HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
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June 30, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
We were at Veterans Village today for the local food bank pickup. It is the first and longest commitment I've had here in Las Vegas. The morning was cloudy and I was really hoping it would stay that way but alas... still, the job got done, all was well. It is time to get moving with finding funds. If stop posting to the website daily, that will be because the computer went dead and there are no funds to fix or replace it. As I said in an earlier blog the piano is going... another key went dead today... when it dies, so does playing unless funding comes through. For that fact, if funding does not happen i will be on the street next month. I don't think that will happen... but it is a possibility. Everything is a possibility all the time. People really appreciate me all around and that feels so very good. It is possible that also could change on a dime too... especially if I ask them for a dime to help support me, lol!
June 29, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
I'm still reeling from yesterday, was up all night working through the fact (with the letter posted from yesterday) that three supposed professional whack jobs as a unit tried to claim I am mentally unstable. Of course I realize how ridiculous it was but still, needing to stand for myself like that was exhausting. I blew off playing my Saturday commitment on Main Street today. At night I took a walk with Mo and ended up talking two hours on the street with a guy my age, we know some people in common and have several other things in common. He was very interesting being a bail bondsman, had a prison ministry going and had just got back from a vacation in China. He is a fundamental catholic, a politically gaslit person as in confused about facts, the truth, motives, conspiracy theories as gaslit people can be. It was exhausting! I stayed in the conversation because I could see his spirit was fundamentally good.
He just has been listening to the wrong people and his mind has latched onto wrongness to justify... wrongness. Other than that, I'm concerned about money again. I will not have rent for August and I do not have the funds for basics like gas and personal needs for the month coming. And then there is the piano and speaker. The volume adjustment died last month, the speaker is on and off and now the keys are all sticking when I play. I need new equipment as it is all outside in this harsh weather 24/7. The idea of having another fundraiser is excruciating and I doubt anyone will respond for a third time in the last half year? I wish people would make a monthly subscription from this website so I can have a consistent income to pay the basic bills and have the tools I need to work with. In less than two weeks I will turn sixty four years old and I've always worked for myself. I have no desire to work in any other way than I have been doing and will not continue onward unless people step up to the plate to help.
June 28, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Call me a big baby, call it what you want... I had some trauma today and this the letter of complaint.... I had a horrible experience with First Care Clinic today. It was unprofessional, irrational, disrespectful and dangerous to the point of necessitating this correspondence in full detail. From the interaction, process and series of events... I am suspicious of their legitimacy on many levels and would like for Anthem to check into them and make sure they are really professionals and also not milking the system. With this my second appointment I am going to cancel the third for tests and the fourth for results. Concerning the several referrals made for side issues, I now feel uneasy about the specialists I have been referred to.
About a year ago I was at a resource fair here in Las Vegas where, in a Medical bus, I was seen for a short time as everything was closing down. I felt good about the doctor, assistant and intake person. They scheduled a visit at their clinic saying there was some medical issues they thought needed to be looked into for me. In the rush of it all, I did not get the contact information and tried for a month calling the fair organizers, the city, anthem and social services to find who provided the medical bus at the fair. No one... knew anything about the medical bus. The clinic never called me about the appointment. After about a half year, I let it go. Then, a few months ago I got a letter in the mail from First Person Care Clinic saying they were my primary health care provider and it is time for my annual Wellness Visit. I was surprised and felt encouraged in realizing they found me. They were my first use of Medicaid as well as medical insurance. I called and made an appointment. I never before had medical insurance of any kind.
At the appointment I was assigned to Soy? I am not sure of the spelling of her name. I would think the clinic would have given a receipt of the appointment, or a card with her name on it would be given for future reference but none of that happened. I do know that she is a nurse practitioner from Canada. She mentioned that several times. An assistant took my blood pressure and weight. Then, I was led to a room where I sat for thirty minutes before going out to the waiting area to ask if they all forgot about me... in nice way. The nurse practitioner almost immediately then came in to ask questions.
The timing for the visit I felt was fortuitous as I am having a serious problem with pain and burning in my bowel area when relieving myself. In fact, that is why I finally called for an appointment. I told her the problem has been going on for months. She told me she does not deal with that and they would refer me to a specialist. She asked about my sexual history. I said that I have no disease and have not been sexually active for fifteen years. She asked for my orientation and I said it did not matter but felt for sure she put homosexual in her records. She kept fidging with wanting to know, and that made me feel uncomfortable. I did not state my orientation.
I told her that I would like to see a doctor who could prescribe medication for anxiety and for a condition I that I have had from time to time over the last thirty years. Also, I need a new letter for my service dog who serves to relieve anxiety for me. The doctor who bore me from my mothers womb has been the only doctor I have ever seen. Now with my being sixty three years of age, he passed away last year. I have never seen another doctor so I must establish some new medical relationships. I mentioned several times that my family history has always suggested that I have a very strong inclination for diabetes and I am wondering if that is why I have been feeling dizzy and weak at times. I also mentioned that I need to sleep ten to twelve hours a day.
That was it. I was then directed to the out take person to scheduled an appointment with a GI and Psychiatrist. Then, I left. Once home I realized how new and a bit confusing the situation was but also thought... "all they did was take my blood pressure and weigh me." Maybe it would have been a good idea to at least listen to my heart pulse. I called them back to question the lack of examination and to also ask how I could get a diabetes test. The intake/out take guy James said it was the end of the day and rationalized I was a walk in. I corrected him with the fact that I had made an appointment. He said that a full exam goes with a Wellness Exam. They thought I was a walk in just for my issue. I reminded them that I had made an appointment and that the letter they sent suggested come in for a "Wellness Exam." He gave me another appointment to come in and that is when I began to feel a bit suspicious that they might be milking the system and not very good at being health care people. I wanted to give them the benefit of doubt because I wanted to like them and they are also close to where I live. As I was noticing the surrounding activity, it seemed like other things were happening under the surface. Anyway, it had been mentioned at the end of the first visit that I could choose another nurse practitioner to see and I was asked how I felt about the one I saw. I replied that I do not know her well enough to have an opinion so I will keep her for a few appointments to see if we can work together as patient, nurse practitioner.
Today, the assistant was in the room to witness everything. Basically the same questions asked, the nurse practitioner listened to my breathing in several areas and did some reflex testing for me to show resistance with body parts. I thought, "she is just going through the movements here with no thought, pressure or intent." She examined my testicles for bumps. I told here there is one bump, it has been there for years. I felt it with pain when she applied pressure and told her, but could not find it again for proof. I mentioned another issue that I have been having, a serious issue with my neck from a slip while hiking several months ago. My tendency is to live with ailments like this and get used to them as normal but if something could be done I would like to be able to sleep as I used to. The neck strain has been a constant problem. She said she would schedule an ex-ray. I also told her that I need to get up and pee several times a night and wonder if that might be related to the onset of diabetes. I said that during the initial visit I could not think of all the reasons I needed to see a doctor. The assistant then left the room because she had something to do. I mentioned how I did not think the reflex testing was very effective (in a nice way) and she reassured me that she knew what she was doing and that she felt the resistance whether I did or not. Lol, there was without question zero resistance and she did not finish one move before moving to the next. I did not think it was important so I let it go. I asked if she noticed how uncomfortable I was trying to sit and talk. She asked me the level of pain I had. I said, out of ten I would say nine with ten passing out. She said she would prescribe an ointment. We were done.
During the out-take James set up the neck ex-ray. I told him the nurse practitioner was also going to prescribe an ointment as I could not see the IG until next week. He went into his computer to take care of it with me and showed some surprise that I was not in the system for medication. He told me he was going to call it in and I asked if I could use the CVS pharmacy near me and he validated the address so we were on the same page. He did it and told me it would be ready in a few hours. Then we set up another appointment for tests and blood work. I asked if we could do it now and he said no, I need to fast from food and water the day before. I left.
Two hours later I went to pick up the prescription and was told nothing was called in. I called into the clinic and they had no record of anything. I reminded the receptionist that I was just there two hours ago. They seemed to have no record of it and I began to get a little frustrated saying again, I was just there. It is a small office. The receptionist said that Anthem calls in the prescriptions not James and that they would call it in. I thought to myself, what is the difference here between James, the receptionist calling it in verses Anthem? I asked if I could wait on the phone as I was at the pharmacy. She put me on hold. It was confusing as James had told me the prescription had been called in and already setup. I did not even know what the prescription was specifically except that it was for an ointment. Then the assistant (I think) got on the phone saying there was never a prescription to begin with. I said I wanted to talk with the nurse practitioner. If there was never a prescription then what had James done? How did he know what the prescription was? She had told me she was going to write one for me. Everyone was denying not only the calling in of the prescription but more strongly, that there was ever a mention of giving me one. It felt like I was in the twilight zone. I pushed on and the nurse practitioner brought the assistant and James onto the phone at the same time to verify that I was wrong. I must have been hearing things or made it up. The assistant was adamant about never hearing anything. The nurse claimed that all three can not be wrong and I reminded her that James was never in the room. Then she had the audacity to begin using all the vulnerable information I shared about myself for the First Person Care Clinic files... in order to attack my sanity. Her tone of voice changed from defensive to serious while saying, "now I am becoming concerned, maybe we should check you in somewhere for your health" ...insinuating that I was acting emotionally unstable. She was very serious. It felt intimidating with the idea that I would back off. I told her the comment was disrespectful, unprofessional and dangerous to say to someone. I told her that it was wrong for all three of them to be on the line to gang up on me and try to paint a picture that I am crazy and making a false claim. Strongly I said, "now is the time to end this conversation." She continued... with the issue of polyps for the sake of argument. She claimed I said I had polyps. I clarified directly that I never said I had polyps. When we were discussing the problem during the first visit. She had brought up the idea and I said that I think that may be the problem, that I would not know. But, that was why I was there, to find out. She said... "here is what I suggest" and in the defensive mode she was in, I knew it would be nothing good. I interrupted saying "how am I to trust what you suggest?" She continued. I knew where she was going with her suggestion that I go to an ER if the pain becomes too much. I told her of course I know that is an option and adamantly said again... "I suggest we end this conversation Now!" That was it.
I felt abused that they would bring my sense of rational into question and together as a team! It was not until an hour later that I realized the prescription statement was said when the assistant was out of the room. They could have said, we made a mistake, or... she would have wanted to create a prescription but is not qualified, or... I am sorry for the confusion, or come up with something else but they choose to go into a defensive mode to make me... seem crazy? It was so odd I have become very suspicious of them... over a prescription? I do feel violated. The symptoms I will call them, listed above belong to something much more serious and corrupt. I can feel it in my bones.
For the record I would like for all the personal medical history information I gave to First Person Care Clinic purged from their system. I do not trust that they even entered correct information about me. Please advise if I can have Anthem purge the from their systems all my contact with First Person Care Clinic. Also, please refer me to a trusted Anthem network professional that I can use here in Las Vegas who can give me a through physical checkup as well as tests needed for diabetes and/or any other senior needs. I am having a serious problem my bowel alleviation. It is not constipation. Hopefully it will not necessitate a visit to an ER. Should I keep the appointments made for the specialists or will they reject me because I am cutting ties with First Person Care Clinic? I am new to all medical insurance in general as well as Medicaid. I've never visited an outside doctor or clinic in my life. I would appreciate some hand holding until I get on my feet with how all this works.
So what I learned is that this place is a Federally Funded Clinic and they are notorious for transient health care employees who know practically nothing and Federally Funded places are insanely corrupt. Always ask for locally funded places.
June 27, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
We were at the mission as usual today. My mind was not set right but as soon as people began saying hi, smiling with our presence, appreciating our being there... of course they gave me worth, validation, I felt part of... and my spirit opened up. I played up a sweat in a blue tea shirt. Can't do that anymore, lol... armpit sweat is gross! My musical energy really lifts the place up... for most. There's always that "one" but they were not there today. I'm grappling with the fact that I am over 250 pounds again and I must lose weight or die. No wonder everything is taking more time for me to do and I am having physical problems! I am about to turn 64 years of age. Becoming lighter in weight was a huge part of this journey having consciously becoming two pounds lighter a month for two years and then that all just slipped away and I am back to almost square one. I was 267 pounds when the journey began. Life for me is a struggle, always was, always will be. Thank God for friends who have helped me through it.
June 26, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Today was a nature day but there was no nature for the day. I had to wait until my Traveling Piano repair friend Denise and I could take the truck out for a spin to see what is wrong with it. I listened to the video below and thought, "this will drive musical puritans crazy" and so, with my impish nature of course I must post it! This was the kind of music I performed pre-present journey on the Traveling Piano... for 20 years. (I am now in my 33rd year on the same truck) And yes, back then it was usually this manic and rushed... and I got paid good money for it... because it was fun!!! 😂😍😜
June 25, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
We were on the street in the hot sun with an umbrella for Mo creating music which was without question lifting spirit all around. Friends were across the street serving food. Afterwards one of the volunteers came up saying how it bothers him when people take just for the sake of taking, those with no need at all. I said, yea... some take whatever, even food and actually go sell it. This is just part of it all. We cannot focus on the few that take advantage at the cost of those we help. If we are helping one person... that is enough and that is who we are going for. Think about how negative people in society use the one percent bad thing that happens with anything, to justify destroying all the good that the other ninety nine percent does. Just like how a one time accident out of 10,000 times of no accidents will permanently shut down something good happening. I was thinking how people who do what I do are a breed, those that volunteer on the streets in caring for the poor. We actually feed on each other to do it. I was playing today only because my volunteer friends were going to be there. They give me incentive and strength to do what I do and it is the same the other way around.
June 24, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
In the field today, the temperature was a hundred and two. People hanging around wanted to get some release by creating music on the Traveling Piano. They are happy to see us and support us getting through life as Mo and I are out to support them... the thought came into my mind with a feeling of calm and peaceful resignation not good or bad, just... this is what I should be doing... for today. We got there early so friends living on the streets have some time to spend before the food and resources arrive.
At that time they need to do other things. Once the sun goes down it gets very comfortable. There were a lot of people tonight as it is the end of the month and any public assistance resources are gone. When I think about how much money exists from the public's taxes and how little goes to the public... it is just not good. I'll tell you what is good... having the ability to respond in a positive way no matter how little. My ability to give feels very good. I want to encourage others to choose feeling good for themselves by giving to others.
June 23, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Wow, I was exhausted today. Mo and I went to a park and I just laid n the grass unable to move. It was restful but I was reminded to find spots to rest where there is no chatter from people and kids playing. The birds create enough chatter, lol. Oh, how I love the silence of the desert but it is too hot there these days... during the day. Remembering to stay inspired is a chore. I can only do it out of habit. Even habits I must remember to do. When one step n my process of living is forgotten it becomes like a snowball rolling down a hill. I forget more and more.
Just basic personal maintenance needs I forget. So, it is important to keep the tools in place to help me remember. Mo... keeps me up with some exercise, processing photos from the days work helps me to remember the fun, giving out water to people on the streets at night helps to keep me humble and full of gratitude, gives me the validation I need and much more... avoiding to0 much time online... these are just a few of my medicines I need to take constantly to help me to remember to remember to keep living.
June 22, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
With enough rest I feel totally unrested. I need to get out onto the street for my now Saturday commitment but the idea of the sun and heat was just too much. I told myself I would play later in the day. There was no getting it together. Then one of the owners of the new used car dealership across the street from where I play called me to remind me he was there to detail my truck as a favor. That got me going. The fact that he would call me to do me a favor is just wow! He also reminds me as I do other people that his wanting to give to me is without an agenda. Under the auto lots shade cabana I created some music and interacted with a few people. Also, my friend Dave had come to visit from Arizona for lunch. I showed him the room I live in which was a little embarrassing I know it is not an issue but never the less... because of the size well, at least he knows what I have been saying is for real. I took him to the gallery where my photos were hanging. The owner only put up three of the five.
Thats ok, I just need to get some information for them on the wall. By the time Dave left it was too late to get the truck detailed. The food and walking in the sun and my feeling out of sorts to begin with... I was just so exhausted I passed out on my bed for hours. Whenever I am with a friend like Dave, its been a year since I saw him, I become emotionally drained I suppose because I want the connection more than is possible. Mo... he fulfills the need of being with me constantly. Thank God for Mo. My neediness will never leave me and it is acute. The only answer is to constantly give of myself to others and then the most dreaded... ask for what I need from others so I can continue giving whether they have anything to give or not. The working to "get" for myself mindset has been the most difficult mindset since early childhood. I was taught neediness, disempowerment, incapability, etc... and still, in my sixties I live with all that past crap while moving forward in spite of it.
June 21, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
My mind has been foul today. It has really been full of just nothing good. We went to the mission as usual and I could not look at anyone I just closed my eyes more than 50% of the time while I created music. People were wanting to connect and I forced myself into some interaction because my connecting with them eye to eye to say hello, validate, etc... is more important than connecting through the music. Also, it was my only way out from my worthless state of mind and into a more rightful one. One of the guys I am friendly with from the street I found out died. He is the first in all my time here. I know the people he comes and sits with for dinners are devastated. People who live on the streets need each other much more than you might realize.
June 20, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
What a mind I have! While laying in bed today I was looking for inspiration to try and get up. I thought to pretend, "this is your last day on earth Danny get out and enjoy it." And then I thought, "is there a reason to not enjoy my last day on earth comfortably content with laying in bed, my dog in my arms and not a care in the world?" Then I got up. We went to the mission to play for the dinner.
June 19, 2019
Valley of Fire, Nevada
Today was our day for nature but it was really difficult to get going. I kept telling myself there was no rush because there was also no way Mo or I could be out in the afternoon sun and heat. The plan was to go to the Valley of Fire as I have always wanted to see what it is like when a hundred fifteen degrees! We got there at six in the afternoon with about an hour and a half of sun left. When we got out of the truck it was in shady areas and the moving was "real" slow! There was absolutely no energy for hiking, climbing or walking. We checked out some petroglyphs on a wall created by people four thousand years ago! Spent time with a few squirrels and crows. Found a three hundred and fifty million year old petrified pine tree log and just enjoyed simply being out in the open air with nature. There was a naked lady silhouette in between rocks. I went to take her picture but she disappeared, lol. A German couple also saw her. Other than that there was no one else in the park which I absolutely love!
June 18, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
It felt super friggin' hot to be playing out on the street yesterday with the temperature over a hundred. We were across from the Salvation Army where friends were serving dinner to people on the streets. I positioned the truck out of the sun with the umbrella and that helped allot, especially for Mo. When I am done, exhaustion sets in big time. Two hours of playing equals a full day of work like ten hours. Afterwards, I lay in bed totally awake in my mind unable to sleep or function for the other eight hours. The accomplishment to be able to do it feels good. Seeing the other people, the food servers, the people taking the food all coping... helps my coping. I do it for them. Together we all help each other to survive for better days. Musical fun, friendship and respect... empowerment and inspiration... strangers becoming less afraid of each other... relationship... the manifestation of empathy, compassion, caring for each other and without an agenda for fees, tips or commercial affiliation... that is what it is all about.
June 17, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
We were at the field today in the late afternoon until dark. I said a prayer on the way to get in a working mindset of musical fun, friendship and respect with empowerment and inspiration. When we arrived I took a deep breath and began dealing with young kids who could not wait for the cover to be removed and the umbrella put up. I added to the prayer, patience and tolerance, giving... Then Mo jumped up and we began. I had a sick feeling in my stomach because of the heat... a hundred degrees. Then... as people began to arrived and say hi, thank me for being there, the kids were really serious about exploring musical notes... my spirit came around, I got into it fully, the time being there turned 100% positive and it was all great. I had sent a strongly worded email to the Rescue Mission today about the piano being neglected (I've been playing there for the dinners every Thursday and Friday for a year and a half) and they responded almost immediately saying they will get it tuned tomorrow and again in two weeks as it is so out of tune it will need two tunings. That... was a surprise after a half year of complaining.
June 16, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Well, after taking photographs for the last twelve years, categorizing and filing them all... sorting usable ones for printing, processing them, printing a few, purchasing a frame, assembling it all, writing a bio, taking a few to see if an art gallery will present them... done. Five framed quality photos have been accepted into the most prominent high end art gallery under consignment with a huge commission agreed upon and contract signed, in the center of the Las Vegas, Nevada Arts District on Main street. They will be put in a back of the gallery with the possibility of not selling for a year, or immediately, or the gallery curator wanting to replace them with something else in a few months and returning them to me. Ha! The fact is... my photography is now legitimately on display and for sale in a respectful and credible way. It only took two and a half years to get these five pieces together for sale, lol. It was a lot of work, the price will be $275 each. My profit will be less than half of that when all is said and done and the time spent on it all... lets not go there. 100% of the money will go towards keeping the journey going.
June 15, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
I must learn to adapt and adjust. We were on Main Street today with the temperature a hundred and five. I used two umbrellas and a piece of fabric to cover where the sun was seeping through. It was not so bad but at the same time horrible. I just took breaks, drank a lot of water and felt thankful that people were around. Not many but enough and... that they would want to interact. Mo was surprising ok. I really love meeting people with the Traveling Piano, having something to offer them but more so their wanting it. Diversity is the name of the game for me with all kinds of people. I was taught as a child to only hang around "our kind" and that was fundamental while my knowing that was not the way to be in this world. Well now, my fundamental with the Traveling Piano is for everyone... ethnic/racial, social background, gender, religion, age, sexual orientation, mental, etc...
June 14, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
We went to the mission center today as we do every Friday. I got the email for the operations manager to send a strong message about getting the piano tuned. If they prefer I no longer contribute my services as a result of the letter, so be it. I picked up more processed photos to sell and they were all crap. They cost fifty bucks out of my rent for next month so I called them to say they were unacceptable. They did them over but still not to my expectations. The first batch as good. Why can't business be consistent with their products! It is such a pain in the ass and I tried to not internalize it in wanting to just quit. I know as I enter back into the conventional world I'm going to have to deal with asserting the demand for what I pay for and what is offered. I'm used to it online but face to face with people in business is uncomfortable. I just down for the rest of the day after that and will begin anew tomorrow.
June 13, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Finally, I don't know why sensibility does not kick in quicker for me but anyway, I started taking a bottle of water to hold in my hand as I walk Mo at night and give out cold water from my backpack to people laying on the sidewalks. I must sip constantly. It is a hundred degrees even at night now and a little of a challenge walking ten blocks with 16 bottles of water on my back. At the mission today creating music two major happenings... one a guy mental, sat next to the piano to eat and just decided to get into the music. He was loving it with body movement but he needed to relax a bit and eat. I told myself, "I'm going to tame this beast" and in only a few minutes with music to tame him, he stopped and began eating. Then when he was finished he began to jam with the music again. I don't think anyone noticed but me. And then... the worst looking stereotype of a prison guy with tattoos all over his body including his face was standing by the piano. He also looked mental but in an almost dangerous way like he was going to snap at any moment. He stood there long enough that other people began to notice. Then he sat down.
Then he began to cry. After taking his hands off his face he glanced over at me and I tried slide my glance away as though I did not see him. He was getting a release from my music. As he was leaving he walked by me and our eyes connected and I could feel the acknowledgment. That was awesome. When I see someone so not what I expect from their looks just be a normal person, it still amazes me. It inspires me, gives me hope for humanity and I feel so much gratitude that people will be vulnerable around me because they can trust the spirit of my music. Another guy when he was leaving told me how tired he was. He said he got caught in the lull of my music and as he swayed with it became super relaxed. I was definitely in an evenly intense energy zone playing music today. When I woke up this morning well, it was in the afternoon... I felt 100% rested and content. I thought, whats up with that? It certainly was nice and I'm glad because I was able to channel all that rested energy into creating music for today.
June 12, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
This is my day for nature and it is a hundred and ten degrees outside my door. Down the street, Quality Autoworks has been working to fix the air conditioner for my truck without cost. Later in the day we took a drive to Redrock Canyon and the Traveling Piano's overheat needle was at the top, the air in the car warm but acceptable and the engine weak from all the strain but... bottom line it worked better than not working at all. It was late afternoon, we were alone and in the shade for a hike in about an eighty degree temperature. It felt like a forrest except the trees were not tall. We were in a beautiful mountain area. I am constantly amazed at the diversity of environments here around Las Vegas. I can find, greenery, pure dessert sand, water as well as different colors in nature with textures and earth formations, plants and wildlife constantly different depending on the weather, time of year, time of day... it is all a never ended new experience of life here on earth.
June 11, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
With the temperature a hundred and five, I forced myself to go to our regular Tuesday commitment. Miraculously the sun went behind clouds as soon as I arrived and stayed that way until the last fifteen minutes when I told myself I had to go. I know it means a lot for people to see that I would be there in this heat. It also sends a message that if I can do it, they can do it and the other way around also applies. It really is the "together we can do it" way of life. My friend Mico, today is his birthday today and he made a special long hike in this heat just to not be alone without recognition for the day. He lives on the streets. I played Happy Birthday on the street to him as loud as possible. I've been parking in a new spot and it is much better than where I was for the last year.
There is more interaction with people and more people can get to know us. They sit on the sidewalk and eat their dinner while I create music. At night still in the mid-nineties, I forced myself again to walk downtown and give out Gatorades carrying fifteen of them in my backpack. Where do I get the desire and motivation to do what I do? It really is a fuck you to all those who do nothing, taught me throughout my childhood that I should do nothing and most of all in rebellion as... I am going to do the right thing, what should be done in-spite of no one doing it with me. Lol, it is funny why people do the things they do, always for individual reasons. I truly love my passion for manifesting empathy and compassion.
June 10, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
We are having a hundred degree heat wave here on the streets. At night I go out with water and gatorade to give to people laying on the sidewalks. It can get difficult at times to see people so alone and desperate. When I think about how much these people are ignored, I just feel grateful that I have a way to help no matter how small because I would be one angry fuck concerning this society if I did not have an outlet to do something about it in my own way. Earlier, we were at the field for our weekly commitment with the Traveling Piano and can we talk desperate? The music really is a wonderful distraction for people there and I must remember to stay conscious of my purpose and not get distracted from my focus. I pray about it beforehand, to be able to create musical fun, friendship and respect... to validate, inspire and empower and to stay mindful that people in general are crazy, especially these days and... more so than not, it is not their fault. My job is to share my love.
June 09, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Mo and I got caught in the middle of a sting operation today. It had to do with the drug infested building on the other side of the alley from where we live. I was taking Mo out to relieve himself as we do everyday. From behind I hear a low whistle of someone trying to get my attention. It was a white van with eight military guys, machine guns and everything coming down the alley wanting to pass us. It is just a short and narrow little alley. I said, "Hey, what are you guys doing, practicing?" They stopped right there, got off the truck, an armored tank comes up the other side, Mo goes into his usual out-cove right there to do his business and they start waving for me to get out quick. So I start going expecting Mo to follow but no... he's not coming until he is done doing his business like a good boy.
I saw the situation escalating quickly so I called for him three times each louder and stronger because I could not go and get him. They were afraid my calling him was going to blow their cover so they set off a bomb. That set Mo running and we both ran from the smoke coming towards us... back into our complex. I could not hear for an hour. Mo's ok... wow, was that fun! They arrested four people. After all that we headed out to RedRock Canyon for a short time in nature. I need to get out into nature as much as possible. We found a beautiful trail and began hiking up but stopped when there were rocks to climb over. Mo would have needed help and I did not have the energy. More and more, we just find a spot and lay in it to rest.
It is a beautiful thing to not have to keep moving all the time, to just sit and do nothing and listen to silence in natural surroundings. That inspired me to create some music so on the way out we stopped at the overlook. Of course I enjoy interacting with people but life is changing and the cell phone obsession people have is very distracting. Within seconds of my start in creating music there must have been ten cell phones swarming around the truck in circles in and out almost in my face. I stopped and said, "The cell phones should be pointed towards the mountains so you all can have a soundtrack for them." It is now necessary to teach people that I am not performing or entertaining for their online content, I'm having a musical conversation with them through nature.
June 08, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Knowing I had to go play on the street today outside the auto repair shop where I've created a commitment for every Saturday, I could not sleep last night. Really it was about my framed photos. I took them to show Denise the owner of the auto repair center where I am going to display them for sale in the waiting room. The idea of that, of her not liking them, of the followthrough now needed with the next step of hanging them on the wall... it is all pathetically excruciating for me. I just need to remember... one step at a time. This process has already been going on for two months! She liked them, now I need to paint the wall of the room where I am going to hang them, make little signs for each picture, create a print out flyer describing what is going on with it all, etc... one step at a time. The temperature was in the mid-nineties. I used two umbrellas for the first time ever. The shade still did not cover the entire truck. It did for a few hours until the sun moved around. I became so exhausted after an hour I had to go back to my room and take an hour nap. Lack of sleep, heat, the pictures and also a bomb that went off. I will write about the bomb tomorrow. Before bed we took a walk and I handed out fifteen bottles of water on the streets for people. Everyone needs water in this dry heat and its only the beginning of June?
June 07, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Mo and I played at the Mission Center today. It felt good to play after not having done so for three days. A break every once in a while is good. It also felt good to play on an acoustic baby grand piano even though it sounds like crap. It is very out of tune. I'm wondering how much longer I will be with this commitment of over a year and a half. I was reminded how important we are for people. The consistency of seeing us and just knowing we are around... Mo and I stand as validation for many, that they have worth. It makes me feel very humble and grateful to be able to be that feeling for people. I remind myself that if it is just for one person, that is enough. Every day I give thanks for Mo, his companionship, knowing he loves me and that we are bonded together beyond anything of this world.
June 06, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
The rescue mission was holding a service with their dinner tonight so I did not go to create music. Three days of not playing feels good. My mind has turned more to staying alive concerning finances verses working as I have been doing with the Traveling Piano for people living on the streets. At night when I take Mo for his walk I still hand out bottles of water and gatoraid from a half year ago that has been stored under by bed for people sleeping on the cement. It was over a hundred degrees today so there was no going out until dusk. Mo and I drove out to Calico Basin where is was amazingly warm and cool and breezy with water still trickling over rocks through a grassy marsh with birds singing, toads croaking, crickets chirping, bugs buzzing... there were little ponds of water with tadpoles growing, flowers are still blooming and only a few people were around. The most amazing spectacle was the vivid green everywhere. I've never seen green so green anywhere more than here in the desert this year. There are trees that have been dead for years that have come back to life. The roots must have been staying alive underground waiting for enough moisture to return to a full life! Mo and I laid on a smooth rock with it all for about a half hour.
June 05, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
I'm adjusting to the heat and just...doing. I put a picture in a large frame like 20"X28" and filled several other frames. It was a difficult chore and took hours. Now I need to sell them. I also need to raise money quick. The other night when I was driving out of the field area where we are every Monday, a woman came running out into the street to stop me. She told me how much her two young boys like seeing me every week and how they love to play on the piano and how much she appreciates it. How can I not continue? These are very poor people. I'm pretty sure I have said this before... on the whole... appreciation from people poor and in need is double compared to the other end of the spectrum.
June 04, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Oh boy, the heat is here. I spent the day posting stuff online, I processed the end of my musical improves for this website. The recording aspect of the piano no longer works. I processed photos and also put more into frames to sell. The money situation is very interesting. I spend only on the most basics and something must happen... once again. I'm living in faith. There is no present worry even though it feels like there should be. Somehow I know everything will work out as long as I am able to... just keep going. My usual spot on Tuesdays, the people who serve food there did not go tonight so neither did I. When walking Mo downtown and giving out water, a guy asked if I had any food. It hurt to have to say no. It is all about boundaries and limits. There was no way I was going to walk back a half hour, get some food for him and then walk back to him and then home again. It is way to hot for both Mo and myself. I need to figure out a solution to not let the heat slow me down. I mean, I've already slowed down considerably in life, how much slower can I get? And then there is Mo and the heat...
June 03, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
We were at the field tonight for the weekly community gathering. The temperatures are now in the 90's. I've been feeling more crazy when I leave that place, there are so many things going on in my mind. Mo, the truck, activity all around me, whomever is on the piano playing, helping some of the volunteers unpack and set up, my own creating of music, get a plate of food to drop off to a guy who lives near me, getting food for myself, watching for any crazy that can happen at anytime, saying hello to people who are saying hello to me, taking pictures of whomever is on the truck... it is a lot and all happening at the same time. I do love it but afterwards my head spins for a long time. Afterwards I took Mo for a walk downtown and gave out cold bottles of water to people getting ready to go to sleep on the sidewalks.
June 02, 2019
Las Vegas, Nevada
Interesting enough, on this very day last month I choose pictures for frames I have in order to sell them. The picture was posted on the May 2nd blog. Here it is again but this time I have the real product. Aside from some cooking today, it took everything and I mean every particle of my being to do the simple task of putting some pictures into a few frames. Clean the frame and glass, put the pictures on the matting, wire the frame for hanging... that is all I had to do. But of course it took four times. I would put it together only to find something backwards, or with dirt on it, or upside down. As I was shaking most of the time, I had to be extra careful not to break anything especially the tabs that hold the pictures in the frame. Its crazy, but now I have the product. Two years ago I began doing this with cheaper frames but ended up giving them all away as gifts. So, this is a second try. It came from the desire to share my pictures with the world more than just online.
Yesterday while resting on the street from creating music I was putting some smaller photos into mat frames. On the backs I have signed them and rubber stamped contact information. Like an idiot I did not wait for the ink stamp to dry even though I thought about it... just that little extra needed care not done, and... the ink bled onto photos as I stacked them. This happened to at least ten photos. I said to myself, I cannot waste the investment made in printing them and so I will sell them as seconds. Lol, than a man and his wife came over for a Traveling Piano experience. They wanted to tip me but I said as usual, no. Then I did it. I said for the first time, "if you want to support me you might be interested in one of my photos for a contribution". Lol, five bucks it was for one of the "damaged seconds." Next time I'm going to try for six bucks.
June 01, 2019
Main Street Las Vegas, Nevada
The heat is here. I had to go play on the street today. Notice the wording of that? Yes, I have made a commitment to plant myself outside of Quality AutoWorks on the corner of Utah and Main streets here in the Last Vegas Downtown Arts District every Saturday to create a presence for the Traveling Piano and to use the spot as an anchor for moving forward how, I am not quite sure. It is just like one foot in front of the other. I do want to help Denise the owner of the shop get business as she is helping me with truck repairs without cost. Also I do want to connect with another community other than the homeless which has become 98% of my work. And, I want to create community in general for the area by drawing people outside of their homes to come down to my neighborhood. There is opportunity for me to set up shop in order to sell some photography here.
I visited two business owners and brought up the idea of putting a few photos in their shops to sell in order to promote the Traveling Piano. That would give me reason to garner support for business on the street and give me purpose, incentive. But now, unlike the way it has always been with volunteer organizations that I connect with weekly where there is no pressure to appear... this will be like going to work. I must be consistent because I am creating obligation and expectation. Even though it was ninety degrees I left so energized in my brain that I could not fall asleep until five in the morning. Physically I am exhausted buy mentally my mind is spinning. Denise brought her shade umbrella from home for me to use because the one had had broke. That was great for Mo but I was not covered. We will need to figure something out like having two umbrellas on the truck?