HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
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September 30, 2014
If you asked me what I did today, I couldn't tell you. I was lost in my head... and took a few pictures of wild flowers. Sometimes I think about how I learned with Piano Dog Boner that I attached feelings of lose and abandonment with my love. I talked about that some years ago and worked to separate the two. The results were totally sucessful. Now with Piano Dog Mo, even though he has I hope, still many years with me, there will be a different challenge and much larger and I don't even have a clue to what it is but... I know if he left me now I'd be in big trouble emotionally. The one biggest gift of this journey and it came in the start. I will never feel alone. Which was a life long pathology. I still feel like there is no one who cares, no one to talk with (that I want to talk with at any given time) but I know I am not alone and there are people who care weather I know it in the moment or not.
September 29, 2014
Cacapon State Park, West Virginia
It was an easy day. We drove to the vortex at Cacapon State Park and no one was around. Then my friend Alleson showed up with her pup. She was so glad to find us and said she was there the day before hoping we would be there. I've been experiencing people looking for us in places and people finding us like a prize more intensely then ever before. I forget the name of her dog but Mo and he got along really well playing and they both got on top of the piano for a picture. I can't tell whats happening with the leaves on the trees. Some are bright with color, some most of the leaves have dropped off and many have not even begun to change color.
September 28, 2014
Berkeley Springs, West Virginia
Wow, I got the website updated today back from when I got sick earlier in the month. It has become a lot of work, an improvisational music piece, the pictures and writing everyday... since 2006! Lol My energy is not totally back yet so everything is still exhausting. Susan the towns mayor and I had planned to meet in the early afternoon as she has some local properties she wanted to show me. Mind you, I have no money left but do need a home and not in a trailer or tiny apartment please. Also, I've had this music spa therapy idea in my head for over a year. If money does not come in to continue the journey I'll have to create some... somehow, and a place in this area for a musical spa would be perfect. I've never been stupid with this journey. I'm always thinking and planning on some level in order to survive. I seriously wonder if I can go back into a money making grind after almost nine years of giving and working without compensation. Anyway, when I first got to the spot we were to meet today, Susan was not there. Coincidentally or synchronistically however you want to interpret it, other friends happen to be right there. We had a time with the piano and as they were about to leave another close friend showed up with her family. That was really amazing and then as they were about to leave Susan showed up. After that... there were several really interesting encounters. I woman I met awhile back found us. She told me she had contributed some money last year when I was in trouble with the truck engine and was impressed that I thanked her. As you can see from the pictures, there are not a lot of people around in this area, so to have so many connect with me for different reasons from different areas far and near in so many ways one by one, one after another well, its just not something I can blink away.
I told her it was easy to thank her because so few people answered my call for help! But no matter how many people I would never ever accept a contribution without thanking someone... anyone, even if it was a thousand people. Then another couple found us from Maryland and mentioned they had received an email a few years ago from me asking for help. I told them it had to have been from last year because that was the one and only time ever that I asked for help since I sold my home to fund this journey. It was strange for two random people to bring that up one after another on the street today. Especially since I've only been on the street something like three times in the last two years and the one couple was not from the area. So anyway, I asked the couple if they had contributed. They said no but wanted to now! Ha, that has happened several times over the last year. I accepted the twenty bucks with gratitude and we had fun together! Then something most amazing happened. I closed my eyes and began to create music for myself. It felt like forever since I did that. After awhile a women came up to me and said, "excuse me, I don't know you, I don't know what your about, I don't understand what your doing but I'm up in the apartment across the street and had to come down to get clean with you. I have not wanted to like you." She said she had wanted to attach negative motives to who I am and what I do like I'm a loser, trying to manipulate people, scam somehow, etc... She said, she was up there walking around in her apartment saying to herself, "stop the noise, stop the playing, I want him to stop... that beautiful music!" She hated it so good! The music got to her. She said, "your piano playing is the most beautiful piano playing that I could ever possibly imagine hearing." She began to trust me and my intent through the music and needed to address that fact for herself with me. She could not resist liking me through the music. Total awesomeness...
September 27, 2014
Berkeley Springs, West Virginia
Yesterday, I did push myself totally. I need to figure out whether I've been nursing a lazy state of mind or if I am not pushing myself enough. Feeling totally physically drained and somewhat disoriented... not to mention the emotional drain on many levels from yesterday... I headed out before the sun set to push myself further. I need to know wether this journey is ending because I cannot physically do it anymore or what. I'd rather push myself physically while I have a place to stay. Becoming incapacitated with no place to stay in a strange place, while not knowing anyone with limited money... that would not be good. I was driving around checking out some local yard sales. It is Indian summer here in West Virginia. The weather is warm and sunny and I did not want to miss any of it. I started to feel really sick again and then that passed. I headed up a road and met a family who lost a young daughter at this time last year. We had a good talk. Mom and dad were piano/picture shy but their young son got up to try out some playing. The houses around were all the same family and the matriarchal mother lives in one of them. Coincidentally I had met here two weeks ago in the local park lodge dinning room.
She was hostess but also helping the waitresses. I gave a huge tip to the waitress with instructions to tip her a quarter of it because she was so spirited in helping... still in her eighties. She never got the tip. You can be sure I'm going to confront that waitress next time I'm in the lodge! After that Mo and I headed into town for what I had no idea. Yes I did, I had to create some music somewhere its been way too long. I felt a little stupid but just pulled up to a curb and began playing. The mayor found us. I've met her twice before and although our politics are extremely opposite there is something about her that I really like. I can tell she is a loving woman who cares. So we had a nice time while next to. Their was a pre high school prom happening. It was a general gathering for pictures by the town gazebo. A few kids gravitated over to where we were and so of course I invited a couple onto the piano. Then everyone began to drift over. I'm really glad it was getting dark and I was too exhausted to give anyone attention so all my focus and energy went on the people I was interacting with. Basically, no one else was in existence. It felt really good to get going with the musical part of this journey again.
September 26, 2014
I'm absolutely sick and tired of being sick and tired. The truck has been packed and loaded for a week. Mo and I took off for Philadelphia to give stuff to my friend Cindy who is moving into a new house today. I can't feeling comfortable staying with anyone. It has become a psychological problem for this journey. I drove to Philly. iIt took five hours. After unloading the truck, I took a nap, had dinner and drove back to West Virginia another five hours. I needed to get back to my comfort zone. Not that is comfortable in a physical way or secure for me in anyway as a home but it is what I presently know, am familiar with. Am I going crazy? After the days exhaustion I still could not get to bed until the sun began to rise. I'm almost over being sick but not totally.
September 25, 2014
I have stuff coming in the mail and everything here is delivered at mailboxes on the road a mile away up a hill. I hope my stuff isn't sitting there or returned to the post office. The Traveling Piano is loaded with stuff to drive to Philly for my friend Cindy's new house. I hope it doesn't rain because I can't put the cover on. Maybe I'm staying sick to avoid going to Philly. There's no food left in the house so I'm going to have to get going sick or not!
September 24, 2014
Ok, I've been sick for a week now. I've been sort of nursing the illness because I can and am wondering if thats why its been going on for so long... also the air in this place where I've been staying is not the healthiest, also I have been physically active even though I've also been sleeping allot but I've been taking vitamins, drinking water, etc... So, I need to stop trying to over analyze the situation. It is what it is. To finish up with yesterdays thoughts... I really don't want the responsibility that comes with owning money... the taxes, paying bills, working and dealing with people to make it all happen and then keep it all going. Maybe I'm only thinking this way because I don't have any and its a good rationalization for being lazy. Then I think stupid stuff like, "your going to die soon anyway so why amass a fortune now you won't be able to enjoy it" or "you just want to be needy and get other people to live out your needs for you instead of taking responsibility for yourself or so you can feel validated and reassured in a twisted way about your own worth through others." Lol, I need to get healthy... out of bed and back to work!
September 23, 2014
Money can create happiness but it is not necessary in order to live a full and happy life. I constantly remind myself of this. Many things can create just as much and more happiness without money being involved. I've been thinking about a vow of poverty which does not mean being poor but about the continue sharing of everything in common. That is what I have been doing from the start of this journey. The journey was supposed to end when piano dog Bo died. Then the end switched to when the original money left over from the sale of my home runs out. (the time has come) There are many options concerning money. I can create and sell books, photos, music, the story, a screenplay, television series, etc... There is no question in my mind that I can make as much money as I want... if I choose to use money... to continue the journey. There is a tendency to think that money is a necessity for life. This is simply not true. It all depends on the life I want. Quality of life does not depend solely on money and I can have a fantastic life with no money at all. I can enjoy what other people have manifested from money. I'd rather use other peoples money. HA! A vow of poverty for me is about living without money as the source of security in order to live a happy and fulfilling life. It is about giving up the idea of owning property or material possessions. I have been doing that because I know that having property and possessions, thats all a passing illusion of happiness or security.
September 22, 2014
I have always tried to "give" in thinking other people would give back naturally. Then I realized that was a "condition" with my giving. It involves having strings attached with expectation of unconscious obligation in getting back something because I gave. That was my families style of life big time. I held onto that idea of giving until my "well ran dry." Then, my thinking went to... "give only to givers." So, someone had to give to me first and then they could have the world, all of me. It was still a conditional exchange. I give because I need other people to give or act with me, for me, etc... I am really talking about exchange in order to survive in fulfillment and happiness. The best way for me to give is simply for the sake of giving. I have to give first because everything starts with me, I am the original spirit of myself, everything comes from within to outward. I sometimes think, "what do I have to give to this situation" and then whatever that is, whatever is needed comes naturally. There's no thinking about or looking for anything needed. What do I have to give to my survival which is really... what do I have to give to my fulfillment and happiness today.
To "give for"... "forgive" ...some people give their life. These are just random thoughts. I'm in bed sick. Mo is keeping good company with me.
September 21, 2014
I'm not to sure what I think about the "Life is a Lesson" concept although the idea helps to make it more interesting. Constantly I grapple with money, working, exchange in order to live. I got away from the "Chasing the Buck" idea. The idea of money just coming to me or finding ways to work for it, for the fun of it... that has not existed. The idea of work was taught to me with drama, necessity... and desperation, manipulation, control for survival was attached. I always knew that was wrong for me and have thought that business is business, it is not people. My interests have always been more about people. Business is money and selling and not playful for me although I do think it is possible to teach an old dog new tricks.
September 20, 2014
Since I'm feeling crappy with a flu or something I posting some crappy thoughts from the past. Ha...
In my family, if one person suffered than everyone else was supposed to suffer along. It showed a being "part of"... "oneness"... the "sharing of" in order to show support and togetherness to ease the burdens. This was what sharing was about. You suffered in life in order to gain redemption in order to get into heaven. The loyalty was in the not letting go of the support in suffering. Support the suffering by suffering in, with and through. With many people in life it was... be part of the noise in my life. Share in relationship with me the emotional drama of pain, frustration, anger, chaos, fear, projection and neediness... where the excitement is. That last sentence... I was really good at all that for a long time. It was a habit until I became conscious and then I realized it served no purpose. Still, daily I work to keep the "noise" out of my head. The family, community, religious, suffering... I was never interested in supporting suffering. It was clear to me from the start that I am not in this world to suffer. To live life in order to bare the burdens of it as a test to see how much I can take, do you know that God never gives you more than you can handle stuff? Thank God I escaped that kind of thinking.
September 19, 2014
This is a good time to post some thoughts I wrote in the past and must have been in a pissy mode when I wrote this... There has never been a friend in my life who has not turned their dysfunction onto me at one time or another. Every person alive has dysfunction of some sort. No matter how bad the dysfunction I have become a recipient. If I was friends with someone who murdered on an occasional basis eventually, I would be murdered by them no doubt about it. If I accept and embrace other peoples shit with or for them to be helpful... I become shit. That is the way of my life. It is what it is. I become the people, places and things I am around. You can call it a sickness of mine. I just deal with it the best that I can. Since this journey started I have been learning to move away from all sickness. When shit comes my way I move on while staying as vulnerable and more educated for the next life experience. What I do is not shut down but keep moving, stay open and as aware as possible.
September 18, 2014
While spending time with a friend I caught whatever they had. A cold, flu... I have no idea but I know they were feeling miserable and I can feel whats coming... there's no getting out of it I'll just have to go through it. Damm! I'm getting sick.
September 17, 2014
Mo and I had an early start this morning. It was at 10am because I did not want to waste any time on this last day with my friend Becky visiting. We were originally going to head to Shepherdstown, West Virginia but the journey's flow kept taking us in different directions then we intended all day. We started out in the local park so I decided to begin with a drive to the top of Cacapon mountain to its overlook just to make sure it happened because we might not get back into the area until after dark. On arrival at the top there was a car there and I thought someone must be on a hike but when I pulled up to park, I discovered a guy sitting with a hood over his head on a rock in front of us. Over to the right a woman was walking around taking pictures. She looked at me and wiggled her fingers in a wave. I asked, "Is that my friend Tammy?" It was in fact and then her husband Bruce turned around from sitting on the rock. It was one of the most interesting and strangest of encounters but typical with this vortex where we were. I've had several almost unbelievable encounters here over the years, they are all documented in this blog. First of all, I don't think I've ever been out and about this area this early in the morning and Tammy had not been there for over a year. Along with a personal history that I will not go into here, well... it was just all very bizarre.
Next, we were again on our way to Shepherdstown and became distracted with a roadside rib-stand where the owner Lee Roy struck up some time with the Traveling Piano along with other locals. After that we turned away from our original direction and drove to Winchester, Virginia where I took Becky to a famous civil war cemetery and then we got some italian food to take back to the cabin for dinner. I was too exhausted to create any more music or share the Traveling Piano with anyone. In Montana, Becky and I did not really get to know each other. Over the last year its was all by phone and online. She wanted to see for herself if I was the "real thing" and had never seen what I do in real life with the Traveling Piano hence our visit, ha! I'm fairly certain I passed the test.
September 16, 2014
Mo and I spent the day with my friend Becky visiting from Montana. I had met her briefly in 2010 when I was there (post Bo pre Mo) and we have struck up a friendship over the last year. I was a little hesitant in spending time with her personally because we can both push each others buttons emotionally in not good ways. It was a fulfilling day I really enjoyed her company. We drove around to sight see the area then went to my favorite river spot in Hancock, Maryland. A couple of guys found us who have been friends, home grown in the area for their entire lives. It was obvious they have had difficult lives. Totally raw people my favorite kind and totally into adventure and trying new things like... playing the piano for the first time ever. My friend Becky has been a life long piano player and so she had more difficulty in "playing around" with music. She is used to structure and sheet music but she pushed through and explored musical notes on her own too.
On the way back to where we are staying we stopped in Berkeley Springs for a few minutes of music and a guy came up to me who has seen us around in the past. He had a wire sculpture of a motorcycle that he had created and wanted to give it to me as a present with a spirit of sharing as I do with fun, friendship and respect... without wanting anything in return. Is that great or what? Still, in the back of my mind I did what other people do with me. I was feeling some doubt like there had to be a catch, like he had hoped I would have offered him some money for it or something. What the hell's wrong with me? "Danny... just accept the gift and trust the unconditional nature (possibility), the gesture offered in kind, the pay it forward attitude shared like you want other people to trust about you!" He was the real deal.
September 15, 2014
My friend Becky has come to visit. I went into the center of town to meet her and after some confusion we made the hookup. She originally was going to stay in the place where I've been staying but its better she got a room at the local lodge for several reasons, one the water supply here is not reliable. Mo took to her immediately. He was in her lap longer than with anyone else and he kept looking at me to check to see if it was ok, if I was getting jealous. I think he was trying to bait me and finally he came over and submissively jumped into my lap with love. While on the street in town waiting I met with a group of kids for some piano time. On the whole the town of Berkeley Springs is empty, all the stores closed, practically no people, nothing around.
September 14, 2014
I'm taking care of myself as much as possible. There has been a television show, The Bridge that I have been watching... bingeing on the first two seasons and its really a negative show full of nothing but total violence in every way possible but I can't stop watching it. For sure it affects me. When I began this journey I ended every night with a half hour of comedy so I know the difference and how what I put into my mind does affect me. It is what it is. With still feeling a little weak and after cleaning around the place where I'm staying, Mo and I took a drive to the park to play with a ball and to create some music before the sun set. Mo is helping to keep me alive... his company, companionship, consistent playful readiness, his desire for relationship, exercise, fun, friendship and respect helps keep me aware of the joy that is life. While at the park we met a couple from near Washington DC taking a walk and spent sometime with them.
September 13, 2014
I'm sick. It doesn't happen too often but more than usual lately. When I get sick, death comes to mind. Anyway, last night I spent some time with friends, one of which I knew had been sick, also when I took my walk with Mo I really pushed myself almost to the point of running (too much). Getting sick could be from the stress I'm feeling about a friends coming to visit or the going through and letting go of more stuff that I have had stored. Maybe I just randomly got sick, maybe its because I've been practically starving myself all week or subconscious worrisome thoughts about the future, maybe its a little of everything... in any case its not fun.
September 12, 2014
Berkeley Springs, West Virginia
While keeping in mind the journeys... "Fun, Friendship and Respect" we drove into town to use the laundromat. How are those two thoughts related? The journey is woven into the hassles of everyday life. There is not enough water in the well to use for clothes where I am staying and the waters dirty anyway. It has been years since I used a laundromat and they are now more expensive than ever! How do people without money survive? Ha, the same way I do I suppose... it just happens. It was $4.75 for a load and .50 every eight minutes to dry. Can you imagine the needs for a family with kids, how much that would cost several times weekly? Anyway, while I was waiting for the clothes to dry I drove over to the local produce stand to get a couple of tomatoes. I discovered the owner is a musician, christian singer from a local popular music family and she was more than enthusiast about getting onto the piano for some fun, I mean fun enough that I ended up driving her in and around and out of town while she sat on the back of the truck singing and playing during Friday rush hour. There was only one impatient driver who passed us with a "can you drive any slower"? We were doing almost the speed limit so I thought, screw him! Lol Afterwards I picked up some water from the towns well to drink with some gallon container jugs and then Mo and I drove to the park to create music just by and for ourselves. We also took a walk.
September 11, 2014
Today was fine. I woke at six in the morning. That has happened less than ten times since the journey began. I once was going to make it routine. Lol, did some work went back to bed for a two hour nap, told myself there was nothing wrong with what was happening. My sleep patterns are off for many reasons. After pushing myself through some work Mo and I went to the park for a walk and I created music into the night. More and more I find myself closing my eyes when I create music. Still doing the food intake watch, a friend is coming to visit which unnerves me almost to death the idea of relating to someone on a close level for several days, the water here where I am staying is inconsistent so the idea of losing water again is making me paranoid as I'm afraid to use it, sure wish I had the cushions (financially and home-wise) to fall back on that I used to have. This living life as a "free spirit" (which was only in other people's minds anyway) is not working anymore. I mean more "me" in my head being happy with everything else that is still working. I've been allowing myself to be distracted with meaningless "stuff."
September 10, 2014
Food withdrawal, I'm being very careful to drink a lot of water, get my fruits and protein, etc... my recommitment to this journey includes being lighter in weight a core, humongous life long challenge where I ebb and flow with success and failure. Someone affectionally labeled me as portly in a blog a few years ago. That will not do for my life. I've got to get to Los Angeles with the Traveling Piano and its not going to be as a portly old man or how I've been seeing myself as Uncle Fester from the old television show, Adams family. As I spent time with my friend Dawn I began acting out on her with frustration, then thought, "how the hell am I going to continue interacting with people?" After creating some music along a river in Maryland I felt a little better. I ran into a woman there who met piano dog Boner and I in 2010 on the western side of Maryland. We drove off to the local school in Berkeley Springs to walk. Exercise is as important as the food I eat. I was sitting in the cab getting my head together while eating some nuts when a group of kids came over. "Do you have a piano under the tarp, can we play on it?" I was so not in the space to do that but thank God I still have my passion for this journey and told them to start taking off the snaps while I took a deep breath to get going. I always feel better with some Traveling Piano interactions. Then the walk, then to bed.
September 09, 2014
It was raining today and this music came through me. Its 2:20 minutes long.
September 08, 2014
As of today I am recommitting myself to this journey. It must be a 100% commitment in order to proceed. I am aware of how easy it is for me to embrace the idea of not being capable and also draw people into my life and create situations to use as validation that I am not capable. Thats the easy way out and is a cop out I've used on myself over and over throughout life. I always knew I could be a world renowned pianist if I wanted to be. I've also always known that it would take 100% of me and I have too many other interests. Also, I've known I could easily be a millionaire but have never had an interest in money enough to pursue it totally. Maybe that will change someday? I doubt that because it took me fifty years to know who I am and what I am about. I'm clear. I can, I will, I want to put one hundred percent of myself into this journey and always have. What this journey is... has been written about over and over so I have no needed to rehash specifics. I found a cemetery to create music in at dusk tonight. How nice and beautiful it was. The first place I ever created a note of my own music was in a cemetery.
September 07, 2014
It was off to Winchester, Virginia feeling like an angry bear because I had to deal with my new camera that was acting defective. I purchased it in July from Best Buy, a company I'm already angry with for other reasons. I kept saying the serenity prayer for peace of mind so that I did not complicate the situation with my demands, anger, frustration, projections of what is wrong, assumptions, etc... The guy could not exchange the camera and it was too late to get a protection plan (i'm against those anyway) but he had his camera guy mess around with it who knew little but... he did move a switch and the problem was solved. I am positive that the serenity prayer did the job, the answer came through peace of mind.
Being a beautiful day, Mo and I drove to the park for some music. It is not a coincidence that I have been feeling like a bear seeing that I have not played the piano in almost a week. Once the music started my life switched to love. There were a group of women having a cookout nearby and they shared there children's love with the Traveling Piano as well as their food with me which was phenomenal. They were all Arab and Muslim from Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Egypt and Syria. So much I wanted to get their picture with the Traveling Piano but for many reasons they were reluctant. We all had a very special time. Several of the kids, Noora, Hassn and Hashem kept calling me by first name which felt very personal, friendly and intimate. I really liked that. We met other people too. Mo and I took a walk, did some errands and it turned out to be a good day.
September 06, 2014
I am always dealing with relationships. There is an aspect of my relating specifically with woman that has been puzzling throughout life. I am understanding better through time. The puzzle is about people in relationships where alcoholism is involved but are not alcoholic themselves. Those who have been affected by others with the disease of alcoholism, if they become afflicted themselves from the "ism" of the disease... without help suffer worry and fear for and about the alcoholic as well as for themselves. The fearful worries are actually self-centered. They are transferred onto the alcoholic physically, mentally and spiritually through assumptions and projections. Being naturally prone to the "ism" of the disease the alcoholic tends to join in and takes on the assumptions and projections about themselves and yet fights them relentlessly because they are not his own. He has enough self hatred without needing to add more onto himself through the worry of others. Ultimately he uses the "ism's" of others as an excuse to drink. For the non-alcoholic affected with the "ism" of alcohol, if they become sick enough themselves, through time emotional denial sets in. Often their worrisome behaviors concerning the disease is unconscious, especially if it is embedded from past experience or is generational. A circle of denial manifests from one or both parities separately or together. Back and forth a pattern of filling the relationship with an ever growing underlying resentment full of more fear, confusion and insanity sets in. Arguments ensue with remorse and promises never to repeat again. Both parties desperately seek to control in denial of the disease and through manipulation, a common sense that cannot exist. Dysfunctional relating ensues unless outside help is sought individually by both parties involved. Myself as a person in recovery for over thirty years, I am still to this day prone to falling into personal relationships with people who suffer from the "ism" of alcoholism. I tend to look for care and understanding from them through illusional worry and a false sense of concern that is really self-centeredness from within both of us.
September 05, 2014
I drove to Philadelphia from West Virginia five hours, dropped off stuff for my friend Cindy and her mom Pat's new home, had dinner and drove back. It was crazy but... well, I can't tell how much is me or fact... I didn't feel like I had any place to stay. I could have taken the mattress from one house and used my sleeping bag on it in the empty new house because they have not moved in but I have been resisting big time what I've set up in my mind as uncomfortable concerning sleeping conditions. I am so happy for Cindy who has been working through the same spiritual principals I work with. It took her eight years to manifest this dream of owning a house. On the way back the moon was phenomenal I think my eyes were on it more than the road. I blared pop music radio out the window for the first time in many years and it was really enjoyable. Now the trick will be to not listen to pop music for another five years so the music will be all new again. You know how they repeat the same music over an over? The smell of cow shit polluted the air more than I can ever remember. It was warm and hazy for the entire ride back. The clear air, sounds of locusts in the night, in the woods of West Virginia was wonderful to return to after only a few hours in the city and on the road.
September 04, 2014
Long term emotional, intimate relationships with individual people has always been a challenge for me. I do have a few. While talking with my friend John today who I've known for over thirty years well, we were talking about the end of my finances with this journey and death. I have no problem with death. I said many years ago with this journey how if I died back then I want the world to know I have been totally fulfilled, lived way beyond the wildest of dreams. I have goals yet to be accomplished with this journey but I know that it is all about the process not the goals. Goals are not even necessary for a happy life. The goals give me my process. In of themselves they are nothing, its the process towards them that matters. Back to death, I have always ninety five percent jokingly said that when the money runs out if it does, I'll just go to Maine and start walking into the woods to Neverland with the moose. Ha, yesterday I was thinking about maybe just walking into the woods until I am so tired to the point of where I lay down and fall asleep until I cannot feel the bugs crawling into my nose. Lol, John asked me if I was going to blog that. Of course!
September 03, 2014
My life is in a total flux. So whats new? Living in the flow of life I am vacillating through circumstances constantly. I must drive to Philadelphia Friday as my friend Cindy has a new home and I have things to take to her. I've been liquidating other things by giving then to a friend. I've been doing this for eight friggin' years! To load up the truck used to take an hour. It now takes five. I'm stuck with not being able to decide where to go and what to do with little funds left. I'm thinking I might need to stop the overall commitments for the journey as they have been.
September 02, 2014
It was so hot and humid today and I did get water running from the well where we are staying but... well... I've been ahh... don't even want to talk about it... same old same old.
September 01, 2014
Jesus, its September and... Labor Day. My friend Chad came over to where I am staying with his wife and son and daughter to help me with my water situation. After he checked some things out, we drove an hour to Winchester, Virginia to get a new well pump. It cost $365 which is a large chunk to put out with so little left but I feel its the right thing to do for my friends who have been sharing this place with me unconditionally and without any expense. Chad was here to help as a friend. To pull a pump from a well is a big ordeal so several people are needed. We found there was another part for the pump needed half way through the work so Jennifer, Chads wife drove back to Winchester, another hours drive each way. I felt emotional and a bit dumbfounded that this entire family was spending their holiday helping me out. It has only been a few times in my life that I experienced the feeling they gave me of worth, being cared for and about... unconditionally, not because it was for Jesus, or I needed it, or because of any other reason except that they like me and wanted to help me. They want for me to be able to stay in the area. Tonight I went to take a shower and found there is still a problem with the water so this is going to be ongoing. As difficult as it is to believe after all these years I still have some stuff stored here from my past life. (pre-journey) I took a lot of it to Dawns, another friend so she can maybe sell it and get some rent money for herself from it. Stuff like, I let go of my families black dialup phone that is like fifty years old and I have used since I was a child, office materials I thought I might one day use again, etc... Ha. It was another hot, muggy, humid day and I could not get to a friends house to take a shower. I can not feel and smell more scuzzy.