HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
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March 31, 2010
White Rock Lake, Texas
I have been using my GPS to check out different parks in the Dallas, Texas area so I have been deep into many neighborhoods. Today I found many like on the east coast with tall shady trees, smaller neighborhood streets and million dollar plus houses... a lot of million dollar houses... I mean I have never seen so many million dollar houses in one area in my entire life! There is some money here in Texas I tell ya... I found a beautiful urban area named White Rock Lake with many pull off's for parking. I choose an empty one because I did not want to be scrunched between suv's.
The timing was perfect between interactions that were consistent. A truck pulled up... three girls smoking and a hula hoop came out. I thought, "here we go..." Amanda jumped up on top of the piano while her friends jammed. Another guy stopped by and sat to play Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor... we video taped it... An eighty two year old guy out for a walk, a retired physicist who had never played on a piano before... today was his day. A woman with her friend, she sat down to play one note and began to cry. "I have always know what my DNA sounds like put to music." Do you think I am kidding? ...not. She was very moved by the experience and I wanted for her to have whatever experience she wanted and in whatever way she wanted it. She heard her DNA in a single note today.
March 30, 2010
Today was definitely a fun day! I had errands to run. It took courage to take the Traveling Piano to a repair shop. (fear concerning money issues, quality of service, getting ripped off etc...) I spotted what seemed to be a rarity in Plano Texas... a privately owned car repair shop named Sam's Auto Care. Talked with Sam, a guy from India and asked him if he would contribute his services. The truck needed new rotors. He was willing to help me out with the cost and then I... suggested maybe some type of barter and he said yes! That was all I needed to hear. An opportunity to give to a giver! I created music on the truck with it jacked up in the air and... it was in the shade which felt really good! Sam had been wanting to have a little get together at the shop seeing as he just opened up five months ago. This Saturday... hotdogs and chicken from the grill, soda and chips... and Traveling Piano music outside Sam's Auto Care. A woman named Julie walked into the shop to sell Sam a security service. She, Sam and the auto shop crew jumped onboard to jam on the Traveling Piano. Romi Latif from Pakistan took a break from replacing the Traveling Piano wheel brake rotors to play and sing some Indian Gospel Christmas Music. Was this spontaneous synchronicity and creativity in the moment or what! Talked to a beautiful woman who was a refugee from the war in Uganda, ate delicious cake made from a woman originally from Iranian who owns a bakery shop in a Brazilian neighborhood. All this in one day while in white, conservative Texas? My past stereo type ideas and what people have told me throughout life... wrong.
March 29, 2010
Maryilyn, a woman who wrote a very special poem for Boner and myself... I went to play some music for her during her lunch break. It was so funny, one of her first sentences.. "I only listen to classical music like Rachmaninoff." Just like Brian the guy who owns the house where I am staying, one of his first sentences, "I only listen to country music." Hahaha... I think they both thought I wanted to rock their worlds with chaos and noise. I'm sure Marilyn was relieved. I hoped she liked the music I improvised for her. It was sunny and hot. We could not find a tree here in texas to shade us. How funny is that? We ended up parking by a curb behind a shopping center. A young woman found us and stopped by. I gave her a short Traveling Piano experience.
A paint chip fell off a rusty spot on the newly painted Traveling Piano truck and it happened in the worst possible spot... three colors worth of spot. Oh... No...hurt... pain...! I drove meandering around Richardson, Texas thinking about how the truck has been needing new brakes or rotors and it will need to be fixed...now. Thinking about how difficult it is to find shade, how I am glad it is not summer. I found some messy neighborhoods. Ha, finally... I was developing preconceived notions that Texas was all neat and squeaky clean. I was reminded how everything is everywhere and that preconceived notions have never served me well. I found a sunny open parking lot where I recorded some music while watching a dad fly a kite with his son. Nearby there was a beautiful pond with a black swan and many turtles at the waters edge sunning themselves. Love turtles!
March 28, 2010
Deep Ellum Dallas, Texas
Wow, I've finally been on a movie binge... in the last twenty four hours I saw a fun animation movie called, Up... then saw Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino... just came back from seeing Alice In Wonderland in 3-D. Gail my host and I saw it at a movie grill. This was the first time seeing a movie while seated at a table for dinner with cushiony seated chairs. Try watching a movie and eating quesadillas with salsa in the dark while wearing 3-D glasses, ha.
Earlier today, I found myself in the Deep Ellum section of downtown Dallas... a club area that was fairly empty on this fine sunny day. There was a guy sitting alone in a chair chillin' outside his store and although I would have liked to have found several people chillin'... one was enough for a short visit. He immediately phoned some friends because he knew they would enjoy the experience... he was a giver' and a sharer' so I stayed and hung around for a bit. I'm glad I did. I met some fine people. I have been getting past my need to feeeel... my way into a situation to create a Traveling Piano experience. It has been becoming to much work. The last three times I just gave up and plopped myself wherever I was and began to play.
Driving into town, it was fun to see the 20 story high rise gold reflective glass buildings and other humongous high rises standing alone, spaced out in the sky. The neighborhoods I have seen here in Dallas so far... are squeaky clean, some would call it anal... with tidiness and perfection the landscaped houses... there is something to be said for that I'm just not sure what... especially having come from some recently majorly messy areas of the country.
My friggin' new camera is defective, $500 it cost and I threw away the boxing and everything else because I knew that I would not have the where-with-all to deal with the possibility of this happening. And then my GPS began to act up, and then... and then... the new paint job on the Traveling Piano truck... a huge piece of paint chipped off of the worse spot possible at both a blue and red area and with the lettering on the side of the truck. This is a real boo, hoo, hoo... for me because I have been using this newly painted truck to keep my spirits up ever since Bo died. I have been loving its perfection and newness. It was painted on the day he died!
Piano dog Boner has returned to me. Anyone who knows me will understand that I am not crazy. Thank God I have like minded and open minded people in my life. This fact frees me to tell my experience, strength and hope... the truth, throughout this Journey of Peregrinating Musical Exploration. Ever since Bo left I have not been able to feel his spirit. I knew I would need the help of friends to get me through his death and friends have pulled through for me one hundred percent. Everyone has been helping me to allow the feelings that I have been experiencing. Because of this... I have not shut down, repressed, suppressed or suffered greatly the transition of Boner's passing in any way. Three days ago I think the letter I found from someone whom I had never met... on the new bed I was to sleep in that night (yesterdays blog entry) ...that act of kindness from a new friend was the clincher for me to allow my buddy's comfort, the feeling of his spirit to return to me.
I have begun again to take walks at night like we used to do together. I have felt Boner's presence on these walks more than just out of memory and habit. I have been feeling pressure on my right leg. It was curious because Bo rarely pressed against my leg while walking and then today... I was telling an old memory to someone on the street. The first time I ever realized that a dog was capable of compassion (never having had a dog before)... it was when Bo was very young. A very close friend of mine had died. I was sitting on my kitchen step crying over the loss. Bo as a young pup came over and sat next to me. He simply sat down and pressed his body against mine (exactly like I have felt the last few days with my leg while walking) ... and then gently with one lick, only one lick... he licked a tear from my cheek and then... went right back into sitting position while pressing against me to simply... "be" with me nothing more nothing less... he just sat still and quiet and allowed me to grieve while letting me know I was not alone. He licked one tear from my cheek and then sat down next to me and stayed pressed against my side until I got up. I have been feeling that same sensation while walking. My buddy has been comforting me, letting me know he is still present and the realization came to fruition today on a city street in Dallas, Texas. I suppose I will be looking forward to walking a lot more :)
March 27, 2010
St Paul, Texas
Today I found out that some parks are private business. Who knew? I had to pay to drive the vehicle inside the park and then again to have the vehicle in the park. Cheezzzz.... We were practically the only ones there, me and Boner in spirit. Actually he could never have physically taken the sun or wind just sitting on top of the piano. What can I say, the situation today was painful in being without my best buddy. The wind was so strong the truck moved constantly I felt like I was going to take off and get blown into the lake. I allowed the feeling and on some level wanted for it to happen. I created music like a maniac partly because I could barely hear myself the wind was so loud blowing by my ears.
On seeing the bed I was going to sleep in last night, I was greeted with a piece of paper on the bed cover. It was a picture and poem from Maryilyn a lady I never met. She had taken a picture from Boner's website and after reading about him... his personality, fun, experiences and desires... she choose a website picture of when someone shared their water with him using a plunger as a water bowl... Maryilyn wrote a poem for us. She spoke of doogie toilet issues, his favorite chewman toys, running with sticks, wanting to be top dog, his acceptance of life, lessons taught and learned, his departure, our reality for the future. Maryilyn... another gift in my life to help keep me feeling... through my life transition with and without Bo.
What is it about dogs and toilets ?! ...
and chewmen, gutted of stuffing, of course...
and running freely with sticks.
They want to drive but can't reach the pedals, so
they ride shotgun or backseat drive.
They show you things you've never seen before,
They teach you lessons God wants you to know, and
then they run home leaving us to follow alone...
for a while
March 26, 2010
Met Gail and Brian, I will be staying with them a few days. Gail has a business. She has been an occupational hand therapist and lymphedema therapy specialist for over 25 years. She owns the Covenant Hand Therapy center in Plano Texas. I resisted so far... in asking her to check out my hands to see if they are ok :). Brian is a twenty one year retired Navy man, a successful Vietnam vet who has not been destroyed psychologically by the war. He has Menieres disease which I had never heard about before. It has to do with the nerve that connects the ear to the brain. The nerve is always firing off which affects his balance and motion and creates flu like symptoms all the time like dizziness, sweats and feeling nauseous. He sleeps in a recliner chair because of the disease. Wood cabinetry is his fun and his garage is full of specialized equipment for sawing wood. I met Gail at her work after I had been to the house. She said Brian cannot handle to much talking. Poor guy... I had just finished giving him a forty-five minute non-stop intense energy Danny Kean talk. Gail said he might be in the bathroom throwing up.
I went looking for a park in Dallas, Texas just a mile down the road and could not find any that I could drive into so I just pulled into a small park lot by the road. I wasn't going to play music because where I was parked it felt stupid to do. I laid in the sun for a short while. When I went to leave I thought, "who cares, I want to play some music," and within ten minutes people began to stop by. It's all about going with the flow. A conversation started with a dad who's three young daughters were having a go at the piano. He was a personal trainer and brought all food issues down to one word... "stress." I get that.
March 25, 2010
Drove to Aulbrey, Texas to finally pick up the camera I purchased last week. I hope it works. Met up with a new friend Sigrid and her young son Alexander. We drove around looking for a good spot to create some music... the state parks wanted five bucks per adult just to park... ugly. So... while working up some synchronicity and spontaneity Sigrid points out a trailer we are passing while saying, "we should visit those people they are really beautiful and there are about ten children in that trailer." Off the road and into the driveway we go. Mom and daughter and about six kids... we all had the usual fun. Afterwards we went to the local "free" park for just the three of us. Sigrid is a powerful spirit having lived a life much more complex than mine. This is a woman in her fifties, an Indonesia refugee, a Morman with a six year old adopted child, living in the oldest house in Aulbrey and the only house to have held up through a tornado that destroyed the town in the early 1900's. Sigrid has owned businesses and raised two adulthood sons. She has experience with living in the moment for better or worse much more than any person I have met to date! At the park there were a few kids hanging out... one of the boys came over to create some music. I also went searching for an English Lop eared rabbit today. I just cannot get this absolutely ridiculous visual out of my head of a huge rabbit sitting on top of the piano with long ears hanging over the sides... I laugh every time I think about it.
March 24, 2010
Collin County, Texas
Who let the dogs out! ...or maybe I should say the day... gone to the dogs! In any case it sure was fun. Fun enough to drive an hour and a half to play and create music in a field of about 75 dogs running around with pure abandonment. I would need to post a lot of pictures to really show the scene. Jan runs Doogie Kamp Inc., a boarding and rehab facility for dogs in Mc Kinney, Texas. She also rescues and places throw away dogs when possible and has about sixty that live with her in her house. Outside they run free on eleven acres with two ponds.
Slobber all over my body, doggies scratching on my newly painted truck, oh my... and mud... (probably poop too) all over the truck outside and in. We were shutting all the gates after I drove the truck into the middle of the field and before turning around first thing I hear... a pound on the piano keys. One of the dogs wasted no time jumping in to play. Hahahaha.... They all loved it, even a older pup with her paralyzed back legs made it over to the truck. My clothes need to be washed, so do the wheels of the truck from everyone peeing on them. Talk about a person who has been following her passion in life, Jan is a busy woman at sixty six years of age. All the dogs treated the Traveling Piano like a new toy to have an adventure with. They love people. I had so much fun watching them jump on, jump off, lay around and listen to music, get excited because they had company... no question about it, these dogs live a happy life.
March 23, 2010
Today was a winner. It felt like I am back on track. I went to the Denton town square in Texas and was pleasantly surprised at how much character was in the environment. The town courthouse was awesome. The people living here like their home. I had originally thought the area was just urban sprawl. Today was a reminder of how every area I visit has a little of everything. I had met Charlotte and Robb last night. Robb has a candy store on the square so I went to visit them. Next store was a pawn shop so we went in to see if they had a camera I could use. I asked the owner if he could give me a deal considering my circumstances and he sold me a great temporary camera for twenty bucks! The pictures for today were taken with it. Thank God because I would have gone crazy without pictures today.
It was a day of just hanging out with some locals. I was treated to a Philly cheese steak that tasted just like a Philly cheese steak. I was treated to Beth Marie's Old Fashioned Ice Cream, a specialty here. A guy named Cody jumped up onto the piano and so did his huge German Shepherd, Delilah. She had the same Karma as Bo. I absolutely felt Boner's spirit merge with her up on that piano and it did my soul good. Along with lots of people jumping up to play, a bunch of us drove around town for a Traveling Piano drive through. At about half way through our run I said, "hey, I wanna get up there and play some on that piano!" A beautiful lady switched seats with me and we played the rest of the route with Ragtime, Boogie Woogie and Piano Improvisation. I jumped on the piano seat and she jumped into the truck to take over the stick shift driving.
All things happen at the right time. I knew Boner would not leave me before his time and it would be ok when he was to transition. As much as I miss him... that fact does give me comfort. He would never have been able to take a strong sunny day like today on the piano as he did when he was a pup. Love him, will always love him. I am grateful that people still partake in the journey with Bo being in spirit only.
March 22, 2010
It was a beautiful day... once I got up... I'm allowing myself the time to process whatever I need to process. I need to go out and create music... every opportunity... can't help myself... I set it up both subconsciously and consciously when I think fun, friendship and respect first thing in the morning. Found a park lake ten minutes away... damm with no camera, a new one is in the mail. It was so pretty today... I pulled up to a few fisherman and asked if they would mind. The colors were great, black guys with the blue water, a red and green chair, cowbay hat, the one guy had gold teeth. "How much did those cost," I asked? He said around 240. I was afraid to make an ass out of myself by saying something like, "$240,000???" So I just said, "wow." Hahaha... The one guy's three little daughters joined them. I wanted to connect more because they did not want to get onto the piano to play so I began some Boogie Woogie and when I finished one of the guys turned around saying, "don't stop now..." So I went into a wild rendition of the Maple Leaf Rag. Hahaha... it was so funny to watch because they were right in front of me and I could only see there backsides as they could not resist moving, the little girl first... with a twist of the foot, and then the guys trying to resist bouncing and turning around to look at me with approval... when I finished they turned around with an uncontrollable shout of "whooweeeeee!" Ha, that was so much fun. How can I not continue with the Traveling Piano? As long as I am doing it, I am having fun. When I stop for any length of time I start to sink. To live in joy today is truly a one hundred percent conscious decision. A friend suggested I get a english lop eared rabbit for the top of the piano and then sent me a picture of one. "The ears would almost reach the piano keys," she said. So funny....
March 21, 2010
Mc Kinney, Texas
My friend Amy and her mom who used to live in Texas tired hooking me up with an old friend to stay with today so off I drove to Mc Kinney Texas to sixty-six year old Jan's house who has a passion for rescuing dogs. As soon as I saw the place I new I was in for trouble. :) The house was not that big and I was to take the bedroom that a few of the dogs have been using. What is a few? Jan had sixty dogs on the premise. From the truck I figured I would fill my pockets with a few dog treats for a lucky dog having no idea how many dogs were inside. Once inside... it was overwhelming with the energy and noise and at least twenty five dogs of all shapes and sizes headed straight for me all trying to say hello at the same time. Then they got a scent of what was in my pockets and that is when the nibbling through my clothes began... not to mention that most of them had just come in from the muddy, wet and cold outside... "down doggie"... I just took all the treats out of my pockets and tried to throw them as far away from me as possible. The place looked like an orphanage. I decided to pass up the doggie mattress in a bed frame on the floor in the spare bedroom especially considering my allergy to dog dander and wet dog. Jan and I went to dinner... I'm back at the crappy inn I stayed at last night. Another night sleeping with a ski cap on because I can't take the dry, stale heat. I took a peek under the Traveling Piano tarp and it did not look wet in the one little spot I saw. It was cold and I was just not ready to see if the piano still works or not.
March 20, 2010
Today has been one of my worse days of my life. It started out really good having had the best homemade waffles ever from my host Sharon. Then I left for my next life experieince. Right now I am in a crappy hotel room by myself for the first time ever... without any company, a home to return to or nearby, or most importantly my best buddy who passed away one month ago today. Some people, I realize would love this experience of being by themselves. I might be able to tolerate it a little more if I was more comfortable and secure. Actually, I need some time by myself. I could have stayed with a new friend but her house was just in to much disarray. I've been with people every minute since Bo passed away. My friend completely understood which created the potential for a really good friendship. After paying top dollar (which is relative) for a resort room where I thought I might be able to get my head together with what to do next, get some peace of mind, treat myself for the first time in many, many years... I realized the room, price and convenience did not have a good feeling and there was no wireless internet access which I need to do my work. I knew the time would come for this moment to happen but nevertheless it is excruciatingly painful, my being by myself. Traveling Piano Dog Boner... my buffer with the world, my confidant, my buddy, my friend, my cohort in life, partner in crime, object of affection, special relationship, soulmate in spirit, the love of my life... There just is no ability to consistently choose gratitude and joy for today. I am bouncing back and forth... praying, crying, wondering, confused, numb... with miniscule moments of feeling ok. I feel pulled to go east, go west, go north, go south, go nowhere.Talking to a friend on the phone really helped. Outside it is thirty two degrees and a friggin' blizzard with high winds is happening in Texas, in March, what the fuck? Two inches of snow is on the Traveling Piano tarp right now and that will make it real easy for water to seep in. At least the snaps held for me today. Is this journey over? Boner helped me deal with people and helped people deal with me. I don't feel like hanging onto people just to help keep the journey going. I have been with people to create fun, friendship and respect not to use them as a substitution for the intimacy I had with my dog. I feel like I want to get away for a while and meditate but I don't seem to be able. Grace... please grant me the grace to keep going...
March 19, 2010
Fort Worth, Texas
My head is chaotic and not at the same time. My cell phone service will not allow a personal message so any people trying to find out if I am a real person only hear a generic number on my answering machine, not good... I am just so fed up, I just... "breath." Two phone messages came in from the east coast to do "jobs" (from people I know and who should know better) The approach... what can I get for nothing ...ugh. They do not understand... no matter how many times or ways I communicate. I now only "give to givers" unless I do not know that your a "taker" ...which is why I love just meeting random people and gifting them and then moving forward. Hahaha...
Also, today, I have had my first hosting experience in being disappointed from a group of several people in one city who first said they were interested in having me visit and then started passing me off to each other and then acted like they were interesting when really they were really full of doubt and hesitation. They actually looked up my present host and called the house to check and see if I was legitimate! Hahaha... and when given a positive reference... told my present host to have me call them instead of returning my calls or emails directly!
What I do in visiting overnight with strangers is a two way street... the approach must be one of trust with each other. I mean really... this website has it all out and in the open, so... I'm not going to go into someone's home who is scared to have me there. That would be silly and if they do not have the courage and character to say, "I am no longer interested" ... or at least the tack to communicate something like... "there has been a change in plans"... damm, if they had just blown me off completely and ignored me it would have been easier ... ahh, living in the present moment, what fun! ...most of the time. Rant...rant...rant...
I woke up thinking about the superbowl dream and wether to stay in this area or not because I found out synchronistically yesterday that it will be held in this area next year. The truck tarp is disintegrating, the snaps... all at the same time are not holding, so off I went looking for an upholstery guy to help... which lead to the daycare center in a strip mall next door ... I offered to gift the little tots (needed permission) with the Traveling Piano... which lead to another auto upholstery shop because the first guy could not help... which lead to a Traveling experience for the second guy's son. The second guy was good samaritan and helped. We shall see if the snaps hold (please god).
...which lead to finding out that my camera has died. Not my camera!!!!!!!! Which lead me to Arlington, Texas because that was the only store within fifty miles that had the camera I needed... which lead me to finding out the store did not have the camera when they said it did... which lead to the fact that with total surprise the new football stadium where the superbowl will be held next year, was two blocks away... which lead me to drive right into the parking lot and up to within twenty feet of the doors until the security asked me to drive back into the parking lot... hahaha... which led me to a lone motorbike guy in the parking lot who was taking pictures of the building. I asked him to take a picture of me outside it and begged him to send it to me via email... which lead to me playing outside in the stadium parking lot while I Dreamed the Dream... (do you know about the dream?) ...which lead me back to near where I am staying... which lead me to the good samaritans house where his fifteen year old son and neighbor friend jumped on the back of the truck. I drove while they improvised music from Traveling Piano throughout the neighborhood streets. Dad drove on a bike behind us to make sure I did not drive away with the kids :) Miss my dog, my best friend.
March 18, 2010
Today the sun was out and I had some fun... with other people of course. It started out with lunch (really breakfast) with my host Clyde with his local Kiwanis group. Kiwanis are an international group almost a hundred years old. They help with the needs of individuals in communities. The meeting leader mentioned that the superbowl will be held nearby in Arlington, Texas and the owner of the stadium lives here in Fort Worth. Very interesting information for this juncture of my life considering this whole journey began with the Wildest of Dreams to streak across the Superbowl field (clothed) performing some Boogie Woogie. Should I stay here and work on that dream for a year? I can go commercial if I choose as the original contract that I made with myself was to share Boner and my partnership without cost as long as he was around. Hmmm... lots of feeling around to do for myself. I realize that this writing might be very difficult to follow for people who do not know the complex and collage type Traveling Piano story... from the start.
A few Kiwanis members stopped by the Traveling Piano truck after the meeting and then I hooked up with Sharon the other half of my present host duo. We took a ride to a local park. I had to pay to get in (which I have a problem with) but it was a beautiful day and I did not want to waste time. We both created music. I met a really nice couple fishing originally from Laos in Southeast Asia and they were thrilled to play a piano for the first time. I saw my first "roadrunner" run across the street. Roadrunners are ground cuckoo birds that prefer walking or running and attain speeds up to 17 mph. hour. At dinner I got to know my new friends Clyde and Sharon better. They talked about the many foster children they have had over the years. They continually volunteer in their community and have traveled to many different countries around the world. The house they live in cannot be more classic 1950's with the paneling and linoleum floors... Clyde with his handlebar mustache and Sharon with her perfect beehive hair style and multi colored hand knitted socks... their love of old music and black and white television movies and sitcoms... it does not get more real. I have been a fortunate man to continuously meet such interesting people.
March 17, 2010
Fort Worth, Texas
Saw a sign on the road that I could not resist taking a picture of. "Private Road Not A Thru Road Owner Has A Gun Stay Out This Means You." I was sooo... tempted to test it out. Man oh man, I physically cannot drive distances like I used to. I left rural Oklahoma and entered Fort Worth Texas today. Rural, urban, rural, urban... six of one, half dozen of another. Rural, ton's of dirt... Urban, ton's of traffic with nasty drivers. I really missed Boner while driving today. Hate to say it because I have been working very hard to focus only on the gratitude and the joy of our time together and... hanging out in traffic by myself with no interest in listening to the radio or anything else... we were happy in just being together, we needed no distractions... it was an awful drive today. It was what it was. It felt like I was at the ocean the sun was so bright and hot. I'm in the middle of Texas. First time in a city without Bo I was scared... how stupid is that? Meeting my new hosts without Bo as a buffer... scared again. My new hosts Clyde and Sharon, more christians! I felt at ease almost immediatly. I was thinking this morning, I have been meeting really good Christians but then again only good Christians would invite a complete stranger into their home to stay with them... Christian or not. They had dinner waiting for me. I played a little of my music for them in the driveway and almost fell asleep doing it. Sharon is a housekeeper into knitting and Clyde works for the Southwestern Seminary, baptists studying to be preachers, church musicians and evangelists. Lots of Koreans are being drawn to the school. He showed me the website. They liken preachers to troops in battle getting ready... "Taking the Hill" for Jesus Christ with targets with guns and war gear on their website. Yikes! On a lighter note... Clyde is a certified pyrotechnician... for many years he has been the guy setting up and setting off the firework displays all over this area of Texas. He has some beautiful pictures on his computer that I would like to get a hold of.
March 16, 2010
Seeing as this will be my last day for now in Oklahoma I wanted to get into the local town. I parked on the street for a short while and played some music for a short while, about seventy seconds and then stopped. Why? I just wasn't feeling it :) After noticing that the "E" had fallen off of Eufaula on the town sign I thought of my friend Andrew in Eureka Springs. He said, "Eufalla I Laughfa." I didn't quite "get it" at the time but today it seem kinda funny. The big local supermarket billboard sign was advertising Spam as the sale of the day. I thought that was funny too. Drove a short distance away and played several places along the lake while creating music out in the open with nature... By the lake I was able to better feel. I felt the fact that Bo is not physically hanging out with me on top of the piano. I tried to feel him through the music... when I felt loss I just began to cry and then the music began to implode... it stunk. When I felt his joy and our joy in spending time together the music took shape and was great. Neighbors wondered into the picture and jumped onto the piano to play. A neighbor came buy and dropped a fifty dollar bill into my hand. Now THAT'S a good neighbor! Can we talk gratitude? The family I have been staying with has insisted that I not spend a penny on lodging, food or anything else while I have been staying with them. They "get it" what I am about and I really appreciate people like this. I drove through a golf cart community today, this is where the neighbors use golf carts to get around verses cars.
March 15, 2010
Need to remember to speak slower, relax a bit... I'm in the easy going rural areas of the country and not working in the fast talking free wheeling city life. A friend asked me today how long I will keep doing the Traveling Piano. I replied... "I'm going to keep doing it until I... don't".
There is a state park in the Arrowhead area of Oklahoma which also has a drug and alcohol abuse treatment center nextdoor so... off I went to drug rehab to possibly create some music in the park with the Traveling Piano and possibly with some recovering addicts. I was driving down a long park road and came a cross a huge, I mean really huge and powerful looking complex that felt kind of religious. I was curious and found a large community of identical houses surrounding it in the woods. Driving around I became more and more curious, there was a stillness about the place. I drove to the headquarters front door which was busy with people and went into the lobby. I was in a Narconon center that runs a L Ron Hubbard program affiliated the Church of Scientology. People wanted me to play for them and wanted to get onto the piano to play but the experience was cut short by one of the staff who said I would needed to get past a board of nine people to ok it over a period of time. Hahaha... not. I drove to the lake and played for the sunset... me, nature and music minus Piano Dog Boner in such an open and all by ourselves environment... for the first time. "It was what it was."
Back at the cottage where I am staying one of the dogs reminded me of how Bo would love to lay with his head buried under a couch or the bed. I was telling a local guy about Boner's passing and he reacted spontaneously in saying... "doggone it"... and then... "opps! I didn't mean it that way." We both had a good laugh over that.
March 14, 2010
First... Joyce my host is one of the best cooks I have ever encountered. Her french toast is beyond words and tonight, after returning from work, I ate all of the fish she left out on the kitchen counter. I hope she forgives me for doing that but... what can I say... I have never had tastier fish and it all came from out of the lake down the street! Second, my understanding of how a person can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ has tripled over the last two days. I have been continuously gifted throughout this journey with non-denominational people who follow the bible and have accepted Jesus Christ as their lord and savior... who have invited me into their homes without pressure, judgement, conditions... and whom I have been able to open up to on every level and whom have also opened up to me with deep and intimate desire, experience and belief. Bottom line I am discovering more so with every interaction... simplicity ...with stuff like, 1. just ask 2. being a Christian does not mean your not allowed to be a sinner 3. no one person is the king, there is a power greater than all of us.
My new friend Dustin steered me toward a musical happening in Rentiesville, Oklahoma, population - 66. I have little interest in connecting with people because they are musicians and... I usually need to push myself to sit and enjoy the music of other musicians (don't allow myself the enjoyment time) but... I am always interested in meeting and interacting with new people... musicians or not so I went. Ha. It was a jam being held at the Dusk Till Dawn Blues Club which also houses the Oklahoma Blues Hall of Fame. It is a small jazz club in the middle of no where. Not kidding... this place in the old days was an "out of the way" illegal beer and sweet whiskey establishment... speakeasy. Today was a super cool experience and the people were real ...so was the music! The owner Selby lost here husband D.C. Minner two years ago, a famous blues musician who was born on the land when cotton was still being harvested from it with a pay of thirty five cents per day. Selby instantly knew the connection I had with Boner and the transition that I am going through. As well as being a great singer she is a designer with a degree from Rhode Island and also creates sculpture. One piece that I commented on she said took two years to create. It was an amazing piece of art.
Outside I created music on the front lawn of this historical place and then went deep into a back field to record some music. People trickled out and got up onto the piano. One old guy who had asked me if he could play on the truck... when he left we shook hands and eyeballed each other. We both knew how much fun we shared together for just a few minutes. He looked at me and said, "thank you so much I have always wanted to do that." He was a musician who never got a chance to have his on own spot on the piano to sing and play and have someone listen and I mean play as in simply... "play" ...musically. I drove the truck out of the field with a local neighbor playing on the back of it. I met super friendly people. The frogs at night... oh, how I wanted to record their sounds! New sounds that I had never heard before... varieties of high whistles and low baritones, sharp timbers and clacking sounds. It was great to hear.
March 12, 2010
My host Fosha, he had a hundred foot fall from a hand glider over thirty years ago and broke his neck. He has no feeling from his chest down and needs to strap himself in his chair. He is very acclimated to his life. I asked him what he does all day... he said that he gets out and about often, has done a lot of volunteer work with kids in schools, he listens to them talk. I asked him how he handles hanging around the house just sitting because he is not very interested in television... I asked, "what do you do in your head... do you think allot? He said, "nope I enjoy watching, experiencing the birds and the trees and all of nature. Fosha is sixty three years old and very content. The doctors said he should have died but in any case that he would have no chance of surviving past ten years. That was thirty years ago. His wife Joyce cares for him and has also built the bed and breakfast inn building they own, it is huge... just her and a helper. She runs the place and also cares for her sister, thats another story. Joyce is amazingly beautiful in looks as well as spirit.
I met Justin today. He is Joyce and Fosha's son the guy who turned me onto this present opportunity. Justin messes around with the guitar really fine like... and gave me a musical feel that describes this area of the country. Not quite blues, straight country music, or folk but a style very different, rural and down to earth... a true mixture. He talked in a way about my improvisation that addressed my creativity... cut to the core in saying what he thought. His way, very hardcore with life in general... opened me up to more creativity. Sometimes he sleeps in his car, it looked like a very comfortable space. I don't think it can get much more rural and hardcore as it is here. I took a walk today and found three buddies drinking beer by a lake. They were there to clean it up some for bringing in the girls during the summer. Every neighbor I came across smiled and said hi.
I'm still in awe of this bed and breakfast opening their hearts to contribute to the journey with hosting. The Falls Inn I have asked many B&B's to host us through the years, this is the first. I needed this privacy... the cottage I am staying in. My energy level is crashing most likely because this is the first opportunity I have had to "turn off" from the work completely since Boner died... even if only for a few hours. I took a drive and found a party. Eighty one year old Pat was being celebrated for the thirty years she has owned The Tangle Net Bar a small local out of the way place that today had a full house. There was a little hesitation for me to throw myself into the situation considering that I was a total outsider but I just told myself... "fun friendship. respect"... and went for it. It was a big outdoor cookout, I pulled up and said, free food"? They said yep, so I said, "well then I have some free music for you... if you want it because... I give to givers" ...while thinking, "damm I just ate." Hahaha... I did it. It was fun. Pat got onto the piano to tinkle on the ivories and I gave her a Raggin' Piano Boogie poster.
March 12, 2010
While driving down the road without my doggi... I was seriously contemplating my life and what to do with it now. Constructs (and not good ones) concerning how other people will interpret who I am, what I am about, what I am doing, how, why etc... presenting the Traveling Piano with a partner as I did with Boner created a very different message from presenting just myself alone especially in the Traveling Piano's "music for people to discover" process. My feeling and thoughts always come back to "just keep doing what you are doing." I don't seem to have a choice... my direction is completely clear for today at least. It became most clear when I was driving and a phone call came in for an invitation to stay a couple of days in Austin Texas. That was followed up with another phone call from my friend Orinda in Newfoundland. Orinda is a most definite spiritual sister for me. As we were talking about my changing everything in my life from "we" to "I" with this journey considering the fact that Boner is no longer around... I came to the conclusion that it is most appropriate to stay with "we" because... I am not alone. There is without question a higher power with me on this journey and in my life be it God, angels, my friends, the people who follow along, participate in the journey or... all that. ..."WE"... are all in this journey together. So it has been said, ha!
Having landed in Eufaula, Oklahoma a rural area with more huge lakes, man made like in Arkansas but now on flat land verses in the mountains, I am being treated way beyond... I have been given a new fully furnished guest cottage with a kitchen to use... separate from an inn across the way... I have space all to myself, no interacting with anyone, all wonderful and quiet. I'll have my first opportunity to spend some alone time, really alone time without Boner even. Ugh, sigh... but wonderful at the same time because I am surrounded with so much love. Joyce and Fosha owner's of the Falls Inn... I'll be talking about them in depth. Upon arrival they took me straight away to the local VFW for a steak dinner and karaoke singing (not me) but... I never knew there were so many rural hardcore, older gents who could sing country and western so good! Maybe the fact that Carrie Underwood comes from this town plays into it all.
Anyway, Fosha gets around in a wheelchair and within minutes of meeting him said it was the best thing that ever happened to him because it led him right to Jesus. Well, that certainly set the groundwork for our relating especially in considering there was no threat or pressure associated with his words. I have been running into Fosha's again and again on this journey... Bible people who have a close personal relationship with Jesus not associated with any specific pastor or church. Nothing excites me more than people who "walk the walk" ... show their devotion, faith and belief with consideration, kindness, and generosity through... Action! ...not from being prompted by any organization, community or association, ...through one-on-one interaction... person to person... Action... and especially with a stranger. The action is in their inviting me, a stranger into their home. During dinner I watched Joyce make a point to applaud every single karaoke singer after every single song. As I watched her amazing Action of support and made mention of her ability to nurture she simply responded with, "I really enjoy people." Needless to say I am very excited to be here even without piano dog Boner. Thank God for my ability to say that.
March 11, 2010
Carroll County, Arkansas
Today's thought... "I'm leaving for somewhere, don't know "where" is." Spent the night here again in Eureka Springs, stayed overnight with three single guys who work together... a wind chime creator, toy maker and arborist... Ranaga, Paulie and Mitch, we ate a full dinner of home made beef stew Mitch had been cooking all day. Sent out two random emails on a traveler's website for an almost impossible last minute overnight in Oklahoma while heading south. Low and behold a guy Dustin calls me from one of the emails in less than an hour. His mom has a bed and breakfast with an empty cabin next to it. She appreciates people who put up her son as he travels and always wants to "pay it forward."
Was going to treat myself around midnight to a great massage (first time in years) from a girl named Leslie, we ended up talking about life for hours and then she ended up treating me to the message. That ended with the decision to stay here another night to... I don't know what. It has been a cold an cloudy day so I did some computer work, took my first walk without Piano Dog Boner. To walk and explore nature was our favorite activity together. I was wondering down a random street outside of town and came across Carol Lee's house where I visited last week. This was a really crazy find. She has a beautiful grand piano and I stopped in to create some random music for about a half hour. Tonight I had pizza for the first time without Bo. Pizza crust for Boner, his all time favorite treat. I'm dreading the drive out of Eureka Springs tomorrow without him... but I also realize that I am projecting feelings that do not need to exist. Fun, friendship, respect... musical empowerment and inspiration... at no cost and without commercial, organizational or political interest. Lets see where this journey takes us to... (meaning the Traveling Piano, myself, the spirit of Bo and the 20,000 people who have participated in this journey over the last four years).
March 10, 2010
Eureka Springs, Arkansas
So I have moved on from my hosts Ron and June but not before I beat June in a game of board marbles. I forgot how fun it is to play a board game with someone and how it can take my mind away from troubles especially when my "kill to win" mentality takes over. Ha, we had fun! Now where am I to go, what am I to do? Boner helped lead the way for me because he was always first consideration with everything. Today, I don't like the feeling of being on my own without any responsibility whatsoever. Maybe that will change. Ryan, my new buddy wanted to say goodbye so I stopped in the center of town and we hooked up with his sister Amanda which ended up in my driving them around the streets while they banged away creating music. John, the owner of the New Deli cafe took some video of us and then jumped up himself to play as did his waitress.
There was talk of major wind, hail, tornado like storms heading right for the town so I started to look for shelter and found a friend of Ryan's car port to use. (better than nothing) The insides of the truck are still wet from two days ago... I have no idea how the piano and speaker is still working. Josh, Ryan's friend got onto the truck to play and then Ryan brought out his guitar... they both ended up jammin' away with random notes and chords. I was going to leave today but it seems best to stay the night with Ranaga who I met a few days ago and then get a fresh start in the morning. Storms are supposed to hit throughout the night and the truck will not be under cover except for its aging tarp. All I can do is hope for the best.
March 09, 2010
Eureka Springs, Arkansas
I feel a need to constantly review what I am doing, my mission, my life. I want to be honest about the fact that I am in a transition. (...like I have not always been transition..ha?) As I have stated before in this blog... when I began this journey, the deal was... I never had a desire to travel alone... as long as Boner was with me I would take to the road and share our partnership and what we have to offer for the world. He was my company on long drives, my buffer with situations and people, my security in not feeling alone... now that he has passed, well presently... I am dealing with constructs that I have in place about being a single man trying to connect with no roots and traveling around... lost, little money. I know the constructs are not true but still... I grabble with illusions and ideas having been put into me by authority figures and influential people throughout my upbringing and from society. I tend to think that I am now searching for places to stay, I am needy, lost. The truth is that I offer relationship, friendship, a unique musical experience for communities, inspiration, opportunity for the exchange of ideas, for strangers to become less afraid of each other... the reality is that I am working... almost all the time. Sometimes I say to myself, "who are you trying to convince here"? The fact is that I have a need to remind myself... constantly, of what my true desires and intents are or... old "stinkin' thinkin' clouds my consciousness.
My mission, agenda... has not changed and has been constant. It is focused. The "nature of the animal" of what I have chosen for my life constitutes my reaching out on a continual basis. That can be a pain in the ass sometimes. I am offering my friendship, fun, respect, music... I am not asking for... or need anything from anyone. The bottom line is that when people turn me down, reject or ignore my offers ... that is ok and has nothing to do with my mission, my direction and what I am doing...when I become overwhelmed, confused and have problems with decisions and choices (which is most of the time) well, I am learning to just keep moving forward.
Everyday I need to stay conscious of ingrained thoughts taught as a child that being a single man, traveling with no roots is not a good thing. As far as being a free spirit... I felt like I was a free spirit with my dog... I have no desire to be a free spirit with myself! Hahahaha... sigh. I was playing piano the other day without Bo in front of me while thinking, "now all I have is my music." I suppose that I have more self actualizing to do and work to feel fulfilled in simply "being" from the inside out. (with or without my music, Boner, a partner, whatever) Not having the stewardship and responsibility of Boner in my life presents the opportunity to truly be a "free spirit" ...if that is really what I want.
It was never in the plans to sell my home to continue this journey. Most people are under the impression that I am independently wealthy person or getting financial contributions from the websites (ha, less than $400 total for all of 2009...less than 8 tanks of gas) Every penny from the sale of my home (that still exists and that is not allot) belongs to the journey. I have spent very little on myself for example hey... look at the clothes I've been wearing for four years throughout the website pictures... I just stay as clean as I can with everything that I have. Next... It has been work to find people willing to host us, it is work to live out of a suitcase, sleeping in different beds, work to constantly adjust to different people, their needs, staying aware and considerate of their contributions in sharing space and food with me... in their homes. I am in the process of allowing myself if I so desire... to use up the rest of my finances (which is not very much) staying in hotels, or rent a place for a week at a time so I can have some total personal space... or to just chill out somewhere for a few days with no agenda... give myself permission to quit all of this Traveling Piano journey... get an apartment (ugh) ...a conventional job for the first time in my life (ugh,ugh) ... create a new career and reinvent myself one more time (ugh,ugh,ugh) or take a vacation trip to a different country before the money runs out ... I can change my mind at anytime completely about anything... God, can't help it... I miss Bo.
I am thinking about presently creating an ongoing attitude with the travel as though I am dating... staying in different towns and cities... to try them out and see where I would like to live... continue to meet different people to find who I most enjoy spending time with... exploring is fun... right? I've always enjoyed exploring... gotta remember that.
March 08, 2010
My new buddy Ryan called me again today and we hooked up for a ride to Fayetteville, Arkansas to check the area out, create some music, to visit the sister of someone I had met earlier in the week and to just share some friendship. Before I left Mario synchronistically phoned to say hi. He is the guy who I originally met with Ryan and who lives in Lowell the next town over so... we stopped to visit with him at his work. Mario is a native American who has been passed a torch that honors him as being the religious leader of the tribes in his region. It's all a bit confusing to me but very interesting. He presently works for the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette newspaper and is a super interesting individual. It began to rain when it got dark and everything is soaked. The speaker has about an inch of water in it. I'll just have to wait until it dries out so see if it will still work.
March 07, 2010
The Ozarks, Arkansas
I hooked up with Ryan... he phoned me... "remember when we met a few days ago and you said if you ever wanna drive around with music to phone you..." ... so we hooked up with his friends and drove around the streets of Eureka Springs playing music. I drove, they played because no one except me knew how to drive a stick shift. It was an amazingly beautiful day. First, we drove to the Christ of the Ozarks a statue of Jesus overlooking the town. Jesus is a little scrunched down and without a neck because if they had him 10 or 12 feet higher he would have had to have a red light on the top of his head. So there with... Ryan, Jackson, and Cory we synchronistically hooked up with Trisan and Josh who were neighbors of Ryan when he lived in another town a few years ago. It felt really good to just hang with new friends and take turns at the piano, snapping pictures for fun etc...
We drove through the streets, to the local park, visited the Crescent Hotel which is haunted and full of ghosts... I love playing music for ghosts :) I am very impressed with Eureka Springs. I feel a sense of togetherness, a sense of community, a sense of people, neighbors taking care of each other, a sense of inclusiveness... I'd probably go crazy here in the summer when the thousands of tourists come, many on motorbikes, they say the noise level can get out of control... but for now with just the locals there is a warmth and care I am experiencing for the first time. Everyone, without exception that I have met who lives here... loves there home and town. The community supports its business, artists and musicians as people first and foremost. Everyone is welcome everywhere from what I have experienced in a very short time. Lots of people come to retire to this area of Arkansas.
March 06, 2010
The Ozarks, Arkansas
The day started out with June my host practicing the piano in her driveway overlooking the beautiful Ozark lakes flowing in and out between mountains. The weather... perfect. June is learning how to play and appreciate the sound of a single note. This is not easy for her... I tell her to breath with each note and that she must wait until the note completely fades before she moves onto the second note. I am thinking about moving on down towards Texas and I am preparing myself a bit by making a list of phone numbers for people to talk to while driving. Dread the thought of a long drive without my buddy sitting next to me.
Drove towards Berryville and stopped at Carol Lee's place because I wanted her to play outdoors on the Traveling Piano. I was over her house earlier in the week playing on her grand piano. While on the side of the road, Roger pulled up with his wife. Roger, retired this week from being a trucker at age 63... he was in a celebration mode. He said, "I just had to quit it all and enjoy life before it gets too late." He sang and played and rocked the truck more than I ever have... and thats for sure! Along the road I found the local humane society and stopped in just to hang with a few dogs. I met 20 year old Julio from Mexico and he jumped on the truck to try a piano for the first time. The place was a no kill pound and they had about 25 year nice animals who seemed quite content and happy.
Along the road there was a sign "puppies for sale" so I stopped to look for fun. There is no way possible I would get another dog at this point of my life but I sure do love dogs. Today it will be two weeks since Boner passed onward and outward into the universe. The puppies were all daschunds so we put an eight week year old puppy on top of the piano for some fun spirit. It was the dogs first day out in the world and she had a very concerned look in her eyes. I cannot imagine why? Ha, she was very cute! In Barryville I parked in the town square which was pretty dead except for when this amazingly interesting waitress in her fifties or sixties who appeared with a slice of pizza for me from the local pizza shop. "I just could not let an act such as yours go without some recognition," she said. I had just parked and began to play and create music with the energy of the town. Wish I could remember her name... she and about twenty other people have been traveling for about twenty years with the same generous guy in his seventies who opens business and then sells them. They operate from Oregon to Florida and move around as a group. It all sounded and felt very legitimate and unusual and true.
Presently, I'm sitting in downtown Eueka Springs, Chelsea's pub...some people call it the town's "dive bar." Feels real comfortable and the people are as friendly as it gets. Any, "what's that stranger doing in here" feeling does not exist. I avoided the center of town today because it was very touristy. I'm being treated to a huge calzone pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, cheese, sauce, etc... It is from Emily who is bartending. I met her with her sister, daughter and niece at Hammond park the other day. Emily has the nicest set of boobies I have ever seen!
March 05, 2010
The Ozarks, Arkansas
There have been a lot of people jumping up on the piano to play even without Boner to entice them. Maybe his spirit is still enticing everyone and I just don't see or feel it... won't be seeing him anymore in the conventional sense, thats for sure and I want to feel him... I'm going to keep writing about him until I'm done writing about him... Ha. I also am working to finish putting all the pictures with him in them on the Boner The Dog website.
I was never one for commemorating death or into ashes or anything like that. In fact I used to think this kind of stuff was morbid but I received Boner the Piano Dog's ashes today and I immediately put them in the truck cab, his den... right my my side close and within sight to help feel his love while I'm driving down the road. I had another good cry and that was good. I would have loved to had buried his body in a special ground plot so it could help nourish the earth but alas, it is what it is. I am keeping his leash, sweater and dog bowl with the Traveling Piano truck and when I can find an artist to connect with.. I will have two pictures of his amazing-ness tattooed on the piano to inspire myself and everyone who partakes in the Traveling Piano's Wildest of Dreams. How have I been getting through this transition? Friends... lots of supporting friendship.
March 04, 2010
Harmon Park, Arkansas
Today was the warmest and sunniest day this year. Ron and June my present hosts have been so great... I went outside to sit on their deck with a cup of coffee while they played a board game with each other and had to jump immediately onto the piano parked in the driveway. I needed to create music over the beautiful lakes and mountains in the warm sun. Afterwards, I drove to Harmon Park, the city park for Eureka Springs in Arkansas. It was small not really a place I would have stopped to create music but... there were two moms there with two children eating lunch. I yelled out... "guess I'm here to create music for you all." They thought that was cool and we had a time of it.
A large part of the day was spent visiting with a guy named Ranaga who I had a very synchronistic connection with. Ranaga created the worlds largest musical windchime, its in the guinness book of world records. For those who may not know, all twenty thousand or so people who have played on the Traveling Piano during the last four years... I always suggest that they relate the notes they create to a windchime outdoors. I use the windchime analogy as a relational tool so that they can enjoy the random musical sounds they create. We both played a few notes on the Traveling Piano next to the windchime and then I jumped onto the top of the piano to play like Boner.
Ranaga had an amazing talk about his 30 year career of creating windchimes, juggling, his parents who were both holocaust survivors, and his new business venture which involves skill toys. What Ranaga and I have most in common is that we enjoy paying attention to the present moment.
March 03, 2010
Black Bass Lake, Arkansas
Went to a quiet local spot to record some music and ended up laying in the center of a dam on the edge of Black Bass lake. I found myself literally howling with grief about Boner. I take every opportunity possible to allow a grieving process for myself. I realize there is no way out and as someone said the only choice I have is "through" this transition. My friend Cindy called as I reached my lowest point and suddenly people appeared. We had some good time with the Traveling Piano and that brought me back to the present moment with... "it is what it is." ..."It"... felt good.
My niece called to check up on me and was telling me how she and her kids ate dinner while listening to my old Raggin' Piano Boogie CD. She said, "makes you wanna chew faster and I think it helps with digestion." Hahaha.... I've been using the internet at a local coffee shop to do my work and the guys who own the place hung around till after 11pm the other night while I finished responding to around 800 emails from people who have sent words of support. Bill and John had to be back working at eight in the morning at the shop but stayed around for me... after a full day of work until I finished up. Love... All the while, the Traveling Piano has been working in full swing here and there and everywhere.
March 02, 2010
A friend from the midwest sent me a picture of her music students holding a Raggin' Piano Boogie poster she had purchased from several years ago. It has been hanging on her classroom wall. Feels good... I met a woman in her seventies named Carol Lee and visited her in Berryville, Arkansas. I had heard she was having difficulty in what she was doing with her life, directions to take etc... she has been reaching out to people, not for the answers... but for company in the process of working through issues. I immediately wanted to bond with her. We spent a good part of the day together. She owns and runs a real estate office, antiques store, several houses she brought and fixed up, she is a decorator and a wonderful piano player and as I said before... in her seventies! We talked about doing what we enjoy doing in life verses sorting through what we sometimes think we should be doing... created from the pressures of society, friends, family, neighbors, etc... Carol has a beautiful grand piano in a room with high ceilings and I had an amazing time creating music on it. I didn't get her on the truck yet... the temperature was below freezing today.
March 01, 2010
Sylvan Springs, Arkansas
Part of me does not want to start this months blog. I now... am walking the talk or something like that. I want to live the positive, analytical boo-haa that I have written about over time of how life works for me. Every time I think about Boner I either start to grimace and cry or... a huge happy smile comes across my face and I grin with bliss. Bo did nothing but want me to be happy all the time. I want to be happy. Most everyone I meet and have already met wants me to be happy. Everyone who has ever loved me wants me to be happy. My work in life is to be happy. What else is there to say about that? "Choose happy, Danny."
Many people have suggested, "get another dog". This idea is not on my life's menu. I did not bring Boner into my life for my comfort, to be a companion for me, to satisfy my needs, to gratify my ego, or make life easier for myself in any way. I took stewardship of my best buddy to have the life experience of enjoying a relationship with a dog... period. Did that, done that.. I have had the experience of the dog of my dreams. Oh boy, I did enjoy! We enjoyed. I have had the most rewarding experience possible, the dog of my dreams... many life times worth of dreams.
February 21, 2010
It has been very difficult, excruciating. I don't want to go to bed because I don't want to wake up. Now I have no one to relate to except people, ugh, thats work. I took a walk and thought, I don't want to enjoy the flowers and the trees and the birds and the bees without my dog. Where's my purpose, I have no purpose. Yep, this is what I am going through. I've prepared for this life adjustment in knowing that I must reach out to people. I call friends and tell them not to give me words of encouragement just allow me to cry on the phone connected to them for just a minute. When I can know a friend is with me... I can hang up and do what needs to get done next. Dana and Gary have been so excellent. I will decide what to do with Boners ashes in a week or two. It is difficult to write. I've been re-doing all the bio's for my correspondence and online communities. All the "we's" (as in Boner and I) ...are disappearing. Pain, sadness...