Raggin' Piano Boogie

HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010

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February 28, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

I washed my clothes today at the laundromat. Its times like this that I miss my big house with the washing machine and dryer or my big yard where I could hang clothes outside to dry. It cost ten bucks! During the wash cycles I interacted with people on the Traveling Piano outside in the parking lot. That was funny and fun. One guy went to his car and came back with a copy of the constitution. He said if we are going to make America great again we need to know what the constitution says. I so love what I do and working with the Traveling Piano, I am at my best and work with it better than anything else ever that I've done in my life.

To simply finish out my life working as I have been working for the last twelve years (without the basic necessity issues that now exist) would be fine. One step at a time, one day at a time I move onward. I began to clean my micro-apartment (thats what they call teeny weenie studios these days) and... only got half of it done. Thats amazing to me that in such a small space it would take so long to clean. In cleaning, that is where I see my age most clearly. I think it is because when I owned my home I did enormous amounts of work in amazingly short amounts of time. When I've had home bases through the years, this is where I have seen my strength and speed diminish most... in cleaning.

February 27, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

There was not much to be done today because there is not much I feel I can do. Everything is less these days but I'm still "doing." Finding a knew passion or extending the Traveling Piano in a new passionate way is a friggin' challenge. Rather than constantly flip flop with "doing" I just need to keep everything easy and avoid pressure at all costs. As always, its difficult for people to understand what the Traveling Piano is, how it works and why. Its not a situation where I can say that I don't need to explain because if I do not they just put me in a category that suites their understanding such as that I am a solely a musician, or a performer, or lost, or a street entertainer, an oddity, lol. I must keep an image of respect. That is important for my sense of dignity. Its not easy, thats for sure but then again it never has been in all the thirty years I've been working from the back of a pickup truck.

February 26, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

My dog can enter a mode of complete passivity. It happens when he experiences total helplessness. He's not a fighter with people. His sense of physical trust with me is simply amazing. It feels like he was born with trust all around and the fact that I have stayed out of the way, not blocked it, questioned it, destroyed it in anyway is crucial to our relationship. He does have a fear/flee impulse and if it is not related to me and is related to something else... I do not have any influence in his behavioral action. Instinctual resistance does exist always. He pushes away from me even when he wants me to pull him in closer. Sometimes I think about how at first I tried to push him away. I have always thought blood hound eyes were ugly. Mo has learned to mirror my smile. He has a half smile where he curls his mouth in on one side to show one fang and then there is the two fang smile and then a full bottom grid smile fangs and all. There was a time when I would have thought of that as ugly. Lol, now I see it as the best look in the entire world! Having come to love and enjoy this looks immensely, I have realized my embracing of it comes from trust, that of basic spirit intent with our relationship together. Whereas I first thought he had no facial expressions to communicate, now I see as much as Bo had, if not more. I love Mo.

February 25, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Today was not comfortable for me. I've been slipping into self doubt. Other people bring that on, their doubts about me, who I am, what I am about, etc... People project onto others what they are themselves. It has been a life long challenge to not attract those that will destroy my self-image and disempower me. When they do it has always been difficult to deflect, or embrace them and just... allow. To rise above them and give them my true self, this has never been easy for me. When doing my own thing, no problem. If someone doesn't want what I have to offer it hurts sometimes but usually not for long. When dealing in relationship of give and take, business or personal when I have a desire or need... it can be a problem. When I don't keep myself in check I can be very much a donald trump with arrogance and bravado at my own expense. I can scare they shit out of the best of them. Trump comes to mind because he is the epitome of insecurity putting on a show of self-assuredness for all who will fall for it. Relationship is what I care about most, much more than business. Everyone does but sometimes they don't know it because they are so caught up in their fear. I can turn the most arrogant of people away from me because of fear. They are mostly unconscious of the fact that they are afraid and when I'm caught up in my fear I also am unconscious.

February 24, 2017

Red Rock Canyon, Nevada

I sunk my teeth deeper into the inner crowd of downtown Las Vegas last night at the invitation of a key player in the business community. Of course we had fun but wow, I am so not a social person and never have been. Most people would not be able to believe that but its a fact. When I'm in control, when its all about me, when its one-on-one... I'm a champ. But hanging out among a lot of people with chit chat... ugh. I want to be good at it, I just feel very awkward. Also, now I'm relating with people I will be around again and again. Its been a long, long time for that. I have to deal with eccentricities and things I don't like as well as like about people. When the idea of business enters the mix, super ugh. Although, I'll try my best to get along and adjust myself to other people's needs in relating and try to not be so fucking defensive and afraid, lol! Today I took Mo out to the desert. As I posted on social media... There is no way I am going to allow the horrors that are happening with the government here in the USA and in the world to consume me or diminish the true wonder of our existence so... Mo and I took a walk in this amazing beauty today to get a reality check of what is important and then created music in it for the sunset.

February 23, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Today being Traveling Piano Dog, Mo's 7th Birthday... it makes me feel very excited, as happy as I can feel with so much love and gratitude for having him in my life... it feels like I can't contain myself with the amount of appreciation I have.

February 22, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

It was another beautiful day to just sit and do work with my door open and light shining through my window. Its been three days now without hot water as the complex's water heater broke and I'm trying my best to be patient. If its not fixed by tomorrow my patience will have run its course. Before the sun set I drove to the street and created music for a while. A guy who plays piano and sings found us and I gave him my spot on the piano seat for most of the time I was there. It feels really good to do that. The business around me were very appreciative as the area's kind of nondescript and dumpy looking so... not much of interest usual happens there. That's specifically why I parked there, to create and share some interest to the area. While the guy was playing, I was thinking more about using the Traveling Piano as a showcase for the area and its people with some videos but must find a way to raise some money through that.

February 21, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

The days are beautiful, sunny, crisp and cool, not dry with a constant breeze it feels like I could be on a beach. All I could do was enjoy it and not do anything but be lazy in it. Thank God I have the luxury to be able to. I do not take it for granted. Last year at this time I was struggling with where to go, where to stay, no security whats so ever although I was enjoying nature the entire time and of course... the musical journey part was always happening. There is a small gelato place across the street from where I live. I've walked by it almost every day, never looked in as I can't justify the price of gelato. In craving some pastry today I decided to just check it out to see if they sold pastry and as I walked in a piano was there. They just got it two days ago as the owner brought it from the Stratosphere Casino two blocks away for $15 bucks, only used once when the casino first opened. What a friggin' lucky find for the owner and of course I sat down and played. The owner wasn't there but other people were and they were enthralled with my playing, true music lovers. It will be a good way to introduce myself to yet another business owner in my neighborhood. I must do something to raise funding. Working at the place as a piano player... "no way jose" ...zero interest for many reasons. But I do want to explore personalities to find someone to work with... not for... with.

February 20, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

His spirit lives on! Boner, the Piano Dog was born November 27, 1994 and passed on February 20, 2010. It is a conscious decision to retain good memories. They do not come natural for me. Gratitude is the key to the manifestation of love verses feelings of loss. Bo was my constant companion for over 15 years, in my minds eye since age 5, manifested at age 40, my 1st dog ever. In knowing beyond doubt that life is full of spirit and that spirit is more than life or death, Piano Dog Boner in spirit lives. His spirit lives with me as well as without and in every moment of everyday. Through Bo, I learned one of the most cherished qualities that I hold for my life and that is of respect. I never planned on Boner be on top of the piano it happened for the first time out of convenience. Traveling Piano Dog Boner gave joy to hundreds of thousands of people throughout his life time. Through the desire to rightly relate with Bo I learned that I had been intertwining for my entire life the feeling of love with abandonment.

With Bo I had my first ever experience of being in the present moment. From total despair to 100% contentment in peace and harmony. Never have I felt more love and respect for Boner than I do for people. To me that is self-centered and would have negated his entire purpose for being in my life. I learned respect through my dog so I could give him the respect of being a dog, what is rightfully his. With Piano Dog Bo I found that respect is mutual and if I do not have it for myself first, it cannot exist to give to others or a dog. Bo showed me that respect for people must come first before animals as I am "people." Through my dog Boner I learned that to think I can love an animal more than myself or other people (as we are all one) is delusional. From the start with Bo I realized that pet ownership is not really "ownership" it is stewardship... My dog Boner and I played and worked and just "be" together in the joy of love. To keep the memories of Bo alive, is to manifest respect for all.

February 19, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Life is changing. I took a commitment to meet with a group of friends weekly. This is huge as I've not had anything like that in my life for at least fifteen years. Tonight my neighbor was singing at Las Vegas Sessions Live and it was at a club up the street so I went to support. Mo was with me in a club for the first time. It is so important to go out and hear live music and now that opportunity exists for me. I've been meeting artists and musicians who seemed interested in each other. Thats a first. I've never felt like I could belong to a community of any type. Looks like that may happen here in Las Vegas for me. It would be a dream come true. I need to keep telling myself, I live here, I live here. It is crucial to my well being that I continue with the Traveling Piano for now as much as possible, everyday even if only for a short time. I drove to a random park and there was no one there. Within one minute of starting, a car drove up and parked right next to me with two young kids in it. They got out and we had some fun. This has been happening over and over for now in the twelfth year. The Traveling Piano and someone in particular, complete strangers, we are drawn together randomly into a specific spot, just the two of us, at exactly the same moment in order to connect. There is no way to know any other reason except for musical fun, friendship and respect with inspiration and empowerment for all.

February 18, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Wow, its raining hard here in Las Vegas! Its going to be a great spring with cactus and flowers. Would love to go out and see flooding somewhere. The power goes off when it rains, 2 hours this morning. We are so becoming a 3rd world country with sporadic electricity and internet. In the center of a big city like this? Of course not for the casinos as they have generators. I spent the day cooking 10lbs of chicken legs, vegetables, rice and potatoes in a sink the size of a small bucket, with two square feet of counter space and on two burners, one small pot with a crock pot. It took total focus trying to stay clean for sure. I'm wondering if it was the small space or my age that made it take so long. There are a lot of extra moves needed to cook and prepare in such a small space. I've been spending a lot of time evaluating my life and where I want to take it while living in the moment.

February 17, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

It is time to get in touch more consciously with humility. As the journey transitions my sense of self worth is coming into play. Who am I now, who do I want to be, how and why. I'm pretty sure the past is going to die and become totally irrelevant. I could put all my energy into creating a legacy of it that will last but I'm not sure I want to work for that. Key word... work. If its not fun and playful its work. Work has never worked for me. As I go through my days interacting with people without the Traveling Piano and with people not knowing who I am and what I've done and who really could not care less... I am left with self-satisfaction for myself and thats it. I can work with that. Owning my own accomplishments without getting anymore validation or reassurance from outside sources, or no one knowing, I can be ok with that but it has to be with conscious awareness. And then there is the issue of using my past accomplishments to build on a future. Do I want to do that or move to something else or just leave this world. Ha, I'm not so sure I have a choice in the matter. My life is driven by a power greater than myself, a god of my understanding and... and its suffer, suffer, suffer or move forward. I'm a coward for suffering and can only take so much. I will do what I have to do and love every minute of it because it doesn't feel like I have a choice in the matter anyway.

February 16, 2017

Arts District, Las Vegas, Nevada

I have a headache from today. It is all from drama that I create for myself. There was an incident this morning on my street. A guy from India tried to pick up a hooker and it ended up with his getting bashed in the head with a huge hard flashlight. Then another guy came out to help on the street and he too got bashed. Then the cops came and did their thing. Of course in an environment such as this no one presses charges. We must all life together, lol. A guy got into my complex the other night and started wondering around. My door was open and he would have come in if it were not for Mo. They both were trusting each other but just not enough, thankfully. So this makes me wonder what it will be like when it gets hot and crazy here. I have no fear about any of it, none at all and actually, I want to help make the neighborhood safer through the Traveling Piano. I know I have the capability to do that. In fact I dropped off a proposal for a museum type gallery space today two blocks away for the Traveling Piano. I have no idea whether it will happen and I am just letting it all wash over me.

On one hand, what a fantastic major thing to happen for me in pursuing my dreams and on the other hand... oh my God, the commitment and responsibility and work would be off the charts not to mention the solidifying of motion that has been created concerning a complete change of direction for my life. It would mean the end of free spirited travel that has been a huge aspect of this journey for the last twelve years. I stopped in the courtyard of an apartment/hostel place behind where I live. A Korean lady and her husband purchased the place last year and feng shuied it into the universe. It was the worst of pits and now is clean and new and the energy is very nice. All the residents respect each other and the owners totally and I wanted to contribute some Traveling Piano energy to all that. Afterwards, I hit the main street of the Arts District for a short while and met more interesting local people. No question about it, I'm living in a great spot. We all need to keep it clean and safe while staying interested in each other, interesting ourselves, interested in developing the neighborhood to be inclusive for all.

February 15, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

When I see humanity coiling inwardly to self-serving ways while realizing that I am humanity... I must realign myself with the reality that everything is an illusion. My only option is to dive inwardly myself to who I really am in spirit, a child of God and the universe safe and secure with no need or reason for insecurity... and that I am here to enjoy through creation and the sharing of life. This is my fact, what I have learned so far through my sixty years of living. If I attach myself to negatives outside of myself, I too will recoil into self serving ways. While realizing that there is no need to control or manipulate I become truly free to enjoy life. There is no need to analyze that, nothing more to understand. Thank god Mo is with me. I'm learning that any feelings of loneliness I have are connected to a need for someone to take care of me, or give to me, or want to be with me without my asking. To have people want to be with me without my asking as been rare throughout my life because I have always had conditions on the wanting.

It is not easy to get honest and stay clear about that. The idea of people wanting to be with me must be on unconditional terms is not the way life works 95% of the time. So... when I want company or anything I must extend myself to offer something to give in order to get. Thats the way life works for me. I think this is the way life works for everyone. Most people just don't realize it with all the unconscious obligation and expectations tied in or. All this thought is rising to the surface as I reboot my life (if that is meant to be) and I must negotiate the give and take of relating to people in a business sense. Ugh, on one hand I'm all over that. Simply giving has been so easy and wonderful for so many years. Part of the impetus for this journey came from being over the dealing with people in ways of "I need, You need, I want. You want." On the other hand, I'd really like to work with someone else it just needs to be in my way. Figuring out "my way" once again for my life well, do I want to? There is no other way. That fact has not turned out so bad for myself and the world to date, eh? The weather here right now is awesome!

February 14, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Everyday I work on my intent and awareness of reality in every way. I went to the movies and found another theatre for a cheap price. With a casino card and my old man discount I get get into movies depending on the day... four bucks! Wow, I love that. Other places charge sixteen to twenty bucks. I love being able to go to the movies again. When on the road it hasn't really been possible. Also, with Mo, but now I can take him inside as a service dog. A woman came up to me (a dog fanatic trouble maker) and asked what kind of service dog Mo is. I asked why she wanted to know and she backed off real quick and apologetically. I know her type very well and have written about them in this blog on numerous occasions. We went to the dog park and I wanted to just create some music which I did but also we met some fun people. One guy came over and told me how he was taking a pee in the bathroom and the music was amazing to hear bouncing off the cinderblock walls, lol. Another guy wanted to get on top of the piano. He wasn't crazy just very playful. When his buddy got up to play he felt a sense of bravado for him and took his top off for a picture. Lol... There's nothing like playful spontaneity.

February 13, 2017

Main Street, Las Vegas, Nevada

I came out a little more to my neighborhood today. Mo and I parked on the Main street for a few hours. I'm finally after all these years not feeling weird about inserting myself into a street and just creating music for the sake of music. All these past years I was still apprehensive, afraid, self-conscious until recently... I wonder if my not caring what other people think comes form age. There were some terrific people local, and visitors from out of state. I was spending time and thinking while it was happening... "this is good, just give them all the time they want, enjoy their company" ... and I did. An excellent young local Christian singer/song writer played. Before leaving I met a classical performer named Alexandria, an artist who grew up here and recently moved back from New York. She has a musical outreach non-profit and wow, it was so much fun to meet another musician with a giving and inclusive nature. Plus, having her perform a little on the piano... what a joy, she's at the top with her musical artistry.

Back in the courtyard of my apartment complex, a couple approached me having seen us on the street. The guy wanted to tell me how impressed he was with my playing and it feels good to "break the ice" so to speak with another neighbor. I am so conscious about not coming on too strong with my neighbors... little by little we are getting to know each other. So far I met an artist neighbor who has lived here is entire life, have connected with an art house, spent time with a guy who creates web software who's wife is involved with some of the shows here on the strip and now with a professional pianist in the area. Also, a cartoon graphics artist and a pianist/teacher from the Los Angles area of California. This all feels so good and it will be interesting to see how life develops in creating some income through being part of an artist community. I've never, ever felt part of a community of any kind and have always been the odd man out with people. I'm not feeling that way here in Las Vegas and to feel part of a whole would be a dream come true.

February 12, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

We went to the streets today in order to spend some time with the people living on them. I often think about why I do it, why I feel so comfortable doing it. There are so many reasons its not really worth analyzing. The bottom line is that the reasoning comes from spirit so whether the thoughts are good, bad or somewhere in between it does not matter. All that matters is that I connect with spirit, my gut, my heart, intuition, whatever... I took Mo for a walk to find some homeless people behind my place spreading themselves out with trash everywhere beyond belief. Aside from their own shopping carts of blankets and stuff, they had completely emptied two large apt complex trash bins. I told them I hate seeing the cops sweep "them" from their areas but they are not sweeping "them"... they are sweeping the trash that they have created and are sitting in. I told them that they need to keep their spots clean and people would call the cops less. (many homeless people sweep their spaces daily) I returned twenty minutes later to find the place immaculate. They just need to be reminded like kids with their parents. Everyone just wants to get along.

February 11, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

It rained some today and that makes me think of spring flowers. I wonder what spring will be like here in the desert. I'm not getting enough piano playing in to keep the craft alive in me. All I can think about right now is how grateful I am to have this teeny weeny studio apartment. Always, I am wondering what I am capable of being able to accomplish for the future. There is no one in my life at this point to encourage me but should that be necessary at this stage of life? Its time to give myself validation and reassurance. I've always had to deal with negative impulses from within. Disaster in the world, something happening to Mo, etc... lately its been about people rejecting me in relationship for what ever reasons. As the impulses appear I must stay conscious to stop thinking and shrug them off. There is a constant dust in the air that even my air filter cannot help get rid of and I wonder if thats a bad thing. It is like a cloud of pollution. The air here is very polluted. People are used to it so they have no clue. It even smells. Ha, well it keeps me cleaning my space thats for sure and this is where "teeny weeny" becomes a plus.

February 10, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

I've been doing a lot of walking! Walking a half hour to a store and back when I could easily drive sounds crazy but why should it? Thank God I have the luxury of time to do it. I can easily say I don't. The time comes from simple priority. When my mind does not seem to function I can always at least choose to walk. It is good to get to know the neighborhood. It would be really easy to simply scurry to and fro from my apartment but then I would do nothing else. A downside from everything right now is not getting to play enough piano. My skills are slipping away fast. In the meantime putting ideas and a game plan down on paper for the future is very difficult. Also the fear of working on anything and it not coming to fruition for any reason creates delay and waste of time. The word humility has been ruminating in my head. Also, I think my future focus... the core of what I'm transitioning into is to validate, reassure, help myself and people to get in touch with their spiritual reality everyday... the who and what we all really are at our core... human beings, part of being one with all of humanity for the sake of feeling peaceful and safe through love.

February 09, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Today was like a balmy summer day, the best. I've been enjoying meeting people on a different level as simply friends and neighbors verses only via the Traveling Piano passing through. Home... I now have a home. An artist in the neighborhood connected with me and we had coffee today. I learned more about the neighborhood and how the drug dealing is handled by a gang, where the building is, etc... and lol... the kingpin has been on the Traveling Piano twice already. I ran into him making a deal behind my apartment complex and asked, "You doing business?" He said yes and then pointed to me saying in surprise and with a smile, "Piano Man"! Its all good and important for me to stay aware and establish my limits and boundaries from the start. Even in the best of neighborhoods riff raff exists. People just keep their heads in the sand about it. I embrace everyone but like I said... with boundaries, limits and awareness and... stay away from my space. Respect is the name of the game.

My future is manifesting before my eyes and I must remember to breath deep, relax, let go and enjoy the process. Also, I must keep money in mind and it has been a long time since that was one of my priorities in life. One thing is for sure... fundraising has not been the way to go. It has helped, but it has never paid the bills. Mo and I drove to visit another new friend at her place of business and hung out spending time with random people who passed by. Of course the subject of dogs came up and how much support Mo gives to me. An old memory of Traveling Piano Dog Boner resurfaced from when my dad had died. I was sitting on my kitchen step crying and he came over to me. Ever so slowly he sat down silently next to me and leaned against me just so I could feel he was there. He was just "being" with me not trying to help, get me to do anything, have a change of feelings... he simply "be" with me. How wonderful the feeling he gave to me was. The anniversary of his death is coming up in a few weeks. The only reason I remember is because Mo was born three days after.

February 08, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Mo and I hung out with a new friend today. We first crossed paths the first day I was here when I randomly approached him in a coffee shop to ask if he knew of a dog park in the area. Then we met again on the street with the Traveling Piano and today we took a walk and talked. Also, I got a senior's discount pass for the transit system. Lol... a senior, Danny Kean is now illegable for senior services! At night before I went to bed I sorted through some Traveling Piano pictures to keep alive the journey in my mind. Just a few days of not playing and living in this transitional life and I forget. In my twelveth year I must still remind myslef on a daily basis, who I am, what I am about and the musical fun, frindship and respect... the empowerment and inspriation that has given me life for all these years.

February 07, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

I have a bathtub that is wide and deep enough that if I calk the overflow drain... I can lay in it with enough water to soak somewhat. So I went to the store for some calk and there were about a hundred guys waiting outside like puppies hoping for someone to pass by who might need some basic labor in exchange for a few bucks. There are many, many people repressed, criticized by others in society who have absolutely no resources to get help and all they want to do is work. I've written about this before. As I have lived on both sides of the fence I have a unique perspective. Also, I've been throughout this country and inside literally thousands of communities to witness life first hand. The United States was built on immigrant labor, people who came here to do the jobs no one else wants to do and fucking politicians have been brain washing morons for years now to support their political game play in creating an immigration issue, a false one... and at the expense of human lives... specifically republican politicians.

Labeling people as republican, democrat, liberal, conservative has never been a thing for me but with this issue... if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, smells like a duck... its a duck and lets not create an alternative fact about that because... I won't have it. What is happening to the USA right now really, really angers me. Anyway, I wish I could be like Lady Gaga with her superbowl show and Barrack and Michelle Obama consistently taking the high road... me well, how I deal with morons... I'm not as good as they are. Everyone has their role with a part to play and I guess my part is for a select few not the world as a whole. I don't have any problem with that. Anyway, Mo and I had some fun with these guys using the Traveling Piano and they were so grateful. Having little to share not that I wanted anything, several of them insisted on give me a few buck in support and appreciation. I said that we were all going down. The reply... "no, we are all going up... to heaven." The guy meant what he felt, the truth and... his faith showed clearly.

February 06, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Don't have anything to say today except that I feel like hiding from people.

February 05, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

I'm conscious of not using the Traveling Piano every day. It needs upkeep repair, a tune up, tires, etc... and I don't have the funds for that. Also, I don't want to lose my parking place inside the courtyard of where I am living. Its first come first serve and there are a limited amount of parking spaces. The person living in the apartment next to me has for the second time left two loud high pitched yapping dogs alone while he leaves. The noise last night was beginning to make me feel violent. It went on for twenty four hours. Thats not going to happen again. I'll call the pound or police or something next time. Mo and I walked a couple miles down the Las Vegas strip today. He was inside his first casino and shopping mall. We sat inside a restaurant and he also went up and down an escalator for the first time. None of it was easy for him as he can be very schizy with too much sharp and loud stimulation. He did a great job! I've been working with him as a service dog more and more. have been holding off from this. Through time it has been becoming more necessary for several reasons and... I have the needed document.

February 04, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Surprising, I felt ok this morning after putting out so much energy last night working with the Traveling Piano. Other than that with what is going on in the world, it is becoming more and more a conscious decision to keep balance between concern and the joy of life. Last night I had a dream of walking through a nuclear storm. So I went out for a walk today. There is a strip mall shopping area of store front churches nearby. I counted at least fifteen of them. Places for people to shop for Jesus. Show me the money! The church working hours are spread out for through the days for less competition. They compete with live music and some sell food outside to draw people in. Seems stupid to me... give the food away. That... will draw the people in. But alas, it must not be about the people as much as the profit... for Jesus of course!

February 03, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Today is First Friday, celebrated in my neighborhood and its been a month now here... so this was my second time hanging out with the Traveling Piano. Last month there was practically no one around because it was freezing. Tonight there were lots more people. I made a commitment to be there and that was difficult. I take commitments very seriously so it played on my mind and I had angst about it all week. I'm not used to commitments. My life style has been commitment-less concerning appointments with other people for the last eleven years! Anyway, there I was. At first it wasn't feeling very good, probably because I wasn't in a very good frame of mind but then... everything began to click in. The weather was so much better! Today was like a summer day the warmest yet. People began to appear that I've met before. I guy I met the first day I was here in Vegas, another at a social gathering a month ago, a homeless girl stopped to get onto the piano for a short while... it was our third time connecting. One guy, we really hit it off and he was telling me how much he appreciated watching me interact with people, the truth and spirituality in my work and of course that got us talking.

It came up how I was in Sandy Hook Connecticut after the mass murders there and he said that it didn't happen. I had to swallow the lump that came up in my throat and take a deep breath. He was one of those people consumed with "alternative facts" and conspiracy theories about the tragedy. That led to me asking if he was a trump supporter because the two issues go hand in hand. There was no way that I was going to pursue relationship any further. At this time in life there is an unprecedented spiritual sickness that has gripped humanity. I realize the people affected are not going to change and I also realize that I must stand up for the truth. These people who's minds have become warped say that I speak "my truth" and I feel an obligation and responsibility to say that it is a spiritual truth, the wisdom of the ages, not my truth. I encourage people to go within themselves to find the truth and not depend on the media they choose to embrace... only. They must get in touch with their core spirituality who they really are as people. The spiritual sickness happening now is much, much worse than the massacre at Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech and all the other tragedies the Traveling Piano has been present for to witness and give support.

Life is becoming difficult as I become older and more empathic. I have been tossing between anger, activisism, keeping my priority of living life in joy and then there is the devistating sadness of it all. Becca, the woman working the City of the World Art Gallery where we were hanging out just wanted to hear me create music but thats not what I do. In the old days I performed but that is no longer my interest. Now it is to interact and have relationship with others, using music as the vehicle. I did play between breaks of people. I told her I would create music for twenty minutes straight for her and it was difficult to stay interested in doing that. People wanted to meet and have a go on the piano for themselves. Every time someone would approach me I told them to go inside to ask Becca how many minutes I had left before I could stop, lol! I hope there is someway to become involved with this community so that I can pay my bills. Once again... the no fee, tip or commercial affiliation is what makes it all so special. Once money enters the scenario the dynamics change. It is no longer a pure experience of simply spirit.

February 02, 2017

Arts District, Las Vegas, Nevada

Mo and I drove up the street to the City of the World Art Gallery to hang out for preview night of the local first Friday event happening tomorrow in the Arts district of Las Vegas. It was the warmest day since we got here in Vegas and a huge difference in temperature from a month ago when it was cold and windy, dark and almost freezing. People stopped by, one guy pulled up in his car and sat listening to my music next to us. When I stopped playing I talked him out of the car he had tears in his eyes from listening. The music really moved him emotionally. We got talking and turns out he's a neighbor of mine I've not yet met. He is in his thirties living about four doors down from my room. That felt really, really good! I've said it many times... the fact that my music touches people of all ages, backgrounds, ethnicities everything... is very validating and reassuring for my spirit and feeling of connection with and for the world.

February 01, 2017

Las Vegas, Nevada

Feeling personally grateful, feeling angry with the world in many ways, trying to feel my way through this transition from ten years of joy to some other kind of joy that involves making money? Is that possible? Do I have the where-with-all to do it? Step by tiny, no... teeny step I move. Not having to worry about a place to live and having the funds to live until I figure this out... wow, thank God but still... do I want to sustain myself in a new way or just end it all. I think the end it all is drama, maybe a way of saying I'm afraid or just I don't want to commit myself to something new. What has worked has worked so well for such a long time and I've loved my work the way it has been. Its a good day.