HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
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October 17, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
Nature soothes the beast from within my soul so Mo and I drove to the desert to be with nature. The sun was setting as we took a short hike and then as the stars came out I created music in the silence. I thank God for the ability to be in total silence and with nature here on earth... with my pup... and then to speak to and with the world through my music... what a gift. I also individually called on my friends and family who have passed on to be with us as we hiked. They are all with me and present as long as I keep them consciously in my memory. This I know. On the way back to my apartment I stopped at a music store where I saw they are now providing music lessons. They are offering a packaged fee that comes to $64.50 an hour. The store is taking two thirds of the cut while paying the teachers only $20. When I heard that I thought, thank God I would rather die than allow myself to be taken advantage of in that way. I would never be able to give my students the respect needed when I myself am not being respected for the service I am providing.
As I was showing the music store guy the Traveling Piano he told me about another guy in the area who plays drums from the back of his truck. Within five minutes of leaving I ran across that guy at a gas station on the side of the road. Wow, was it fun to see him having fun and he had just finished building his truck full of lights and smoke and bells and whistles with of course his set of drums. In my minds eye I had created a truck almost exactly like it thirty years ago. We talked and I offered all I know to him concerning how I made a living for twenty years full time using fees with my piano in the back of a pickup truck as well as the last ten years full time without fees, tips or commercial affiliation. He told me he had a dream of using the truck for the Superbowl which was too coincidental as that was also a dream of mine, the dream that started this journey. The fact that he was born in 1987 the year I began working with the Traveling Piano lol, it all just kept getting more and more interesting.
October 16, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
The need to switch tracks with who I have been associating with to create a transition and future dreams seems inevitable. To thy own self be true. It is not easy. Respect is very important for survival. My dignity is all I have when life comes down to ground zero. The idea of accepting lack of respect for myself, who I am, who I care for and why... there can be no favorites as in picking and choosing for different reasons especially when standing up for my well being and the lives of others. Staying true and honest with myself as much as possible is not an option. Living with and relating to respect with a "pink elephant in the room" when it comes to issues of survival, that is not possible for me, nor do I want for it to be. So, if I separate from family because they cannot give me the respect needed to stay alive and support the world from my perspective, the same must ring true for those I work with or relate with in business or any other way. To pick and choose who I stand up to concerning my beliefs and values according to how that will illusionally benefit me is to not be completely honest with myself. If staying true to myself seems to result in the loss of opportunity well, my life has shown that to be again, an illusion. As I look back through my life, every opportunity I have passed up on when 100% honest about it has been an opportunity that I actually never really wanted.
October 15, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
Concerning all the people supporting trump like ways... I am understanding more and more that they are uncomfortable, the world is changing too fast for them. They do not want to accept that change is inevitable and good. They have more of a need to stay with, have more faith belief and trust in what they have learned as children than to challenge their thinking as adults. I connected with a new Chinese friend and her daughters today on the Traveling Piano to try and communicate through our language barriers. It is a huge challenge. Also, I met an artist from Beijing, China and his representatives who told me I have a place to stay when I visit. There is now question whether I can handle the politics of people in China. I am always fluctuating with what to do and know that nothing will happen while sitting on the fence not one hundred percent committed one way or the other. I am not going to be able to avoid contradictions in people or myself wherever and with whatever I do which is very difficult for me to come to terms with.
October 14, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
As I become friendlier and more connected with the people I have been hanging out with at the local Asian center, the fact that they live at the total opposite end of my political and philosophical spectrum becomes more apparent and significant. It is more than differences being stronger than similarities. The similarities do not exist in reality when considering the differences. I see minds becoming more warped daily everywhere not just there, everywhere. More and more white nationalistic parades with flags from trucks are happening on the Las Vegas strip just like with people who supported Hitler in Nazi Germany. Keep your eyes wide open. People enjoy and appreciate what I have to offer with the Traveling Piano while negating the fact that the love and equality, inclusiveness and respect comes from a place totally opposite from what they are supporting. That happens by unconsciously experiencing spirit through a warped or lazy mind. The warped, lazy mind will win over spirit in this world and that is very troublesome.
October 13, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
With one foot in front of the other, no projecting, accepting life on live's terms, gratitude, keeping faith and trust in a power greater than myself, staying honest, living in the moment, extending myself in service... I live with these tools in every moment and work to keep them consciously close to my heart. On somedays I am good with that and on other days not. Reality sets in often these days, the reality that I have no one but myself in this world as part of the whole for better or worse. Today I gave a somewhat structured piano lesson (no cost) at the cultural center, as well as attended my Chinese language class but did not participate. Not getting loss in a mindless abyss happens all the time now. That is not good or bad because it is an abyss as in "nothingness" so there can be nothing to judge, lol. I have cut my food intake, third day now because if I am going to be on television I refuse to feel fat concerning my ego and more so, I want to feel healthier. My issues with food, I thought they were over when this journey began. Everything that goes round comes around as they say well, damm, just damm. How many friggin' times in one life time can can going round and round happen? I suppose I could choose to enjoy it all, the going round and round?
October 12, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
We spent time at the Asian Cultural Center for the Thursday taping of the ACTV Music show. While creating music on the street outside, Elvis stopped by to say hello. Many people think he died in the 70's but he wants everyone to know he is alive, well and has been working full time since the 90's doing wedding gigs here in Las Vegas. He had just come from working one. A few of the people who work in nearby buildings stopped by. I am learning about Asian women. I tend to think of them as sweet and fragile. Lol, there is no stereotyping do be with that! Some are very strong and as hardcore as it can get and it comes from generations, thousands of years of generations in learning how to be who they are.
I love them! Everyone at this cultural center, I've said it many times, is very inclusive and friendly yet it feels so difficult for me to allow myself to be accepted. It is a big problem that must be solved and is all about trust. My trusting myself with other people. When I am in control, no problem. When I must be part of, one of, equal to... well, that has been my life long challenge. I accept that challenge. Allowing people to perceive me as less than or with my work on a level that does not communicate total respect in my eyes without being personally affected wow, that is an equally significant challenge. I accept that challenge also.
October 11, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
Wow, now that the rant is over from yesterday... in the beginning of the journey I tempered not so nice encounters wanting to be respectful of people even when the relating has not been good or even wretched. I figure if I needed to remember I'll just go back through the blog and there will be triggers to snap all memories into place. Then there are social issues I feel are important to talk about and I've written about and also personal, relational issues in general that I know many people object to but they are not running my life and in fact do not support it, never will in anyway so why should I care? As I move back into the business end of life I'll need to rein in my opinions and thoughts depending on how it affects those I am relating to. This is not easy considering I have twelve years with no practice of doing that.
Saying what I think and feel, on my terms, in my way, doing what I want and how I want to do it, everything on my terms has been a wonderful aspect of this journey and has made the journey what it is. What a gift! It has been a tradeoff for sure. There are many less options in life when you don't play the game for others in order to benefit yourself. I choose... being honest for myself and an example of that for others... for better or worse, always with consideration, consciousness and being as appropriate as possible. How I relate to people is going to get tricky as I move back into the business world. Maybe its too late and I will not be able to adjust. All that matters is that I stay true to myself, who I am and what I care about most, no matter what.
October 10, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
There certainly are a lot of dickheads in this world and for every one of them there can be a unique specific reason... or not. God help me not to become one of them! It takes conscious awareness to not pick up on their ways of thinking and behavior which for most dickheads is completely natural. I remember saying I was fearful of running into them in Los Angeles well, here in Vegas it is no better. The polite nastiness of LA or straight out cut throat nastiness in Vegas... same difference. A few examples and learning experiences: Trust no one, be aware of total self-centeredness, people wanting to use everything about me, lol... acting friendly when that is not the intention, attempting to put me on a subservient level concerning respect. I've been having encounters with well, some would saying influential people in Las Vegas. One guy tried to give me $20 for sharing the Traveling Piano for an event of his. When I said it was a gift as a neighbor he lost it on me screaming in public because I would not accept his level of respect for my worth. Others have bonded over my generosity only to turn on me behind my back when it suited them to trash me for their agendas. There was a place I had given to several times with the Traveling Piano and as a result instead of giving back when they could, tried to take advantage of me to get and give more. While I don't want to write down too many specifics I also do not want to forget.
I ended up doing something very significant without obligation or expectation of any sort. As a result I was asked to lunch and I was not thinking reciprocation but friendship. Wrong. To them it was pay back. A sandwich? Worse, they had no intention of sitting down for lunch. It was like, "lets buy him lunch as a payback so we don't "owe" him anything. We sat down and ordered, then the co-worker went to the bathroom, called the guy sitting with me on the phone so the guy could say an emergency came up that they had to leave while asking if would I mind accepting "take out". Then as we were separating I heard the one guy say, "ok where do we want to go now, want to say hi to George?" Lol, what elaborate theatre to cover their asses in being able to say they reciprocated. Problem is, I wasn't looking for reciprocation and if I was, it would be for a lot more than a sandwich! I felt violated and disrespected but suppose I'm just going to have to be more on the look out for moronic behavior in the future, not get jaded from it. I want to get quicker with my responses to command respect and also mark them off as the nature of the business animal in this day and age. I know I will just need to let it a lot of the crap wash over me, over and over and over while not taking any of it in personally for myself.
On a good note... Mo and I drove out to Redrock Canyon and took a short hike and then headed to a spot where I played back in 2011 when I was last in Vegas. It was a lookout where of course there were people and I wanted them to leave so I could just be by myself. That was not going to happen. It took awhile to extend and get out of myself to create music and as a result I could see the music was affecting everyone in a beautiful way. We had a few fun interactions with people. The music I was creating was coming from sadness, sadness for the recent mass murders here in Vegas and about all the people who lost their homes and possessions in the California wild fires that are happening. For all the people listening it was just beautiful music perfect for the nature and environment they were in. I was feeling not only sad but poignant, natural, intimate and yes, also beautiful. When I bring my life down to the core, it is just me and Mo in the world on our own. Is that a bad thing or should it be different? It is what it is... unless I continually extend myself to others. Concerning the fires in California, last year I stayed in Lake Isabella where a community burnt down and well, pictures cannot show the reality of how awful it can be. Also I know the feeling of being in a fire as well as living with the need to for constant attention to the threat of a sudden wildfire. While having compassion and empathy for what others are going through I need to keep a professional like wall of protection for myself because as I said before, I am becoming more empathic as I get older and emotionally that can be dangerous.
October 9, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
Life is spinning faster and faster with less and less certainty for everyone whether they realize it or not. Or, maybe... there never was certainty and everything is simply becoming more real. As the USA currently implodes and natural disasters strike closer to home with less and less physical resources to deal with everything... as well as limited emotional support... what to do? Practice living in the moment, put one foot in front of the other, practice constantly to extend ourselves to others (not always easy)... gratitude, that is the main tool for me. Gratitude for what I have in the moment, there is a difference between having gratitude for what I have verses gratitude for what I have and do not want to lose. I must detach the joy from any feelings or fear of loss. This is a practice I worked on for two years with Piano Dog Boner. When the time came to let him go well, it was a complete success, not easy but 100% successful. Piano dog Mo surprisingly came into my life as a result. Letting go of Piano Dog Mo will be twice as difficult so I am hoping I'll have at least four years time to prepare or even better going together would be my choice! Both of us leaving in the same moment would be great as long as it is with joy and gratitude! Even better... with joy and gratitude in musical fun, friendship and respect with empowerment and inspiration... lol, and with a bunch of strangers! Why not?
October 8, 2017
Memorial Site, Las Vegas, Nevada
It was 2:30pm when I woke up. The sleep was needed but it felt strange, needing twelve hours of sleep. In some way I knew it was because of my plans for the day of holding vigil with the Traveling Piano from 6pm to 12pm tonight at the memorial here in the Arts District. I would nee a lot of energy to honor the 59 people killed a week ago today and also to support those who care about it, as well as the over 500 shot because of people who support the NRA. Any mind that has not been warped knows the ability to have automatic weapons should not be in our communities for the mentally ill or anyone... to be able to get a hold of. Anyway... people were appreciative that I was there especially those who created the memorial and that felt safe. Around 9pm a huge windstorm came up and I am talking big! Looking down the street I almost could not see the street lights because of the thickness of the dirt and sand. The temperature dropped and it became cold, blizzard like. It was strange.
The wind came in waves while Mo and I tolerated it. Amazingly enough, most of the dirt bypassed us on all sides. Still, there was a lot of dirt flying around! I felt determined to keep going and was impressed that all the new trees were staying intact as well as the memory fence with all the paraphernalia loosely hanging off it but then... one of the main guys came over and asked if there was a truck he could use because the largest central tree was about to topple. Of course without thought I gave him the Traveling Piano to use and we got it in place as ten people were trying to hold the tree up. I continued to create music until about 11pm. The silence with the few people who were there, it really felt like it was for us, a place to be together and help the world heal with loving energy. Before I left my apartment today I placed my intent through prayer to be as supportive as I could be and the Traveling Piano well, not only was Mo supportive for people, the music, myself... the Traveling Piano itself gave support to the memorial park when it needed it. Can we talk symbolism? All I could feel was gratitude and honor.
October 7, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
It felt like there was no energy to be had today as in something is very wrong with me in a physical sense. In any case I pushed forward and drove to the homeless area at the Las Vegas Boulevard and Owens intersection of the city to create some music. After a little while I found another spot on Las Vegas boulevard across the street from where around fifty people settled in for the night along a fence. A dad and his daughter having a keen eye saw us as they drove by and stopped. We were having fun until the security guards came and then we moved on. As I drove away I saw hands, like a lot of hands (lol) rising from the ground to say goodbye in appreciation from all the people laying on the sidewalk across the street.
On the way home I stopped at the healing memorial park and created some music. A young piano guy came up with a retired fireman from Chicago who had a Canine's for Christ support dog. Ha, it feels like the dog support thing is getting more and more out of hand. We need more people for Christ in the ways of Christ and not only in ways it suits their own self-centered egos. Mo does lend support for people but it is not to be a support dog. He's just being himself. It is the same as far as his being with me. People ask how I trained him and if he does tricks and the answer is "no" on both accounts. He simply hangs out with me on top of the piano to be with me. Although personally, Mo is a bona fide support dog for my anxieties. The space on top of the piano is safe for Mo in every way and he knows that its his job to simply enjoy hanging out there.
October 6, 2017
The Arts District, Nevada
I am off of social media for a day and it is not easy. Even if for a few minutes a day, I go on to feel connected and get my information as to what is going on around me even though it all means very little in my life and the world. I cannot let the future loom over me as funding to continue feels very insecure. Actually, it is insecure but is there anything secure? Making connections, feeling people out, trying different ways, devising different options for what I want to do to make some money is ongoing. Onward... While driving on my way to the Asian Center seeing that it is Friday and they have a Chinese Learning class there. On the way, I saw people in an area where I saw them last night and it looked like they were planting trees. It is about four blocks from where I live so I drove by to check it out and it is the cities memorial for the mass murders, the park created in four days, the ribbon cutting was in a few hours and so that was perfect for me.
I parked the truck and created music while people were cleaning up and getting ready for the hoopla. As soon as it was about to begin I was out of there. The television station asked if they could interview me and I declined but let them use my music for the background taping which they wanted more. Tonight is also the First Friday downtown event and so I stopped at a food truck of a Filipino couple I met at the Asian Cultural center and they gave me a fantastic meal of pork and rice. The pork was super fatty and there is nothing more I love than super fatty pork! Lol, they also make cotton candy which they gave to me. Before the night ended I played down across the street from where I live as I have been doing every First Friday in my neighborhood even though I am the only piece of activity going. I do it because the event is meant to be a neighborhood, community get together and not a get drunk carnival to purchase stuff from vendors.
October 5, 2017
The Las Vegas Strip, Nevada
While playing on the strip I watched directly in front of me, a pimp giving trouble to a new prostitute as he yelled at her to be more aggressive and smile. She was scared shitless and I told her to come over and say hello to Mo. As she shook with tears in her eyes, age twenty eight she said she just wanted to go home. She told me that her dad (now passed) created music on the piano as I do. I suggested she get up and try it out but she was too afraid. Her mother sent her to Vegas to go to a rehab and she ran away from it last night. I told her to go back and beg to get in as that is the better of the two choices present in her life. She could not handle them telling her what to do. That... is the disease of drug addiction and alcoholism. She cannot handle anyone telling her what to do, its not possible in the brain and she hates herself so much as a result that if forced, she will turn to hate first which would be the pimp. It is a physical, mental and spiritual disease and the resistance part is mental. It can be helped with understanding but more so with tender loving care through good direction but most of all almost always, only through a spiritual awakening of some sort. Force, manipulation, brain washing, fear never works... never has, never will. People heal through love only.
October 4, 2017
Las Vegas, Nevada
I have been feeling strangely distant from the recent mass murders here in Las Vegas. There does not seem to be a way to fit in specifically in a supportive way so I must simply continue doing what I do in general. As I tell people who feel helpless in not being able to do anything, I say just go out and create random acts of kindness to everyone, especially for strangers. After all, the was an attack on all of humanity. This is what I do with the Traveling Piano and there is always a special joy about it all when strangers get onto the piano seat together in order to explore. I went to a Mc Donalds today which I do once every maybe two years. I must remember to remember why I avoid that place! The food is usually, almost always really bad. And, I learned today that different Mc Donalds charge different prices! That is just wrong. A double quarter pound cheese burger with fries and a milk shake, $11.75. That is also wrong, lol! I live and learn over and over... over and over... not to waste money on crappy food.
October 3, 2017
University of Las Vegas, Sunset Park, Nevada
I'm very much in the Traveling Piano zone, feeling a little worn but capable and willing. My desire and passion to keep love alive after this attack on humanity two days ago feels steady and strong. As soon as I could get it together Mo and I went to the Bellagio Hotel on the strip for an Asian Expo that the local cultural center is involved with. The event was closing but I still got to see a few guys from Asian Cultural TV that I have been developing a relationship with. They want me to create segments for a show. I'm willing and able and just need to keep telling myself that so I can make it happen. I saw the piano player in the lobby of the hotel and felt total gratitude that I did not have his job, not that there is anything wrong with that! The last time I was in this place was 2011 and it was not nearly as impressive as I remember. Anyway, after paying $7 for an hour and a half parking we left. Every dollar matters because I have so few. We drove to the UNLV (University of Las Vegas) campus student center which near where the mass shooting happened.
I feel for everyone as I know what is in store for them as they process realty and that it will take time. I picked a random spot in the parking area and simply created music as the kids came out of the building after classes. We had fun! The discovery of the music and then where it was coming from transpired into some relating and playing and it felt really good and purposeful. For about a half hour before I left I found myself talking with a local minister who spiritually is on the same page as myself. It felt like I was getting filled up from heaven above to do a lot of work for the next week concerning the gun rampage. I drove to a dog park to give Mo some relief exercise. There I met a woman somewhat exploring conspiracy theory issues. I just shut that down faster than I do fundamental religious people who ask if I know where I'm going after I die and told her to be very care as conspiracy theories are the worst evil in the world today. They are a most serious sickness of the mind. When I listen to these people and the information they want to tell others without knowingly wanting to convince, I see clearly that they are completely lost in stimulating details of twisted, questioning facts fed to them from irresponsible media sources and the people who run them.
Demons use the most important and emotional life events that affect humanity as a whole to do nothing but destroy. Conspiracy Theories dehumanize our existence. Always, it is about confusion for the sake for self-centered validation. When I see how it affects people emotionally both from within and without in a negative way, I feel very sad and very angry. At the dog park about six different dogs came up to me to either play or just be by my side. They would try to engage me and want for me to chase them or tumble and some just wanted to be close and connected by leaning against me. This was all very strange and has never happened before... ever! It really did feel like verification and validation that I am in the zone of spiritual love. Then right before Mo and I left, a connection happened with a couple who had been in the front row of the concert and they told me how they had to escape while running over bodies laying on the ground. We had a short talk. I felt and still do full of gratitude and honored that people will share their lives with me after such a traumatic experience and also that I have the knowledge and ability to know how to respond and also be helpful. Having intimate relationships with the sharing of love and joy even if only for a few minutes can feel and be worth a life's time. I do not take any of it for granted and it is all about strangers becoming less afraid of each other through musical fun, friendship and respect.
October 2, 2017
The Las Vegas Strip, Nevada
Oh my, the worst mass murder in the United States of America here on the Las Vegas strip where I now live. For many people... when the question of owning a gun comes up and allowing guns of all types to be promoted by NRA members (living monsters)... too many choose, let me be proud and own my gun. Then they say oh how horrible when their friends, neighbors and families are killed because of it. I say... stupid, self-centered hypocrites. Many may not know the Traveling Piano has been involved from its inception with gun related community killings, since 1987. I was asked to Virginia Tech by the student government, traveled to Trayvon Martin's spot in FL, on Skid Row in LA, at Sandy Hook CT a week after the killings there and most recently with the Traveling Piano at the elementary school in San Bernardino, CA.
I still morn the 49 gay people killed in Orlando less than two years ago. I have been through ALL the arguments ad nauseam. Guns do not keep you safe, never have, never will. Machine guns and automatic weapons do not belong in your community. I know many people throughout the USA and world now associate me with what has happened in Las Vegas because I live here now and not far away from the tragedy. I know you all care. Thank You. It takes time for me to process strong emotions usually about two days. On a subconscious level I am emotionally devastated and I know that. Gun related mass murders hit me at my core from past ingrained memories and experiences throughout the Traveling Piano journey.
Through the strength of people who know the truth and stand strong a loud along side of me with it... I responded today with love. Mo and parked in different areas on the strip to share love with the Traveling Piano. I will ask everyone reading this to do the same on behalf of all who have been traumatized. Instead of getting sucked into the news, comments and arguments online, I will ask you to go out into your neighborhood, outside... and create a random act of love for someone. Until you can step out of yourself to see what has been happening from the point of view as someone who has been murdered as a result of pro gun ownership propaganda, you will remain a self-centered person lacking in compassion and empathy. If you do not care... then you are not my kind of friend and undeserving of my respect.
October 1, 2017
The Desert, Nevada
This was an interesting day. I was able to force myself out for a hike in the desert. As soon as I got outside the gate of my complex apartment lot a neighbor from across the street came over and asked if I was going to create some music right then and there. He said it would be great if I did and then another neighbor who also plays piano might ride by on his bicycle and play too. So I rerouted my plans, parked and jumped onto the piano for the guy and then his very thought manifested. Piano player Bobby happened by on his bicycle. Bobby began to play and then more neighbors came by and it became an afternoon hangout. After that, I drove to the desert. It was the end of the day and the road I took wanted $20 to drive even though the day was almost over. It is simply a tool tax because there is nothing on the road I was driving on. They call it a national park so they can charge money. I am now a senior so I could get an $80 life pass (which I do not have the money for) or $20 for a years pass. I was thinking I don't even know if I'm going to live four more years. That would be $20 a year to get my money's worth so the idea to hedge my bet came to mind and I paid the friggin' $20 for a year. Damm, human beings forced to pay to enjoy and be on planet earth. It doesn't get more fucked up than that!
Anyway, Mo and I found a turnoff into the desert. We took a little hike along a ridge and I began to create some music over a large vista with Lake Meade in the distance. I turned my head for a second and I saw that a car spotted me from the road and knew as soon as it slowed down that it would turn around to come back which it did and I had a really swell visit with a woman out exploring life and nature just like me. Her dog, the love of her life recently died so we had a talk about that and created some music, another car stopped for a picture and then I headed back home. I've been saving brussels spouts in the freezer for months as well as mashed potatoes in a pouch and had cooked some pork loin a few days ago that has been marinating in garlic sauce. That was a mighty good dinner and I have not had a home cooked dinner like that in ages. Then I watched a movie on my computer which I have not done in months. The movie was Carol and I strongly suggest it. Everything was great until I saw online that a mass murder happened down the street a couple miles on the strip and my mind went into a blur until I turned out the lights at about three am.