HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
Use the links to the left to read a past Month or Year... and then there is always your Backspace to return to a past page.
December 31, 2014
Cecil Whitt is one super amazing photographer. He sent me the picture I am posting today and I want to share it in order to sort of leave this year with a bang. Hopefully, I will get past an illusional identification with fear that has seeped into my spirit and has created what feels like a slowdown. As with the fear, a slowdown is also probably delusional in my mind. I can say as a matter of fact that whenever I question my worthiness or strength of spirit... God or if you prefer calling it the universe steps into my life to tell me to keep going. Really, the video's sent to me this week from the past, several appreciative emails from people I've never meet but who have experienced the Traveling Piano from a distance over the years, reassuring validations from people who love me...
It never fails, when I begin to feel truly lost, out of nowhere stuff like this happens all at once and never just one but many happenings (in this case six) from unexpected, varied, strong sources. The basic message I get is... "don't kid yourself with negativity Danny, just keep going." Speaking of negativity, I've made a New Years resolution. For this coming year I will have no negative "personal" public opinions on anything social or political. That includes in this blog. My world knows I'm intelligent and that I care about everything... anger and frustration helps nothing... I want to focus more specifically and on fewer issues in life. I don't want to affect change for everything that is wrong with the world, I want to create more of what works well for me... that of manifesting fun, friendship and respect... creating music for people to discover with musical empowerment and inspiration using synchronicity and spontaneity... and for as long as I can last... at no cost and without organizational, political or commercial affiliation. I'd like to make it to the ten year mark with all this and I'm almost there. Have a great night, bright life and new year!
December 30, 2014
Woo Hoo, its the end of the year. What does that mean? Nothing really... except that I have got to get on the road. Sense of purpose, do I need one? How about totally abandonment, my purpose is to experience total abandonment with this journey and get back to square one where I can not care less about what anyone thinks of me because no one thinks of me anyway. Lol... thats the truth, that how I got started to begin with. Then there was my anger over hurricane Katrina and my desire to take action and do something about what other people were not doing as a result. What I did at that time gave people the purpose "they" needed for me. I grabbed onto that and took it for a ride, expounded on that type of being a good guy purpose. Always, I need to get back to square one. Right now, I know I enjoy connecting with people in real time. So that is more important then the connecting via internet or the idea of fame, numbers of people who know about the Traveling Piano, money, respect for myself from others, etc...
I would like to have the security of a home in a desired place. It feels like I should put attention to having a home as well as the "desired place" part. I don't know where that would be. But then again I remember that feelings are not always fact. Money and funding... I'd almost rather die than go back to the rat race involved in making money. I said that also, from the start... if I completely run out of money and nothing happens to keep me going... I will just talk a long walk into the woods until I am no more. Ha... thats a wonderful thought for me, I might still do that sometime. Back to purpose, outside agendas, issues in life, my affecting the world in a positive way... this year I've really got caught up in race relations, politics, homeless, guns, corporate and personal greed, ha... you know just how horribly insane all human beings are. Well, thats all been a distraction I'd like to truly let go of to immerse myself into loving me, period. Good stuff happens for the world when I do that but... good stuff for the world is not my core intention, it is a byproduct of my loving myself. Any good stuff the comes through me into the world does so only when I focus almost entirely on loving, me.
December 29, 2014
Another person again has sent some video footage to me from the past. The quality is not that great but... it is what it is, and I really appreciate it. The video is from before The Traveling Piano began, when I used to perform with piano dog Boner many years ago. For several years we entertained at a large auto event in MaCungie Pennsylvania. For anyone who does not know, I've been playing piano full time from the back of the same pickup truck since 1987. I've stayed away from knowing how many people visit this website, but a couple times a year I randomly come across some numbers. Back in 2010 I saw this site had over 10,000,000 hits but that does not mean unique visitors. The other night I saw 25 unique visitors a day... ugh, I know that cannot be right. That is a huge gap, ten million four years ago to 25 yesterday, eh? Either number creates trouble for my head. Need to avoid knowing, need to avoid knowing, need to avoid knowing... my focus must stay on the personal intent of what I am doing, not the outcome. Although, it does help me to continue forward knowing people are still checking in on the Traveling Piano Man almost thirty years after he started this gig!
December 28, 2014
I've been distracting myself from bad feelings with good feelings. Its been working! Someone sent me a link to video they had taken of Mo and I while in Hoboken, New Jersey several years ago. It was after hurricane Sandy had flooded the place out. When I see past moments like this I can instantly flash back to the time in my minds eye totally with all feelings and senses. The funding level of this journey is now reaching total dependence on others to continue. A few people send a couple bucks a month, two tanks of gas worth but that is it. Another person has committed to helping out but keeping an emotional attachment out of the equation is damm difficult as it is not good for the journey partnership so to speak. If I can get through this journey until next year it will be ten years! I would like to see that, The more personal and intimate I become with this blog the less viable I become as a commercial entity for the future. Ha, I've always known that. In the process of doing what matters most, personal has always won out over commercial. Intimacy and honesty with myself to share with the world...one day at a time, that has been my choice.
December 27, 2014
Talk about synchronicity and spontaneity! I got to bed earlier than usual finally, and got up at 10am which felt good. The sky was blue and sunny for the second day in a row, whoo hoo! For the last few months there has been practically no sun. My friend Jeff called while I was having my coffee to ask me to come to my friend Christine's 80th birthday party at 1pm. I remembered his mentioning it a long time ago and there was no chance I was going to be around having supposed to have left for the west coast what, a month ago? I opened the door to leave and found the temperature like spring! Wow, a Traveling Piano day for sure. The party was in a most perfect place. High on a mountain at my friends Patty and Leslie's restaurant with a panoramic view of West Virginia. I created music, shared the piano, went to the party, the party came out to the Traveling Piano for a picture, we all went back to the party, it ended... and I played until sun set and also shared the piano again.
There were a lot of people who stopped to see the view but left as the sun was actually setting. How crazy is that? Then I realized they were probably just stopping to see the Traveling Piano for a second on the way to somewhere else. I just kept playing music until the sun was completely gone and figured whomever stayed around... then, I would try to engage with others musically. Its been a long while since I've played for a sunset and was not going to miss the opportunity to experience the entire show. I'm really out of shape and feel it physically from the little I did today but I'm sure I'll work my self into a conditioned state once I get on the road. Ha, first I get burnt out from being on the road for so long... and then I get burnt out from being off of the road so long. Whats up with that? Not much I hope.
December 26, 2014
Over the last two days I shared about forty pictures of Santa flying through the air with his reindeer online. So... I'm done with santa pictures and miss my friends Larry and Arlene for some reason. They have both passed in the last year, old life long neighbors from when I lived outside of Philadelphia. I know why I'm missing them. They were very giving and inclusive with my life, especially at Christmas time I felt it. I forced myself to phone some friends to wish them a Merry Christmas yesterday and I'm still thinking about how exhausting that was. Lol, why is it so difficult to pick up the phone and just say hello? I 'm still feeling my way into driving west. I phoned my friends Steve and Will who have been waiting for me to visit them for several years in San Diego. Its going to happen for sure. I would like someone to appear and invite us to stay with them in Los Angeles for awhile. Also, should I just "dive" for the west coast or meander out. I'll figure that out once I get into the friggin' truck and get going!
December 25, 2014
I have become more clear in how to be totally appropriate for everyone when wishing a Merry Christmas. I say it as a verbal exclamation of how I feel from within... to give that feeling to others. My feeling is of joy, happiness and peace with the desire to share... more importantly to give my good feelings for and to all people with no any other agenda. I get to decide my agendas, no one else so... it is important to know, be honest, trust and stay close to my true intent. Saying Merry Christmas is the same as saying bess you, all the best, hope you have a wonderful day, I love you. Any intent others may apply to that gift, it is theirs and really not appropriate for me to internalize, take on, accept, etc... If anyone does not want to hear about or feel my goodness and what I have to offer, ok. A negative response certainly does not mean I need to avoid or discontinue my gesture for others who may enjoy it. More thoughts... Christmas is about the "feelings" of love, peace and happiness, merriment. Some people want to make Christmas about Jesus Christ or family and loved ones but that is incorrect. Christmas is about the "gift" Jesus brought into the world to share. Christ does not want credit for Christmas or for it to be all about him! He wants everyone to celebrate the birth of his "gift" ... that of his love, peace and happiness, merriment and... to follow his way of sharing that... to manifest physically his joy and compassion for the world. Merry Christmas!
December 24, 2014
What are the chances? One of my most favorite broadway shows of all time... from my first musical influencer Stephen Soundhiem... "Into the Woods" became a movie to open up nationwide tomorrow on Christmas Day. It has a slew of my favorite actors, Meryl Streep, Johnny Depp, Tracy Ullman, etc... I was looking to see if it was even possible to see it anywhere before I leave for the west coast. Nope, I'm in a fairly rural area that usually does not show artistic films but then... the closest theatre to where I am staying less than an hour away... must have wanted the movie for release. I am guessing they had a contract with the distributor to open the movie on Christmas day the release date nationwide. But... the theatre will be closed on Christmas Day the largest movie going day of the year! I'm guessing they solved a contract issue. There is one showing tonight at 7pm Christmas Eve ahead of the main opening everywhere else tomorrow. I was hoping I would be the only one at the showing and can we talk syked? There were a few other people in attendance and it was a masterpiece as I knew it would be and without question a Christmas present I drew to myself through love, joy, happiness and fun. Afterwards, I stopped off to spend some Christmas Eve time with friends.
December 23, 2014
I'm feeling amazingly awesome in some ways. The choice to feel that way must be front and center. It takes constant practice. Everyday thoughts about how awesome it is to have Mo with me, they are present. I stay clear away from thoughts like... "if it wasn't for him, if he wasn't in my life, then" etc... and I find myself thanking God everyday out loud for him. I thank him for being with me. I tell him I love him. They are automatic simply verbal expressions of inner gratitude. From past life experiences I know that what I need always exists, and if one thing or person is not in place... something or someone else will appear to fill any needed void or something different, always equal or better will manifest. That has been a fact. I've been wanting to treat myself with food. Tis the season but also I want to use up what is here before I leave. The place will be empty probably for a long time. I went to the store today to get some seasonal comfort food... balance ha, I can have a little of both. One year, I'm sure its written down in this blog, I purchased for myself about five different fruit cakes via mail order. Lol
With Christmas a few days away I've decided not to leave until after. How great is that to be able to move at my own pace. It is a must for happiness and to be able to do what I do. I watched two movies yesterday. Its been awhile since I did anything like that. Candles, heaters, ice and rain outside (everyday) and I watched Ratatouille an animated film that has been on my agenda for years. It was the best! Then... Christmas Holiday, an old black and white movie from 1944. It reminded me how society is sold on lifestyle, war is a sold commodity and the only difference I can see in killing in 2014 verses 1944 is that instead of the shock, horror and fear of killing one-on-one... in todays world it is one-on-many, probably because of the advancement of automatic weapon machinery. On that note... no, I just want to say I have my moments of flipping back and forth concerning holiday feelings. They go from sad and sentimental to safe, secure, friendship filled and peaceful but.. as always as Christmas gets closer the good feelings get stronger and stronger.
December 22, 2014
Ongoing... In psyching myself up to leave the West Virginia panhandle where I have been staying to drive cross country again... it feels like the very first time, my first venture out with the journey. The only difference is the first time I did not know what to expect. I must look past those learned expectations because it takes too much energy away from what I want to accomplish and that is living in the present moment, enjoying life. This journey has not been all fine and dandy. Life is not always fine and dandy, thats just the way it is for me. Focus on fun, surprise and the unexpected no matter how grim a situation may appear at first, this is the way I must live life. I did very little in my minds eye today. It is so important to be ok with that. I can leave without being completely ready. I keep telling myself that. It will happen when I feel it when everything is in order especially my mind, or even if I am not ready. It is supposed to rain for the next few days and its Christmas well, none of that is nudging me forward. It should be. Who says? Ha. I can always leave in the rain. My departure does not need to be a perfect one.
December 21, 2014
I'm always working for clarity on the level of success that I want and the definition of success. Like I said before, the clarity also comes and goes. There is no question that I've reached many periods of total satisfaction with my life concerning what I've done. That is a wonderful thing to be able to say. It comes mostly through a sense of gratitude. Life becomes very challenging when I want to compare myself to others or emulate their successes and achievements. There is a major tendency to look at unattainable goals for myself that others have achieved and then want them for myself. Some may say all goals are attainable but there are realities... I get to choose those, only I can see my own realities. Purpose plays a part that I'd like to throw away! Ha, I keep telling myself I must have a purpose in what I'm doing but when I think that way, it is mostly all about impressing other people, wanting for them to think something specific about me. When I am clear that I could care less of what other people think and purpose is meant to be and comes through with pure intent... wow, what I accomplish is great and even greater... it is not important to me whether anyone else knows or not although there is great joy when everyone possible knows.
December 20, 2014
To keep putting myself out into the world is my life's challenge. It becomes frustrating because I have clarity about that and then consistently lose it. The how's, what's, when, where's, etc... back and forth I get it, I lose it, I get it. Knowing to share my spirit and have fun is the foundation. That has never changed. A definitive "how, what, when, where" of a mission statement has developed over the years. Is that the end? Do I stick with this purpose I have found until the end of my life? If so, I need to figure out how to stay interested because I'm coming on ten years in this present journey and... I like new and different things. The present path of "now" is full of "knowing." That creates the knowledge of positive and negative expectations. My mind naturally wants to drift towards the negative ones. It takes more energy to choose positive and even more to stay neutral and even more than that... to stay unknowing. In the unknowing state of mind, thats where all the magic happens and it is always good.
December 19, 2014
While watching The Colbert Report's last television show via the internet from Comedy Central last night I cried while wondering if I am becoming more sentimental with age or my emotions are running rampant with the Christmas season, or the idea of my hitting the road again is freaking me out. In any case, I'm really going to miss that show, it was an all-time favorite of mine. I took a shower after many days of not doing so. Ha, I wanted to see how long I could last, was preoccupied with other thoughts and energy, wanted to conserve water seeing the water level is very low in the well where I am staying and don't want to wash clothes. Washing clothes is also about conservation considering the more times I wash them the faster they wear out. Some of the reason was simply pure laziness.
To help myself get off my ass Iv'e been stripping down my present California agenda. Originally I was heading to Los Angeles to escape Christmas. The idea... to share some Christmas joy with people who live on the streets there with great purpose and distraction for myself. The homeless in LA has been on my bucket list for years. It will still happen, just not for Christmas. A little ego was present with the Christmas idea which I think is partly why I didn't push for it. I'm not going to rush anything: the fact is I do not want to. I must strip all thoughts down to the simplest as often as possible... Fun, Friendship, Respect with Musical Empowerment and Inspiration at no Cost and without Commercial, Organizational or Political affiliation. I want to use synchronicity and spontaneity to create music for people to discover.
December 18, 2014
I feel a need to comment or lash out every once in awhile online relating to other people's comments. The less I do that the better. The ramifications of being controversial in life especially with my limited tools for "tack" ha, I'm totally aware of the box it puts me into concerning relationship with other people. As far as professionally... being almost sixty years old, I'm going to die soon so what the fuck to I care? Racist or indoctrinated prejudice can really push my buttons. Today someone was going back and forth about terrorism and who is responsible, who deserves to experience it with someone who was blaming and spewing hate.
I say, "no group should take responsibility for one individual's insanity and no person should compare the insanity of an individual with groups. The answer is to stop identifying with the idea of being a "people" or all others as a "people." You are an individual self. In realizing this you will be able to begin solving problems. (unless you feel powerless) Am "I" America or the West? ...What am I? Labeling people is without question a large part of the problem. The answer is to "un-label" yourself. (unless you need to personally identify with something outside of yourself... a country, religion, liberal, conservative, etc...) No one is any more than simply a human being. When people that think they are more... (myself included) ...that causes trouble. Trouble makers think they are "special" as in being an aggressor or victim. I, nor anyone else is "special" in reality.
December 17, 2014
With a new Mp3 player (my first non-apple product in years) I figured out how to work it and transfer music onto it. That took hours! There are times through the day I can't think and can feel totally lost. Nothing new... been dealing with that my entire life. All of my improvisations from the first year, 2006 have been formatted for the player. That took forever. Now while driving across country I can listen to it all and hopefully there will be some acceptable pieces to use for possibly, whatever. Several times in the past I've begun to do this but every time I stop... well, I can't stop once I start doing a project or I get lost and have a need to start from the beginning again every time. I'm hoping it will not be too painful to listen to it all since most of my music sounds the same. With creating music on a keyboard the limitations are great concerning dynamics, depth, intensity, etc... I'd like to have something to sell musically should I ever need to go that route, hope not. Also, there is Christmas music to listen to. I know once the day after Christmas comes there is no chance of me wanting to listen to any of that for another year so now is the time. Not being around very much conventional Christmas urban stimulation where I am staying the experience of listening to the music in of itself can be personally enjoyable. I can avoid past feelings and now illusions of what should be for Christmastime today. One more... I put Chinese language learning tapes on the Mp3 player as I would still like to learn the language.
December 16, 2014
Not only am I not in LA right now as planned, I have not yet left the West Virginia panhandle! So, as I ever so slowly progress forward I'm always re-evaluating what I am doing, want to do and why... as well as how much time I have left on earth with my age. That is probably what helps everything move along so slowly. It might be a good thing. Why would I want to look at it as a bad thing? Everything I am today, everything I have accomplished in life... it took all the analyzing that I have done. It is a tricky challenge to analyze enough but not get caught up into it or so I have been told. The best scenario is to not analyze anything and just do but... part of being human is to think. Easier all said than done for me. Next thought... I'm feeling clear that I have taken a vow of poverty for life. That does not mean I do not accept riches or generosity from other people. It means I just don't want to own money or material possessions. Some might take that as not wanting responsibility. This is partly true but more importantly I enjoy my present perspective concerning what being a human being is all about. There is no way I will knowingly jeopardize my life's reality through the ownership of illusional materialism although I do want to experience and enjoy it. Along with the conscious idea of ownership comes the conscious idea of need. I do not believe it is possible to have one without the other.
December 15, 2014
The pictures for the Traveling Piano galleries are all up to date. It is never a simple task to get everything up to date but it had to be done before I leave. There are over 6,800 pictures from this year alone and 2,500 now on this third link... 2014 Part 03 ...in the galleries there are over 50,000 Traveling Piano pictures to date! The weather was not too bad today so Mo and I took a break and went to the park. As I created music I noticed Mo looking into the mountains and all around hoping someone would show up. Me too... ha, what can I say, we need people! And then it gets to a point where we need to be alone and thats the way it goes... back and forth. A couple on a hike found us right after the sun set and we had our "fix" for the day.
December 14, 2014
I've been burrowing deep. It feels like going down deep like I'm pushing myself deep into seclusion so I can spring forward as strong and far outward as possible. Every time I go through a time period like this I must focus on reality as clearly as possible. I know now from experience that it will be exhausting and a part of me will end up saying I will want to end it all, but then the exhilarating part says breath, you can take it, you love it and God... use me up. I'd rather die springing forth more than withering back. In Martinsburg, West Virginia there's a psych ward at the local hospital where my friend Jeff and I visited tonight. We were hanging out with some people in residence there. I can relate most to people who fight the fight to stay alive no matter how messed up they can be. The picture I posted today is part of a mountain that had been cut out for the highway I was using in Alabama, or maybe it was Tennessee, last month. What an awesome sight that was to see!
December 13, 2014
It does not look like I'm going to make it to Los Angeles before Christmas. Is it really necessary, no. What is necessary is leaving when I feel ready to do so. Everyday, no matter how slow I work towards leaving, it is most important to not rush or beat myself up because I'm not doing enough, fast enough. How many times I've written about this, ha... it is what it is every time I decide to "go the distance" ...somewhere. Go with the flow, thank God I can do this. A friend purchased a small table vaporizer to counteract the dry air in motel rooms for me and I purchased a small ionizer to use with it. As time goes on my tolerance of dry, musty, hot or cold forced air motel rooms... can't take it. I'm hoping these two little thingy's will help. Maybe I should also get an air cleaner for moldy smelling motel rooms!
December 12, 2014
I came across this saying today, If I am not for myself, then who will be for me. If I am only for myself, than what am I and if not now, when. It was said by some old Jewish guy about 110 BC. Words to chew on... Anyway, the anniversary of the shootings in Sandy Hook, Connecticut is coming up. Usually, I'm not into remembering horrific dates in history but I can still to this day feel the experience of being there with the Traveling Piano and a disturbance from within my spirit is still present... especially concerning how little has been accomplished to address the gun problem in this country. It makes me angry. Americans continue to censor and not allow thoughts that use words like "fuck" in public and at the same time without censorship actually condone the continuation of allowing idiots and the mentally ill who "kill" children... to own and carry guns in public. The fact that people become more incensed over using the word fuck than they do over gun killing events like in Sandy Hook, CT... thats just totally asinine. A check and balance system is needed in our society concerning gun ownership.
December 11, 2014
Everyday I try to be conscious of how to feel good, accept and live without being on the internet. Becoming dependent on it like I am as with electricity, running water and a toilet etc... I would rather not be that way with the internet. Its a huge part of my life but its not my life. I can live without it so I practice because... I am becoming less and less enchanted considering the manipulation of spirit with it and I'm not willing to go with the current flow of how it is shaping my life. Next subject... Every year there's usually at least one mouse to catch wherever I'm staying. This year none, but I've been on the lookout. For about a week now, every once in a while I've been hearing a teeny weeny little mouse like squeak. I stop to listen and then... nothing. I discovered today... its my shoe when I'm standing and lean at a certain angle!
December 10, 2014
I got a rug for this place I'm in from FreeCycle.org and then purchased a rug mat for it. Why would I do that when I'm leaving? Psychologically I'm telling myself I'll have it here to enjoy when I get back. In order to drive to Los Angeles, California I need the feeling that I have a place to return to even if I don't or everything gets destroyed from well, lets not get into that. Subconsciously, I need to have a home at this stage of the game and if I must create an illusional one so be it. Whatever I need to do in order to keep moving forward with the journey, so be it. I drove to Winchester to find a Fedex place to mail a defect hardrive back to the company and the people working at the dropoff place were incredibly friendly, dog friendly and spontaneity friendly too. A bunch of them came outside into the cold for a moment to have fun on the Traveling Piano with some musical banging and for a picture.
December 09, 2014
In thinking about LA there is a part of me that wants to "work" it, make big things happen and I know how much work it takes to make big things happen and... nothing will happen unless I make it happen. That is just the way it has always been for my life. Exactly what do I want to happen? Unfortunately when I am able to be honest, more than I'm willing to work for. Its important to keep everything real. Yea I'd like to be a big name and experience all that goes with that, get on a television show, create one, etc... the bottom line is I just want to get there (LA) and be able to say I played there. It does not matter where or for how long. Like, a minute is long enough... really, lol. A few years ago the story was different. Now, I'm just more burnt out. It is what it is. As far as developing my "brand" my "persona" etc... I must keep reminding myself constantly that I have found a passion in life that has worked and is working. I've found a niche for myself, a way to live life my way... thats working well for me. I'm doing it, my life, my way and I know how awesome that is and none of it is taken for granted. It is ok to resign myself to the fact that where I am in life, what I've accomplished is enough, especially when I do not feel a drive to do other than, or more.
I've found a way to express myself, to give and relate with others. It might be fun to do it with thousands of people at a time but one is enough... really, lol. Part of me tells myself it would be fun-r to be a major performer. Actually when I look at it there have been over 50,000 people I've already interacted with on the Traveling Piano seat and in my musical life millions, and at once... I think 40,000 was the top number but "one" is and aways has been the most significant for me. Although intimacy like I have with people on the piano seat... the thought of doing that with a large audience has always intrigued me. It would be great to be a big star, financially successful, popular, known by everyone, perfection... but it ain't gonna happen because I say so. I'm not perfect and that has been the message of this journey. It is what it is. When I'm good I can be better than perfection and when I'm bad... ugh, embarrassment, what an idiot! I don't have the consistency from within to sustain "better than perfection" for any length of time. Then again if a situation presented itself, maybe the ability would manifest. Lol, my head and its thinking... Most importantly I want to keep it real about how other people perceive me. My perception of myself, consciously must always come first and not react to, or be influenced by others unless I really, really trust them, well... "Good luck on that one, Danny."
December 08, 2014
The way my mind works, I've always had problems with it. The ability for healthy choices, they do not come my way naturally and I don't create them. I know this contradicts what I've said in the past but right now I'm in the present. When good choices do come, I call it the grace of god and when it happens I hang onto that grace for dear life using gratitude with total humility. Its back to rain, snow and ice outside. I'm looking forward to spending some time on the west coast around good looking people. I can use some stimulation which will inspire me want to present myself as best possible in every way.
December 07, 2014
The friggin' sun came out! Its the first time in over two weeks I saw the sun. Still to cold to play music, I drove to get some errands done. Later at night I hung out with friends. We are definitely driving to LA as soon as possible. I'm waiting for some mail to arrive and have some things to get done first. The goal is to create some christmas magic for people who live on the streets. I'm not really sure why I need a purpose but it is in alignment with part of my mission to go where musicians rarely go and where people never get to see a piano player play. I relate to people who have it difficult. You don't know difficult... until you live on the streets. A little bit of a "fuck you" also motivates me as a result of people who lack empathy for those who have less than they do. I can't complain about others who do not give if I don't. Also, I just want to touch base sort of and say I drove to La like I did with Key West last year. When I began this journey there was no specific goals except to connect and work with people and take what I do to a bigger level. That has happened, sort of. Anyway, I've been wanting to drive the truck with my piano on the back to Los Angeles specifically since 1987 when I started performing on it.
The anxiety and fear I've been labeling lately is really excitement. My excitement level can actually topple me, it gets so intense. I realized that while talking with friends tonight. I'll be leaving here ready or not as soon as the mail comes, just pick up and go, live in the present moment one day at a time. Do you know what tomorrow will be? Today, thats all we have, today. There will be no pressure to do anything, accomplish anything in fact I'm not going to work towards getting anything done. My goal, to get there and to enjoy myself. Like with Alaska, I knew it was "now or never." For LA, its "now or never." It will be a great distraction for any wanted holiday wallowing in neediness for myself. Friends will support me with this new leg of the journey, they always support me. I could never, ever do what I do without support. The space we identify as fear I learned in the beginning of this journey... is actually the present moment. It is a present. It is the space where miracles happen. I'm a gonna plunge right into the present moment, whatever... again. Wish I could live in it always. (as long as I am conscious not to identify it as fear) Breath...
December 06, 2014
Yesterday was the doggiest day ever. Mo and I went for a walk between the rain showers. Mo ran to catch a scent and returned having rolled inside a dead animal. I could smell him from over 500 yards away. It was much worse than imaginable. Think what the stench would be like while being stuck in a closed closet with a dead skunk. That would be like smelling sweet lavender perfume compared to Mo today. Worse... he came running back with gooey, stringy red guts hanging from his mouth while swallowing whatever it was left before he got to me and now... its fart time, still. Ugh! Luckily, my friend Paul appeared out of no where. I put Mo in the back of the truck and covered it and him under the tarp while we drove to Paul's house. I thought with the truck in motion should I still be able to smell him in the back??? Paul pulled a garden hose out of his shed, got some shampoo, towels and helped me clean him.
His wife and also my friend Joanne, she knows I use candles and "Candle Loved" me. She has a business that is becoming more successful everyday making and selling all natural soy candles (long lasting, no smoke) Pet stores are now stocking them because the melted candle wax doubles as a healthy pet lotion for the pads of dog feet and the scents cover dog odor. They are sometimes called massage candles because the soy lotion also works as a skin lotion. What will they think of next? Anyway... she gifted me with an entire box of candles. (I use them while on the road to create a warm feeling in motel rooms) She also brought me a "Lucky Dog" tea shirt from her last vacation! Ahh... friends
December 05, 2014
Since I began playing the piano on my truck in 1987 and especially this journey began in 2006, I have had a dream to drive coast to coast specifically to Los Angeles. I've accomplished the coast to coast more than once but never specifically to Los Angeles. There have been two attempts but I was derailed each time, in good ways. It has become very clear to me that goals are great but life exists in the process, so goals are not so most important to me. Its a long, long story but... I have wanted to pitch my wildest dream to Oprah and have the world meet Bo, now Mo... on national television for the one hundred percent ridiculous fun factor. Also, I'd like to experience some of what Hollywood has to offer with the Traveling Piano. Then in later years the idea of pitching a television show entered into the agenda. For the last few years my desire has turned to wanting to hang out with people living on the streets of LA to create some Fun, Friendship and most importantly, Respect.
December 04, 2014
There is a feeling of urgency with Christmas coming on. Its not the first time over the years. As time moves on I'm feeling more and more sentimental concerning old feelings and they make me feel crazy with desire. I'm wanting the experience of Christmas that is in my brain. The fact that for almost sixty years I think I have had every Christmas feeling possible and more than once with family, friends, strangers, alone, not alone, distracted, full of it for myself, etc... I'm thinking the sentimental feeling comes from the love surrounding it all. Before piano dog Boner passed I realized I was attaching lose and abandonment to my love for him. I began working on that for myself two years before he passed, the idea of enjoying him in the present moment and keeping the love pure without attachment. I did a great job with that and also attribute piano dog Mo being in my life as a result, totally. So... I have less than a month to attach love to the Christmas/New Year season without distracting attachments to bring me down. As always, I feel up to the task.
December 03, 2014
For the past few days my anxiety and fear level has been raising up. When that happens I don't know what to do with myself. Mo helps me to feel secure in not being alone but thats not the problem. I get too frozen to do any suggested things like exercise, call someone and talk with them, create a distraction for myself with reading, doing something for someone else, etc... even food or getting off in some way doesn't help and the medication route just does not work for me enough so... I'm sitting and then it dawns on me... you have not been creating enough music, thats your therapy and its yours, you create it for yourself and enjoy doing that, it is full of your own uniqueness and you can fully accept it for yourself to release or take in... whatever. My improvisational music is my own personal discovery, one of the few things in the world truly my own from and of myself. I began creating some music and of course it helped. It amazes me that I do not remember to do that for just every solution in my life because it always works. Sometimes my life must be full of remembering to remember.
December 02, 2014
Its been raining and icing outside and in times like this I tend to ramble. If I read internet news enough in times like this, the rambling becomes angry self-rightness pontification. You'd think I would choose better ways to distract myself from boring... me. I was telling a girl last week who was trying out music on the Traveling Piano for the first time how learning to speak your music, your language takes only a minute a day and how it takes two minutes to take a shit. Everyone can find one minute in their day. That was one of my first thoughts when I began so thats why I share it. I share what worked for me with others. Some people respond with, "I never thought of it that way" "your right" or "it takes me longer to take a shit" but this girl said, "I'll need to get a keyboard for my bathroom." lol... I've been thinking about how my human fulfillment comes from the embracement of my spirit as individual. It is easy to say we are all one of, or part of a whole but... can we accept that each and every person is also separate, different and... acceptance of this fact is good and worthy?
December 01, 2014
Learning a sense of acceptance concerning other peoples relationships... for example when a person decides to love someone and the loved person becomes dysfunctional in someway... some functional people choose to continue to love and take care of the dysfunctional even though they are broke. Even if the broken person knows they are broken, maybe they don't want to do anything about it, still some functional people get enjoyment from continuing to love and take care of them broken or not. Some functional people continue to enjoy loving and taking care of dysfunctional, broken people even when they are being used by them and know it. Who am I to judge what someone else enjoys, what their definition of satisfaction is? I am no one to judge. I don't know whats going on in the bigger scheme of life for them hell, I can't always figure out whats going on in my bigger scheme. My job is to observe and want to be supportive and helpful especially if the care taker tells me they enjoy the relationship they are in broken or not. Some people enjoy working with what is dysfunctional or broken. If thats a persons "cherry" what better than to do that with another human being? Now... if I see the functional person breaking apart themselves as a result of loving and taking care of someone else, as a friend I tell them but it does not need to be in relationship with whatever they are relating too thats breaking them. Lol, I'm getting lost in my own banter. Its all about value, what value there is in relationship, how much value, loss of value, how much of no value can a person take. Bottom line... my job is to love others in relationship with myself, not judge them with their relationships to others.