HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
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August 31, 2014
The sun was out, it went in and rained, the sun was out, it went in and rained, its hot, its humid, I've had no water for over a week which is such a pain in the ass after a sweaty day. My friend Cindy and her mom who own this place just moved into a new home in Philadelphia so I am getting stuff ready to take to them to use in the new home. I'm astounded at how much less I can physically do than just a few years ago. So my entire day, unpacking, sorting, packing, sweating, filling up water for the toilet from a trash can outside I filled from a friends house... went into town for drinking water... ugh.
August 30, 2014
I could not have been more fragmented in my brain today but still, I managed to get a lot done. There was a lot of kissing and flirting with the Traveling Piano. I spent time with a friend in both Hancock, Maryland and also Berkeley Springs, West Virginia and also took a shower at another friends house because I have no water where I am staying. The well went dry. The pump burned out. When I am over situations like today I realize what people are perceiving and I'm just thankful they don't know how good the situation really good be! Lol (If I wasn't so fragmented) I know they loved our interaction but it bothers me that I could do so much better in relating. I used to be able to do more.
August 29, 2014
The strongest thought on my mind in this moment is how I ran into a friend today who gave me twenty bucks, not because he has it to give... or thinks I need it... but because he knows I'm going through a transition and knows the value of support, being a part of, that I don't make any money with my work and financial support can sometimes equal emotional support for me. I was at my usual spot in a park and someone I met with the Traveling Piano did the same thing. It was a woman with her mother and before they left she asked if she could contribute. She told me she didn't even bring her pocketbook but in her hand had a twenty dollar bill to get some ice cream with her mother and wanted now to give that to me. This was a rare happening so I attribute it to a power greater than myself, god, the universe, jesus christ and all the others, being part of all, etc... sending validation and reassurance. Why not? Its better than simply saying it was just a coincidence. I use every opportunity, every tool I can lay my mind into in order to keep going. Time has shown me that events no matter how small... that some people deem simply as positive coincidence can also become everyday life. Life can be one positive coincidence. It can also be whatever I make it out to be in my mind and in fact... it is.
I met two other people in my short time in the park. One was a woman in a state of elation, happiness. As a religious pentecostal she had a huge spiritual awakening two weeks ago that changed her life. We talked about it and she spoke about not living the bible as law but as God's grace, as in having a life without judgment for herself or anyone else. The other person was a guy who almost died three weeks ago. I knew before he said a word exactly where he was mentally, spiritually and also physically. Many guys have crossed my path with the Traveling Piano after having had near death experiences in a variety of ways. They are always completely open to whatever life is offering them and life is a good because thats what they have gratitude for. So along with hanging out with friends later on, I feel safe. I want never to lose the validation and reassurance life has to offer and shows and exemplifies in order to enjoy the present state of being in heaven here on earth.
August 28, 2014
I've been craving a fresh beefy tomato, lettuce, cheese and mayo sandwich on white bread... craving satisfied! In fact, I had two!! Also, two hummingbirds flew to the window today and that was in two different places. (hummingbird history here) Trying to function and stay presentable with my work, to keep a focus on the journey along with all the other survival issues going on like a roof over my head, cleanliness, etc... as a young kid this stuff was a piece of cake! lol... But it is all ok when I approach everything one step at a time and with gratitude (like I don't have to worry too much about the truck engine today) and the decision to enjoy life under any and all circumstances... I remind myself it IS simply a decision. Living without water coming from a facet or anywhere else, a challenge for sure!
August 27, 2014
Friends have been coming through for me. I have a couple places to shower and get water. Water in one spot for the toilet, in another spot for drinking, in another spot for utility uses like washing my hands cleaning dishes (three tubs for all that)... and then remember which is which, dyslexia. Even if I write it on the containers I still get confused. Its times like now that I wish I had good neighbors. No water to be had and everyone living nearby is simply a zero. A friend shared with me in a plastic baggie some of their "Monkey Butt Powder." Just in case I get too sweaty "you know where" and can't get to a shower for a few days. It helps to keep the groin area dry. Lol... Ugh! One step at a time. Remember the truck engine last year? That all worked out so this will too. Needless to say it won't be long before I'm on the road again to where I know not. I did get to play piano for a very short time today in town. I met a girl named Lydia who just graduated from film school. Would love to get a short video to use as a teaser for some interviews if I go in that direction. She was with her little brother and her dad stopped by and then it began to rain.
August 26, 2014
I was feeling scared shitless and that can be looked at as good (the shitless part) because I have no water to flush a toilet... or wash my hands or any other part of my body, or water to wash or rinse any dishes, clean up, no water and there's not going to be any. I do have a few gallons of drinking water on hand. I went to a friends to get some water but its brown. I'm going to have to leave this place and have no idea where to go. I've become a little complacent here, have been wanting to leave but this is the last place piano dog Boner and I stayed and Piano dog Mo came to me here, I put a lot of work into this place to use as a home base but its never been secure anyway, my money resources at this stage of the journey almost into it nine years is low... keeping my head together enough to think practically... wow. It figures today would be hot and I got sweaty ha, can't get a shower and I need to wash clothes. I talked with a few friends to use as a sounding board and Mo... thank God for Mo he's such a constant and really knows how to just be with me, period. He's been missing other dogs to play with. I so much don't want to go back on the road and stay with strangers and don't have the money for motels but I do want to get on the road. I must be realistic that I'm almost sixty years old, age does create limitations in of itself for example people are not so open and friendly to older single males traveling alone with no home. Hmmm... one step at a time.
August 25, 2014
For weeks now I've been having the feeling of getting ready to move on. Absolutely nothing associated with that like where, when, how, why. Today the water well where I have been staying... it ran dry and the pump burned out. I paid two different people for opinions. I learned what a racket drilling is. The place would need a new well or dig deeper where it is and hope for the best or... frack and hope for the best. These companies dig deeper than needed to rip off people by the foot. I learned drillers leaving piping above ground as high as possible because the customer pays per foot of piping. They sell stronger than needed pumps. All and all drilling and a pump is a good four, five thousand dollars. A neighbor was under suspicion of stealing another neighbors water well pump a few months ago because their's broke and they have a huge farm like garden going so I'm thinking... not good stuff. Especially seeing that one of the opinions was that someone nearby drained all the water. One step forward at a time I will move.
August 24, 2014
While taking it easy... just had to get outside. Mo and I drove to the local spot. I threw a stick to him and we played fetch so he could get some exercise. There were two fisherman in the area but they began to leave as we arrived. We jumped into the truck to create some music and it felt so good to be alone with just Mo and nature creating music for the universe, just "being" with no distractions.
August 23, 2014
All day basically... sleeping. I'm sick. It doesn't happen often. Thank God I can just sleep. Feeling not to crabby just weak, tired and I have meds for the pain... oh my God if I didn't have meds. They are several years old but still work.
August 22, 2014
It was pretty much cloudy for most of the day. The water well went dry where I am staying. I had noticed the smell and dirt coming through the faucets over the last few months and then someone had told me how the wells are drying up in this area. Its probably from fracting. Anyway, Mo and I drove into town to get some water to drink form the springs. How I'm going to shower will be a challenge. I saw a food stand on the side of the road selling mums for five bucks... a deal I could not pass up so I purchased a couple. The family running the place was super friendly and interested so I took off the piano cover and we all had some musical fun. I used to enjoy having gardens around my home. Its been years but I still miss them. My friend Becky from Montana sent me a large slab of Alaskan smoked salmon in the mail just for enjoyment, no other reason. My God, can there be a better treat? Thats a friend for sure.
August 21, 2014
Between the rain showers I drove over to a families place that I met on the road the other day. They are full of Fun, Friendship and Respect. I also met two other neighbors living next to them who I had met about five years ago. Everyone was super friendly and I was wondering if it was because everybody was drinking! Lol... My new friends, they had just taken showers in the rain, have no electricity or water and are building their home out of bits and pieces of whatever they can find. They are really enjoying the aspects of their life that they shared with me. My short interactions with people, what I setup I've made for my life... I feel gratitude for that. People don't have to deal with my shit and I don't have to deal with theres because neither of us are around each other long enough to stir up any trouble! I have been able to get my people "fix" when I need it which I do need because I do love people... and then I have been able to get away from people totally and just be by myself and then also there are those to in life with whom I have long term relationship. Deep intimacy with one special human being... I'm not so sure that the feeling of or thoughts of "specialness" are possible in reality or productive for life. Romanticism is wonderful but an illusion of wonder. Loyalty and commitment in family, friendship, community... it is what it is and nothing more although it does serve purpose.
August 20, 2014
Sometimes it feels like I've lost my way and yet I know that I haven't. Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck and yea, that can happen. Right now I'm not sure what to think. Constantly I'm evaluating what is realistic that I can do and want to do with this journey. My first thoughts on waking everyday since the start of my journey has been Fun, Friendship and Respect and then I immediately switch to faking it until I make it into the day with thoughts of gratitude like, "thank you for the toilet, thank you for Mo, thank you for the ceiling, etc... no kidding, thats how it has happened all these years. Recently, that practice began to drift off and then I caught myself thinking how I have to do that without wanting to. Whats up with that? Why would I not want to do something thats good and proven to be successful and has given me that last eight and a half years? Well, I'm being more conscious by questioning. What is it that I really want? Also, I'm allowing myself the time needed to decide but must be aware of the time spent doing that because of age, resources etc... still, ultimately I give it all up to a power greater than myself. This journey I've been on feels greater than myself... in of itself.
August 19, 2014
What is happening in Ferguson, Missouri is heavy on my mind. It is another Trayvon Martin episode like from down in Florida but with more force. Murder, injustice, fear, manipulation, overuse of power, control... ugh. Mo and I visited Sanford, Florida earlier this year to share some fun, friendship and respect. Memories of being at Virginia Tech and in Sandy Hook Connecticut with the Traveling Piano after those tragedies are present in my mind. While taking a long walk with Mo I stumbled across a hand made motorized wagon stopped on the side of the road with two young kids and a dog. Mom and dad were there too and they were all the sweetest hillbilly rednecks you could ever meet! Oh my God, we got talking and then Mo and I jumped into the little wagon and we were driven back to where we are staying. They came into the place and we hung out some more, the kids played on the piano, the dogs played, it was the most spontaneous friendly neighborhood experience I've had here in all the years I've visited this area. It was too dark to use the Traveling Piano so I plan on visiting their place on Thursday. We will have more fun then. I really enjoy down to earth people.
August 18, 2014
Today was slow all day. I actually took a little nap on the outside deck floor in the sun while appreciating that I can and that I can be alone. (while at the same time wanting to be around people) It took me all day to process the pictures from the last few days. Just taking it easy... having a lazy summer day.
August 17, 2014
What a beautiful day it was. We drove with my friend Dawn to Shepherdstown, West Virginia which I have not been to for a few years. It is a really nice liberal college town where several people told me you must now be rich to live in. That is sad. The ride in was through some beautiful country. We were about two hours from where I'm presently staying. We stopped along the side of the road to get a rib sandwich from a vending truck and the owner of the truck was a guy I had met years ago with the Traveling Piano near the Virginia boarder. There have been about eight people over the last few days that I've run into having met before up to six years ago in different states. How crazy is that? I actually said to one kid, "Wow. you've grown up." Luckily it was late afternoon so the time spent on the towns main street was not too long because of nightfall. I would have stayed sharing the Traveling Piano until I passed out and if we had started earlier well... On the way back I was wound up and so stopped in a local school parking lot to create some music for myself. There we met two women with two young boys and had more musical interaction.
August 16, 2014
After having been awake a few hours (and not having as much sleep as usual over the last week)... I think the lack of sleep caught up with me. The day was beautiful. As I was putting on my shoes to take the Traveling Piano truck out I just fell back on the bed and needed to sleep. After a few hours I woke up and felt more content than I can remember. There has only been one other time it the last year I took a nap during the day because I'm always afraid I won't wake up until bedtime, lol. I got some paper work done that I've been putting off for over a year. After a walk with Mo and piddling around well, that was it for the day. Every time I think about summer and wishing I could go to a beach and how much I missed the sand and water for so many years... my mind goes to the comfort of knowing this year I got my wish while down and throughout Florida for three months!
August 15, 2014
It has been over a week now, my getting up at nine in the morning no matter what. This is a relief because its been to bed at five am up afternoon for a long time. I need to get up even earlier but want to change my pattern in as easy way as possible. A friend has been helping me to get up. On the local mountain top we met a small group of people having a company picnic and also again today people from a few years ago and then before dark Mo and I went for a walk, His belly has really been messed up with rashes, I'm sure its from whatever is on the ground as we walk. I'm just hoping he can develop a torrance for whatever because... I want him to be outside, free, running and having fun in nature. This is a priority for his life as well as mine. As I was walking in the trees among the rocks and everything else I was reminded that, "this is as good as it gets" to be with my dog, watching him enjoy and enjoying myself with everything that is the living nature of this world... in the present moment.
August 14, 2014
We drove to Hancock, Maryland and even though the travel is a little bit of a distance it is one of only two places in nature conducive to creating music alone and also with people one on one. I can get tired of going to the local park all the time. Coincidentally we ran into a friend of mine with his wife and also I guy I had met several years ago. The guy from years ago told me that he had not tried out the piano last time and this time he was not going to miss the opportunity. Another couple found us while bicycling along the canal. They were celebrating thirty some years of marriage today. They both had just finished a twenty six mile bike ride and the husband is in his late seventies! My friend John told me the local Hardees fast food takeout restaurant had a special of fries, roast beef sandwich, double cheeseburger, small drink and two cookies all for five bucks so... for the 1st time in fifteen years I went for it. Please God... don't let me ever do that again!!! After that it was time for a walk. All my weight has been settling into my belly and that must stop.
August 13, 2014
It is getting difficult to know which direction would be best to take for my life but I am always preparing to move on. China, a television show, branding... simply continuing what I've been doing for the last eight and a half years, settling down into a completely different life... its all on the table. The death of comedian Robbin Williams, a result of suicide from alcoholic depression weighs heavy on my mind. When someone I feel a connection with someone who gives up the battle, they take with them a little part of me. Anyway, Mo and I went for a hike over an hour in the woods and then created some music by a lake while a couple with their grandson fished in the distance. I ate half a carrot cake later on... so much for the exercise I did. Oh well, I do the best I can and work to embrace that fact.
August 12, 2014
I created a short Improvisational Music Piece to Share. Hope you like it.
August 11, 2014
Today was a rainy day and a good excuse to post more nature pictures from yesterday.
August 10, 2014
It was difficult to feel centered today and never really happened. After a walk I realized I was stamping the ground too hard with my feet and now that has resulted in a major headache from my jaw problem. Blah, blah, blah... I explored some settings for the first time ever with my camera to try and get some good pictures of the full moon which did not happen. Understanding directions has never been a forte of mine. Yesterday, I only took a few pictures but they were really nice. I think it must have been the lighting of the sky that made them so perfect plus my intent on capturing the beauty. No music today.
August 09, 2014
The feeling to go out and share wasn't there for me today so I sort of forced myself to do it. I said to myself go and do it for an hour. First, Mo and I went to the local school to exercise. He has some serious rashes on his belly so I don't want him running around in the woods just in case its poison ivy or something like that. There were some wild flowers and dragon flies that got me into some picture taking that felt very therapeutic. We heading into the center of Berkeley Springs, WV to play some music on the street. I've been there in the past because my friend Dawn had a shop on the street but with her now gone, I could not feel any positive energy from the area so I decided to drive to my fail safe area in Cacapon park. I pulled next to a vehicle with people getting out and realized after two minutes it was neighbors with two friends from where I've been staying who have been on the truck a few years ago. Strangely they did not acknowledge me (they haven't since our original encounter which was a good one) or even look at me and they were right next to me. It was kind of obvious who I was with the piano, dog and truck.I sat there for about five minutes while they set up lawn chairs in front of us to fish in the lake. People can be so strange. Even if I don't like a person when I am confronted with them especially in such close proximity, I'm going to at least acknowledge them. When people behave like this, I don't care why I just get grossed out. Its not only strange and weird it is as rude as it can get so I just left. Mo and I headed for the mountain lookout and there had some nice peace and quite and wonderful interactions with single people as well as families who were interesting and interested. The day ended really well.
August 08, 2014
There is a yummy moon outside right now. I felt some movement today. A friend has been calling for personal support the last three days and I've been using that to get out of bed in the morning. It has been setting my days on a good course; connecting with someone first thing. China is still on my bucket list with the Traveling Piano and I need to stay focused with the idea as a goal. Tonight I sat deep in the woods with a bunch of friends around a huge fire pit with locusts and sounds of the night louder than our conversations. While feeling a lot of gratitude I thought how so many people, especially those born and bred in cities have never heard the natural sounds of a forrest on a clear beautiful, comfortable summer night lit by the moon. Going to practice, yes I just said practice... some music.
August 07, 2014
A friend called me in the morning for the second day in a row needing to talk and that helped me get out of bed. It set my day up for moving forward in a productive way. Before sunset Mo and I drove to the local park to get some exercise, to play a little fetch and record music. It was great for the first half of the time, there was no one there. Then the fisherman came. Ha, I am so used to having this spot all by myself through the years when in this area. I feel a little possessive about it. Oh well, I suppose I'm just going to have to get over that. We met a young couple who jumped onto the piano seat. They are getting ready for college and one of them is heading to Philadelphia my home town. I randomly looked up what I was doing today in 2008 on this website in order to post the link for some online sites I use. Today was the last day in my house, which I sold and gave up to fund this journey up till now. The money is almost all gone but I've been saying that since 2008.
August 06, 2014
I went looking at some for sale properties today. (without having any money whatsoever mind you) Talking with people is really important when looking at houses. I found this amazing area that was so beautiful it looked like Alaska and Montana. The down side... its full of snakes and the water is all rust and zinc. Then I went to check out a place that is being auctioned off online only. The sneaky bastards selling it put notes online saying people are living in it so no one would check it out. Also that the contents were being emptied... yea, all into the back of the property behind a hill that hides everything... the neighbors told me the wells are all dry, several families of drug addicts lived there at the same time and the drywall inside is all held together with fence wire along with the electrical wiring. They just found whatever scrap they could to build the place. Hence, auction it off to some sucker online. Then I found an amazingly beautiful area that was financially way too much while realizing I can't ever except living in a crappy place or area. I would need to set down roots in a place at least as nice as what I gave up for this journey if not nicer.
August 05, 2014
I saw a happier look on Mo's face today than ever before. We went for a short walk in the woods. He caught the scent of something and began to run for it. When I did not try to control him he lost all control of his domestication and went into total dog mode on a wild hunt, a super wild chase into the woods and out of sight out of mind, totally self-absorbed with no inhibitions. His sense of smell and animal instincts completely enveloped him. I let him go and do his thing more freely than ever before. After a few minutes I calmly yelled into woods, "Ok Mo thats enough come on back." Of course he did with his wild eyed panting dog look. When we got back to the cabin he was as happy as could be. I very much enjoy letting Mo be totally free and who he is, a dog. He expressed his satisfaction clearly into my eyes.
August 04, 2014
I was sort of forced out today by a few friends for a get together and beforehand I stopped to create some music along the Potomac river. I'm really glad I did that as I become more alive well, duh... naturally. Meeting people, their coming into my world to enjoy life with me along with my creating music is always therapeutic. It is a positive energy place for me to escape into. I've been hearing myself say to people when I tell them about the journey how I am getting burnt out and have been saying that over and over with almost every conversation. Hmm... something to be aware of. Do I really want to reinforce the idea of being burnt out, am I processing the process of that, what am I looking to when I say that? I suppose the inactivity of the last few days is because without the journey in my brain of moving forward there is nothing to fall back on. Of course I could create something, but what? The need to think about that is when my brain goes into distraction mode or I simply become brain dead. Feeling brain dead is not so bad but it can be a bit scary.
August 03, 2014
Its getting difficult to do anything again. My motivation and brain... There are three parts to what is going on in my life. One, I can do the same old same old and just leave and head to the southern boarder of Texas and Arizona to create some Respect, Fun and Friendship for some of the 60,000 immigrant children being detained there or to one of my bucket list places to visit. Problem is I will begin at the burnt out stage I stopped at and just burn out more. Two, Stay where I am and create some roots or do that somewhere else. Three, enter back into the money world... the world of working for money, put all my energy into that. How can I keep number one going with two and three? So, I'm basically not doing anything. Nope, I'm percolating but this is without question my longest percolation period in this journey to date. People insert ideas into my head and then I sometimes tend to embrace them which just complicates everything for me. Then again... when it seems like I'm doing absolutly nothing I must acknowdlege the pictures I'm posting they are all from this week and the music and this blog...
August 02, 2014
A friend wants to help me get a house, have a home which really throws my head into a spin because first, what are the chances of someone actually contributing to my life that much? I have had no experience of that... to grasp any feeling concerning it. Also having a home base... where? How would I keep it going or get a place setup to be livable. Having been where I am now for a while, finally I'm making significant connections with people/friends to relate with. Do I want to leave that? What about the journey, LA, China, Zion National Park? (bucket list places)
August 01, 2014
I simply hung out today with no outside piano playing. More and more I use politics to feel angry and it is all just a distraction even though I do very much care about whats happening in the world. I am also aware of a part of me that wants to pick a fight over issues. I'm just fighting with myself out of the side of my mouth about my own ongoing issues of not doing enough, or the right things, or what to do, or doing whatever wrong, frustrated with myself over the feeling of not having enough motivation, getting burnt out, older... I know I allot psychologically and intellectually but to act on the knowledge and get it all into my gut... that is all about taking advantage of the grace of god when I can recognize it and being willing to spend my life practicing desire and focusing on results.