HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
Use the links to the left to read a past Month or Year... and then there is always your Backspace to return to a past page.
September 30, 2013
Berkeley Springs, West Virginia
I've been unabashedly rationalizing... selling to myself, justifying and try to feel comfortable about my reaching out for financial contribution this month (that continues)... it is an opportunity for people to give back directly, to contribute to an entity proven to be worthwhile. I want to fill my spirit through people, the kind of people who give with the same spirit as I do so I can feel be filled with the vitality of giving. Through what I call "grace" the Traveling Piano fulfills this need for me. I meet and have short personal interactions with people, fill them with my unconditional love and then we part. Whether they are givers or takers does not matter. We all give to each other in the present moment. What I receive is a feeling of being part of, people joining me in my life, enjoying what I have to offer and wanting it... validation of spirit and connection often on deep personal levels. What I give with the Traveling Piano is unique for each individual. The giving which I have never taken credit for has enhanced and changed peoples lives forever, for the good. With the Traveling Piano there has been no long term drain for anyones spirit.
The Traveling Piano in fact enhances spirit. My decision to ask friends for support also stems from an interest in the practice of keeping my focus, becoming clearer with my intent and gaining a better sense of self. I may fail at the practice (nothing new) but know I cannot lose anything except illusional friends. My past life accomplishments assure me that I will not lose a sense of self. As it stands for my life now... everything is "icing on the cake." As fearful as it may seem to ask people for money, there can be nothing to lose if my intent is pure. Nothing could be more difficult than to ask friends for support. Without expectation and with clear intent about not having expectations... as well as admittedly guarded concerning my enthusiasm (from past failures)... I proceed. This feels like the correct route to take. I have always been of the mindset that friends help friends, people help people and not only in times of desperation. I want to do everything possible in order to not "sell out" with the Traveling Piano. Almost all financial attempts in the past for financial support, for my entire life from family, friends and community have failed. I just keep doing whatever I feel will be helpful in spirit while reminding myself that feelings are not always fact and success is how I personally define it.
September 29, 2013
So very much I want to stop writing about contribution, asking for it, the process, etc... The entire month has been about it all. As I have blogged about the beginning of the journey, the selling of my house for two months, the events that have lasted weeks and months... so it is now with this time period, everyday. Dealing with asking friends for support on facebook has been pretty much all I have been doing so that is all I have been writing about. Most days there has been breaks to take Mo for a run, create some music and interact with a few people but my mind has been almost all on learning and sharing through asking for support. I've found an almost unbelievable diversity of friends living in different parts of the world, types of people, ages on facebook but what impressed me most is how good looking both the woman as well as the men are. I got some "hot" friends! Even more... friends with style, big time! At first, I thought the best way to find support to help keep going with the Traveling Piano was with a general post on facebook. People could just ignore it without feeling uncomfortable about not contributing. That did not work well. It was the non-contributors who began to respond. They began with "likes." I then posted, please do not say you are in favor of my asking for contribution unless you yourself contribute. I stated that I will personally ask anyone who posts a "like" to followup with action. It felt like they were using encouragement to negate action. Then I said if they continue I will call them on it until they stop. Intent without action breeds more intent without action. A snowball rolling down the hill effect, getting larger and larger with people who had no intention of contributing began. As I told people to stop, negative comments began.
I repeated myself saying it was not helpful to comment while not participating with an action of financial contribution which is what the post is about. I would redirect every comment towards contribution. I explained that I have been through countless ideas and suggestions many times over and over throughout my lifetime and was clear concerning what would be helpful, the direction to take. Personal one-on-one tangible acts of sharing friendship through financial contribution no matter how small the amount... would be supportive for me emotionally, mentally and physically. People began to use my request as an outlet for everything other than what I was asking for and in dysfunctional ways. Facebook friends tried to impress mutual friends by acting like they were giving through "likes" and "comments" when in fact they were "using" the request for themselves. Friends began to circumvent the request with suggestions, alternatives, comments, the same ones over and over and over and still contribute nothing in of themselves. People began to try and negate the request by using it to bond in friendship over mutual misery and neediness by assuming I am desperate, poor, unfortunate, in dire straights, and struggling like them, and that is why they cannot contribute. Others just said no, even "fuck off." As I became bombarded with negativity, in defense of my enthusiasm it had to be stopped immediately, every time.
I made it clear that hearing about other peoples difficulties through my request for support is not appropriate. I would not have it, not helpful, do not want other people's sadness transferred into my agenda. It pounds at my strength to carry on, it brings me down, there is nothing to be gained for either party. If there is nothing to contribute financially, be silent. Responding with a negative is not polite. Also, I believe everyone spends a few bucks here and there in life that can be used for contribution, everyone. Then, through my being honest, upfront and direct some people began to act out in anger even more. My own weakness began to mirror it all back at them twice as strong to push them away. Why all in a public forum? Because my journey is a public journey. It has been from the start and as personal as can be. I want for the journey to be a shared experience as stated from the start for better or worse and hopefully, helpful for at least one other person in life as well as myself. What I learned first from a general post for financial support online is that people do not respond to a general posts for specific actions not having to do with online activity and... if I am looking for personal interaction I need to connect personally in correspondence. This was after realizing that even I... would not respond to a general post. The posts became a way for people to communicate excuses for not contributing. Most people do not give for the sake of fun or simply for the sake of giving money in friendship. I decided for better or worse, I would take on this challenge in a totally self centered way not only to find financial support but more importantly for assurance. This journey began as a result of my saying fuck everything... people and the world, I'm going to have fun for myself! Ha, this is true! Then it went to having people partake in that mentality. The overwhelming majority of people have been able to embrace all of the abandonment I have offered for themselves in idea, feeling and also reality musically speaking... except for money part! I'm working as best as possible from within to allow for a universal conspiracy to keep what I know to be honest in my heart with clarity for myself first. I'm not so sure self-sustainability for myself must come from money or being commercial. It may in the future. Self-sustainability certainly does not work for many other people in life without money... ever. We shall see...
September 28, 2013
Schuylkill Haven, Pennsylvania
The truck made it to Schuylkill Haven Pennsylvania... Wow, great day, great people, old friends... more music was created from the Traveling Piano today than in all of this month put together! Met this young guy hanging out, he jumped onto the piano, played 2 songs he created over and over... I drove him down the street while he played to his dad who was selling ribs at a food stand. Dad says, "thats ma' boy" ...Dad gave me a platter of the best ribs I've ever had! That kid was past elated to the sky! After driving five hours yesterday and today after the event was over I drove back to West Virginia. I really don't know what to say about that. I could have stayed with my friends a few days. Guess I'm too wrapped up in the future and with everything that has distracted me this month and needed a feeling of not leaving familiar surroundings. Maybe I'm just out of practice from being on the road. What this means for the journey, don't know what to say. Anyway, it was a big party today, Schuylkill Haven Borough, Pennsylvania's 25th annual community get-together. I wanted to gift everyone with the Traveling Piano as I had been a paid performer there for many years before the journey began... and have come to respect not only the event, but the people who run it. A small group of community members with all community volunteers for twenty five years working in harmony with no side agendas or politics in play. The festival board members don't take credit. The mayor and county officials were out cleaning up the streets by hand when it was over. A hot dog is still .50 a cheese steak... $4.50. Your not going to find many town events with vendors who are not out to solely make money these days. I wanted to share here because the people are relaxed. They let me do what I want and trust I would be sensitive to where I parked and not interfere with already planned activities. Only a couple of people knew we would be there.
The traffic still flowed through the festival all day long, people walked around with their dogs, the police are not looking for trouble, everyone worked to "enjoy" together. Nothing was shut down. No focus on restrictions, thats the way to enjoyment. There were restored antique steam and passenger trains going back and forth through town. I missed leading off the annual farm tractor parade when it came down Main street. That was always a favorite thing for me to do although we did drive through town several times throughout the day while creating music. It does not get more classic as in small town USA when it comes to Schuylkill Haven, PA. There were thousands and thousands of people in attendance. This was Mo's first festival to hang out in. He was uneasy for most of it but loved the energy and excitement, especially the rib bones of which he did not bother to chew up... he sucked them down his throat whole. I purchased several goodies from different church ladies like apple dumplings, shoofly pie and syrup soaked cinnamon buns. I had not been in this environment for years (performance) and it was almost impossible to have the intimate interactions I am now used to. More than exhausted when it was over, I forced myself to drive back to West Virginia right away in the hope that once I got back I would be so exhausted I'd fall right to sleep and then be able to get up earlier in the morning. Well, thats not working very well because it is four in the morning now and I am still wired as can be.
September 27, 2013
For breakfast I had a huge bowl of salt and peppered with butter, fresh brussels sprouts right off the stalk... until I couldn't eat anymore. Wow! In preparing to leave for Pennsylvania tomorrow, I am flying by the seat of my pants. I just don't know what I am doing. Every time I leave for even one over night trip now, it feels like the first time ever with unsureness, angst, confusion, fear of getting up in the morning but... this is the way it has been for me my entire life. I keep forgetting that. Every time I am about to live life, I get scared. Every time I would get ready the day before and then get up the day of a job for performance... for twenty years it was the same feeling and process. Nothing is new. Still, I forget that I forget. Ha. Forgetting has served me well in life too. The bottom line... most likely, as long as I continue to stimulate myself into living life... I will always feel what I interpret as an uncomfortable state of mind.
Today a major feat has been achieved in having contacted every single facebook friend individually. It took a month to do and sometimes up to twelve hours a day. This is something I have wanted to do and have tried to do several times over the years. This was all about extending myself for support so I can continue to support others. Having discovered many friends do not see my general posts, I sent a one time message to ask or a contribution in order to help keep the Traveling Piano going for another year saying the truck engine must be replaced as soon as possible and as little as five bucks would help. For me it is the act of giving and sharing for the journey that is helpful more than anything else. If they have enjoyed my work, what the Traveling Piano has to offer and believe in what it accomplishes through sharing freely with the world to please take one minute to help out. My goal... to keep the Traveling Piano free from Commercial, Organization or Political agenda and would very much appreciate support. Thats what I said in the emails.
Through the process, several times I became consumed with deep, dark intense, dysfunctionally personal "buttons" people pushed and I allowed them. I ranted when people would not stop commenting negatively or where just plain ignorant or irrational. Sometimes, I freaked people in public, online. Many saw my communication as bitter hate and anger. There is some anger, no bitterness or hate. I saw it all as being upfront and honest. My thoughts are not meant to hurt anyone. They were meant to make the pain (mine) stop. I told people not to assign false motives to me, keep their guilt trips to themselves. I consciously did not guilt trip anyone. A friend of mine asked if anyone pulled the "get of job" line out of the closet. Yep, they did and I told them that it disappointed me, their not understanding what the Traveling Piano is about after all this time... or what being a friend is all about for me ...or what the asking for support financially is all about. Some people really don't have a clue. They insinuated I needed to find venues to play in or people to perform for. I would respond with, "what is wrong with you that you cannot see I do not perform after all this time" ... that the posts had nothing to do with them and their problems, or about... the war in Syria!!! LOL People can be crazy! No contribution, no say in the matter has been my motto concerning the request... how I presented myself, any false interpretations... all the negative comments were from non-givers and not welcome at all in my world. God, the pain was almost unbearable at times. I cleared out five hundred friends. That felt good.
September 26, 2013
My friend Celeste created Schuylkill Haven Borough Day in Pennsylvania. This Saturday will mark its 25th year. Keeping a festival alive and vibrant for 25 years is a major accomplishment. The Traveling Piano is going to help celebrate. (if the engine doesn't conk out on the way) I'm posting a picture was from the event when I used to perform, was young, hot and more in shape! Today my friend Tammy and I headed to Winchester Virginia to have some fun with the Traveling Piano. She had some errands to do at the mall so I went with her and ended up buying a shirt for the first time since the journey began. Now, I have two shirts and I also purchased a pair of pants. I had only one pair and they are rugged mountain pants. The new pants are a thinner material which is great for packing, they are dressy and I'll feel better wearing them at the festival I will be attending.
I told a friend my work is of personal journey. If I associate with an organization then I become bound to obligation and expectation. The way my work has operated since 2006... all expectations and obligations are limited to the present moment with the people I am in relationship with, one-on-one for that period of time only. This is what has worked for me. I hope that does not change because then the dynamics will change and they have been so unique and wonderful. Although... if the UN or anyone flew the Traveling Piano over on a cargo plane to one of those Syrian refugee camps... I'd do it in a heart beat and give up all Traveling Piano identity as I now know it for a period of time! Some people not most understand after all this time what the Traveling Piano is about. It is not a business. The Traveling Piano is about relationship with music as a catalyst. Although it is not work in the conventional sense, let me tell you... it is work, fun work! Dealing with human beings can be work. Staying with people in their homes... being considerate and responsible is work. People often ask, what are you going to do when the money runs out? My reply has been, "I will know when the time comes". The time has come and so now... the 1st thing I have decided to do is ask my friends for support. I have desire, no need. I know enough money will come because I am taking steps to "do." My goal is to protect my journey enthusiasm through a little help from my friends in a way that would be helpful to me. A way through which I can get some relationship practice, create an opportunity for people to give, a reason for me to connect with everyone and better discover who is real and who is not for me... so I can better direct my energy. My desire is to use every opportunity to create more clarity and be as straight forward as possible as to what the Traveling Piano is about for people we have yet to meet. I have never solicited or asked for tips or fees when sharing the Traveling Piano. I never will. It has been 100% agenda free from commercial, organizational or political agenda. That may change if support does not come through.
September 25, 2013
I was laying in the grass today and saw the world from the inside out... especially the clouds, even saw curvature. It was awesome! When I get outside these days to create music and interact with people it is very difficult to not think about contribution and bring my present issues into conversation concerning what is going on with the truck engine dying and some supposed friends I'm dealing with on facebook these days. It is a practice to keep the personal crap separate from having personal fun. Some people on facebook are saying, "your being nasty to the people you are asking for financial contribution from. No, only the ones who give me trouble about asking and have no intention of giving. See, in saying that... people want me to talk all nice and politically correct. This process is an opportunity to show another side of my life. This journey is about my life as well as the Traveling Piano. My personal life is not always perfect and full of Fun, Friendship and Respect. I am not always nice and I think people who work their lives to be politically correct in communication one hundred percent of the time are just as repulsive as people on the other end of that spectrum. There is no way I am going to accommodate people who show disrespect for me or my work, especially when they instigate. When working with the Traveling Piano... 99% has been nice (cross fingers). Thank God I do not need to answer to anyone or any commercial, organizational or political entity so I can truly be myself. I knew probably there will be people who will respond with a positive, those who will respond with a negative, get angry, feel put out because I asked them for something, tell me I'm inappropriate, bothering them... but should I care? Why are they friends with someone like me? Do I want friends like this? Maybe they want the illusion of friendship. I've never been good at that or talking out of the side of my mouth either. It is in my directness that some people find me offensive. That is what I like about myself and from other people, always with consideration and responsibility.
September 24, 2013
I'm very happy Mo and I went outside today. It was perfectly warm and sunny. Mo fished for sticks in the water while I laid on a grassy embankment. We played fetch, hiked in the woods, created music on the lake and interacted with a couple who happened to be both musicians. Constantly it is necessary to help people understand... I am a piano man with a dog, a piano and a pickup truck who creates Fun, Friendship and Respect with Musical Empowerment and Inspiration using Spontaneity and Synchronicity to Create Music for People to Discover. The Traveling Piano is relationship personified with no entertaining shows, or performing. It has been on a journey to create inclusivity for everyone in the world, a space and place... in time, to explore oneself freely with other people and without judgement. To protect its independence, the Traveling Piano has been a gift freely given for the world since 2006 and has been self sufficient through its own funds. (my total personal worth) The Traveling Piano is about one-on-one relational interactions and is unique... special in the fact that there is no solicitation for tips or fees and has no organizational, commercial or political affiliation or agenda.
I really have had a lot of feedback in asking for contribution that I specifically said I did not want. People insist on telling me that they cannot contribute because they are broke, struggling, scraping, old, not employed, have lost husbands, kids, family, are sorry, ill, have car troubles, must use the money to get their dogs nails trimmed... blah, blah, blah and there has been some really nasty comments like, "who the hell are you to minimize someone else's " poor me's. While the service you offered is entertaining briefly, it certainly can't compare to the life altering efforts made by a single disabled homeless mother of three! Or the plight of a family whose lost a son in battle. You'll get as much sympathy from me as I got from your selfish soul!!! Buy a newspaper, it's hard for all of us out there, we're all struggling, we'd all love to sit on our butt and play piano all day begging for money relying on the kindness of others but... sounds to me like you need to work a little more on your bitterness and make peace with your soul then you do money. Ungrateful." Yep, that was one rant... some people just don't get it and without question are crazy! I have been able to go through the process because if I don't ask people to contribute, the Traveling Piano's mission of smply fun, friendship and respect... ends. I have absolutely nothing to lose and have one hundred percent clarity as to the pureness of my intent... all good with many facets. The friends who know and trust... give me the strength to stick to my guns. I used to think that it was impolite not to respond to whatever. Now I have learned that if there is nothing good to say... say nothing. That is more polite. It might be taken as ignorance, ignoring or whatever but if you can't say and ask, "I don't know what to say" (honestly) or ask "is there anything else I can do" (again with preparation to followthrough) then saying nothing is best. But some people... they just need to vent for themselves no matter what. How to respond, what to respond to... I've been learning but sometimes mess up just like with the person I quoted above.
September 23, 2013
I broke a tooth. Part of a lower left molar fell off. Fortuitously, I met a painless dentist and her receptionist/assistant in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia. Her formal first name is Magic. She fixed my broken tooth! I have a dentist phobia and everything happened so fast it was almost worth the $300... not really, but I did appreciate the fast service and expertise and being able to trust the doctor. Financial process thoughts fluctuate through my mind everyday. Do I continually ask friends for support? Over 95% have not given support. Well wishes are worthless at this point. Should I only ask on days when I am feeling fearful? Something feels wrong about that. Should I keep confronting frends personally until I understand better or accept why they feel they have nothing to share? My intent is to create a better relationship, or find out I don't want one, ha! Do I shut down this journey as it is and go commercial? That would be easy to do, easier than asking for support but... no longer would their be the experience of pureness that me, Mo and what the Traveling Piano creates for the world. Do people want the Traveling Piano to have a commercial, promotional and marketing agenda first and foremost with all its communication? Unfortunately, that is what is most comfortable for too many people. So much I want for people to experience pure relationship, pictures, art, love and music without paying for it. Please contribute and be part of. This is the first time I have asked since the journey began in 2006. All my personal financial worth is almost gone. The Traveling piano accepts personal one-on-one support only and needs more in order to continue. Since I began asking for support a month ago, the average contribution has been $25. If everyone reading this gave $5 there would be no need to ask further. If you have enjoyed what the Traveling Piano has to offer in any way and believe in what has already been accomplished through sharing freely with the world and would like for that to continue... take one minute to keep it going for another year and make a contribution. Please help me forget the idea of asking for money, so I can get back to work. Contribute
September 22, 2013
The question is what... do I want to do... and how. When the truck engine died last month, that was a wakeup call for me to get some clarity about what I want to do immediately. My interest in life lies in relationship so I decided to use money to explore relationship. Trust me, I knew what I was in for completely, before it all began. Also, it is the most difficult route for me to take concerning relationship and humility. I enjoy personal challenge for the sake of growth. Specifically on facebook I have always wanted to connect with all my friends. With over 5000 of them, I have started many times but never finished. Also, I wanted to use this opportunity to explore who I can become closer with in a more personal way. Over the last year I began to invest more and more time socially on facebook. As I do not want to waste time with illusionary people, this is one way to reach friends who's lives I can enrich who help enrich me... so I can continue to give unconditionally to the world. I have a past history of giving to takers who drain me mentally, physically and spiritually. Its all about my rightly relating, eh? The asking for contribution has been a focus tool for me concerning who I have been wasting time with and the issue of money is the catalyst. I have said many times what carries me through life are acts of caring and efforts, like yours. If I rightly relate with the right people, any money needed for my life will appear. It may not be through facebook but it will happen. Through facebook, the worthwhile relationships will appear... which will give me the strength to have faith where money is concerned. Thats the truth. That is my life experience. That is what I have to share for people... the act of sharing, the opportunity.
September 21, 2013
I hooked up with some local neighbors today for a short while and then it was back to the month's main agenda... contribution. The money raising issue is making me sick. My body and its functions are shutting down. Last night I talked on the phone with someone who offered help with the engine but I have heard this so many times in the past and nothing happens. I am taking it with a grain of salt although I must pursue every possibility. So that means now along with dealing with peoples shit I have to get information together to send to the guy. How can I do this without the mind set of selling and promoting once again, I just can't sell and promote again. I will die. The stress of asking people for support has caught up with me. More, the dealing of negative aspects concerning it. After having rid myself years ago of the slightest ideas about selling, promoting, dealing with rejection, others using me for their "poor me's" in my empty "well" so to speak, etc... the struggle of working to keep my new perspectives and focus in life has worn me out. I let go of the old style of working life many years ago because it was killing me. The challenge for me now is to create balance for my process. I want to be aware of and allow myself time for "me" and the Traveling Piano as well as ask people for support. Please god, help me not have to work for balance. Let it be, naturally. I'm going to have to "let go" and just sit and do nothing. I often share my enjoyment when "letting go." I rarely share that I can go through hell over and over in "letting go" to allow trust that my life's success has never happen by focusing on time. Time is a myth I use. I should know this by now. I want to stay away from the curse of "hows." (how whatever... will happen) I decided I wasn't going to let my buttons be pushed and let negativity flow over me, not care about insensitivity or ignorance in asking for support... then a friend said no to a contribution request because they are old and sick but would not have contributed anyway without an annual report of what has been accomplished. I know and understand everything about where they are coming from... its one person who is ignorant and obviously blind to what is going on. Was that too harsh? I'm weak, not being objective... "Practice, practice, practice Danny." Lol... these posts are all about relationship... the good and the bad and indifferent truths, now. I grew up in a family where expressing a point of view or any perspective was not permissible and so there was nothing. Please friends who read these... know in truth that I am not unhappy, feeling needy or lost.. Sometimes I do get frustrated, angry or disappointed from constantly clarifying but realize the "nature of the animal."
September 20, 2013
Contribution... I tell people their "hope" will not help, five bucks will. Wise words of hope irritate me. They are so very over used in life. At this point I have made very clear exactly what will be helpful from friends. I wish that people who cannot or will not be helpful or disagree in the way that I ask... just be silent. Just be with me about through this transition. Stop trying to be helpful in other ways. Financial contribution, anything will help in that way. People have difficulty with my being straight forward about this. I am the kind of person I have always wanted to be. Finally, I have found myself in life. Its not like I have not communicated clearly. So I continue sharing what is helpful for me and truly what I believe in my heart is an opportunity for others to be helpful for me... as well as for themselves concerning relationship. Lots of love has been created through the ways I have learned to be... me. There's a plus side to freaking out. Once I freak out enough, it no longer hinders moving forward. I become immune to discomfort. As I have mentioned money is the catalyst for relationship at this time. There is no stress in my life over money, its all about relationship with it and people. (now there's some stress) I don't know how much you know about me so I thought you might be interested to read just a little bit. I began making money as a musician at age 15 and am now almost 60. Through my entire life I've never had a money source other than through music. I have been through ways to make money that most people could never dream of; for example being able to command $2000 dollars for one hour piano performance on the back of a pickup truck! lol So now at this point of my life, along with faith, I have experience in literally a hundred different ways. I know I can do whatever is needed. Constantly I question myself, do I want money for security or what do I want it for?
September 19, 2013
Documenting my process of asking for contribution from facebook is important because if I don't, everything will be forgotten. Ha, maybe it is a mistake to not forget it all? The bombardment of negativity, the same rejections and excuses over and over, sometimes I ask for it. Sometimes I can let other people's crap flow over me and other times... no way. I told one person that when I work from the Traveling Piano truck it is all a "give". What I share on my website, all the music, writings and pictures... all "give". This is the way it has been on facebook except for on facebook... there is a lot of ongoing personal back and forth communicating added. That takes time and energy that I no longer have. With that said... If financial help does "not" come my way from friends... all of Danny Kean and the Traveling Piano will either go commercial or disappear from facebook. It is what is is. I no longer have time to spend with thousands of posts going through my timelines, hundreds of requests every week with private messages going back and forth through my inbox from people who are friends with me conditionally as long as they don't have to contribute to the friendship... "beat", two, three, four... and then there are hundreds of friend accounts that are now "dead" with people no longer using facebook, taking up space.
The friends who complain about my asking for help, or who inject there own needs, helplessness, reasons, excuses into my request as to why they cannot give... I have stated over and over, it brings me down, it is not helpful, well wishes without action is not helpful. I have said if you can't do something, please do nothing! it is totally difficult to keep my enthusiasm and not feel humiliated in asking for contribution when people insert their shit. Remember, it has been eight years of giving and now the 1st time ever I have asked to be given to. I have no interest in being polite about getting slammed with other peoples negative lives at this point and time when I specifically say it hurts and destroys my enthusiasm to continue onward. People who do that are "deadbeats." Could I be a little more tactful? I tried that... obviously it does not work as seen through the last few weeks of posts on facebook. To save my own ass... hardcore, is the way to go for now, its what I need to do for me.
September 18, 2013
Some people interpret my being straight forward and honest as disrespectful, rude and crude because they have no experience with someone being upfront with them or prefer communicating in politically correct ways only. With me... what you see is what you get. That comes with age and allot of work on myself through the years. Everyone who has been shocked and upset by my words over the last few weeks... they do not understand, respect or trust me and most probably do not want to. Any negative aspects concerning my personality and character have rarely had an opportunity to surface. It would be wrong not to show every aspect of myself both what people may consider good or bad, and say this journey is pure. People have not shoved their own negative characters in my face before and now... as I "mirror" there's some pretty nasty stuff flying around cyberspace. Thank god for my friends who support and understand... there are enough of them to carry me through. As I have always said, I am more interested in the quality of friendship more than the number of friends.
Gratefully, friends have been responding to share some support. I want to share the lengths people are willing to go to in order to show they care. My address has been asked for to send cash, a check, money order... a friend in a rural dessert area is sending a small money gram where I go pick it up at the nearest walmart... another friend opened up a paypal account in order to get a contribution sent... several people sent money through friends accounts... local friends have given me cash in hand... I have walked with friends through 10 step processes until we found a way. It was so ridiculous, it was fun. We now know and trust each other better, have had a positive interaction, we helped each other out. Friends from all over the world have responded. These have all been small contributions but I hope everyone is getting the message that this is not about the amount of money it is about the act of caring that I desire and appreciate... with all my heart. To show tangible acts of care, is the way I have always wanted to be and have been, and now see it through others coming in my direction. Thank God for active friends!
September 17, 2013
I was going to share the piano today in a nearby town but thought, "no, today for just you and mo." 70 degrees, sunny, tinge of a breeze, rolling down a hill in the grass with my dog, tug of war over a stick, laying next to a large lake, music surrounded by mountain greenery... that all won out over the chaos in my head. I've discovered that my music is the same whether I am angry or happy. The energy and notes are consistent more with clarity of spirit than with feelings. When my mind is chaotic or not clear, the music can be irritatingly obnoxious.
September 16, 2013
In trying to understand and be helpful through the process of dealing with people who say five dollars is too much to contribute to help keep the Traveling Piano going because they are so poor, I tried out an idea. I told them I would send five bucks (from my personal wallet) to their bank account and then they could send back three. That would be a win, win for both! This was to help keep my intent that the "act" of sharing is more important than the money. The money is a catalyst for the care and effort in connecting for support. The intent was truly to accept other people's realities. This was a thoughtful impulse that came my way. When I seek understanding there is always a way to happiness if the desire is honest, the intent pure. Well, it didn't work because when people are in a needy mode, all they can see, understand or hear, is their own neediness. And then there are those who will not contribute themselves but suggest I ask their friends. I tell them that I would rather not as this is a personal one-to-one request between us. I'm more looking for acts of sharing from friends verses fundraising in order to keep going. I have learned that more than a third of my facebook friends associate totally through pictures because they do not understand English. Now I understand why I keep getting thumbs up replies. Danny: "Would you please make a contribution?" Answer: "I Like You." And then there will always be those who say, "I can't speak English." To them I reply, "but you use contractions very well!"
September 15, 2013
In all my preoccupation with other than fun these days... Mo and I are still out playing, creating music and interacting with people.There is nothing I want to do less than deal with money... go out and get it, ask for it... the entire journey is based on the opposite. I must constantly create new actions to keep myself focused and stay on track with my original intent. When someone sends what I consider a substantial amount of money as a contribution and then the next three people send teeny weeny amounts... I must stay true to my desire and not allow my mind to go into a "want more" feel "not enough" or go into an "entitled" mode. The reality... I really appreciate the effort, the act of friendship, the show of care, the reaching back to me, participation, support, desire to be with me and what I do in life. That is the truth. The Traveling Piano may not last very long but those of us who know the same kind of loving, we know how long that will last... and what it does for our worlds. I was reading about a website that had to shut down its comment page citing trouble from internet trolls. It said, we're all familiar with that deep, dark rabbit hole of Internet comment boards. A negative or critical comment sparks a firestorm of debate until the discussion erodes into a cavalcade of insults and personal attacks. Once you finally snap back to reality, you realize you've often strayed so far from the original story that it's often difficult to find your way back. Ha, how I have experienced this on my facebook timeline in asking for contribution. I'm really glad I never kept up with a comment area on this website! lol...
September 14, 2013
Full time, up to twelve hours a day, I've been sending individual requests to people on my facebook friends list for financial support. I keep doing it because my job is to reach out for connection, stay open to opportunities for others to connect all over goodness. There is a tendency to get caught up in wanting immediate results. Life doesn't work that way. Sometimes results are immediate but not necessarily because of anything I'm doing. Then I wonder, when does the outreach become a waste of time and energy that could be better used in different ways. That again... I don't know nothin' and must depend on the purity of intent and emotions only. Thats all that matters. I'm asking friends and potential friends. A friend is someone willing to be helpful, to share. Five bucks is less than an hours work wage. If a friend can't give me an hour of their time, do I want them as a friend? Who knows what will happen with each request. There are many thousands of good possibilities. Again, my job is to reach out.
Personally, I enjoy offering time and money to friends when I sense they need it and without asking. Thank god I know other people like that. The process of rejection on facebook is helping me to weed out the wasteful, useless friendships that drain me into a state of neediness. Still, every time I am rejected it hurts. Does that sound selfish and harsh? So be it. I've done my time, my part, I'm ok with knowing when enough is enough. Asking without the element of friendly expectation is a practice. De-compartmentalizing everything is not my expertise... like separating the sending of emails and dealing with responses online verses taking the truck out to play and interacting with people for fun without agenda. I don't have much practice in doing that or thinking that way consciously. Separating work from play, my all or nothing mentality, the way my brain works so naturally, doesn't help. Originally, I wanted the asking for contribution to be fun play. I'm failing at that.
September 13, 2013
I always knew deep inside myself from the start that this life was about me. Then, I was taught differently from the outside. Now I learn more and more to stay inside and nurture, love, care for myself so I can go outside to play. If I had not had the grace to reach out to seek help, find people who see what others give and not what they get, I would have killed myself before age thirty for lack of self worth. A friend messaged me... Hi Danny!! I donated $15. It's not much but I hope it helps a bit. - "Boogie on", my friend!!! ... Actually, most friends have sent as little as $5 or $3 dollars. My thought about that... My spirit stays focused on the "intent of giving" as my mind wants to focus on "amount". Every friend who contributes financially, creates an act of giving for me that inspires. I replied, "It is allot... your act of contribution fills me emotionally and that is what drives me. Facebook, where I'm doing all of this, is full of varying degrees of relationship. Originally, I never thought connections could get personal but they have. Some friends entered into my personal realm while helping me through the time period of Piano Dog Boner's passing. Others now through financial contribution help to keep the journey going... Online relationships are entering into my personal realm. (considering that I am not a business, fundraiser or non-profit) It is a wonderful happening... the lengths my friends have gone through to show care, appreciation and effort.
September 12, 2013
When I'm sending requests for contribution, sometimes I get derailed when a negative reply comes in especially when its someone I know personally who I have given to over and over for years and have received nothing back. This is where I have to objectify. But, is that friendship? Then also I must check myself with expectations. I have no right to expectations here, that was the agreement with myself. Then I go back to objectification... I'm just doing my job, treat everyone the same, don't assume or get into their heads of how they are going to think, why they are going to think or what they are going to think. All that matters is what I think for me in this scenario as my intent is pure and good. Who knows where the request will end up and, or with whom. It might make turns into different, bigger and better paths or manifest greatness down the road. Maybe it will give someone a sense of purpose, give them the feeling of being needed, wanted. I know nothing except for what is coming out of my heart and soul. Do the job the best I can for positive results... stay out of results before they happen. It is not my place to decide how anyone will feel or react. If other people think I am being inappropriate or get angry or feel embarrassed or "put out" as a result of my request... at this point I ask myself, do I really want their friendship? What do I want from the friendship? Is there a healthy friendship or the possibility of that? I really am done with giving to takers whom have shown who they are, and I want to respectfully move away from them, push them away as gently as possible, if needed, simply shove them over a cliff and be done with them! Responding to people without anger, accusation, frustration, expectation or with good intention sometimes just does not work.
September 11, 2013
I have been thinking about wether asking for contribution from people who I gave to unconditionally with the Traveling Piano... if the asking for contribution detracts from the original gift. Does it dilute the original experience. In being as honest as I can be... I have never given the Traveling Piano experience with intent to get something in return other than fun in the moment. When I say for people to email me for the pictures I take of them, this has served two purposes. I consider the Traveling Piano pictures as a tag to the experience entailing additional time and effort. People can always find their pictures unconditionally on the website. If they want me to personally send them I want for everyone to at least to go through the effort of asking. Also, in the back of my head I have always wanted the email addresses to possibly stay in touch for updates or just in case I ever do go commercial again but never with any expectation. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be asking people for contribution as I am now. The last time I sent an email to anyone on the list was back when Piano Dog Boner passed away in 2010. So, any past time spent with anyone on the Traveling Piano... it was what it was. Now the relationship can/should develop as friends. It is constant work to keep clear my intent and perspectives while not taking on outside motives from the past or present concerning what other people think or try to put into me. What do I want for myself?
September 10, 2013
REPEAT FROM LAST MONTH: The Traveling Piano truck engine died. The truck is 26 years old with 300,000 miles on it. This happened while I was driving to West Virginia from Pennsylvania immediately after a $1200 tuning, radiator replacement, wheels, repair, etc... Mo and I are a little stranded but have a roof over our head. I need practical financial help more than encouragement, condolences, suggestions or ideas. The funds do not exist to replace the truck. The piano and equipment is built into it. If I must go back to work to "fund-raise money", the journey as it is... will end. Whether to end the journey totally as it is, or rebuild the engine are my choices. I have been funding this journey by myself. I sold my home back in 2008 to do it. If you want to help with financial contribution, I need it and that is not easy to say. About $3000 more than the $1200 is needed. What makes the Traveling Piano unique is that it does not charge fees... solicit tips... fundraise... sell product... or promote for sponsorship. All that is a way to make a living. It is not the Traveling Piano way... which is the way of pure friendship and friends taking care of each other. It is very difficult to keep these update posts real and not get caught up in the raising of money. I am looking for unconditional support as in... giving for the sake of giving... or simple because I ask as a friend... or because the Traveling Piano is good in of itself for the world and you want for it to continue... for the world. I know people care. You can help by making a contribution via the paypal donate button on this page... Its Time To Contribute ...If you would like to send money by snail mail, private email me and I will send you an address. Another way to help... prayers and good energy always.
September 09, 2013
My full focus for now is on finances. Asking for people to contribute. I'm pulling on all my personal resources. I am asking you... please contribute. If you wonder why I do not do fundrasing, look at the last post to this website from last month. It explains as clear as I can be. The Traveling Piano deserves to keep going for another year and this is the first time I have ever really made a push... because it is necessary. The truck engine must be replaced as soon as possible. $5 would help. For me it is more the act of giving and sharing for the journey that is helpful more than anything else. If you have enjoyed my work, what the Traveling Piano has to offer and believe in what it accomplishes through sharing freely with the world, please take one minute to help out... Please Contribute
If a check, cash or money is easier, I'll send you an address. Use the contact link in the menu to the left of this page. My goal is to keep the Traveling Piano free from Commercial, Organization or Political agenda and would very much appreciate your support. If you have done nothing, stop being a voyeur and help!!! LOL I mean it. :)
September 08, 2013
A dream I woke up with haunted me all day until bedtime. It was about a plane crash I witnessed and was drawn into out of curiosity, drama, stimulation, care and compassion. I remembered going up to someone who was severely injured and I laid down with them simply to comfort and "be" with them until help arrived. I could not shake off everything about it all day. At mid-day Mo and I drove to the park and hiked. The temperature was hot and my mind says just keep going, do it. Afterwards I created music and then a mother and daughter came with their two dogs. Mo and everyone played fetch in the water. There was no way to get the two woman onto the piano, I was not sure why but I told them a lot about myself. As they were leaving they stopped and the mom came over to give me a twenty dollar bill which I resisted but she insisted but then... that was an excuse to give them each a music tape and my contact info. Thinking I would be tired out it wasn't until almost six in the morning that I went to bed again... with that dream!
September 07, 2013
The sky was bluer than I've ever seen but I could not get a picture because there were only glimpses through the trees. We returned to the same spot as yesterday because I can walk on level ground. Need to walk as much as possible to get healthier. It was easy going for two hours. There was nothing special in scenery, it was all about simply being in nature. No buildings, no roads, no power lines, people... just a wonderful walk along a dry canal. We found a really nice spot along the Potomac river. Mo went swimming and then began to see fish jumping so he went fish hunting, lurking in the water... waiting for his prey. That was funny to watch. He also now hunts sticks in the water. He'll feel one with his feet and then dive under to pull it up from the water's bottom. It was so beautiful out. Exercise is the priority. Creating music is next and then comes sharing the piano. If nothing else gets done on days like this, so be it. That includes finding someone to fix the truck before the engine totally gives out. Please Contribute
I thought there would be little to no piano playing after I finished the walk. I was tired to begin with but... thats not what happened. Into the night I met incredibly stimulating people. There was a family originally from South Africa, the five kids were home schooled. That can always go either way. Apparently for this family it worked. The mom has just finished biking sixty miles with here seventeen year old son! Light heartily I said to the parents, "Everyone is so literate!" The eleven year old boy, got up onto the truck, pushed the seat cushion away, adjusted his piano seat, his posture, made sure everything in his mind was in place and began to play... well I would go as far to say that he was in the top three piano players ever on the truck musically speaking. He played like an adult.
There were enthusiastic newlyweds, a brother and sister from across the boarder where I am staying in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia and the guy... he and I were totally on the same wave length concerning life perspective. It was totally dark by the time everyone left and I knew if I just drove back to where I am staying I'd be up all night trying to wind down so I created music for another half hour by myself. There is nothing better than when I cannot drown out the sounds of the night. I created music as loud as I could take it, to my hearts delight with the crickets, locusts, night birds fluttering, the sounds of the Potomac river, the night breeze... total joy.
September 06, 2013
Today was like yesterday except for being in Hancock, Maryland. Took a long walk along the canal. There was a lot of after work activity going on with fishing boats and families eating dinner by the river. It feels really good to see people enjoy nature. Two local brothers and a sister found us. It felt respectful to see how the older brother watched out for his siblings. It was fun to see him trying to process what was happening for him in the moment. He told me he likes to mess around on the guitar and likes 90's grunge music like Alice in Chains a favorite heavy metal band of mine. Two other guys... one was on a break from jail. He's been there many times and expects to go back for ten years or more. I asked him if he was used to it and prefers jail to the outside. He said no, he doesn't like being locked up but at least no one bothers him in there... as he knows how to work the system now. Also he talked about the prisons and how since they have become privatized business, they are more and more corrupt. The guards now make between $25 and $50 bucks for smuggling in just a pack of cigarettes. That just makes me so angry. A woman who had been sitting with her husband in their truck came out to have a go at the piano and get a picture. She was just loving it all. I hope I can walk every day... it was a few miles today, I must get back into better shape. Health, Traveling Piano work and then the future are my priorities. I must find someone to rebuild the truck engine or put a new one in for me. There are mechanics near where I am staying but none that I can trust.
September 05, 2013
Great day! Packed a sandwich, some fruit, water, the computer and usual stuff. Drove to the top of a mountain. Took a long walk with Mo, spent some time with people, recorded some music and just enjoyed the opportunity to love being. We hiked through fields of white wildeflowers and ferns. As I created music, I watched clouds. They were constantly changing but I could not see the process. That was really weird. I was reading an article about a young guy named Jacob Barnett who has autism and how his mother used the idea of "Muchness" to help him enjoy life. At now fifteen years of age the kid is a renowned physicist and he said, "You all have some passion, you all know what it is. Think about that field (living the passion) instead of learning about that field. Instead of being a student of that field, be the field, whether it's music, or architecture, or science, or whatever." Also the article talked about how we are all here to play and have fun. Don't put pressure on yourself. Your enthusiasm is your biggest asset; just protect that. I want to see those words in every moment of every day.
A friend brought up in conversation that some people do not understand about my recent requests for contribution and how it is much more than about money. My asking people for contribution (especially out of gratitude).... is much more about the act of caring and support, value and worth (me personally) and to help me stay strong concerning Traveling Piano enthusiasm, decisions and choices. I really do need action from others and want every opportunity to clarify more for myself what relationship is worth! I am learning that money can be a good representation, even as little as five bucks when shared with the correct intent.
September 04, 2013
It was another beautiful day. Some people have said, "when I wake up, if I can take a breath of air it is a good day." (or something like that) I have been saying, "when I wake up, if I can start the Traveling Piano truck, it is a good day!" It started today. Mo and I drove to say hi to some friends and then stopped at their neighbors as I had promised last month to show their kids the Traveling Piano. At first I went to the wrong house down a long not well kept road. It felt like I was driving through the Alaskan bush once again. I began to get a little nervous and then I came to a small house. Once up the driveway it took ten minutes to turn around so I could get out when it was time. I was surprised no one came outside so I went up to the door thinking, "If this is the wrong house these people are going to be really nice or really mean." There was a guy inside and he was nice. Sometimes people in rural areas can be very territorial and not social at all! After all the visits to people, Mo and I drove to the park where I once again wailed out my psyche through music for about an hour until the sun set. Three women friends, one who's birthday it was found us. I forgot to get the birthday girl on the piano seat for a picture of just her, for her! Damm, hate when that happens.
On facebook, I put out another call for contribution to keep going but forgot to include as with other posts to please not comment, like, give an idea or opinion if the friend reading the post has not contributed. I'd rather they say nothing because I just get angry, frustrated, it saps my self respect that friends who have been enjoying the Traveling Piano for years will not share five bucks to help keep it going... but want to say they care. It has taken my all to ask as I have never asked before. I'm asking you... here now too. Its Time To Contribute Contact me via the contact link if you want to contribute by check, cash or money order. So anyway... I am am going to state how I feel about people and this journey whether anyone wants to hear it or not and especially if they ask for it by not respecting my wishes to not respond. I will be me, and if that is interpreted as egotistical, ha, so be it. My friends list is clearing out from people who I am finding are not the kind of friends I want to have. Some people really get angry if you ask them for help or... they use my asking for contribution as an excuse to express their own neediness. Ha, that would be more than ninety-five percent of my family! If I was a commercial entity I would not be able to show the more raw side of myself here and my goal is to show as much as I can, be as honest as I can as to who I am and what I am about. There is not one particle of me that wants to be mean, vindictive or inconsiderate. I think about every move I make. When my spirit is clear that my intent is to be helpful for everyone including myself, I move forward. I no longer have time to waste being friends with people who do nothing but take, take, take. On the Traveling Piano well now... that is all about give, give, give so taking is not an issue! Ha, this is an issue come around once again from when I sold my home. On a lighter note... this year the wild yellow daisies and sunflowers, the varieties everywhere I have never seen so much... without question, the year of the wild yellow daisies and sunflowers!
September 03, 2013
Today was so perfect I had to get out. My head is constantly flying in many different directions at the same time. The truck started that was a good thing so I decided to get it to the local auto store for a new battery. I also purchased new terminals for it because the old ones were corroding off. Now hopefully after $200 more put out... the truck will start better. Feeling safer, the engine did start but the truck spewed white smoke. I was told that was the engine dying. This I know but online there must be ten other reasons along with that. Its crazy, since everything is falling apart, I'll just need to keep trouble shooting with new parts until it is in reality safe from breaking down. I've gone through this for years. Now its just everyday. I drove to the park and threw a stick for Mo to fetch for awhile and then jumped onto the piano seat and must have wailed for over an hour releasing insanity from my head out through music into the nether regions of the universe.
September 02, 2013
An interesting, random spark of spontaneity and synchronicity happened today. My friend Barbara called to say I should turn on the local npr public radio affiliate because there was an interview happening with a guy who created a book about people and their love of pickup trucks. They were looking for people to call into the station who have pickup trucks that are important for them. I ended up calling in with no idea what-so-ever as to what was going on. Within a minute I was on the radio talking. Of course I gave a "shout out" for anyone who may be able to help rebuild the Traveling Piano engine. (that is why I called in, ha) If you... know of anyone who might be interested in rebuilding or replacing a 1987 Toyota Pickup R22 Engine, a truck with 265,000 miles on it, carburetor rebuilt in 2006, new radiator last month, stick-shift, 2 wheel drive... I will travel to where needed. Being on the road, I must find someone who once they start the job... will continue until it is finished without a break to work on something else. Here's the interview... I come on at the marker 36:00 for about 6 minutes of talk: Loving Pickups
Ha, then I ended up finding the author online and emailed him to see if he knew of anyone to help with the engine. He's looking into it for me. You can read all about the trucks problems on last months blog. In the meantime... for the first time in this journey, I am asking for support. The Traveling Piano now needs support financially in order to continue. If you do not use paypal, please email me from the contact page and we can make other arrangements. Its Time To Contribute
September 01, 2013
Today was rainy, I did practically nothing while thinking about the fact that I was doing nothing along with how enjoyable it is in learning to be truthful and honest about my intent with everything I say and do. When the truth for myself is clear, I have nothing to be concerned about, I mean with any motives other people assign to me whether they be right or wrong and... my deciphering other people's truth and motives can be dangerous territory.