take it to the shop. I was walking Mo and we walked past a kid curled up on the ground. Another guy was sitting in garbage next to a railway overpass looking like he was in total anguish.

They looked so bad that when I got back to my place I made six sandwiches and packed water with blankets and some candy bars and went back out. They were gone. That made for an extra two mile walk for nothing! And the work in making the sandwiches oh, how I do not want to be preparing food! There are always people on the streets needing resources so nothing went to waste. I am in constant physical pain, I think it is a kidney stone. The pain exhausts me, then there is my age, then the journey with music on the streets, work with the homeless, the Traveling Piano Photo Art Gallery that I have already invested in time and money for prints, etc... then the pandemic, the political future... thank God for Mo... he reminds me of love and peace and serenity... that I am living to enjoy life in relationship with all that life can offer. Can you see the Traveling Piano in the distance in the black and white photo posted today? Lol...

February 07, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

The video pretty much says it for the day. This was yesterday. We had some music, fun, friendship, respect, gave out cupcakes, bananas, water, hats, blankets, socks from the truck. Wherever we stopped if while handing out stuff, someone asked me to play some music I did no matter how exhausted. It is what I do. Today, I took the truck back to the shop for a clutch issue. My ongoing physical pain issue was almost not existent. It came back after I took in the truck, lol... seriously.

February 06, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

At age fifty, I was burnt out of the life I was living. It felt over and I asked myself... what do you want to do? Life now only matters to you. No one else really cares about you. What came to mind was wanting to take my work to the next level and to do it along with someone who could help. I decided to pursue the wildest dream I ever had. And, I wanted to interest Oprah to help manifest it. The dream: To streak (clothed) across the Superbowl Field performing Boogie Woogie piano on the truck as I did for twenty years prior in parades and do it for the entertainment value. I've never been into football probably because of societal pressure to be into it. The dream was to be "part of" the whole scene with a sense of rebellious fun. Lol... this is true, I had the dream in the first week of performing on the truck back in 1987 when I was a Ragtime/Boogie Woogie piano man. The truck was called Raggin' Piano Boogie for the first 20 years. The first week while out exploring with the truck, I had some major local television, radio and newspaper coverage without any promotion. That excited me beyond belief and as a result one night I had the dream. How high could I go with performing on the back of a truck? LOL

My desire was to stand out creatively and as an individual with a fun, respectful and giving nature... as part of all the commercial hoopla in life in general. I was going to just insert myself into a world that I never felt part of and never wanted me because I could not assimilate in the conventional ways that were demanded. That is why it had to be a surprise "streak" setup, of course. The Oprah part of the dream has faded away. I was very focused on it for the first two years and what was accomplished for myself during that time was nothing short of amazing. Both the Super Bowl part and the Oprah part began to manifest several times through the years in almost unbelievable ways but puttered out every time. The details are in this blog. I learned from this journey how accomplishing a goal is not the end game. It is all about the process of working towards reaching a goal. And now I am learning it is ok to let go of dreams. Life has a way of helping along the "letting go" processes and dreams. Maybe it will happen just not in the way I perceived it and, I am allowed to change my mind or direction. Once again, I am at the point of "no one else really cares." The only difference this time around is that I know that others "care" about me as a person, just not so much what I do as a person.

February 05, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

I mediate using the Gaytri Mantra and sing the chant out loud. Hearing my voice is valuable. Especially now, as I am not interacting with people as in the past with the pandemic happening. Hearing my voice grounds me in reality, gives me a sense of self. I wish that as a child, my voice and what I had to say had been valued by others specifically my family. It was not. Thank God it is valued by others now. (and a few family members) This present Traveling Piano journey has been like a marriage with myself. It has been a commitment. I've had to constantly renew my vows to remind myself of its value to myself and others. In wondering how to move forward and what to do with the rest of my life I must create inspiration for myself to remember to remember... finish the journey. Meditation helps with that. There are literally thousands of pieces of musical improvisation on this website. Ninety five percent is not very good at all, maybe ninety-nine percent but... if there is only one percent, I want to find that. Originally, when I made the musical improvisations I never listened to them. They just went right into a posting here on this website. Since I stopped making them a few years back, I've reviewed only about two years worth trying to find some good ones. I want to finish that before I die. Ha... a project, something to do! Actually I have a lot do to... getting on with doing it all... well, meditation can help with the inspiration needed.

February 04, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

Trying to imagine a future is not easy. To continue doing what I am doing without becoming burnt out is a total challenge. Extending myself to others, caring about and for others, giving to the world as I have been doing for a long time now well, I have been pulling from the professional part of my life experience. I do it because that is my job and I need to do it the best I can and with consistent responsibility. Sometimes it is not easy to do my job especially when I do not have to. Self-motivating for a lifetime has its tradeoffs both good and not so good. Do I need to transform again into something new for my life or just wear out what I have been doing until the flame just totally dies. I've been wanting to think about, "what do I want for me" period. Not... what do I want to do to get whatever from others or what do I want to do for others just... what do I want for my own life in of itself... at this point. China comes in and out of my mind from time to time. There is backstory in this blog big time about that. To go to China now would mean to let go of life as I know it totally and forever. At sixty five years of age? Sorry that this will not making sense for people reading it who do not know the backstory. At this time in the journey and blog I just want to document these thoughts as they are now.

February 03, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

I've been feeling sometimes like I want to withdrawal from society. I want to be angry with people out and about as though nothing is happening with the virus. It is a pain in the ass wanting to discern those that care verses those that do not. Why must I have a need to figure out who to be angry with or not? It is a pain in the ass to try and care for myself and remember that it is necessary as a human being and why to care not to infect others. It is a pain in the ass that every time I open a door with my hands to go into a store to get gas or food or whatever, that I am not wearing protective gloves and neither is anyone else. It is a pain in the ass to watch people seep into denial that everything is getting better and returning to normal when it in fact is not. Keeping a sense of reality is exhausting. The fact that I am having a serious medical problem and do not know what it is also affects my ability to think. I'm on heavy antibiotics but still, in a lot of pain sometimes ready to call 911 level of pain. At other times it is not so bad. I called the doctor and he said just keep taking the antibiotics. But there is something else bigger going on or is it just age related or pandemic "crazy" in the head relating... it is probably all three. Time to go meditate...

February 02, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

With this new year the Traveling Piano website enters the era of many repeat photos for the blog with this pandemic happening. From 2006 to 2020 there has not been one repeat photo. It is what it is. My pain in being able to move around when I got up today was palatable. I could not tell if I should just lay in bed all day or push forward. The temperature and sun outside was absolutely perfect so I felt I had no choice, especially with the truck full of supplies to hand out for those living on the streets. I just took my time. It was kind of weird. I'd stop for minutes at a time and just stand with no thought. I'd move slow and easy. I'm still in pain. Once the truck was emptied enough for me to get in, I created some music. People are so appreciative. A kid in his twenties and half insane came out of no where and jumped into the truck, gave me an amazing hug of appreciation, jumped off and ran on his way. It was somewhat stunning. At another spot, I stopped and talked with a guy who was having a really difficult time having been through rehabs and he just got thrown out of a halfway house with no where to go.

He was so full of goodness, I could feel it. But also as fucked up in the head as can be as an alcoholic, drug addict. They are almost impossible to talk to in the most contrary of ways when active in the disease. As the guy was leaving he said, "do you know what is rare, it is being able to find someone that I actually want to spend time with talking." That was the largest compliment that guy could have given to me and it was so from the heart and difficult for him to muster. He left immediately because he did not want to fuck up the exchange. It reminded me of my favorite quote, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.” Later at night my next door neighbor came over just to say hi. That was a first. I've suffered for the first few years here with horrendous neighbors. This was so genuine and he just wanted to see how I was doing and to let me know he was thinking of me. Awesome!

February 01, 2021

Las Vegas, Nevada

It is so unnerving to have to go to the emergency ward 3x's and to a specialist 2x's in less than a month and now having my medication changed for the 4th time with blood samples, tests, cultures for a severe prostrate infection cluster migraine going into a urinary track infection... lol. This is so not my style! Still going... although today, I had no choice but to lay low. Mo and I did take a walk. It is so beautiful outside, it had to happen.