HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
Use the links to the left to read a past Month or Year... and then there is always your Backspace to return to a past page.
November 30, 2015
This is the first November in cold weather like this! I am seeing new visuals of nature and nothing can beat that. There is freeze everywhere in the form of crystals and I learned that it is called hoar frost. Its something to do with humidity and dew and no wind blowing and freezing temperatures, etc... I've seen pictures on the internet of it before but did not know anything about it and thought the pictures were too beautiful to be real. Hoar frost real! From a distance it looks like a light snow has fallen but it is really a thick frost. Mo and I went out walking around in it for about an hour and I really, really enjoyed myself. There is still some snow on the ground from last week and walking on snow is so much better for exploring. Traction is better, walking on the side of hill is easier. It is less slippery than bare rock and boulders and its easier to push through brush... smoother. I just need to be super careful because I don't know if I'm going to step in a hole or two feet of water or what. You would laugh seeing me hang off tree branches for a specific picture shot I want, or using weeds to pull myself up over rocks or at least I think they are rocks. You never know because everything is covered with snow! Every fifteen minutes or so I stop what I am doing to clean ice thats formed around Mo's dick (good thing he has a natural covering of hair in that spot) and from the webbing of his feet. It is also a good thing he is a high energy dog because he's almost always on the run. The only problem with that is his body heat turns snow to ice. I'm feeling impatient for more snow!
November 29, 2015
The truck would not start. Its been zero degrees at certain times of the day for about a week now. I put a small space heater inside the cab for a while and that did the truck. I'm dealing with very slow, expensive and limited internet service... wow is that not fun. There is a piano in my bedroom! Its old and out of tune but I've played on it for two days now and have really enjoyed it. I find it interesting that it took me this long to really get into it. Maybe it is because I've been inspiring myself by listening to everything that Keith Jarrett ever recorded. I miss interacting with people via the Traveling Piano. Its ok... I'm just in a little hibernation and that I am sure is good for me personally. There is time... there will be more Traveling Piano happening in the world. Its not even been a month since I was last out but then again having been out almost everyday for at least a year except for the break in New York City...
November 28, 2015
I've been listening to a lot of music from my personal collection which I have not done for years... at least for hours at a time. Wow, what an escape. It also inspires me to create music. Also, I'm feeling my way to a GoFundMe online fundraiser and have spent hours writing a pitch. It is very difficult for me to say as little as possible. It is not like the Traveling Piano is easy to explain. My journey is an unconventional experience within a unconventional idea. For most people on the surface... the Traveling Piano appears to be about guy who travels around performing or entertaining from the back of his pickup truck... or a musician who plays on the streets for tips... or a free spirit who just floats where the wind takes him without a care in the world, lol... or a independently wealthy person looking for purpose in the world, lol so... it would be great if I could just say who I am and what I do, but it seems necessary to clarify in detail so people can unravel their misconceptions and wrap their brains around the "what is" and that takes a lot of words!
November 27, 2015
Well, I had my hands and arms down deep into a shit well today unclogging the sump pump float. Fun... not. But... Mo and I did go exploring for a bit outside. That was fun! It is a lot easier walking through the woods with snow on the ground. There is less thinking about what to step over because you only see snow. I purchased cleats for walking on ice... an absolute necessity and rubbers to wear over my worn shoes. Boots are too expensive for me now. I just paid for my car insurance and an engine warmer for the truck and a few other parts. It all came to about five hundred. I hope it works and I'll be able to start the Traveling Piano truck in zero degree weather for weeks at a time. No matter what, there are still expenses all the time even though people share their food and homes freely with us. I cant leave here now until money comes from somewhere. Thank God I'm not going to get thrown out of where I am... at least for today. Still, I'd like to be out working with the Traveling Piano... anywhere.
November 26, 2015
On the east coast a friend told me it is sixty five degrees. Here in Montana its been zero or below for several days. I think it got up to twenty today. My friend Becky cooked us a Thanksgiving Dinner. I got the turkey from a friend who purchased several from some Mennonite type people who sell on the Indian reservation in Browning. It is a free range bird and Becky is a chef, so you know it was good! Along with fresh cranberry sauce and a made from scratch pecan pie... it felt good to not be alone. We have been putting effort more than ever into getting along together. I need to take the truck back into Kalispell next week to the service center, ugh... and I am hoping I can get it started with the cold. One day at a time...
November 25, 2015
There is a machine that is purifying the air where we are to get rid of the smoke smell. It is working but the basic odor will linger for years. Another machine that has been on with fans to purify the air, not that good. It all is very loud. I've been staying in a back room. I just wish there was a window. Mo and I go out for a short while everyday. He has always loved the snow but it now bothers his paws. In the past it was not a problem. Ice keeps forming between his webs. He will start limping and then sits down to lift the paw to show me which one is giving him trouble. I clean the paw and a minute later he starts limping again. I clean the next paw until another starts to bother him, etc... He's not getting the stimulation he's used to. While using the computer I use ear plugs so the noise does not bother Becky above so he sits in silence all day with me. He's used to hearing music and television voices, etc... I'm going to try and spend more time interacting with some brain stimulation play and will need to look up ideas for that.
November 24, 2015
There was a distinct moment of clarity the other day immediately after the fire happened. I felt it strongly. It was an acceptance of what is beyond my control. It was about distractions that even though I care about, there is not enough commitment and desire to pursue in order to gain a sense of accomplishment needed to experience joy from. I must stop trying to save the world and start saving my life. The sentence that shot clarity into me was, "fuck facebook and all that." Of all things to feel after such a trama. Lol, over the last few years I have been getting lost in and out of battles to fight several social injustices like gun libers, the water industry, self-serving politicians, corruption in society with police, the park industries, refugees, discrimination, etc... all of with which I have had personal experience with. The focus of my war(s) have been via online. Of course it is from reading too much media, opinions, drama, etc...
Now that I know better what I must focus on... the trick will be to once again, " remember to remember." I must put structure into place to help myself with that... and then to "remember to remember" to stick with the structure, and want to. Awareness of world issues and events are very important to me and I want to be able to be of help. Becoming inundated with the issues is not helpful. It is not helpful for me to go looking for trouble. If it is right for me to insert myself, I'll know. I'v'e always known as this journey has shown with Katrina, Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook, Joplin's tornado, skid row in different cities and more. I'm missing the going out with the Traveling Piano, the temperatures are now below freezing to zero on a steady basis now. The truck cannot navigate on the icy roads. I must raise money somehow to get out and continue.
November 23, 2015
So for the last three days I've been taking time out to meditate if only for a few minutes at a time. What came to me today from within is that both from within and without... there is lightness and darkness. Within space and time there is the light of an uncountable number of stars and universes and all within darkness. From within, nothing but joy resides along with peace and calm. Everything we experience in this world is an illusion and nothing really matters except for our connection with each other in it. When I am totally with/in spirit that is what is real, more real than life as we know it in this realm. We are all here in this experience for the sake of connecting to make the experience larger, to manifest the inside... outside in a heavenly way. We are individuals having one experience together. How we identify it creates emotion. For example, fear of the unknown simply creates emotion. Emotion creates our experience. Wow, I wrote about this in the beginning of the journey that there is no such thing as fear. I identify fear as an energy and nothing more. I wish I knew where that was written... ha, somewhere in ten years of writing everyday. I know this won't make sense to most people. It is what it is. My friend Becky, Mo and I visited Lake McDonald in Glacier Park right after sunset today. When I left I said, "This is why I am alive today." To see the miracle of nature is just awesome. Being here is amazing. So all the time... I'm dealing with both lightness and darkness.
November 22, 2015
I'm definitely feeling some post traumatic stress and fear as a result of a few days ago. I must be very careful. Also, I'm feeling more sick but that is not surprising. I should have been sick immediately after what happened. There is a large hepa filter going to clean the air and it seems to be making everything smell worse. I went and met up with some friends today and that was good. On the way home I saw a most beautiful picture of the sun setting on the mountains. While taking the picture I thought. FEAR: an acronym for... False Evidence Appearing Real.
November 21, 2015
There are six industrial fans sized fans running and huge industrial hepa filter to suck out water and bad air from the fire the other night. Its enough to make me insane and its all just blowing years of cat dander from cracks every around as well as burnt creosote. Life is not easy right now. I've been thrashing in my sleep and am being very careful because I know the trauma is seeping in. It takes two days for the shit to hit the fan with me emotionally and physically with everything. I'm going through heat and cold flashes physically. The worse of it all... I have no one to talk to about all this. What am I going to say... wah, wah, wah? There is nothing anyone can do for me. So... dear diary here... lol, I'm writing this to you since I have no one to talk with about it so I am going to share it with the world. I do have people I can call but it just feels stupid to call and complain because I don't want advise from anyone I know! Ha, I did call two friends yesterday to tell them about the fire. If there was someone to give me a "private" home and some moolah to live with, that would do the trick. The process of leaving this journey and making decisions about how to go back to making money verses just dying somehow... it is not easy. When people I've met in dire straights find themselves in life situations they would never have dreamed of concerning having nothing and lack of security... I get it. Allowing myself to cry, thats not easy, its not happening and I want to. In the past I have had a tendency to blame people's situations on their choices. "Why didn't you do this" "why did you do that" "why don't you..." yea, now I get it. Sometimes there is no explanation what-so-ever. Now I know how difficult it is for them, I'm going through it. At least that is what it feel like. I'm not really in dire straights. The cliche... you create your destiny stuff I'm not so sure about anymore. There is a lot of "But for the grace of God" in the mix of life.
November 20, 2015
It feels like I need to leave here. I don't want to but the situation is just not working out. I have a friendship with Becky that is like intimate relationships in my past except this is a friendship. It begins to feel real good and then it gets real bad and cycles like that are constant every few days. I know the cycle, its the main reason close personal relationships have not worked for me. It takes two to make a relationship and well, my friend is doing the best she can and I really do know that I am also, but sometimes we are powerless in life. I'm in one of those powerless situations. Ahh... thats a cop out. Working more on who I am and why I react the way I do in situations... there's still plenty of room to learn some more, and improve on my end of the deal. Staying conscious of my thought and actions has been a full time job and still... sometimes it comes down to when all is said and done, I can't really complain about anything, I've had a great run. Its just that I would like to not have to run from troublesome relationships. The balance as to what is best for me for the sake of a friendship verses what is best for both of us... wow, what a challenge to negotiate and give into to the "we" that is absolutely necessary. Then there is the "thats what you keep telling yourself" thinking and then I say, "there is no guarantees with anything, no matter what or how you want to think about it." Enough thought, I'm still not clear headed as to if what happened the other night. It is clouding my thoughts. The trauma has not hit me yet.
November 19, 2015
I slept fifteen hours and am very concerned with the amount of smoke I sucked in last night as well as being almost naked outside wet and in freezing temperatures while exerting every bit of physical energy that I had. There is no functioning today, I'm in a daze and everything is a blur.
November 18, 2015
It was in the middle of the night and the place seemed smoky. A smoke alarm went off. I got out of bed to look for where it was because... one went off the other night indiscriminately and I took it off the wall and had disconnected the batteries. I'm in a back room with no windows and only one way out. Sure enough there was a lot of smoke. I was confused but found the alarm. It was the one I had taken off the wall and thought, "how the hell could this be going off, I disconnected the battery and this room is not filled with smoke." I walked out into the big room to hear crackling and saw orange flame outside the door. I knew the entire place was going to go up within minutes because everything was dry wood. The lights went out and I screamed upstairs to warn my friend Becky and tell here to get a hose and to turn on the water. I dare not open anything because I did not want to create a draft. Luckily I had about six gallon containers of water nearby. It was snowing, pitch black with the temperature in the teens. I heard the bay window upstairs explode. Becky called the fire department and worked on putting the fames out upstairs while I worked on the flames downstairs making very careful use with the little water that was available. I knew I would not be able to put the fire out completely but I could keep the flames down and help keep them from getting into the walls of the house.
It was a back and forth with many thoughts happening at the same time, working very methodically and negotiating all options. Get the flame down some, run and get my computer and supplies to throw outside into the snow, yell to Becky to find out what she was doing, pull all plugs out of sockets, throw some water on flame, get supplies out, over and over. Once I ran out of water I went to see if Becky had been able to connect the hose and miraculously she did. I mean it really was miraculous with her being sixty seven years old and running to the storage shed to carry the long heavy hose and connect it to frozen parts in the dark without tools. We took turns as I passed the hose upstairs to her on the porch, then down, then up. I worked on the flames in soaking wet slippers and my underwear for almost an hour out in the cold. Finally the fire department arrived. It took almost an hour on snowy roads and when he did not see anything he beeped his horn twice and then began to leave. Becky went running after him. Yea, "he" it was one older guy in a pickup truck. They could have cared less about the house, there was no firetruck or man power... they obviously just wanted to see if there was a chance of it spreading into the forrest. I asked the guy to look around even though it was mostly out but there was still smoke and he would know where flame would be hiding. He said it was fine that its charcoaled wood that is still hot. I looked at him and said, "look, we are seeing fresh smoke billowing out and I do not want to take any chances, what should we do?" He ripped out some flooring and boards and I dowsed the area with more water until the smoke stopped. I'm glad I did not listen to his lack of care.
November 17, 2015
I want to thank from the bottom of my heart... all of the people who have invited Piano Dog Bo (who passed in 2010) and now Piano Dog Mo and myself into their homes as strangers over the last ten years. There have been over one hundred and fifty people and it could have been easily more. Just think how much love would not have been, had those people lived life through a mentality of fear... "he might kill us, he might be mentally ill, it only takes one, he might steal from us, harm us in some way" ...I think about if they did not have faith in goodness to push through fear... sometimes not just their own fear but from family and friends trying to create fear for them. They did not reject us and the Traveling Piano journey has been the result. It is important to realize and remember there are many people with open hearts, people who want to befriend a stranger enough to invite them into their home. These are are people who want to support peace, understanding and learn the benifits of having a cultural exchange. I absolutly love the kind of people who focus on possibilities of "fun, friendship and respect" more than fear about "what if." Also, thank you to all the personal friends I have stayed with who have tolerated our differences, my eccentricities and sometimes chaotic, spirited passion in their private space. (not to mention dog hair) They all have shared through love... and to contribute in their world with desire to be part of. What a joy it is to be able to brag about what has been accomplished with the Traveling Piano. The distances we have traveled, the diverse communities and people, the absolute amazing fun in different environments of nature, the tragedies we have been able to bring support into... I do not think there is one person we have stayed with where I have not said... our being here, our sharing of fun with your family and neighbors, our bringing life to a dead, tragic national situation... is in fact, because of you. My desire to find the ability to continue has been most fueled by strangers, those who have stood strong in courage and action concerning a sense of inclusion. I thrive from people who extended themselves through contribution by inviting us into their home.
November 16, 2015
I spent the entire day reeling with the refugee crisis in Syria as well as the rest of the world. Politics has never been my game but as time moves on and with all the experience I have garnered throughout America over the last ten years, it is becoming increasingly difficult to be diplomatic when it comes to caring for and about human life. You either show you care or do not. Talking about it is worthless at this stage of the game. It is clear how politicians once again as they always do when they know they will lose an election... they turn to big money and greed to create war and keep their influence, the status quo at the expense of human lives. Not only are they doing it with people from around the world they are doing it to their own. They have been ignoring and stepping over the poor by sinking money into the weapons industry instead of their own American citizens who need it. I've been living in it. They do it under the guise of protection and security none of which the poor people in American feel or benefit from. Someone online sarcastically implied that I dropped out of society with this journey, why should I be caring. That idea could not be farther from the truth. The fact is I am more active in and more part of society than ever before.
What, because I don't get paid for my work or sit at home living life in the same way as many others do, I'm not "in" society? As a result my participation in society my consciousness is strong. I cannot sit quiet when my conscious screams out to take a stand. My perspective is vast as a result of the many diverse communities I have spent time in both rich and poor. A basic premise of my journey is to perpetuate the experience of strangers becoming less afraid of each other. There are people pushing against that idea through the indoctrination of old repeated tactics that people continue to fall for over and over again... that of fear mongering to shut people out, create walls and build stronger gated communities. It all disgusts me. I want for every child, every adult on earth no matter what country, no matter what race, no matter what religion... to have the opportunity to experience the fun, friendship and respect that is life, the joy of life. Its not going to happen by closing the doors and keeping it all to yourself. That will result in an implosion. My entire life has opened up as a result of reaching out to strangers and being totally inclusive with what I have to offer for life... without fear or agenda.
November 15, 2015
My animal spirit guide is fucking with me! There is a big black bear that wants "in" where Mo and I are! I think. It just now came to the glass door for the 3rd time in less than 2 weeks. Its just a little unnerving, but so amazing to be sitting here and a few feet away, Mo jumps and I look to see a huge bears head looking back at me through the glass door. Mo is on high alert! Something is going to have to be done because I can see it is trying to figure the situation out. I'm sure it had been hanging outside went Mo went out to pee before bed a half hour before and jumped with a yelp to run back in from the dark. Ok, ok... I get it. Bear is my spirit animal. I wrote about it for days in this blog below. It is getting aggressive, or so I am projecting. Now its time to get real! LOL It wants my food and my den for hibernation!!! ...or so I am projecting again. As I told a few friends, please do not create fear for me. I can do that on my own. I'm in bear country wilderness nothing unusual here except my friend Becky who lives here said its most unusual. But, its not like I haven't been around the block a few times, or like I've ever fallen off a turnip truck or can't find my way out of a bag, or I'm one taco short of a combination plate or not playing with a full deck or have the lights out with nobody home, or... or... lol!
November 14, 2015
It feels like I must balance out yesterdays post about Mo with a nicer one. I'm so very grateful for him in my life. I appreciate him and his being with me at all times. He wants nothing more than for us to be together. Being with me is more important for him than food. Mo just wants to be happy first and foremost all the time, and his happiness is me! And then his next most favorite thing in life these days is playing with me. And close... he loves to be laying near me and connected if possible. Next... It is obvious that I need more practice at this... when I'm thinking hurt, negative, angry or hateful... I try to get out of all that by using tools I've leaned to think positive, joyful, loving and healthy. Then a battle begins of sorts, back and forth in my mind with all of it. The answer... stop all thought, period. The good stuff comes naturally. I've been visualizing going to my pineal gland to escape, lol. If for only moments at a time I say to myself, "I'm leaving the clutter of this world" and then listen to myself breath. (slowly and deep just three times is enough) I realize that I am spirit in body and then there is nothing... which results in feeling ok. Its true. I had a much better day yesterday because of it. Did it four times throughout the day, it was only a minute or two each time. I hope I am not sounding to crazy with all of this. Although, it is what it is.
November 13, 2015
It is more difficult for Mo adjusting to not being around people than me. We have not been getting outside much. The days have been rainy, snowy and grey. Maybe one day a week I've been seeing sun. It is not what I expected at all. Without question, to have a behaved dog is to allow them enough exercise. This is especially true if the animal has high energy as Mo does. When they are old, no problem. I hope he never gets old. He's not listening to me as he usually does when he is well exercised. Also, as I am not using a kitchen to cook or prepare my food. It is all happening in a bathroom sink. I can't let food particles go down the drain to clog it up so I thought I'd let Mo lick up all the scraps from the bowls. He has experienced some new tastes over the last few weeks! I thought it would be harmless but should have known better. Now he's into the trash cans to empty while looking for scraps. Who is to blame for that? I can tell him its wrong but I'm the one who must now adjust. The trash cans must be out of his reach and the food licking no more... flushed down the toilet, all those particles will need to go.
November 12, 2015
4. This is the fourth and last entry to a topic about bear that began on November 9th. The bear's first appearance was on November 5th. A related entry is on October 10th. So please start reading from November 9th.
My spirit guide which recently manifested as a bear came back for another visit last night, a huge black bear! Some people would call all this hogwash as they do with guarding angels, etc... but I became aware sometime before age five that I have spirit along side of me, as well as in me. It is there whenever I remember, or allow myself to feel it. Some will say the bear was looking for food and maybe it was. God, the universe uses many situations here on earth as a catalyst for purpose. Everything is not only for one reason or another. There are many reasons behind everything that happens. Anyway, the bear came right up to the sliding glass door again. Mo freaked it out with his barking. Bear is so huge and beautiful and black and heavy. I understand what is going on. It is supposed to be in hibernation, I had better get into hibernation. I have never been one to look for signs in life but when they appear I do not ignore them either. Most people would not understand, but does that matter? Of course I missed a picture again and this time the light was on outside so the view was even more clear than the first time. I've always said small hints in life I never see. I am the kind of person who needs a good direct hard whack to get the message across. Not the kind that hurts but the kind that in fact gets my attention in a joyful way! Animal medicine embraces an awareness that reveals itself when a certain animal crosses our path. Particular animals bring healing aspects to our consciousness, anything that supports, strengthens, restores, empowers, or revives the spiritual body, as well as the physical body to help take the necessary steps to create changes in our life according to specific awareness. My spirit has a special connection with bear. It is my symbolic power, spirit animal.
Bear is the epitome of the protective mother. She represents our hidden strength. Bear says to look inward in order to know ones self. Her medicine awakens the power of the unconscious. Bear's cycle of power is the spring and summer. Bear is considered to be a highly desired ally and spirit helper because of its fearless power. It is believed that the power of great spirit lives though the bear. God lives through everything, is that not true? The bear holds the teachings of introspection. It has shown up in my life to remind me to pay attention to how I think, act and interact, to use discernment in all that I do and discriminate with care. Bear teaches me how to make choices from a position of power. In Native American tradition bear is the spirit keeper of the West. I wrote about all that below. The west on the wheel/brain, etc... is a place of maturity and good harvest. The gifts that bear offers to those with this totem are strength, introspection and knowledge. Bear teaches the importance of appearance by gathering inner strength and presenting it outwardly. Unlike other animals who are active during a specific time of day, the bear is active both day and night. This symbolizes its connection with solar energy, that of strength and power, and lunar energy, that of intuition. It enhances and teaches those it reaches out to how to develop both solar and lunar energy within themselves. Bear can sometimes be too quick to anger and too sure of it own power. While they have little to fear they can forget caution, which is an important trait to have. I must be careful not to throw caution to the wind. Being unaware of my limits in certain settings can be disastrous. Bear will help teach me how to go within and find the resources necessary for personal survival.
November 11, 2015
3. This is the third entry to a topic about bear that will last until November 12th, tomorrow. The bear's first appearance was on November 5th. This writing begins on November 9th. A related entry is on October 10th.
Bear is reminding me that through being my own advisor, I can attain true goals. Anything less than the doing of that which gives me the most joy is denial. To achieve happiness I must know myself. To know myself is to know my body, my mind, and my spirit. I am reminded to use my strengths to overcome my weaknesses and know that both are necessary in my evolution... to dream my dreams and own them. Though that strength, I will be ready to discover the honey that is waiting in the Tree of Life. The Bear is an animal that hibernates in caves to get away from the outside environment. Just as a bear withdraws from the outside world when it hibernates, so I must withdraw from entanglements and seek refuge in the silence where the power of knowing is, and where needs are answered and the harmony I seek lies hidden. So as a power animal, it indicates that I must search from within to fulfill hopes and aspirations, or to find solutions to problems. Bear is concerned with the reaching of goals. Bear stresses the importance of time necessary to nurture my dreams and aspirations in a quiet period, to seek ways to "own" my dreams so they can become practical realities. Bear is the power of the meditative state. So I will ask bear (one of many tools I now have for life) to help me find the center of my being, the place of perfect balance and harmony and make sure that time for inner looking becomes part of my daily routine. Strength comes from looking within. Go within. Personal strength comes from inner knowing.
Here is some bible verse that came into my space during this same time. I have never been into the bible, but I have never been closed off to it either. 14 For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. 15 In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; 16 then He openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction. - Job 33: 14-16 The nature of bear is associated with dreaming because of their long deep sleep and "she" is connecting with great spirit during hibernation so I must connect during deep sleep. In having a connection with bear, I am also a "dreamer" with ability to tap into my intuition during the meditative process, thereby visualizing and manifesting newness. This is where I will receive my sealed instruction. So I must retreat within to seek wisdom and stillness and meditation. With bear as my animal spirit...it shows me a withdrawal into the sanctity of a den when outside influences turn "cold" and seemingly "merciless." for a period of slowing down, decline, adversity and dreariness, it is a time for hibernation into the womb of Mother Earth. Here is the bible again: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of Love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 Bear reflects Love and the feminine aspects of care so I must take care of myself. Stillness and Meditation is my hibernation. Bear Medicine grabbed my attention to ask me to reconnect through introspection, intuition and dreams, to remind me of my power. A bear is powerful, large, forceful and stands up to show the power. It reminds me of self-sufficiency in having the necessary resources to help myself and stand on my own two feet. In spirit I have been given power in love and sound and mind, (soundness of mind as in intuition) In the stillness of mind, intuition is awakened and sometimes it happens through dreams.
November 10, 2015
2. This is the second entry to a topic about bear that will last until November 12th. The bear's first appearence was on November 5th. This writing begins yesterday on November 9th. A related entry is on October 10th.
Choosing bear (my seeing one) is an invitation to strength, the power of knowing. In the silence of hibernation, the Dream Lodge, the bear becomes acquainted with goals so they may become concrete realities. We all have the capacity to quiet the mind, enter into silence and know. For eons all seekers of visions have walked the path of silence to calm internal chatter and reach the place of rites of passage. The bear also gives the opportunity to review internal dialogue which may have confused perceptions and true goals. This time for meditation/hibernation can open up opportunity to regain authority over "feelings" and "knowing" that may have been confused from other answers, advise and suggestions not true to my spirit. No one knows better than myself what is proper and timely for my evolution. The bear is a reminder to reclaim the power of knowing, to find joy in the silence and richness of god, the universe, the earth, the mothers womb or insert whatever related word sounds best for you here. Personally I am realizing through bear that now is the time to allow the thoughts of confusion to be lain to rest as clarity emerges from the West (where I am in Montana as well as my brain) in order to nurture my dreams, as we are all nourished.
November 09, 2015
1. This is the first entry to a topic about bear that will last until November 12th. The bear's first appearence was on November 5th. A related entry is on October 10th.
Spiritual happenings have been in my path recently and synchronistically through people, biblical passages, sobriety and native american beliefs. When the truth appears it shows up everywhere at the same time for me! I'm really into the meaning of the bear that came into my space a few days ago. So I am going to focus on that for the next few days. It was most unusual, (you can read about it down below) the place, time, they should be in hibernation, the proximity, whats going on in my life, the uncertainty, where I am staying, decisions, choices... I've learned that the bear is my power animal in Native American speak. Its appearance was for support, a reminder. Somehow I knew this and that is why there was no fear and I felt joy when it happened. Some Indian tribes prayed for medicine dreams that would show bear to be their guide. Others felt the bear was too powerful a medicine and would only hunt them if it meant not starving. The appearance/visualization for me became immediately linked to the Blackfeet Warrior Princess Running Eagle's face. I saw her face in stone through I picture I took last month and knew nothing about her or the place I was in until I looked it up. They both have messages that are exactly the same.
There is a female receptive energy in a bear has that allowed visionaries, mystics, and shamans to prophesy throughout the centuries. Understanding throughout time has placed the bear in the west of the Native American Medicine Wheel, which is on the right side of the brain, the intuitive side. The brain has four lobes and the brahman which is the pineal gland in the center. The brahman (hindu term) is a cave, the womb, the center channel of everything that is life. The bear travels there to hibernate, to digest the years experience and to seek answers while dreaming... to attune to the energy of the earth and receive nourishment from within. This is where answers and solutions reside, where they come from, where both live in harmony from the questions that fill our realities. Indians call this great void the Dream Lodge where it is discovered that physical reality is an illusion over the expansiveness of eternity. From the cave of Bear, the Dream Lodge... the pathway to other levels of imagination or consciousness is found. The bear seeks honey so to speak, the sweetness of truth.
November 08, 2015
My brain has to work overtime in remembering to remember. As I have said hundreds of times every morning as soon as I am conscious I say the words... Fun, Friendship and Respect in my head. Over the last few years, I've been trying to feel the words because just saying them has not been working as good as in the past... or so my mind wants to tell me. Today I realized that I have been saying the words for just myself. The purpose is not just for me. The purpose is to create Fun, Friendship and Respect for myself and I do that by creating it for the world. Ha, I can become self-centered in my mind rather easily. This journey has always been about me first but that is because I have come to understand and trust my true intent and how life works best. Of course, if I am overflowing with Fun, Friendship and Respect for myself, that is my world. That gets shared naturally and without effort in the world. I just need to remember that I am in this world and a part of the world. I must think about the world and how my fun lies in sharing "me" with it. Yesterday with this guy Ernie, I could not stop myself from asking... "Ernie, what does it feeling like to be a 106 years old today"? I wanted to hear how it compared to my feeling 60 years old. He said, "It doesn't feel different from any other time." Damm, that had some implication.
November 07, 2015
Cut Bank, Montana
Yesterday while driving through East Glacier I stopped at a little diner, the only restaurant in the town... to get a BLT sandwich. While I was waiting I noticed a flyer taped to the door welcoming the community to Ernie's 106th Birthday Celebration on November 7th. I thought, ok that sounds good to me. I've always had a thing for older people and I'd love to gift strangers who would go to a strangers birthday party. Also, I knew Ernie would enjoy some Ragtime and Boogie Woogie piano playing, he lived through those eras of music. I called the place last night and they had a piano so everything sounded right. I couldn't get to sleep until about 4am because I was feeling so full of purpose. In the morning I woke up with about four hours sleep. (which is never good for me) The drive was a little over an hour and I was praying, God, you need to do this day for me... my spirit is going to have to give me the energy because I know my body and mind won't. When we got there the truck cover came off, Mo jumped onto the piano, and we drove to the front door of the care center where Ernie lives and began to create music. No one reacted much, people were very matter of fact about it as they came out to take a picture. Thats just the way people are in this area of the country so I did not feel put off. I like the lack of drama about everything but really was interested to know what was going on in their minds. Everyone was super accommodating. The best thing... sun was out and it was around fifty one degrees and without wind. Thats like a summer day compared to yesterday. It was perfect for the Traveling Piano truck and several people got on to play. A young nineteen year old who started teaching himself how to play a few years ago and who is also an aspiring piano tuner jumped on... a few families, some health care workers from inside... I went in to meet Ernie. He is a Montana native and I played a few tunes just for him before people began to arrive. He looked surprisingly young, like eighty five, not a bad looking guy and about ninety eight percent mentally aware. His only problem seemed to be he was a little hard of hearing. Ha at 106 years of age he is allowed to be a little hard of hearing, eh?
He was interested in me and an interesting guy himself and especially loved the Boogie Woogie. With people arriving it was crazy to meet his son being twenty years older than me, the grand kids and great grandkids all who were adults. After playing and singing Happy Birthday inside, it was not easy to do but a few family members got people outside for a picture with Ernie and the Traveling Piano truck. A news reporter and photographer where there and they wanted to take advantage of the picture op which was not a problem until they both said to me, "can we get the dog off the piano, we don't want a picture of his dic." I thought to myself, "did they just in a disgusting way ask me to get Mo off the piano because he is sitting there with his dic?" (which was not showing) I mean really, from a distance there is nothing to see. Its not like he had a hardon which happened often with Piano Dog Boner in pictures, lol. I stared for a second and then said in disbelief, "no his package comes with the truck, can you two please get your filthy minds out of the gutter concerning my dog and whats going on here?" And then with some quick thinking because I wanted to keep everything nice, I asked Mo to lay down which he did. It was pretty funny in a way but I wanted them to know I did not like their thinking in terms of my dogs dic on such a happy occasion and I do not like a mindset that tries to control what their readership will think when it comes to what I am sharing. Lol, so then both Mo and I went inside where Mo laid on top of the piano and I played more of my old repertoire for everyone. As time progressed I could feel the care center staff warming to me in appreciation. I mean really, how great of it was for them to accept a stranger into their space and then allow me to take over a large portion of their significant event. I know they all loved it but it makes me think about people who reject opportunity without even knowing what they were rejecting. My energy felt great the entire time. I felt very grateful to be part of it all. While I was there people in the neighborhood had begun to circulate news online around town that there was a piano guy on a truck with a "real" dog creating music that could be heard from several blocks away, probably for Ernie's birthday. I really enjoy people discovering... The weather, thank God for the weather, it was perfect and made the day so much easier for me!
November 06, 2015
Mo and I drove to Browning, Montana today to go for a walk, maybe connect with some friends, get some hardware for a broken toilet, and food for where we are staying. One would think that my heavy wool hat, having served me for many years would be warm enough for my now bald head in the cold tundra like area we were in today... Not. I'm going to have to wear a cap under my hat. Now I know what people have been talking about with winter and the almost unbearable wind and cold in this area. Those who have grown up in it do not mind at all. A guy was helping me load groceries into the truck and said he once went away and missed the wind. Twenty degrees may as well be fifty degrees to people here. I remember this from the last time in 2010. Weather does not affect people at all. There was some hail, snow and with the wind wanting to blow the truck around as I was driving up and down and around curvy mountain roads... I kept thinking about a Stephen Colbert Late Night Show I saw last night where he was telling Oprah his favorite bible verse from Matthew: So I say to you do not worry, for who among you by worrying could change a hair on his head, or add a cubit to the span of his life? What he said he liked about it is, that it is a commandment to not worry. I drove with that idea in my mind the entire time because it was also dark and I can't see for shit in the dark driving anymore and the headlights... behind and in front of me... when they pass its like closing my eyes, I see nothing!
November 05, 2015
An amazing thing happened!!! About ten feet from where I was sitting inside... a six foot black bear came to the sliding glass door. I turned on the outside light, ran to check on the house dogs to make sure they were inside, ran to get the camera and creeped to the window because I did not want to encourage anything at the door. There is a huge wood cat box there and I'm sure it sensed the heat from the stone fireplace. I think it might have been looking to check it out for a hibernation spot. The ground is covered with moth balls because I'm trying to train a cat to go to the bathroom somewhere else and I was thinking, why is a bear walking all over the moth balls? As I looked out the window, it was like in a movie. Its head began to appear from the lower left corner of the window coming into full view looking back at me with total curiosity moving its head back and forth sideways about six inches away. It began to climb onto a wood box there and then Mo barked and it was all over. It ran. If it was thinking I am sure it was the same as mine, "shit, what the hell am I looking at"!? I didn't have enough time to get the friggin' camera to go off. Damm, Damm, Damm! That was amazing. Online I found a picture of a black bear that has the exact look I was getting from the grizzly.
November 04, 2015
The snow has started. I wanted to visit the area where Piano Dog Boner is buried. Its the most beautiful place in the world. No salt trucks or plowing where we are, they simply shut down the roads until spring with cement blocks. That was not going to stop me. I walked uphill, up the road five miles until it got dark then walked back down. The spot was about six and a half miles away. Ten miles of walking, I wonder whats going to happen when I start to feel my body! I'm very conflicted as to whether I can stay here or not. There are many issues to deal with and adjust to. I could really use a home right now! My joy is working with the Traveling Piano. Can I simply shut down for a few months and work to ensure that I can continue? Thats not like me. What I do is go with the flow in faith which has worked very well for my life... and then at the same time I think... I have to not let go or I'll lose it all. (as in keep playing music through constant travel and interacting, don't stop) I've been doing what I do through faith buy have said clearly many times now, I must change the way I have been doing things? Story of my life's thinking, figuring things out. There is nothing wrong with that and in fact can be fun... when I choose to think with fun. Maybe I need to put myself in a situation where I have no choice but to stop for a few months. It would be better if I did not play with myself that way and choose whatever because I want to. Maybe I need to put my faith to work that the ensuring the future might be the way to go. Wow, that goes against every grain in my head. Living in the moment while preparing for the future, of course I have always thought that way but at the same time... I'm going to stop thinking now...
November 03, 2015
We went to pickup the Traveling Piano truck from the repair shop in Kalispell today. Thank God they kept it inside for the four days they had it. It rained, snowed and hailed the entire time. I felt really good about the service, price and most importantly the attitude and again thank God, the Universe that I was able to get it done, that the support was there. Its not easy these days living from situation to situation not knowing how my needs will be met but they are always met, the basic ones. We had some fun with music inside the repair bay before I left with a new transmission, clutch and a hose leak fix. I've been having a few synchronistic "danny" happenings... here is one. While thinking about a friend in West Virginia where I used to have a home base... I was wondering what was going on with them because we had not talked for a while and I had not seen any posts from them online.
At night I saw a post. It was of a bird on their outside deck railing they had never seen before and they were asking if anyone knew what it was. Its difficult to make this short but... I had purchased as a gift, seventeen guinea hens for a neighbor across the street from where I was staying about six years ago. The year before I left West Virginia for good all of them had been eaten by a fox. One survived. It hung around my place for the last year I was there. It is now a year later from then. I had heard that the neighbor is no longer there so the bird I guess left the area. In my mind there was no way it could have survived alone and for any length of time. Well, it found its way to my friends house which is quite a distance away and my friend posted a picture of it online without knowing anything about it! That just totally blew my mind away.
November 02, 2015
A friend posted an image online that said, If America "offends" you... then leave! I thought, "If I lived with that mentality I'd always be leaving every one, every place almost every situation in life." So I responded... "I would if I could but I can't so I won't." To which they replied, and where would you go if you could be anywhere but here? And then I got started lol... First, just to be clear the US does not offend me. I was being tongue and cheek using an old idiom, (although some of the people and their self-centered politics here absolutely annoy the shit out of me which I guess could be helpful depending...) The fact is, the saying on the post is an old cliche, its like the old gym exercise "just do it" ha, if only it was that easy. But, if I could go anywhere to live... that is a tough question, no matter where... people are people. I've been around the block to know some are assholes, others are not, some exclusive others inclusive, some friendly others angry, some live through fear, others have a live and let live attitude, etc... no matter how small or large a community, country or continent, there is every type both good and bad everywhere. That is why I work personally to avoid "grouping" people, and think in terms of individuals. (I don't always succeed)
It is not possible to have any kind of prejudice when you accept an individual one-on-one. Trouble only happens when thinking in terms of "groups" and usually the troublemakers, (those with the money, control and influence or those indoctrinated with greedy agendas) they, proliferate group mentalities for those who do not think for themselves and they do it for self-serving purposes. I've stayed in places where people choose to leave society and live off the grid to get away from government and other people. I've never met someone who left society with an angry mentality who is happier than someone who consciously chooses to stay and deal with diversity. Ultimately, verses thinking who deserves and who does not, who gets and who does not... I want to live in a country that works towards and thinks about taking care of its own, its visitors, its wanna be's, and whomever claims to feel needy... a country who thinks in terms of doing that "unconditionally" in every way. The key words are "works towards, thinks in terms of." People like this exist in every country. I am proof they exist and, my ten year journey speaks for itself. So after all that I said... I can't answer your question!
November 01, 2015
Oh my God, every time the month changes I am so aware of the passing of time! It has been raining now for a few days and that has been needed. God, I hope my truck in the service shop an hour and a half away has not been sitting out in it. I have a keyboard up against a window indoors where I am staying and have begun to practice again (an old song) as well as create new improvisational music while looking out over the most beautiful nature with headphones on. Its surreal, my music in the beauty of nature, nothing else. It is different from actually being outside in it because with the headphones there is no distraction. Nothing but my total sense of personal musical sound and my visual sense... present. I want to share that with the world. Poor Mo, he's going crazy having been used to dog parks and long walks and interaction with all kinds of people. I have the stimulation of work, the internet, watching some television shows... he has no stimulation for his brain except for what he creates... whatever that is. Sometimes Mo enjoys my giving full attention to watching him gnaw on a bone. My watching the rain blow sideways or straight down across the meadow with a straight up mountain backdrop and trains passing by halfway up, wow!