HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
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January 31, 2015
Sunset Cliffs, San Diego California
After twelve hours sleep I woke up thinking I should feel fine but at first I did not and am really glad I was able to push past that. First thing, a trip to the mall to deal with my cell phone that would not work. The mall felt like a boardwalk with twists and turns, all open and outside. My phone is up and working again for the first time in weeks, that felt ok. Then with the sun out, blue skies and nice temperature, I pulled myself together enough and headed to the beach for sunset on the west coast of California on Sunset Cliff boulevard. I felt tremendous gratitude in having this piano on the back of the same truck for almost thirty years and having had it everywhere else in the northern hemisphere I am finally here in sunny southern California, yea! We found a perfect spot at just the right time. Wow, to be playing off the cliffs over the ocean with surfers galore and mostly locals hanging around... they all got a triple whammy of magic today with the sunset, the Traveling Piano music and a rainbow behind us. Everyone was saying how the sunset was special tonight and a rainbow very rare. As I created music I needed to be aware not to play for people, to not be self conscious. I was out to capture the moment for myself and then just put that experience out for everyone through me not from me to take and make for themselves. The first people on the truck was a family from China and the second person I met was a girl from Philadelphia and there was another tie in that I forget. My hosts Will, Steve and their friend Ron came by at just the right time. It was all perfect. I could fill a year of time in San Diego easily and know it having seen practically none of it yet.
January 30, 2015
San Diego California
I wish I could enjoy the fact that I made it to the west coast but my physical problems are taking away some of my energy. I am living with intense faith. My truth is... the other night, I applied a practice that I have been doing for over thirty years to save my life. When I am in a difficult situation and able to apply the feeling of serenity through acceptance into my world, then I am able to let go of troublesome thinking. That creates an opening for god the universe, my subconscious, my own healing, whatever... to enter into my physical being in order to help keep me going. It is all about letting go of controlling thoughts in my brain through acceptance, the ability to "get out of the way" in order to allow whatever I really want to be... to happen. The other night I was able to do that. I was able to be calm and present with some sadness that I may be dying. I accepted whatever was to be and that created the fact that I still exist, I am sure of it. Along with major shortness of breath and energy, there has been a growth on my eyelid for two weeks now. My friend Steve suggested that it is not simply a pimple as my sight has decreased in the eye significantly and a scratching feeling exists. Its been rainy here today but I really am too spent to do anything anyway. I'm beginning to think their is not a blockage with my heart arteries, or a broken rib problem but a blockage in my head from a fall a few months ago. Do you know a doctor willing give me treatment and tests without cost, why not put that out into the world? Do I really want to go through treament and tests? This journey named, Flight of Peregrinating Musical Exploration! ...it is what it is.
January 29, 2015
Arizona to California
After saying goodbye to my friends we drove from Scottsdale, Arizona to San Diego, California. There was no music today, it was all about getting from one place to the next. Thankfully it was cloudy through the desert the entire day and the skies only spritzed rain a few times. On the highway in Arizona I began to pass dark buildings like I've never seen. They went on and on for at least a mile. I was trying to figure out what they were, prisons maybe but too impossibly, disgustingly horrible to think human beings were being held in there. It in fact turned out to be lewis prison. The site of it revolted me, the most ugly site I have seen in this journey to date. To think that in this American society I have been born and raised in is putting people into slavery is as bad as anything happening anywhere else in the world. Slavery is what it is. People are being put into prisons and being held captive because it makes money for the prison industry. The united states now imprisons more of its own citizens than any other country in the world. The overwhelming majority are there for menial reasons, this is a documented fact. As of 2013, the state of Arizona alone has been holding in enslavement over 40,956 people. Over 5,873 additional people have been in these prisons are now on parole paying unjust fines in addition to the time spent. The profit for these institutions sanctioned by political leaders voted in by idiots in my opinion, the prison industry profit and funding has doubled in just the last ten years.
Then I saw as China has the great wall, the United States has the great fence. A ridiculous fence that stretches for miles and miles to keep people out of the country. The fence comes with a trailer every few miles, to house patriot who has sworn allegiance to protecting his country probably with a few assault weapons, beer and a television. The drive into San Diego was after the sun set but I could still see amazing mountains of what looked like piles of stones but it was gigantic, awesome mountains of piles of stones. Once in the city I had to really concentrate on driving and remind myself that I will get into the swing of city life and driving once again in no time. I'm staying with old friends Steve, I've known for over thirty years and Will, twenty two years. They live in a gated community and I have no cell phone and forgot the gate number. Another resident let me in while I sat wondering what to do and as I began to drive in and around looking for their place I hear Steve saying, "hello." He was walking down his sidewalk to put the trash out. It was all perfect timing. My energy level went through the roof in being with them and I knew I was in trouble not being able to control my talking. When I crash the exhaustion may be dangerous.
January 28, 2015
Scottsdale and Fountain Hills, Arizona
The best thing about today is that it did not feel like I was dying or going to die. I was too preoccupied being in relationship with people and music. Now, as I write this it feels a little that way. I woke up and first thing my friends Satya and Rachel had breakfast ready and waiting. I got out of bed and just stood there numb, not able to think and then wondering how I was going to function immediately into interacting with people, lol. Then I tried to start processing some pictures for people and write yesterdays blog which I did but have no idea what I said and don't want to go back to it to find out... anyway the pool cleaning guy came around and he was interested in the Traveling Piano and then his interest led to a neighbors interest and then the day just kept rolling along ending up in Fountain Hills, Arizona where there is a park with a water fountain in the middle that spews water to a height of 563 feet. When it was first built it was the worlds highest fountain. Unfortunately, the sun was setting so I missed any good pictures with it.
My health, Rachel suggested that I might have broken a rib, she is a retired medical educator and it makes sense. Also, I am more than fairly certain my heart has blockage. What happened a few days ago when I thought that night might be the end for me, I had been on a short hike and still now the shortness of breath is way short. It is not like I am gasping or anything, its just the blood is flowing through my body very slowly. I don't have money for medical tests and all that... nor do i want to go through any process of dealing with it. Surgery is not in my forecast. Losing weight... I really am not sure that I want to end my life struggling to live. I enjoy the food I eat and have been down the losing and gaining weight road enough times for this life of mine. So with that out of the way... Rachel has been making some amazing Indian food for me and Satya. Tonight for dinner we had rice, vegetables, shrimp, chicken and potatoes with an indian spice called garam masala which is made of cardamon, fennel, cumin, cloves and cinnamon stick. The flavors were amazing and as alive as can be!
I've been learning a lot about Satya and Rachel. It is not easy for me to listen to people, it is exhausting but very easy to talk about myself. Do you know anyone else like that? The effort to listen is totally worth it and more. Lol, they are both are from India and have a nice life which they deserve because it is obvious they have worked very hard but also give very much to the world. They have hosted many strangers in their homes through the years, something like a thousand (not an exaggeration) so you can imagine how interesting and wonderful they are. Now retired, they both have educations and degrees from the best schools in India as well as the United States in the medical and the MIT tech fields. With two married, successful children they come from a family of doctors and Satya's brother was a very well known holy man in India like holy enough that people make pilgrimages to his shrine. They shared an amazing amount of information about their family and culture with me. I did not know that Indian musicians create music from their senses using a raga which is a melodic mode of Indian classical music. There are no written notes of music on any sheets. Satya has such a reverence for life that when a moth flies into the house he catches it with his hands to take back out to set free. They both have spent a major part of the working careers with the Navajo Indian Nation and have been huge mover's and shakers for the people's advancements, specifically in the health and engineering fields, even more specifically the creation of clean water systems for the reservations. Speaking of water, I still have a gallon from the Motel I stayed at in Holbrook, Arizona and every time I take a drink from it, I am amazed at how wonderful it is. It flows through my body pure, clean and natural like I have never had anywhere before.
January 27, 2015
So, we left Holbrook to travel south and stay for a couple of nights with friends Satya and Rachel. I wanted to get an egg and bacon sandwich from somewhere local. The first place where we stopped the waitress said "no breakfast food or eggs after 11am" which I thought was crazy because there were very few customers but I am learning that there are many reasons beyond my assumptions for why people do what they do. For example, the second place I stopped at had a big sign on the front door "restrooms for customers only" (as did the first) which really turns me off as a first impression. I did not even go in because of it. Later in the day I learned that there are specific types of people who use restrooms and trash them every time because they are naturally trashy people. The owners need to clean the bathrooms every time they are used because of people who simply "use." I've seen people do this to motel rooms and have often wondered how they can create so much trash and filth in less than twelve hours and then leave it for others to clean up. On the ride south it became cloudy with drizzle and I was kind of thankful because the scenery was stupendous. I would have had to stop to take pictures continuously which I did not have the time or energy for.
On entering Payson I had to stop and take a picture of the Big Brother industry taking over America on both sides of the street. Intimidating surveillance cameras of the government watching everyone's moves, looking for trouble to make money from people's mistakes. Sad for the idea of police and politicians who take on their jobs to be helpful and serve, that was in the old days. I remember in Memphis how the new riverfront park their had more surveillance cameras than light poles. It was absolutely ridiculous. I wonder if I will now get a ticket in the mail somewhere from going over the speed limit on the street. I did not see any posting for a speed limit. Payson is a city where I found homeless vets being harassed by local government several years ago and also wanting to charge people to use the public library specifically to keep homeless people out who need to use the computers to communicate with family. Not only in Arizona does this happen. I did find a good bacon and egg sandwich in Payson! Also, Mo and I interacted via the Traveling Piano with some genuinely good local residents. We arrived before dark in Scottsdale. I thought that the last time I was in Scottsdale was something like seven years ago but it was recent... in 2012. Both Satya and Rachel are originally from India and arriving at their home felt like home for me even though my last stay was short as will be this one.
January 26, 2015
Today was an easy day spent getting myself together to move onward and processing some pictures into the gallery for this year. I also spent time processing some thoughts on death and the idea of "fighting" for life, doing whatever it takes to stay alive. I have no need to fight or stay alive. Everything for me since this journey began has been icing on the cake. I remember saying that in this blog many years ago. My upbringing taught me a self-centered, chaotic, drama and denial approach to life and as a man I have learned a better way that of faith and non-drama, non-chaos love, acceptance and respect. The need to fight is fear based. It is a good thing that I have never claimed to be perfect about any of that. Part of the mission of this blog is to show my imperfections as well as everything else... For better or worse, it is what it is. I am interested in the tools people use to cope and the struggle to find fulfillment, or the end of life. I have been completely fulfilled through humility and when I see humility in others... I can relate to that. Humility is very much easier to detect in people who allow you to see their suffering. It was asked of me if I am bloviating or actually believe I am turning my life's activities over to a Higher Power. It is no secret that I have been in recovery for over thirty years. To understood alcoholism and being sober is to know that by now... I would have been dead a long time ago without totally relying on a higher power sometimes in-spite of whether my body, mind and spirit is conscious of that or not.
My connection with a higher power is maintained by staying away from a drink. That is what it takes nothing more and for an alcoholic and that is everything. For an alcoholic... there is the physical "spirits" and mental attitude of alcoholism or the physical "spirits" and mental attitude of sobriety. There is no in between. It is the nature of the disease. The idea of living life successfully in sobriety for me as an alcoholic takes constant diligence to be conscious in life. The only people who can fathom what it takes with my situation in life are those who do it themselves as is with anything in life, eh? I no longer need to ask myself the question of whether I am turning my life's activities over to a Higher Power. With practice I don't "turn" anything over anymore. I automatically live through a high power and work to stay consciously aware of that fact with a loving and knowing sense of humility... especially when fear or the idea of death arises. The only need I ever have concerning bloviating is that of forgetting that alcoholism can take hold of my life at any time. If it did, fear would ensue and then the manifestation of chaos, drama and for sure suicide. When I become angry, Oh my God do I bloviate! Lol, it is what it is.
January 25, 2015
I started out today for the petrified forrest. As I was driving past a building I was in the other day, I saw a friends vehicle parked outside. I had told him I would stop and share the Traveling Piano with him but did not get the chance to do that. Damm it, I had to turn around and go back to see him. That led to a chain reaction of meeting people. A freight train passed right next to me as I was creating music and I fell into the rhythm of swishing sounds the trains made while passing. Also, I noticed a woman jogging by on the other side of the tracks. As I was about to leave she came running up to me. She wasn't jogging she was running as fast as possible to get around the train fence to meet me and ask me to come to the other side of the tracks to meet some of her friends at an old age residence. She had been doing some volunteer work there. Her son is a musician and she loves the sound of a piano. I drove her while she tinkled around with music and with Mo on top of the piano to the other side of the tracks but had to stop for the highway train crossing signal because another train was coming. That was very much fun! After that Mo and I drove to another friends house. He wanted his wife to meet us but was not home so I met his son and we played out in the middle of the neighborhood street.
Finally off to the petrified forrest, once I got there a guard wanted ten bucks to drive in. For an hour $10... you may know how that disgusts me, the fact that a national park industry as well as state, county and private/commercial land industries have developed in the United States prohibiting people from enjoying nature unless they pay money to do that. Well, they can bite my butt first! This earth is for everyone to enjoy unconditionally and societies needs or wants do not trump that right. I've been trying to get my pegs in order concerning what is to come. My heart and physical being is still aching and tired. In leaving this area my choice was to drive to Zion National Park or straight for San Diego. Zion Park could very well mean musically playing myself into the universe as in dying, not a bad way to go or... to San Diego which may lead to seeing a doctor which may lead to complications for my life that I do not want and... another Zion park delay, like for over eight years I've been trying to get there. The decision was about to be for Zion when four emails came all at the same time from friends I have been planning to stop and see on the way to San Diego. So, that seems to be a sign to head to San Diego for better or worse.
January 24, 2015
Little Painted Desert, Arizona
I do not like secrets about or surprises when it comes to sickness and death soo... last night on the internet I found that I have all the symptoms of heart failure with an impending heart attack. (I think I already had one a few weeks ago). I have absolutely no problem with the idea of dying and my hope... is that everyone else can respect my having no problem with my idea of dying. Also, this is where the ways of christian science followers trump medical drug followers for me. I am not giving the last period of my life over to decisions of the drug and medical industry. When it comes to the letting go of my life, I have faith in a higher power than todays hospitals and doctors and will know moment to moment what to do... with lots of practice behind me. For better or worse I am a survivor and know how to ask for help if, and when I want it. I can do that better than most people. Last night I put documents on my computer and in my motel room on paper, in my wallet... lol, everywhere that Mo's care and the Traveling Piano stuff will go to my friend Cindy, and my friend Becky will facilitate the logistics of that for me if the need arrises.
Originally I was going to spend the day in town interacting with people and to get some pictures to show for the website but then thought, "I don't have to do that." Really, I do not have the energy to interact with people right now. I put Painted Desert into my GPS to see how far away it was and Little Painted Desert came up on the map so we drove there. It was a small park in the Navajo Nation territory not even listed in Google. At first, the park was a flat area and all there was to see were two covered cement picnic pavilions and a bathroom covered in graffiti with a lot of trash everywhere. I almost turned to leave but decided to drive into the area a little further and then the earth opened up. Mo and I spent most of the day there, just the two of us creating music and walking around. I saw an old trail down and into the canyon while asking myself if I really wanted to attempt that in my present physical state. The answer... this is what I do... explore and enjoy. I just took as much time as was needed.
Very small actions of people in my life have had astounding affects that have lasted a life time. I thought of my friend Gertrude when we were in Ireland and she in her late eighties, completely exhausted, climbed the tower at the Cliffs of Moher. A few steps and then rest, a few steps and then rest... it took hours but she did it. That was what I thought when I was climbing back up out of the canyon huffing and puffing and feeling my heart pounding and straining (oh, the drama)... a few steps and then rest, a few steps and then rest. After awhile we drove onward meandering though beautiful scenery. We passed an awesomely beautiful herd of wild horses and found the community of Dilkon, Arizona. There were not many people around and I could not figure out how to make a connection. I really did not want to. We drove back to the Little Painted Desert for a while longer and I thought about what a gift it has been for me to find so many natural places in pure nature here on earth. I'll take graffiti and trash in nature any day over natural areas that have been domesticated and are full of restrictions where human beings are forced to pay money to enjoy what has been created so freely. The sounds of silence today... gratitude. Then on the way back to the motel room I got some fried chicken and stopped at dairy queen for a blizzard. Shit, so what if eating this stuff ends my life faster, so be it... it is what it is... and I'm going to enjoy what I enjoy... that is just me! Be happy.
January 23, 2015
Kearns Canyon, Arizona
I need to be very careful with my health, I can feel something serious happened a few weeks ago due to energy level and shortness of breath and several other issue. Me thinks it was a not too serious stroke. I just keep moving forward as best as I can. The motel help came banging at my door this morning asking if I wanted room service while thinking I was leaving in an hour. It made me feel hostile. Its the third time in the last four motel places. The management wakes everyone up to make sure they leave on time and so that the help can hurry up and get the rooms done to get off the clock as soon as possible. I told them to clear the phone wakeup call system, put a do not disturb sign on the door, told the desk to tell housekeeping and scheduled a late departure but they still mess up. I get very, very angry when they do that and have the audacity to claim a room service angle, like anyone could use room service an hour before they are to leave. I think my anger level may have something to do with my health.
Mo and I drove to Kearns Canyon which belongs to the Hobi Indian nation and found an elementary school just about to let out. They had been celebrating 100 days in their new school today. I pulled up between the two school buses and surprised them with the Traveling Piano truck, music and Mo as they came running out to leave. Afterwards, we drove deep into the canyon and I created music, Mo and I went for a short walk. We saw several interesting sights today. Dinosaur silhouettes running through the desert brush at sunset near a truck stop, I photographed two Sun Dogs in the sky. I thought they were part of a rainbow but there was no rain for a hundred miles. They are bright spots on either side of the sun, often co-occurring with a luminous ring known as a halo created by light interacting with ice crystals in the atmosphere best seen when the sun is low, and the sun was setting. I looked it up on Wikipedia. Driving west the ground was all brown with winter and driving back east at sunset on the same road the ground was covered with snow. It was clear cut where the sun shines and where it does not. I hoping to get to bed early since I woke up so early from those door bangers!
January 22, 2015
I'm comfortable where I am staying except for the fragrance of a moldy sock wafting from somewhere in the room and into my nose every once in a while. I was having a feel to stay longer but to be more truthful I knew from the start I would need to stay longer. I asked the motel desk clerk if they had a weekly rate and he said yes. Then I asked if I could apply the three nights I've stayed to a weekly rate and so it was. An additional hundred bucks for four more nights, can't beat that! I need the time here. After that it was onward into the desert as deep as possible but the steering wheel was making a really bad sound so I stopped at an auto place and they put some fluid in. I don't know if the truck just warmed up or what but everything was fine. I'll find out tomorrow when I try and start it again. The temperatures were in the low 30's today but it was sunny and I was preoccupied with the relaxation that I had more time here. The auto guy told me of a local road to try out and that led me right to the only rescue mission in northeast arizona. We stopped and had fun with a bunch of guys there. After spending time with the executive director learning about the place, a woman came into the room to ask if I would bring the Traveling Piano around to the woman's side. Who knew? So, on the other side of the building we had fun with some women and their kids. After that I drove into the desert and played until the sun set totally amazed that I am once again in this wide open landscape enjoying the earth so pure.
On the way back I stopped to spend more time with everyone at the mission and they shared dinner with me. The place is Christian based and everyone who stays there works on a point system. Religious activities are not mandatory but participation will get you extra points in order to continue staying. Before dinner each evening, time is spent learning about the bible. I got there early to participate and ended up watching the last part of a video debunking evolution in order to support creationism. I was thinking, "anyone who is not indoctrinated can see that this video is propaganda." Afterwards, one of the guys mumbled, "they almost had me" in a joking manner. There is a strong Morman presence in this town and I don't know if they participate with the Christians but... the religious Christian communities all work to run the resuce mission with practically no government funding so they can do it their way. I understand that for sure! They work together so close in fact, this coming Sunday the Lutherns, 7th Day Adventist, Calvery, Baptist, etc... they will all be having their first ever church service pastor swap. After dinner and spending more time at the mission, I met with more new friends "like" people, wow I met so many people today all through synchronicity and spontaneity and am feeling very grateful and at the same time a bit bewildered.
January 21, 2015
I woke up this morning telling myself over and over, "you don't have to do anything, you don't have to do anything, relax." I took Mo for a quick walk before it began to snow. The Traveling Piano tarp is covered with ice. After doing some computer work I went out and met some new friends, got some food from the local supermarket and came back into my little shell/fort/hole/comfort zone of a motel room and began watching HBO on the television screen with the curtains closed, Mo laying next to me on the bed under covers, a little tea candle lit and the world sort of disappeared. I've sunk deep into an alone zone of comfort that feels like I might not want to come back from, a little afraid to come out of... although, do I have a choice? And now I have a chance to call people but my phone broke. I can't see good enough to process pictures and thats aggravating. Somethings up with my sight. I'm posting a picture of a favorite tree stump I've passed through the years while walking in West Virginia with both Bo and Mo. It has an energy full of everything for me.
January 20, 2015
I think my sometimes bad attitude over the last month may have something to do with... dare I say, I must have had a concussion, stroke or a light heart attack. Maybe when I fell on my head back in November, or when I sneezed a month ago and did something in my heart area where I almost passed out? I still cannot sleep on my left side as a result. I had a headache the other day and the spot on the back of my head where I hit was hurting along with everything else. There has been a little bump and redness on my left eye lid and today I had a good forty percent less vision in that eye and lastly... when I walk, the left side of my left foot aches afterwards. The left side of my body is giving me trouble in all these ways. I feel disoriented and weak more than normal. But worse than all that... today my cell phone died today and for good. Last week I was going to head straight for San Diego and take the interstate to make sure I could get there without the truck falling apart. Today when I started, I thought "go to Zion park and the Grand Canyon first, since its on the way".
Zion National park in Utah and LA are my present agendas. San Diego may be a home base, don't know yet. The motels I've been staying in have really worn me out more than the driving. I stopped to get some eye lubricant in Holbrook, Arizona and the energy of the town felt good. Then I found a good motel so here we are for right now. The reservation desk guy came out and jumped onto the truck for a picture and I played some music for a few minutes. God I really needed that. It felt so good to just get my mind into some music and off of everything else. After being here an hour I decided to book two more nights and moved my room to a quieter area of the complex. It does not smell as clean but everything in life is a negotiation, eh? There are wall sockets on every wall, no mildew or smoke smells, (although I think someones dirty socks are embedded into the mattress) there is a "do not disturb" tag for the door, (i've been having to make my own paper ones to use) the grounds are neat and clean, raked gravel, dog play area with walking paths, grills and chairs by pool, fridge and microwave in room, plenty of shelf space but most important... free internet with unrestricted bandwidth, no blocking of applications or browser directed web searches. Having no hassle internet makes me feel very happy.
January 19, 2015
Santa Rosa and Albuquerque, New Mexico
It's time to take out my Alaskan fleece coat again, there is snow on the ground... again. The one warm day was nice. I am trying to come to terms with these low budget motel rooms. If I ever get to another country with the Traveling Piano I am sure they will be a lot worse so... that is one thought process I am using to deal with it all. (I would like to take the Traveling Piano to another country) Also, the less I spend the longer the journey lasts. Anyway, I got bit by bedbugs last night so the management comped me the room fee. It happens. They were very concerned about it. Mo has more of a problem with these motels than I do and I have to force him into the rooms. He will not go in on his own. While driving, the land opened up totally today and I could see the earth forever. Before I left West Virginia I set myself up with work to do while driving so I would not get bored but I could never be bored driving through the desert with red rocks covered with tips of white snow, sage brush drifting, wide open blue skies, distant mountain ranges... my mind is occupied with and full of nature.
We stopped in Santa Rosa, New Mexico to wash my windshield so the views would be clearer and met two vets traveling, homeless in their mid-twenties and we shared some love together. They have been getting on in many different ways just like me but sometimes they go "spanging" Thats when you ask people for their "spare change". The conversation turned to my luck cross charm and I realized I left it back at the last motel. That hurt. In doing the best that I can I'm still messing up... lost a teashirt, broke my important coffee mug and now lost the crucifix... everyday it is something but the one guy said, "here I have a replacement for you" and it was a small stone of the same color, size, mineral and shine. I must keep looking at the good stuff. I was going to try to get past Albuquerque, new Mexico but it got dark and I could not see so... we are in a smelly non-smoking room that has been rented out to smokers... often. Mo won't eat. While still in Oklahoma we turned around in a driveway with a nasty sign. I told Mo to get out and run up to the people to say hello. He wouldn't do it. (thats a joke: see the picture) Anyway, today was all about those two guys we met and our short time along with the music.
January 18, 2015
Sayre, Oklahoma and Amarillo, Texas
It is time to put away my Alaskan fleece coat for now. The temperatures are in the 70's and it has been sunny. What a relief that is! I really had a headache last night! The spot where I hit my head very hard on Thanksgiving was hurting along with everything else. That was a little unsettling. Heading west right now, I don't remember what happened this morning! I do know that I've seen the cheapest gas prices in the country so far at $1.57 per gallon. When the price goes back to .25 where it belongs... then I will be happy. (that was in 1970) I'm trying to take my time but everything wants to feel rushed. Talk about a ying and yang... after that irresponsible news article yesterday I found another and this one was the exact opposite. Check it out... TXKtoday. I have not given any media coverage for a few years (that I can remember) and yesterday two... one really bad and one really good both from the same city. How weird is that? Subconsciously I wanted to create music in Oklahoma but it did not seem like it was going to happen. I knew I needed to take a break from driving so we found the town of Sayre just before we left the state. Always, I'm wanting to have some luck in finding a good place to get some food. Last night I had more bad luck. Carl Jr's burgers, I never ate there before so I purchased a large combo which was a burger, fries and soda... $12.11!!! Never again will I pay that much for junk fast food. It is rare that I ever go to those places anyway.
Two nights ago I drove by a sign that said "all the catfish and shrimp you can eat, Mon, Tues, Wed" and I thought it must be one of those days. It turned out to be Friday but I was already inside hoping to get some good fried catfish and crusty dill pickle. The dill pickles tasted like hot raw wafers of salt and grease. My hope was the catfish and fries would balance out the heart attack I just ate but it was the same except the salt was mushy. I had a good time with the waitress so I didn't want to hurt her feelings and asked for a "to go" bag. That cost me $34 bucks!!! Ouch, ouch, ouch and to make it worse there was no way I could force myself to eat what tasted almost like pure salt so I threw it all out in a trash can. Todays food was much better. The town of Sayre was practically empty. I drove down the main street, it was only a few blocks long and came across an old community meeting house that looked like it might be a restaurant. It was, and inside I met Cherri with her daughter Cori and young son Aiden. They were sitting in a booth and Cherri's other daughter was working the place. Wow, talk about empty and talk about running into exactly the people I was supposed to meet spiritually. We all had lunch together and we got personal. Afterwards, it was onto the Traveling Piano. In fact, I drove Cori and her boy up and down the street. That was really fun especially as she is a self taught piano player who is excellent. We found a motel in Amarillo, Texas and I was hoping to get to bed early and have a lot of rest but before I even unpacked the truck we began engaging with people. It's what I do. I need to be very present and aware of everything I am doing. I drank some coffee while I drove this morning and so my coffee mug was not put back in its usual bag. I dropped it out of the bag it was in... and broke my new big most cherished travel possession.
Somehow I lost Mo's collar too. A guest found it in the driveway and brought to it to the front desk where the girl knew it was Mo's because it has "Piano Dog Mo" stitched on it. Everyone at the Motel is so nice I can't complain about anything like the toilet that keeps flushing every five minutes (I just keep the bathroom door closed) the room that has no electrical wall sockets near the bed (I'm using an orange outside extension chord in the room for my computer) and the smell of ammonia is so bad my eyes are burning and my nose is flaring. Everything's in the room and I just don't have it in me to move it all out and into another. I sprayed the room with a can of Fabreeze that I have for the truck and now the room smells strong with both smells equally at the same time. Speaking of smells, I remembered how Amarillo has been known for its bad cattle smell and it was not smelly today or when I last passed through in 2007. I could not get internet speed so I went outside tonight to get a new code from the front desk and you would not believe how bad a smell can be. The smell actually comes from two towns over in Hereford, Texas where they have huge cattle processing plants. They are cleaning the cage bins where they pack and grow thousands of cattle smashed together. It happens a few nights a month and tonight is one of them. I asked the girl what happens when its hot and humid. They suffer and also clean usually in the middle of the night when people are sleeping. It is now almost twelve midnight, so much for a long rest it is not going to happen and it is all worth it, I am doing what I want to do and thank god a friend is helping me with the costs. This would not be happening otherwise. I'm trying not to think about how long I can keep going. Using a small vaporizer and ionizer in my motel room last night I think saved my life from the forced air needed to get oxygen in the room with no windows.
January 17, 2015
I'm feeling incredibly angry. There is no good reason. If you want to read something positive and fun... skip over today. The first thing that happened was good. While getting the truck ready for travel, a guy from New Orleans came out of his motel room to meet me and he got onto the piano for a few minutes. He had heard me creating music yesterday for a short while, first thing in the morning. He had been trying to sleep. The music was very loud, ouch! We had a good time. Then I made a big mistake. While getting gas I looked at the local paper. At the bottom of the cover page, there was the Traveling Piano plastered front and center. Can you read the picture? There is nothing good about it. They missed the point of this being a journey, the flyers three simple words of mission... Fun, Friendship and Respect. Putting a sex offender headline above the picture, ugh ...a lone shady looking guy himself passing by ...me alone hiding in the truck peering out from behind the piano looking for "unsuspecting passers-by" ....mistakenly quoting me as saying I am a "self-described non-musician." It is all about being suspicious, absolutely nothing worthwhile. Most individuals working for the media in todays world are addicted to fear as their selling point... especially small and local media. They have become irrational and not aware of how lost they are. They do not represent the communities they report on. They indoctrinate people with their twisted thinking to create sales.
The woman who called in the report yesterday wanted to share they joy she was experiencing with her community. This Texarkana Gazette newspaper does not represent the community of Texarkana. I even wrote in yesterdays blog how friendly and engaging the people were. That is why I stayed an extra day. It is because of this media foopah crap that I do not seek out interviews or exposure. So, I ruminated on that all friggin' day! Lol, I talked into my cassette recorder until it was filled up with complaining, ranting, arguing, making my points about it all the while knowing I was angry... just because. The newspaper mis-representation was simply something to latch onto. I mean it was so bad that when the voice recorder filled up I still would not let the issue go... I switched over to writing my hate and rage on paper while I drove. I can be so pathetic! Then tonights motel next, they are all now taking out the rugs and have fake wood floors. Do you have any idea what that sounds like when the person in the room above you is hoofing back and forth to get settled in? In more and more motels, there are no windows to open so you know what that means... all fake air. I had to go to the front desk to ask for a blanket. I mean really... just a sheet on the bed? The television has huge print all along the bottom saying in capital letters real big... lyon security-tv anti-theft security. They probably have a camera somewhere in the room and are looking at me while I pick my toenails! My wallet, I put it in a bag with a gallon of water along with other stuff to carry up to my room. The lid fell off the water container, the wallet and everything in it is soaked. I have a headache.
January 16, 2015
Maud, Texarkana Texas
At 9:45am, a knock came on my motel door... "Would you like room service?" Oh my God I cannot tell you how much that pisses me off! Normal check out is not until 11am. I asked how could I want room service when I am still sleeping? Of course they are just trying to get everyone up and out so they can get done faster and the cleaners off the clock. Thing is, I have a late checkout time, I told the guy when I checked in "no room service," reminded the night clerk and called the desk before I went to sleep, "no room service, do NOT wake me up." Rant, rant, rant... so I got over myself and began the day... in a daze. I meditated for a short time before I left and realized that when living in the "now" the "present moment"... I am in a constant meditative state, going with the flow of life. It is a sort of semiconscious state where I am thinking in order to function but also I am aware that I have little control in what is happening. Mo and I first headed to Spring Lake park in Texarkana to create music on a lake. Everyone we passed while looking around waved a friendly hello. That, for me is a "tell" about a place. It felt good and validated my wanting to spend a day here.
As I began to create music I could feel myself become alive, more so than in a long time. People began to find us immediately. I could have stayed in that one spot the entire day. A couple getting married in the park next week found us. A woman pulled up next to me and asked me to stay long enough for her to look up the local newspaper number in a phone book on her lap. She wanted to have someone come and take a picture. I told her if she climbed onto the piano seat she could stall me and keep me there until they arrived and that is what happened. Then I drove to find another lake and got lost. I was really out there, about thirty miles from where I started. I found more water in Maud, Texas on the Sulphur River. There I met a fisherman named Kevin and he turned out to be a deacon for his local church. He told me the bible said a dog is mans best friend. He wanted to prove it so he called his paster on his cell phone who said he needed to look it up. Later tonight Kevin called and said, well... not exactly. In Ecclesiastes 8-10 chapter 9 verse 4 it says... For him that is joined to all the living there is hope: for a living dog is better than a dead lion. I told Kevin I would need to "chew" on that for a while. Lol, I really appreciated his calling me. Another young girl asked me today what my favorite bible verse was and I told her I don't read the bible I learn through how other people show actions in the ways of Jesus. Obviously, I am in a very churchy area. To another person I said what Jesus wants (my new friend Kathy said this) ...is to just put love on everyone (I added) without conditions, wether they need it or not, good or bad, right or wrong, part of or not, just put the love on. There were more interesting interactions today but I'm too tired to keep going. The room I am staying in has paper thin walls. The guy next door as been making the sound umm... umm... umm once every few minutes for about the last two hours. The first two umms are the same tone and the last one drops down to finish up. I hope it does not get to the point that I want to umm... umm... umm my fist through the wall. Lol...
January 15, 2015
Texarkana, Arkansas and Texas
We got a late start, glad I can do that. Heading west, at a gas station there was a guy leaning against the back of his car in front of me by the pumps. He called for me to come over. It looked like his belongings were in his car and at first I thought he was feigning trouble and then he said something about forty bucks and I thought he was asking for gas money for his car. I told him that I didn't have any to spare and was also homeless. He actually was having a huge problem breathing and needed for me to go pay for the gas and fill his car for him. He wanted to give me five bucks which I refused. After finishing the fill up I asked if he needed help and where he was going. He had come from West Virginia and was trying to get to a VA hospital in Texas. I told him I would follow him if he wanted and he said no. I've seen people die before, what they look like and what the body does as it makes its last gasps for breath. This guy was right there ready to go. I don't know how he was able to get back into his vehicle and drive off. What a state of this country where people do not want to give others health care unconditionally. A hospice minister had given me a charm in Nashville a few months ago. It was in my hand the entire time. Through this journey people have given me many small symbols of appreciation. The cross I was holding onto today has more and the most powerful energy attached, more than any other possession I've had in life. It is very curious. I prayed for the guy and to know how to proceed concerning him. Half expecting to see him and his car on the drive west, that did not happen.
January 14, 2015
Woke up and my clock said noon. I tried to tell myself to stay in bed and rest. My mind had enough rest, my body did not. The sun was out, how could I stay in bed? It turned out to be eleven am because I had not changed my alarm clock according to the time zone. That felt good, more time. With only one full day in Memphis it felt like I really needed to see a bit of the city. I meditated for about three minutes for focus and then thought... if I am zoned out and cannot think while staring at a blank wall for three minutes... is that meditating? Once outside I pulled the cover off the piano and did not waste any time because ladies cleaning the motel were in sight. That began the day with one of the ladies jumping onto the piano seat along with a guy sitting in a nearby car. Mo really needed some exercise. The guy told me of a great dog park down by the river. Being on the road Mo needs to take a lot more direction from me compared to when we are hunkered down somewhere and not interacting very much. He's out of practice so I need to be patient in giving him commands and also let him work off some of his energy with exercise. There is a direct correlation between enough exercise and good dog behavior.
On the way to the river I came across Beale street which is the famous music and entertainment street of Memphis. It was blocked off. I asked a local cop why and he explained that people walk on the streets drinking and can purchase alcohol as they walk on the sidewalks. The powers that be do not want any accidents from vehicles hitting people who might fall into the street. Lol, I said I just wanted to create some music for a short while and he suggested I ask one of the bar owners if i could park outside their place. I mean... it was one pm in the afternoon on a Wednesday with the temperature below freezing. How many people do you think were drinking on the street? Practically no one was around. I drove through the barricade, found a sunny spot and played music in front a of closed store. After a few interactions, Mo and I headed for the river. Most of the people on Beale street where in their own zone and practically oblivious to our being there. It actually was perfect for me to sit and soak in the energy and history while creating a little music almost all by myself. The city of Memphis is a little south of the confluence for the Wolf and Mississippi rivers and the riverfront area has recently been renovated.
It was a great open space to find. No dog park but a perfect place for Mo to run and perfect for the Traveling Piano to meet and interact with people one on one. If it was warmer with more people I probably would not have been able to let Mo run but today it was perfect. When we left I thought about how when I do not think about the cold I am not very conscious of feeling it. My mind is on the fun I am having. Once on the road again to look for a famous barbecue place a cop told me about last night, we passed the world famous Gus's Fried Chicken. All these famous places, lol. Anyway, I stopped to get a breast, shared some with Mo and then drove on. I passed a place that said Sun Studio Records and thought, "I seen that place in a lot of movies" so I stopped briefly to check it out. Turns out it is the most visited museum in Memphis, where the first ever rock and roll single was cut, the birthplace of rock and roll. Through a series of short synchronistic happenings I played some music, a guy who works there played some music and the guys running the place let me in a side door to take a quick look around. There was a feeling of being in sacred territory. Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis... Blues, R&B guys like B.B. King, Ike Turner all recored there. It was a small place and felt very special.
Onward, I found the name of the place I was looking for was Central BBQ. Just before I got there I saw another dog play place I was told about, a day care center but they would not let Mo in to play with the dogs without an amazing amount of bureaucracy with tests and shots, etc... The dog industry, ugh. It is disturbing how people have gotten themselves sucked into it. The guy running the place told me about another dog park minutes away so even though Mo had run I knew he still wanted interaction with his own kind. I found the place and a few people there were interested in the Traveling Piano. Even though it was dark by that time and really cold I offered them some picture and music fun and they jumped at the opportunity. That led to a bunch of nearby skateboarders joining us. After all that I found the BBQ place and the fun continued with the guy placed my food order. The sampler of BBQ was great but the price of twenty eight bucks... ouch. That will not be happening again anytime soon, famous or not. What a great day it was! So many unexpected things happened and it was all completely fulfilling. A few days ago I said this journey is not fun any more but that once I get going, it may change as it has in the past. Well, it changed. Mo and I had Fun...
January 13, 2015
Feels really neat, (ha, when was that descriptive word last used?) ...to be in Memphis, Tennessee even though it was dark by the time I got here. I drove too much today, that was a mistake. Hope to lay low tomorrow but I'll only be in the area one day and I'd like to see some of the city. The truck has something wrong with it so now it will be the old waiting to see what... "what" is... lol, the guessing game of how long will it last, can I wait to find out whats wrong, etc.. its just part of my life dealing with this almost thirty year old truck. I woke at eight thirty in the morning because I wanted to get both Kathy and Peter onto the Traveling Piano before Peter went off to work. Then I headed to Memphis where Mo and I are in a motel where I cannot control the 85 degree temperature and outside it is thirty two degrees. I forget what I write on this blog each day as I do it fast and before bed when I'm completely exhausted and I do not want to read it the next day to see what I said... or ever again because I don't want to embarrass myself!
January 12, 2015
Western Heights, Tennessee
It was raining when I woke up and it rained hard all night. Kathy who we are staying with volunteers a few days a week at a community outreach after school center and asked if I would like to take the Traveling Piano there for the kids. The place had an overhang that I could pull the truck under. This was not only surprising but amazing that she would think this way knowing nothing about the Traveling Piano and what I do. Thinking of the overhang with the rain, also... very bright. Everything about the idea was up my ally. So, protected from the rain and with about a hundred kids of different ages in separate groups... we had fun. They were wild bunches! The piano has half of its sound, a key was sticking, the piano wood on the piano lid is about to fall off but it all worked. The truck is now wet and muddy, so be it. Fun , friendship, respect... musical inspiration and empowerment... so worth it. The Traveling Piano has been sitting through some major sub zero weather over the last month... I'm amazed the piano and sound is working at all!
Kathy and Pete treated me to a thanksgiving style dinner and we got to know each other some. Peter is a computer tech guy, Kathy has a doctorate in Pastural studies. They are both retired air force veterans and married both for the first time in their mid forties. They are now my age. Mo needs to run as in exercise but he's coping really good. My hosts have an older dog Tilly who can't take his energy. I'm physically feeling ok right now because thinking otherwise would be nothing but trouble. I don't have time to feel concern about anything... I can only experience life and live moment to moment. Thats the way it is right now. I am still thinking about having left West Virginia yesterday. I cannot imagine anything in life being more difficult than I have already experienced. I can only say its as difficult as it can get. Getting onto the road yesterday was as difficult as it can get. Every half hour there was light rain for about five minutes, no ice, lots of warnings from road signs... its was another smooth escape in the dark with practically no traffic the entire way.
January 11, 2015
I woke up praying to Jesus, not something I do not do very often. "Jesus help me get out of bed, help me through this day, help me get out onto the road, I can do this with you, can't do it without you." Last night, while feeling alone I realized I have no one to call or to help me with this life. I am really am on my own. To call a friend and whine or say I am afraid serves no propose. There are no words of comfort that I have not heard a million times over and over throughout life. Did that, done that, its all old. There is no one to be with and I do not really want anyone. Thank god I believe in higher power than myself or this physical manifestation we are all living. Not only did I need to get out of West Virginia, it had to be done before as soon as possible because an ice storm is on the way and for the next week the road in and out of where I've been will be trouble; the temperature is forecast to stay in the teens. The weather being a motivator is sort of just like last year around this time. So... I got started with closing up the place and packed the truck. In trying to pick a route that was going to be non-ice... there was none. All routes west, the northern route, the middle route, even the route down and through Nashville, ice... ugh... need to do it anyway just go.
I put a notice online that I was leaving for the west coast and if anyone was interested in welcoming us into their home, we would visit. Thirty minutes later before shutting down the computer to leave I gave one last email check on a whim and there was a message from my friend Steve in San Diego where we will be heading. He's says to contact his sister in Knoxville to stay a few nights and included her phone number. Knoxville did not have ice in the forecast just rain. Seven and a half hours later... we were in Knoxville, Tennessee. It was an interesting feeling like we were transported here. Where the energy came from I have no idea, what happened to the time no idea, although I did spend about an hour talking with friends on the phone. Most interesting is that Kathy and Peter my hosts are Evangelical Christians. Less than five percent of the people who have welcomed us into their homes in the ten years of this journey have done so in the spirit of being Christian. Thank you Jesus! Remember, I was praying to him this morning. Mind you I am not religious but I do have a "personal" relationship with Jesus Christ. Most relgious people would not agree with it but then again it is none of their business. It is a personal matter. Kathy played a song she wrote for me while doing some Christian outreach work in Moscow many years ago. Its called Lilly of the Valley.
January 10, 2015
Berkeley Springs, West Virginia
This is not fun anymore. It might get fun once I leave this place, I hope so. I've been practicing living out of my travel bags. For example: "ran out of cotton swabs, they are inside the bag thats in the other bag, on top of the bag that is under the small bag. Ok take it all apart, I can do this, no big deal, get the fucking cotton swabs out and put everything back in its place right away because if I don't stay on top of any chance to make a mess... disorganization will begin and you know what will happen. (insanity) Just take it easy." Everything takes longer to do now so less of other things happen, it is what it is. You would think I would have an efficient, smooth routine up and running by now, not at all. I do the best that I can. To see and understand the astounding and detailed structural organization and routine in my completely overwhelmed seemingly disoriented mind and to witness the accomplishments that happen through it all... most people could not fathom it. Anyway, it feels like I'm leaving for the first time again but in this moment the word courage comes to mind. People have often used that word in relationship to me with this journey. I never before embraced that. Well, now... yea, it is taking a lot of fucking courage for me to move on. It is what I do. I would have hoped for a positive change by now but... it is what it is. What I do is positive so... "Danny be grateful for that." People always say to me, "just keep doing what your doing." Ok. I choose this life style in fun friendship and respect and now I am continuing it with courage, perseverance and willingness sort of. It does not feel like I want to take on any other choice.
January 09, 2015
How do you capture a picture of sub-zero weather. That is what I thought while walking Mo today. I had to get him out. The truck tires are going flat from the cold. I listened to and watched ice crack in all directions across a lake a quarter mile in circumference. The truck had been sitting for two days in zero temperature so I was a bit apprehensive when starting it. There was no trouble whatsoever and it purred like a warm kitten from the start. What... is... up... with... that?! Don't ask questions but thank God, I told myself. Things like that encourage me to feel good. The road out of the subdivision where I am staying was total ice. Last year at this time there was no way I could have driven the truck. The engine was too weak to get up the hill. With a new engine it was good enough today, thank God. My new years resolution to not have social, political or religious opinions or comments in my social networks, well that has already been a flop. I care too much not to be part of the worlds conversations.
What happened in Paris a few days ago with some really fucked up people murdering political cartoon satirists along with whomever else was in the path well, I woke up this morning reeling with sadness and anger over it. Some of the worlds injustices when they happen hit a strong chord from within me. In this situation it was over freedom of speech. Muslim extremists want to suppress the world into their views. As a child and while growing up, freedom of speech was suppressed for me. In fact I was never given a voice. I found a voice growing up. It took many years. There is no way I want to hold back from sounding out with it now. Especially after all the work put into finding this voice of spirit that I have. I've been practicing my whole life in knowing and being as responsible as possible with it for better or worse. I best express all of myself while I can before I die. I will be heard! lol... It is the same with my music. I did not find my musical voice until I was fifty. I've been making up for lost time. As soon as I found my musical soul I thought, "you need to share this, everything about it" and thats what I've been doing. After dark I was going to hang with some friends but I was feeling too unable to function and cope with anything but being by myself, with Mo of course.
January 08, 2015
I am aware of how helpful I have been for people in the past and the positive impacts I've made on people's lives. They tell me and also how only the positive of what I have to offer is helpful. They worry about the negatives or don't want to be reminded of trouble in any way. I have been asked to focus on only the positive aspects of my life for their inspiration. That would be nice but it is not my goal or the purpose of this journey. The purpose of this journey is basically to show the better or worse of my life's choices in order that others can benefit from my experiences... for better or worse. There have been many negative happenings that I have not written about because I don't want to embarrass the people involved. I wonder if I'll ever write about some of them, lol. My personal struggles and the embarrassments made mistakenly by myself... those I try my best to show the good, bad, ridiculous, whatever. If I ever connect with a political, organization or commercial entity, that is when I will watch my p's and q's. I will not have a choice, eh? If I have already destroyed any opportunities from sharing or showing too much about who I am, what I am, or what I am not, so be it. There is nothing in this world I need or want. How great is that? Thank god for that! It is said with one hundred percent satisfaction and humility. There are dreams I have not yet reached but they will never compare to the luxury of being totally me and... be able to have an affect on the lives of the people I personally and specifically want to affect. Those are people who have difficulties like I have and have had in the past, those who can relate spiritually from my writings and witnessing my life. I want to reach for people who want to to witness personal intimacy, not those looking to be inspired for entertainment or other purposes. Also I want to share my success with those who also have succeeded in "like" ways so we can grow even more successful together. This website is a personal show of one way, one example of a life being lived and the "keeping going" of it all no matter what.
January 07, 2015
The temperature is seven degrees outside. It is too cold to get going on the road. Everyday I go out and start the truck for a while. Each day the clutch gives a whirring sound that gets louder and louder. So onward, I don't want to think about that. The giving of myself in the world does not come naturally. Presently, it is a challenge because I'm feeling needy. This means I'm having a tendency to want attention and validation from outside sources. When I am in this state of being, I can hear myself in every communication, the blah, blah, blah of it all. It is a bit repulsive to me but then again... it is what it is. I could never have enough personal attention and validation in times like now and as far as a need to give attention and validation to as many people in the world as possible (billions and billions)... when I am in this state of mind I know it is only to get it back billions and billions of kudos for myself. It is (I keep repeating "it is" ha) ...important for me to keep a reality check that I don't need or want millions of people in my life. As as far as giving out... I'm very satisfied with the number one. If I only make one other person in the world happy or affect their life in a significantly positive way... that is enough. This reality helps to keep me humble, sane and connected to life.
January 06, 2015
Re-evaluation, constant re-evaluation is needed to continue. Being realistic, honest, open... what do I have to offer for the world, what do I want to offer to the world, do I need to offer anything to the world. My world is always changing and some of the changes involve endings or shrinkage over time. If I want to go on living... that requires constant expansion outward in "new ways" and "adjustments" to what is. As time moves forward, websites and internet services are tracking and selling everything about me. My blocking any tracking slows down my ability to navigate significantly, and also interact on certain websites. Isp's are buffering bandwidth. Social platforms I use are preventing use of other websites. There is a big fight over money on a higher levels using me and everyone else. Hotels are now out to block personal wifi. I will remain forever committed to the purpose of the internet which is for the free flow of information. As one internet manipulator I read today said, "So we want ... eventually, to be tailored to each user. You should not have to choose what you want, because we will be able to get enough data to know what you want better than you do.” That is crazy. Do we really want this? The lack of choice and decision? For others to use our spirit for their profit? It reminds me of corrupt religion and politics. I won't have any of it, never did. Anyone who knows me, knows that decisions and choices are the most difficult aspect of my life but I'd rather have my own, good/bad, right/wrong, enough/not enough, or be totally insane... rather then have an outside entity dictate everything for me. By the way, my priority is to live life in the real world as I now know it. If all of my cyberspace living goes away, this website, all the data, pictures, music, the journey documented, my legacy internet-wise... so be it, I'll go on living life and enjoying it the best ways possible in my spiritually real world.
January 05, 2015
I was driving myself crazy yesterday but now I'm better because I took all pressure off myself! I turned my life and will over to a God as I understand, let all the thinking, non-thinking, conditions, fear, worry, etc... etc... etc... I decided to let God tell me what to do. Letting go is a practice I tell you and it works. Snow is coming tonight so I may not be able to get out for a day or two more, so what? Its cold, so what? I might have to load the truck in snow, so what? Everything's fine, I took a slow, short walk with Mo and the physical problem I had... I could feel it loosen and move throughout my body working its way out. What was moving around? Stress... what a waste of energy that is. I've been playing music everyday on a keyboard here where I am staying and that helps keep me sane!
January 04, 2015
The struggle to move forward is horrendous. It is so difficult that I'm telling myself as I did with Piano Dog Boner in 2010... "are we going to sit here and love each other literally to death on the couch (Bo was dying at the time) or get out and live life to death doing what we love to do best together." ...or something like that. We ended up living every magnificent moment possible together doing what we enjoy most. I really injured myself the other day. It could become serious if I am driving any distance. I want to tell myself that I am jeopardizing my life if I leave now but know I am just looking for a negative. I've been trying to leave for the west coast for over a month. Truly, I know in my heart and soul that I have nothing to fear but fear itself and I know intellectually about my fear. My fear is a positive when identified correctly but still... the worse part, I know there is no one who can help me so in spirit... people, god, the universe with me... yea, I'm holding onto all that just barely. I remembered something that has come up before in this journey. As a child I was never allowed to do anything on my own, never empowered as an individual. It was ingrained in me that assistance was needed in and for every facet of my life. Talk about horrendous struggles, (in breaking free) I have always had to be my own role model in the "doing" of life. I have found a path to faith concerning how to "do." What I am now doing... is what I have always wanted for my life so why the angst? It is my way I suppose. Oh the drama... I know it comes from falling back into feelings of what was first ingrained as a child as in I can't and should not do it alone. I need to grow back up!
January 03, 2015
The less I do physically, the less I can do physically and let me tell you... life is getting slow, its ok tho. I'm gaining weight again and so what? Ha, if I could only hold on to that attitude because its been a life time of trying to deal with it. The less I interact with life the more I realize that I am on my own. Thats not ok but I do get comfort from accepting the feeling. It is what it is. I sneezed and pulled a muscle or something on the left side of my body under my chest yesterday and wow the pain in turning over while sleeping last night, I'm a thrasher in bed so it was not an easy night of tossing and turning. I slept until 4:30pm today. Maybe I loosened a heart valve or something and I'm on the way out! It was cold, wet and a raw day perfect for doing nothing, I appreciate being able to do that. Mo, he's so present with me. We are going to miss the recliner we have been using, that is for sure.
January 02, 2015
First, Mo and I went for a long walk today, then the usual online stuff and some music on my piano. It is getting close to the time to take the plunge outward. I loaded my herbal extracts onto the Traveling Piano truck cab dashboard. When I drove twelve hours from Nashville, Tennessee last month, I took drops of herbal extracts the entire way. They without question helped my physicality. Stuff for vision, shoulder and neck stiffness, my respiratory system, etc... An ice storm is coming tomorrow and rain for Sunday so I think Monday will be the day to leave.
January 01, 2015
Panhandle, West Virginia
Today marks the first day of the tenth year for the Traveling Piano. The word tenacity comes to mind. What do I think about it? This new year will be the most eventful and fulfilling year to date. I want to present myself and what I do better, in the best ways possible, every way possible. Most of all I want to be presented by someone else besides myself. How that manifests is not important. It has been said in life, everything old becomes new again. Well, I'm waiting for that to happen concerning this website style because... it is what it is... as it is! HA.