HIS SPIRIT LIVES ON! ... BONER, THE PIANO DOG ... November 27, 1994 ... February 20, 2010
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January 31, 2008
I am going to end this month by listing my priorities. I am presently living my Wildest of Dreams. 1. A streak across the superbowl field in a one of a kind pickup truck with a piano on the back of it while wailing away with some wild Boogie Woogie piano music for fun entertainment would be a lot of fun, eh? 2. I want to live out my life with Boner to the fullest, I want the world to meet him while he is still around and to share what we have to offer together before he retires from hanging out on top of the piano. 3.The Traveling Piano concept; I experience an enormous amount of joy with it and want to pursue it without charging an fees with it. 4.I want to be financially responsible, improve the quality of my life in everyway and not go into forever debt as a result of the Flight of Peregrinating Musical Exploration! This is what I am dealing with today and I have decided to achieve this by liquidating my possessions by sharing them with others through financial contribution. I want to honor my possessions and to let go of everything I own with a sense of worth.
Question: ...How are you going to get people to help you? Answer: ...People do help here and there. I am learning how to ask and have the sense of self and mission to do that. If I was to promote a desperate, needy, pathetic, dying.... help the less fortunate... I'm do gooder angle... I know it would not be easier obtain assistance. I have chosen a positive approach with a desire to attract goodness, joy, fun, friendship and respectful help and support. I know people see the fun in it for me, how can they see the fun in it for themselves? I am open to any ideas. I also have a lot of difficulty in being specific with my needs. I tend to think all over the place and it takes a lot of work to think specifically. That comes from the creative artist in me. I'm working on all of this.
January 30, 2008
Sometimes I am amazed at the commitment I have to this website. I write and publish my entries every night before I go to bed whether I want to or not. I began a very interesting experiment last night. I have been wanting to video my daily musical improvisations but have not found a way to make it interesting for myself. I have been making videos performing the novelty piano piece dizzy fingers for a few months to download on Youtube for practice at looking at the camera the entire time and for fun. The goal has been to communicate the music directly to the viewer as though I am talking through the music. Last night I decided to become even more intimate with the idea. I created a video of musical improvisation with a close up shot, the entire time, of my eyes only. I wanted to communicate the music through my eyes only. I could not be more intimate. I hope people like it. I uploaded two sections onto Youtube so far. I remember about twenty years ago I was in a bar in center city Philly and a great piano guy Ted Gerike was playing for me. He stared at me the entire time he played. I cannot ever remember feeling more uncomfortable. It grossed me out. I was freaked. I did not know what to do or how to react. I didn't want to ignore him but the intimacy of looking directly back at him while he created his music was too much to take. It wasn't like he was playing anything romantic, it was in fact Boogie Woogie. I've come a long way. it will be interesting to see if I can do it with a live person. It was an exercise. I focused on giving my music to the world. When I improvise I think about allot of stuff. Last night into the camera lens I thought only about communicating with the universe.
Question: ...What are you going to do if you sell your house, you won't have a home to come back to. Answer: ... Yep, I won't have a home. Can I come live with you? If not I guess I'll have to find a way to get a home, rent an apartment, find the money to buy a home... maybe I'll become so rich while I'm gone that I'll by several homes or just rent a hotel suite for a few years!
January 29, 2008
Since I am not out playing music for people these days because of the cold, wind, rain and snow... and there is no other good reason to go outside (I want a reason)... I have been working on my thoughts to stay motivated and continue. God, that is a lot of work! I've been describing the process with these writings. I am still thinking about yesterday and my physical nature... I would like to have a peer partner. I remind myself that anyone that I would be attracted to who is also 52 years of age would be doing a lot to keep themselves physically attractive but really no more than anybody in thier twenties. Kids go to the gym all the time, groom all the time, some watch what they eat, they compliment themselves from inside etc... I must also do just as much if not more to be worthy of the best. As I was walking last night I thought how I spent the first twenty five years of my life working VERY hard to "not be worthy". Oh Lord, I am not worthy"!!! That was the theme of my life!!!!!!!! I was real good at that. I worked to be the most unworthy person on earth. I did. Boy, was that fucked up! I have three large place cards in my foyer on top of my cabinit that have been there for several years now. They read, "Keep It Simple", "Trust the Process", Expect Miracles'. When I came home from the movies last night the "Expect Miracles" was on the floor. This was the third time in two weeks, never before has that happened. I know it could have been ...a wind draft from the front door... it could have been a sign that the miracle is over, dead, dropped to the ground, give it up... and then it could have been ...Don't Forget, Its Coming, Get Ready, Live, Love, Expect Miracles... Guess which one of those three senerios I chose. I woke up this morning at 7:30AM. THAT... was a miracle. Now I just have to want to drink alot of water today to keep my body going. I'm planning to go to bed at 8 to read so I will fall asleep and get up even earlier tomorrow. Waking up in the morning is the first step to continue with the Flight of Peregrinating Musical Exploration.
Question: Don't you think you are pushing Boner too hard? Answer: No. Boner is not easily pushed. The other day he wanted to stop walking and stood his ground. I ignored him and continued onward not looking back thinking his instincts would take over to stay with me. Eventually when I turned around I found him gone. He went home. It is a very tricky issue for me with the balance of pushing. As long as I do not push myself too hard there will be no way that I will be pushing Boner too hard. I am responsible and I love my dog as I love myself. As I have learned to respect him as a dog I am now giving that respect to his age.
January 28, 2008
I woke up at 7:20am without the alarm and reminded myself to be careful and drink allot of water, to nourish myself and be careful with my health today because of the unusual lack of sleep. This is really important... before I fell asleep as well as when I woke up I thought, "you don't have to think about anything except getting into the shower, you don't have to think about what needs to be done, just get up and into the shower, you don't even do anything for the first few hours, the fact that you're awake and out of bed is an accomplishment, you don't have to do anything all day, it would not be the first time to do nothing all day and the world did not cave in on past empty days." I woke up hearing Boner's breathing at the foot of my bed. I reminded myself that I am a spirit in this body and in this world and I felt gratitude for the new day. I felt gratitude for my dog, my best buddy. I stood in the bathroom mirror nude and felt acceptance for my body. I spent time to groom myself. I thought, "when you were a kid you spent hours obsessing over your body and beating yourself up over how bad it was in every way. As a kid I spent a lot of time grooming with deodorant, powder, gel, mouthwash, etc... time spent looking at everything physically... I thought, " just because I'm older why would I not spend time today on my body? If I want to feel young and look young, do what young people do. I even have an advantage now because as a young guy I knew only a negative body image and now i can consciously choose to look at my body in positive ways.
Question: ... Boner is old, isn't he going to miss his home? Answer: First and foremost, Boner is most at "home" outside with nature. Secondly, our home as well as the Traveling Piano truck is his den. Boner's den and home have been a constant from the time he was eight weeks old. Bo enjoys exploring and being in different environments and when he is away from his den(s) and is usually distracted with the curiosity and company of people who are usually fawning all over him. Our travel experiences are also a complete distraction from thinking about home. We are always having fun! When Bo is uneasy he stays close to me. Boner would much rather be with me anywhere... verses in his den or at home without me. It would be inappropriate for me to live my life for my dog and stay home because he is old. This would also be unfair to our relationship. I am the alpha dog of this duo. Boner's age has nothing to do with any desires to stay home or away from home. We both would rather spend the rest of our days living life than laying on the couch withering away in our home. Boner is a mirror of me; I am responsible and have excepted stewardship for his life. We work together as a team so well because we enjoy the same experiences in life.
January 27, 2008
God, I miss creating music outside on the truck with spontaneous performance. I will have my time. Right now I am spinning my wheels trying to get out of a rut that I am creating while gaining weight and trying to function. My positive dream state is fluctuating. I did get up early in the morning three days this week and I did nourish myself with healthy food for three days. Consistency, that is the answer. The question is when and what is the thought that triggers a downward spiral. Wow, it is interesting that I am in this space after over two years of consistency. The stakes are high.
I have this thought in my head that this dream will not happen if I don't get up earlier in the morning. My goal is 6AM and seeing that I am wide awake at 12AM my tendency is to start to rushing my mind to go get to sleep. What a joke. "No rush, it is what it is, have trust and faith, do the best I can", etc... I pick out a new book to read, get into bed and begin reading it. Around 2AM I'm ready to go to sleep and try my best to rally an early morning in my brain. I work on feeling happy about getting up, I channel any feeling of urgency into fun, enjoyment with anticipation about the need to pack to leave. I very much consciously do not count how many hours I will sleep. Why put that urgency, apprehension, fear, concern into my brain? I think "you've been letting go of the concept of time with everything else, why worry about hours of sleep?" The only reason I can think of is a bad habit of insidious soul sabotage. I keep thinking about how much fun it would be for Oprah or her people to come to my front door to surprise me and how I want to be out of bed and ready for them. I need to get up to clean off the front porch. Yea, yea, yea... whatever it takes. If it works, why not? I give myself a break when setting the alarm. I get sick with not enough sleep so I do not want to overdo it. I set it for 7:30Am, thats a good start. I go to sleep feeling fun anticipation but am careful not to give myself too much feeling of fun anticipation, so much that it will keep me up.
Question: ... Are you going to miss home? Answer: If I have as much fun as I was having last year... nope. I hope to make myself feel at home wherever I am. Really. I am going to work on that from the start.
January 26, 2008
I am aware of doubt today. Of course I put that doubt right into Boner. If I am not going to make it through this journey then Boner cannot for sure, he is a lot older. This is bull. I started to review the blog from Mexico today and was reminded of how wonderfully exausting it was. It was difficult for both of us but still completly worth it. I thought, have I had enough fun? Can I continue with possibly even more difficulty? There seems to be nothing interesting to tell in this blog, nothing is happening. Less and less people are reading it (there has been no visable support) so... my motivation, well it is wavering. I deal with this constant feeling of self... like it is not enough, it is wrong, I must do everything with other people, be told what to do, how to do, when to do, have it done by other people. I constantly juggle and try to balance between the two. Too much self, not enough self...
A few days ago I was able to push myself to let everthing drop and go to the movies. I went to three of them! Sitting through the first previews I thought I was going to die with impatience. The second was so bad i was not sure I was going to be able to sit throught it. The third was ok, I was just glad that I allowed myself the time. I came home and was glad it was not raining so I could take Boner for a walk. First, I watched my favorite televsion show, Boston Legal. Bo was happy to see me but angry I let him alone for so long. I definatly was thinking how I had to take care of myself over and above everything and everyone even my best friend, Boner. I talked outloud to myself as I walked, reviewing my desires, goals, mission etc... I came home.
Question: ...Do you ever get bored? Answer: ...Yes.
January 25, 2008
I have been telling myself over and over lately, you must get up at 6AM if you are going to manifest these Miracles. I am not sure why I have been telling myself this because I know that it is a limit, a condition that I am creating. The truth is I would like to get up early just to experience what it is like to get up early every morning. I know what it is like to get up late and in the afternoon for years on end. Now I want to try something new. Also, the role models that I see get up early, so... getting up early must play a role in my goals to accomplish my Wildest of Dreams. A couple of days ago I woke up at 1PM. (I was working until 5am) I grabbed onto anything I could to keep from beating myself up. Over and over I said to myself, "your not going to give up today Danny... so you got up at 1PM let it be... don't rush the day, refuse to have urgency... trust, have faith everything will be ok." I said to myself, "if you get nothing done today so nothing gets done, but something will, it always does." I thought, "if this Wildest Dream is going to happen you better get moving and start packing things that are going to leave this house forever." I continued to create the dream as I was getting my morning coffee and opened the refrigerator for milk... "you cannot leave with this refrigerator looking so disgusting." While I waited for the coffee I washed three shelves. I sat down and began to get mired in organizing, a very comfortable activity when I can do nothing else. I went to the store to get some boxes and began to pack. I got VERY overwhelmed and just sat down. I felt all my energy and reminded myself that whatever the feeling, no matter who stifling, repressive, terrifying that it is... it is all just feeling... energy... I want all the energy I can get to channel into the Wildest of Dreams.
Question: ...What if............? Answer: ...during my walk today I thought about how I can plan, and plan, and plan, and plan and sometimes... it works real well, other times the plans are a total failure, other times I never even get to the point of execution. No matter what... the present moment is lost with any time spent planning. So now I plan loosely while living in the present moment. This way I get to live two life experiences the present and the potential creation of the future.
January 24, 2008
My life started out difficult yesterday. I was wanting to expect miracles but not acting like it. They won't happen if i don't believe in them enough to follow through with them. I realize I was having some difficulty accepting them. My goal is to assist in the creation of miracles. I came from a place in the past of having them on the trust of what others said would happen and they did. Then in having them, I acknowledging them... giving gratitude and sharing them with everyone I could. I still do. At this point in my life I want to consciously create them. Miracles in my life cannot happen without me. I have to be willing to consciously experience them and be responsible for them. That has been my goal. I still don't create where they come from but I most definitely create them. Where and how is just too much for my infinite brain to work with so i will just accept the wonder and amazement and magic of the when and hows.
Question: Will Boner need papers and documents to get into China? How do you know what to get and how are you going to do it all? Answer: I've been through this with Mexico last year. It is the same as getting papers for myself or my child or whatever. I ask three different sources what I need and then I feel my way through the process from there. I keep doing what I need to do until I feel secure that everything is in hand and in place. I make the decision that I will jump through whatever hoops are necessary to find out what is needed, to obtain what is needed and to have what is needed with me when I need it! I repeat any steps that I do wrong as many times as necessary and keep at it for as long as it takes no matter what. All it takes is the clear decisive decision, and focused patience and practice. I keep negative drama and fear out of the equation.
January 23, 2008
... the end of the last few days thoughts... Here is something interesting. Every note of Ragtime and Boogie Woogie that I perform is from written sheet music. Even though I have performed it all memorized for the last twenty years I have always kept the music sheets tattered and torn and physically with me. A couple of months ago I left it all in the back of the truck as I drove away from a location. Ninety percent of it blew away in the wind while I drove down the road. I realized that subconsciously the music had become unimportant to me. I just did not care about it anymore. I was focused on moving on with the creation of new original improvisational music. The fact that the music sheets were part of my history was not important enough to take the usual extra precautionary step protect them. (here I was burning a useful bridge) So today here I sit practicing, re-learning with the few remaining sheet music pages that remain. Hopefully I will be able to find the lost music in libraries or online. It will not be an easy task.
Question: ... Are you crazy? Answer: ... No. Well... maybe a little? Naa... actually... I'm very serious as in serious fun... too much! Can there be such a thing as too much fun? Not in my world!
January 22, 2008
...continued from yesterday... In the world everywhere... I must remember that sometimes I will need to be able to show my legitimacy as a professional for business and government as well as personally and musically. Bottom line... with certain situations I am going to need the resources to communicate that I am able to carry out my mission under any and all circumstances. I must exude respectability from as many points of view as possible if I am going to be respected from many points of view.
So that all takes me back to the drawing board. I sat down today to practice my 20 year old repritoire of Ragtime and Boogie Woogie sheet music. About 70 percent of it has slipped through my hands in the last two years. I sat with metronome and 10 pennies. I use the pennies as an aid to make sure I repeat each musical section at least ten times. (repition, repitition, repition) I put a cushion on the piano bench to raise myself to the correct height and posture. That helped in more ways than one. I found myself bouncing with the cushion when I played. What fun! Every little bit helps. It felt like I was playing outside because the room was so cold. It is presently 20 degrees outside and I am living with a space heater in my practice room. I have a hat on. My heating bill was almost $400 last month!
Question: ...Does driving long distances become difficult for you and Bo? Answer: ...Before this journey we never drove distances because I was booked repeatedly, locally with the same communities for all the years. I learned from the first year with Katrina and then last year with Mexico to first and foremost keep neutralizing stones in the truck for my allergy to Bo's dander when the weather is humid and for the smell of his anal glands from sitting for a long time. We stop every hour and a half to stretch, pee and get a drink. Sometimes we walk for a bit wherever we are. I keep and remember to use menthylopitis and eye drops often... and I have music cd's to keep my mind awake. I paid a hefty sum for a seat back brace, it was worth every penny.
January 21, 2008
... continued from yesterday... On the truck, with my travels over the last two years, I have been putting myself "in the trenches" so to speak... to reach everyone on whatever level they need in order to best communicate. I have not wanted to come across as someone special, on a higher level, most accomplished etc... I have been wanting to be just "one of... part of" with everybody else. I have been working to come across as just someone who happens to play the piano really good and has a "gift" to offer.
Well that is not always going to work. As I move forward I am realizing that I need to continue addressing this life long career I have worked to build. I have been abandoning the special, higher and more accomplished needs that some people look for to see. In order to get high levels of support sometimes I need to communicate that I am able to function on a high level. I must keep my ability to shine polished and be able to acclimate my approach, looks, acting, thinking, and feeling. I must continue to hone my professional skills on all levels in and out of the trenches. The bottom line fact is that my ability to perform and impress with Ragtime and Boogie Woogie piano music can work as a major "bridge" to accomplish my overall goals, especially in China ...continued tomorrow...
Question: ...What will you do if Boner does not live long enough to meet the world? Answer: ...People really ask me these questions! The reality is that Boner is meeting the world as I write the answer to this question via many outlets on the internet. Every day Bo meets new people from around the world. He does not even need to be on the truck, people approach him as we walk down the street! The world will continue to get to know him after he is gone as I plan to create a book. I planned with Hollywood last year, do you know all about that? Plans change. I don't care how it happens I just want it to happen and it is happening. The idea of China and the Olympics is just my idea of another climax on the goal like the original plan of taking him to Hollywood and getting him on a national show... "then the world would have met him". This is all a process... and the Olympic idea is a great catalyst to share what we have to offer in China.
January 20, 2008
I think of how I will need every support tool I can get my hands on to accomplish this present journey. It is time to bring back my ugh, old repertoire of Ragtime and Boogie Woogie music and include it with my new and developing musical improvisation skills. I am being dramatic with the feeling of "ugh". I really enjoy the old music; just not as a full time diet. I am moving on with my life and an aspect of moving on deals with leaving the past. I have become very weary of trying to move forward by dealing with my past repertoire in a new ways to keep it fresh. Part of me just wants to dump it all. Another part of me realizes that is not going to happen. I am reminded that the past will always be part of me and I can just accept that... and find enjoyment in the fact of, "it is what it is". ...continued...
Question: ...Are you not afraid that Boner will slip out of your hands and that you will lose him in China? Answer: ... Although I have had some close calls with this issue I have never let the fear of losing Bo control the way we relate to each other. Boner has needed a leash only a few times in his thirteen years. First and foremost, I have always empowered Boner to be responsible with his need to stay present and within a safe distance from me. Whenever we have been in unknown territories where a situation could take a sudden turn for the worse I have always had the leash in my hands and ready. I have been as responsible as a good parent should be and this is why Boner has never been lost, even in crowds of 10's of thousands. When we were in small Mexican villages last year he was on a leash the entire time and I always had a large stick with me. This was necessary because I did not speak the language and the village dogs were wild. I am critically observant as Boner gets older and his eyesight, hearing, wits and natural instincts fade. I have never been a dog owner who puts his foot in the front door when I open it to stop the dog from running outside whether the dog has that intention or not. I trust my dog and my dog trusts me. I am an empowered dog owner with an empowered dog and we have always been willing to accept the risks involved with our learning processes rather then operate our lives from a standpoint of fear and preventative oppression.
January 19, 2008
So I have been answering everyday the questions that I am pounded with most... so that when someone asks in the future I can say, "go look it up in the blog". That is what my parents used to say to me when I asked them about a word I did not understand, "go look it up in the dictionary". Of course the words I was asking about were never in the dictionary... if you can catch my drift :)
Question: Are you not concerned about flying Boner to China with his age?... Answer: No I am not concerned but I am certainly going to research all the aspects of it. He will not go freight unless I am completely confident that he will feel safe and comfortable and that he will be secure and warm. If this was the case he would probably have a tranquilizer for rest. I would need to check with a vet to make sure that there would be no danger involved with that. I would like for him to fly with me and will look into the costs of that as well as having him registered as a special needs or therapy dog so he can fly in first class with me. I will charted a plane for just us if needed although the price of that will cost what I am selling my house for. There is also the option to find a donor to fly us there or a contributer to help out maybe a sponsor. Maybe I can find a spare seat on a freight plane or something. Then there are boats cruise ships, freight boats, passenger boats. I get sea sick so that I would not look forward to. Do you have any ideas?
January 18, 2008
It warmed up to 42 degrees today. How could I pass up the opportunity to go outside to create some music? I went to the river where I found a group of kids from India smoking cigars. I musically improvised for a while and then on the way home I stopped at the local deli to get some fruit. As I was leaving, fighting off a delicious smell of hoagies and provolone cheese, a woman came up to me, "it's my husbands birthday, could you stop by tonight with the piano and truck so we can sing happy birthday?" Sure. Then I lost it and drove to the local hoagie shop to pig out. I passing a group of kids who started jumping up and down while yelling at the top of their lungs, "there's that guy, there's that guy." Yikes! I didn't feel comfortable with reactions that strong outside of performance. No paparazzi please! Thats supposed to be funny.
So later on I drove to Ron's 43rd birthday pizza dinner blow out the candle and sing happy birthday moment to surprise him! I'm not sure he knew what hit him. We all created musical chaos and confusion for about fifteen minutes and then I was gone. His wife Raeann, what a trooper to have the guts to approach me in a store parking lot, talk about hutzpah! Actually, she had seen me do a "on street musical drive by" last year so she had an idea of what I am all about and I could feel that from her. The best part was the spontaneity of it all. I woke up this morning with the feeling of wanting to create some musical fun, friendship and respect today and it happened.
Question: ...I don't get it why do you need to play the piano, and the truck and the dog... I don't get it, why? Answer: ...When someone asks me this question and they do it just like this... I'm not sure if they want to "get it" but I'll throw out a few phrases anyway. It's fun, I like to be outside, it stimulates the mind, body and soul, my dogs too... I can bring music and creativity to people I cannot reach in any other way, people like it, spirits are lifted, I am constantly running into new life experience, it creates a positive way for people and myself to relate together if only for a few moments, the mix of elements creates a feeling of joy... I could go on and on and on.
January 17, 2008
It is cold, snowy and rainy outside. I would like to be creating music where it is sunny and dry. I could be creating music by myself in my house but I only do that for the daily recordings when it is necessary. Hmmm... it is all a balancing act. After yesterdays ideas that I wrote... I decided to go to bed this morning at seven and woke up at one in the afternoon. Six hours of sleep, nothing wrong with that once in a while! I do not want to struggle with any diet or sleep. My sleep patterns and diet are not problems. I can create problems with my thinking about them which creates resistance to "it is what it it"... acceptance which then creates a lack of faith and trust. I'll have none of any resistance to reality. I take it all as it comes and move forward the best that I can.
FAQ #014 Success
A. Don't you think all of this stuff is a bit obsessive, compulsive?... Answer: If we are on the same page concerning the meaning of those words the answer is a flat out NO. Those words have a negative connotation attached to them from my perspective. If it is necessary to attach words to my energy why not use highly spirited and motivated? It is the same energy just a different choice of words! I have had a deep, deep kinship with behavior on many sides of many different fences so far in life. I have lived negative energy big time, I know it well. Negative living (unproductive, kill, kill, die living) I never wanted and I always knew that. My energy is good and it comes from my desires. My life energy is my work. I desire to do the most I can with my work. A person cannot have too much desire. Desire is where all goodness comes from! I stay as conscious and aware as possible to have a balance of goodness with my desires in my life. I work, I play, I give, I take, I contribute, I sit and do nothing, I sleep, I have sex (I'm not getting any... there is work needed in this area) I nourish and exercise my body, I socialize, I seek to learn, to achieve, to make money, etc...
January 16, 2008
FAQ #013 Success
Question: ...Do you ever feel like giving up? Answer: ...At least once a day, every day that impulse enters my consciousness but I cannot entertain the thought I must get rid of it every time, immediately. I don't give myself more than one option and that option is to move forward. Nothing, nothing physical or spiritual or intellectually leads me to think, "give up". Everything points to keep going. It always has... I just have this habit of... pull it to me, push it away, pull it to me, push it away... It's all about faith and trust and not reliving the past. My biggest issue is not about success or failure, I have this challenge with resistance that builds into not being able to think... period. I sometimes get so bogged down, overwhelmed in unconscious thought and unawareness that I almost come to an agonizing halt in every imaginable way. Since I began pursuing my Wildest of Dreams I have not once come to a complete halt. Thank god. Right now I feel bogged down. I hate saying this. It feels so boring to let the world know and also stupid. It is what it is. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to finish my work. It is almost 3AM as I write this and I have made the decision that I am not going to go to bed until tomorrow night. I am going to push through to the next level of work that I have been putting off in every way imaginable for a week (it's just some stupid filing of correspondence) and... I want to be so tired tomorrow night that I fall asleep at a decent hour so I can get up early in the morning the next day! I'm also afraid I may die if I don't go to sleep! Hahaha... this is true, I am not kidding, I'm not, it is all about fear. I need to switch things up so... Also, if I decide to do something like fast from food for one day I am afraid I will die from the not eating. I know this all sounds extreme but it is the truth. I'm not going to sugar coat the truth. To help confront this pathetic type of thinking I am telling myself that I am in training for China. Can I live two days without sleep? I know I can. Can I go a day without food? I should punish myself for a week without food for just having that ridiculous thought and feeling. I am reminded to accept that sometimes I have "stinkin' thinkin" and... feelings are not always facts.
January 16, 2008
January 14, 2008
I had to get out of the house today and play some music. Since it was raining, I went back to Collingswood Manor an adult community in New Jersey. They have a grand piano and plenty of interested, appreciative people but most importantly I could do my own thing with no expectations. I threw Boner up on top of the piano so he would keep everyone occupied. I focused on music. When we are home, Bo really gets bored laying around on the sofa all day so he was happy pup all except for not being able to run into the dinning room to scoff up all the food. Since I would not allow people to give him treats they all treated me with ice cream, cookies and candy that they kept bringing me from the dining room. Just what I needed, not really but I was not going to turn down their parental gestures I was enjoying being cared for. Yesterday, I was talking about thoughts of resentment, complaining, neediness constantly breaking into my consciousness. I have none of that crap while creating music. So needless to say I did not want to go to the "bad places" so I sat there for three hours straight sometimes just listening to a few single notes for the enjoyment of it. When I started to get bored i would tap my feet. I was trying to bring up feelings of anger to express it and get it all out of me but all I could muster was love.
FAQ #012 Travel
A. How are you going to get over to China?... Answer: I could fly over and I could take a boat over. Are there any other ways?
January 13, 2008
It is cold and rainy and I wish I were outside somewhere creating music. Part of me says I need to get some more traction going with the journey and another part says just keep it smooth riding everything will be all right. Its not like I am wasting time. The biggest problem is being alone in my house and my head for any length of time. If I am playing music no problem being in my head... but in my head when I start thinking alone, thoughts do not process smoothly. Yes they do, they process smoothly into chaos and Hell! Ha... "THink love... THink love... THink love."
FAQ #011 Travel
Question: ...With gas prices, isn't travel going to cost a lot? Answer: ...Yes. It costs about $150 for every 500 miles with gas, oil, tolls a snack and bottle of water :) ...plus $100 per day for a hotel room if needed, not talking about any four seasons hotels here the range is from flea bag $40 to half decent $89 rooms after tax and fees and then there is the cost of food. Also, the truck breaks down every so often, minimum $50 just to look at it.
January 12, 2008
I was taught from the start that one of the worse qualities I could hold as a person was conceit. I think everyone was trying to teach me about humility by telling me not to be conceited. Lordy, lord... almost everyday... everyday for almost twenty years it was, "Oh lord I am not worthy. I said it in prayers. I said it with people. I said it to people. I said it in thought. It never made sense to align the quality of humility with not being worthy, even though I had no idea what humility looked or felt like. The negativity never felt right. What happened was, and I am not kidding when I say this... for almost twenty years whenever anyone said anything positive about my piano playing, I would discount them. People would say, "Your really good." I would always verbally respond with, "no I'm not". God forbid I came across as conceited. It took a lot of work and several years to catch myself and wiggle out of that behavior and thought process. I finally have found the feeling of humility in my life and I have found it big time. I found it through positive and good thinking. I found it through gratitude. The more gratitude I experience the more humility I gain.
FAQ #010 Travel
Question: ...How much travel are you planning to do? Answer: ...The way it has been working 200 miles a day I can do along with activity at both ends of the day that means performing, socializing, office work (emails, these pictures, writting, etc...) and logistic planning, 250 tops. A 500 mile a days travel means no activity and on the brink of body ache. After about 4 days I need a two to three day break.
January 11, 2008
I have truly amazing experiences. I do. I love them and I must not ever assume anything if I want even more amazing experiences. I went to the park to walk Bo and play some music. As I was leaving a guy in a car next to me yells, "Are you Danny Kean?" It was a grade school friend named Jimmy Knowles. I have not seen him for almost forty years. Did he recognize me because of Raggin' Piano Boogie, the Traveling Piano, my career, from talk with other people, the media? No. He said he had seen me in the park once before and thought, "that sounds like the way Danny Kean plays and it looks like Kean playing the piano." This completely blows my mind away. He had connected the sound of my music, the way that I played music... he connected with my spirit first and foremost and that is how he knew it was me. He said, I would have never known that it was you just by your looks alone because when you were young you were so squeaky clean looking. (I was a late 50's catholic grade school boy, Leave It To Beaver television show clone). He had no idea that I have been making my living playing the piano all these years, or on a truck, he had not heard me or seen me play, yet he identified me through the sound of my music like I identified him from his voice when he began to talk. This is so friggin' awesome. It is amazing that my music way back when I started at 10 years old made such an impression on people. ???Huh??? I still have a problem wrapping this fact around my head. I never thought I was any good all those years. I thought I was good a "faking" that I was good but as time progresses I learn that I have been mistaken. I have always been good at communicating my spirit through music! Amazing, amazing, amazing. Of course it is a two way street. Only people who have a desire to be in touch with spirit can identify spirit. If someone is only looking for communication via the correct musical notes, chord changes and razzle dazzle well then we have a different story.
FAQ #009 How
Question: ...The most basic ...How are you going to do all this? Answer: ... The most basic reply, "I am doing it, I am in the process of doing it ...and I am doing it by Living the Law of Love. Now, who understands the Law of Love and who wants to know what that is.
January 10, 2008
The biggest untruth, the first untruth from childhood, the longest running untruth of my life that I have repeatedly validated sometimes hundreds of times daily for fifty years... has been to tell myself that I have to do everything in life by my myself. No one is going to help me or want to help me. That people are not put on this earth to serve me, I am alone. "Do it by yourself"!!! I never understood that. I have spent the last twenty five years learning to understand the difference, the balance with people doing something for me (no responsibility from my end) verses with me (as in "holding my hand as I walk through the valley of death" :)... or as an active participant in creating something.
I've never claimed to be a quick learner. I do eventually learn when I am able to stick to it and not rush myself. Well, yesterday I think I finally got a hold on something I have been trying to understand for more than half of my life and that is meditation. This is something I do by myself. I have been consciously working to allow myself the Wildest of Dreams, the operative word being "allow". That means to get rid of all the, "I'm not allowed", "I can't do that" ...crap that was put in my head from the start and that some people continually try to instill daily. I fully understand the reasoning of why I AM allowed and that I CAN DO... I understand all that on an intellectual level. I am now processing it all on an emotional level.
When I have tried to "still" my mind and mediate with a tool like saying the rosary, all I am thinking about is saying the rosary... because in my mind... I am worried that if say it wrong... I will get smacked across the head somehow. If I am trying to release some energy by exercising to mediate I must think about the exercising because I try so hard I have a tendency to over do it and hurt myself. With music I can go into a meditative state for myself but I do not want to develop a habit of doing that. Music is a physical manifestation so I want to always stay connected to the world with music to some extent. Personally I do not want my music to be all about me. My music is about my world. If I try to visually focus on a white light or something... well that takes concentration, forget it. I've been trying to shut up, sit down, shut down, stop thinking, listen for answers, work, work, work at meditating! This has not worked.
What happened was that the following thoughts came to mind. Meditation time is a time for receiving... there is no work here... this is a time to relax... this is a time where I allow myself to be taken care of... this is a time to trust... this is a time to allow myself to open up and receive my Wildest of Dreams from God and the Universe... this is the time where I allow miracles into my life... this is a time to let go of everything I know, all preconceived ideas... this is a time to stop consciously working... this is my time to "get"... a time to "receive", to know that I don't have to do everything by myself, that I am not alone. There is no work involved with mediation. For me, If it feels like work don't do it.
If there is any job to do in my meditation it is to make the Decision before I start to give the "time" to myself to Allow myself to Feel that I am Receiving and Believe that I am getting what I desire, that everything is being taken care of, that all is good, safe and secure for my life. It is not up to me to know ahead of time the how, when or where, why of anything that is coming into my life through meditation. If I try to understand anything that is happening in a meditative state... forget it. What is happening is way beyond any comprehension that I could have, there is way too much going on, it's magic! The meditative state is my time to let go and relax... Not take care of myself. It is the time to let myself be taken care of. The biggest challenge for me with meditating is to allow the feeling of being taken care of, to make the decision to Allow myself to feel good. I trust, "let go and let god" ...or the universe or whatever. Willingness to trust is the key. The key of willingness to trust comes from grace. I open the door with it and then I go about my day. Of course I make plans throughout my days but I must stay open and flexible with trust in knowing the fact that plans change, they can and this is natural.
So here I am on the second day with all of this. I meditated for about 90 seconds yesterday and when all this realization came to me I got so over whlemed it scared me into a shutdown. I meditated for about three minutes this morning. Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Tiny steps and movement forward.
FAQ #008 Tools
Question: ...How are you going to do accomplish this trip to China? Answer: ... by accepting as much help, support, assistance and tools that I can involve myself with. Meditation being most important in all of it at least for today. Hahaha.... No, seriously I mean it, making mediation a reality for myself daily will do the trick.
January 09, 2008
Since school started after summertime I have been waiting for the right moment to stop by the apartments behind my house to gift the kids and parents at their bus stop. Today was the day. I took the truck out not knowing where I would go and passed the spot just at the perfect moment. I said to myself, "yes there they are!" I pulled the truck up by the waiting parents, threw Boner up on top, jumped onto the piano and moments later the bus arrived and all the kids started to swarm around. It was quick and sweet. As I circled around to the other side of the apartment buildings to leave I ran into another group and as I was playing a construction truck came around the corner. One of the guys in the truck was being let off from work by his buddies. They got out of the truck and one of the guys jumped up onto the piano to play the theme form the old television show All In The Family. You gotta love it!
FAQ #007 Language
Question: ...How are you going to communicate if you do not speak Chinese? Answer: ... My basic communication will not be verbal it will be with a great big smile full of love. it works all the time. Survival can depend on a genuine smile. I'll have to accept that I will be flubbing my way through life concerning verbal skills. Maybe I'll have people to translate for me. Do you know anyone in China who will help out? I'll have to accept that there will be lonely times. I was went a week without speaking English in Europe, it was not easy. I'll use gestures, make cue card statements to present in Chinese like, "I am a friend, I need toilet paper, please tell me where the American Embassy is located!" Today I started listening to verbal sounds from sites on the internet. I already can say, "Hi hao" which is "How are you?" The question is wether I will remember that tomorrow!
January 08, 2008
What an exhaustingly, exhilarating experience I had today. A friend of mine wrote to me last night, "Danny you are so upbeat and so talented and so audaciouse!" I love that word. I have been called audacious in the past. It is true, I am audacious! I absolutly love being audacious! Hahahahaha... I got myself together as soon as I could today which was after 12:30 PM because I refuse to not have fun by rushing myself. I filled my pockets with quarters and headed for a good parking meter spot in downtown Philadelphia Chinatown to explore and see what would happen. If you think it does not take guts for me to do this, your wrong! I woke up shaking with unconscious uneasiness this morning.
I put my mind into complete openness for opportunity as to where I would land and after finagling and feeling around for 20 minutes I slipped into a perfect parking spot. Today's China blog picture is not made up. It is real! God, I'm going to mess this up, a young guy named... Juels? ...happened by with a camera of his own and hung around to watch and help take pictures for me. I really enjoy the creative process of finding a spot, setting it all up, consciously being sensitive and aware of the surroundings and peoples initial responses, getting myself prepared to make music and to be outgoing with people to pull them over to say hello to Boner and get onto the truck to play, etc... I am realizing that many Chinese people are uneasy with dogs so Boner's ability to convey friendliness is a challenge for him.
One of the first things said to me was how the music was so pleasant and not intrusive especially for the people living in the apartments above. A guy from the suburbs happened to walk by, He says, "Wow, I can't believe it, I can't believe it, you're the guy who inspired me to play music!" He met me when he was a kid in Ambler, PA about eight years ago and is now a student at Fordham University in New York. It took no time to get him into the truck to create some music for everyone. "Really, really you don't mind?" I think it was a fifty-fifty draw as to who experienced more joy from the encounter. I made a major connection with a guy living in the local shelter who alternately switched every five minutes (for about an hour) from being my best friend to being very angry with me because I said Boner would be dying soon and that is why I want the world to meet him now. He said, "Listen I have a big check coming in the mail at the beginning of the month and I am going to phone you when I get it because I'm coming to China with you, I want to get out of here."
Another big old street guy came by and I think he was my favorite musical experience of the day. He was so happy when I asked him if he wanted to play. "Really," he said? I had to get him off the piano after about ten minutes because the sun was going down. Watching him enjoy his spirit on the piano gave me a major amount of fulfillment. He was such a visual. I watched this big, dark guy covered in clothes with a strong street scent and broken teeth with huge calloused fingers with long strong finger nails sit and escape from his present reality into his music. His focus, his eyes were full of content, nothing existed for him but child like musical wonder and joy. He started to explore with one note and within minutes he was all over the keyboard exploring. As he got off, "man, thank you so much, I have not played on a piano in over 55 years, thank you, thank you!"
A vendor turned me onto the local Chinese/Vietnamese newspaper as an idea to get the word out about going to China. I went into the editor and he said to me that he was Vietnamese, he had little interest. Yikes! He was giving me a, "what are you trying to get from me or us, your not getting anything, why would you go play for free, I'm busy." Ha, so much for that. He started to spew negativity about the idea, the size of the country, the danger and then finally someone else in the room directed me to the local Asian school and cultural center and I left with a new step to take. One step leads to the next. Do you know what talent is? Talent is being able to explain this Journey of Peregrinating Musical Exploration, the purpose and the reason for it in a comprehensible way to people who do not understand English. I am going to need a lot of practice at this!
FAQ #006 Why Contribute?
Question: Why should I give you money to have fun and do what you want to do? Answer: What I do is fun... WORK! Every successful person that I experience says in order to be successful you must love what you are doing, it must be enjoyable it must be fun! I have found a fun way to give service to the world. This way has a passion that creates value and goodness. Most all I ever hear about is money being given to causes that help to prevent or recover from experiences of death, neediness, suffering, violence and destruction. It is my view that a better world can be experienced by focusing and giving money to creating and ADDING to happiness, joy, comfort, friendship and respect. We are not here to experience a negative hateful world. We are here to experience a positive friendly world. If there is a hell, I do not want hell. If there is a heaven, I want heaven. I am not going to wait until I am dead to find out which is which. I must be financially responsible and pay the bills. A largest part of the Traveling Piano's success so far is because I am trusted and that has come from working one-on-one as an individual with no commercial or organizational interest. I have proven integrity, logged daily for over two years. My interests are with music, respect, relationship, creation, inspiration, empowerment and fun spirited communication. I work hard and I do great work!
January 07, 2008
I am still finishing my thoughts here from about three days ago.... I'll be learning all about my true feelings and the true feelings of others for the rest of my life. My life works through feeling it always has and does whether I am aware or not. My emotions come from feeling. My actions come from emotion. The origin of the word emotion is to emote... to move, to bodily move. Life is now mostly fun because I can identify fun feelings and I am learning to accept and give them the emotion that they deserve. When I do that everyone else who comes in contact with me has fun emotional feelings too.
It was a mild day and I was not going to miss it. I drove the Traveling Piano to my favorite spot and enjoyed some "me" music time. I was there for only about and hour and fifteen minutes but I must have met about twenty people spaced perfectly apart during that time. We had some dancing in the park as well as on the truck! In pain, a broken elbowed girl tickled the keys. A couple of buddies jumped on board.
FAQ #005 Boner and Quarantine
A. Will Boner need to be Quarantined in China?... Answer: I do not know how it will play out. He might need to be quarantined, people have walked dogs through with no questions, people have paid extra money to walk dogs through customs no problem.
B. How long will he need to be Quarantined?... Answer: I heard, six months, three months, one month.
C. Where will he be Quarantined?... Answer: I have heard of kennels, I have heard of home quarantine with officials checking in every once in a while for an extra fee.
D. Are you not concerned of leaving him and his needs to be with you?... Answer: No matter what happens I will not leave his side. If he needs to be kenneled guess where I will be sleeping... with him. If it is insisted he be taken away from me, I will just come home. it is as easy as that.
I am preparing to be ready for all scenarios that I hear about. My job is to be as educated as possible and then go with the flow in the moment.
January 06, 2008
I have been talking about feeling... I wasn't taught true feelings and that turned into an inconsistent life. I was taught to mistrust, suppress, repress and adjust any feelings of self into what others wanted and desired and what they were taught was righteous and it all came through fear, guilt and shame. I fought it all unsuccessfully until the age of twenty-five and then I surrendered. I started to learn... I had to first learn that feelings are not always facts because in my head there was no consistency with the truths of what feelings truly were, what they looked like, how to respond to them, create them, manage them, etc...
FAQ #004 Length of Journey
Question: How Long Will You Be Gone? Answer: I don't know... but for the sake of having some sort of life structure... I can barely imagine eight months traveling throughout the major cities and rural country sides of China. I have no idea how or why that number came to my head but it did. Afterwards at this point I would like to return to America and continue the journey starting in Alaska (I would like to play for an Eskimo Village on an Iceberg) and then travel on down the west coast eventually making my way back east. Does that sound like a plan? A plan of probably several years.
January 05, 2008
Tagging onto what I said yesterday... I do know that I have been having a TWO hundred percent success rate so far with this Journey of Peregrinating Musical Exploration and thank God I've been documenting it daily for over two years because people would never believe me if I told them what has happened so far. My ass is clean, I have nothing to prove, nothing to defend and only goodness to share. I am feeling my way through life. As a child, I was taught that feeling my way through life was a bad idea. I was taught what, when, where and how I "should" feel for every tiny aspect of my life! It was never a life I wanted to live. It was full of people who were fearful of my true feelings, impatient, people who did not want to, or could not have tolerance for my true feelings. They had little feeling for themselves, they were too needy to tolerate my feelings for me. They communicated jealous, manipulative, controlling and fearful behavior towards them... they did the best they could with those qualities... which was not to my benifit at all.
FAQ #003 Time Line for Departure
Question: When are you leaving for China? Answer: I don't know. I had wanted to leave by this past September which was not possible. I am open to packing up right now and leaving in a couple of hours if opportunity comes into my path. I want to be in China for the World Olympics (August) where people from all over the world can meet Boner before he retires. I am not focusing on time I am focusing on my goals. My job is to focus on the goals not on how or when they will be achieved. I must avoid feeling rushed or hurried because that only slows me down, creates confusion and chaos. The sooner I am able to leave the better. I would like to leave sooner. It may be later, I hope not. I'm going with the flow of good positive feelings. I'll know when the time is right because I trust and have faith in what I am doing. The seed for travel with my music to China was planted in my brain when I was a teenager and then went dormant for all of my life until now.
January 04, 2008
I am going to resist the temptation to present this Journey with a wonderfully spinned drama of unfolding materialized synchronicity full of un-knowingness, fear, magical miracles, the gifting of the holy spirit and all that. Reality has enough drama all by itself. It is true that there are presently zero finances for the journey. I have no Chinese language skills, no experience with the country, no clout, no contacts and no idea of how I will eat, what I will eat, where I will stay, how I will get there, where I will go, how... and what will transpire concerning Boner. In addition, at this point I will be taking the Traveling Piano truck already with 200,000 miles on it. So, that is that.
FAQ #002 Where Am I Today
Question: Are you in China right now? I keep seeing pictures in the blog of you in China... Answer: I create the pictures from my mind for fun. They are visualizations, imagery and imagination. In the pictures I place myself in China to help create the reality of being there in person. They are meant to be tongue and cheek, silly, ridiculous even. They help me to keep the idea "light" and to not get "serious". There is an aspect of absolute ridiculousness with my life and I love that aspect! Ahead of time, I am seeing myself in different environments and situations. This is an aid for me to keep the trip as a priority and foremost in my mind. The pictures help me focus and spend time specifically thinking on the goal because they take a long time to make. There is an aspect of "fake it until I make it" with the pictures. Visualization works! My past experiences stand as proof. I am sharing my visualizations so you can join in the fun.
January 03, 2008
I am going to begin answering Frequently Asked Questions about this present leg of the Flight of Peregrinating Musical Exploration, our journey to China. I want everyone to witness the process of how one life can work not after the journey is all over but as it progresses in the present. I could say I want to alleviate peoples concerns but the truth is I want to get people off my back. Please, keep fear away from me I say with a kind smile of frustration. I only want positive validation, reassurance and support to move forward. Objective observation, information and ideas are always welcomed and desired.
FAQ #001 Dog Meat
A. Are you not afraid that they will eat Boner?... Answer: No, I am not afraid they will eat my Boner.
B. They eat dogs in China!... Answer: They probably eat dogs in America after they let them kill each other for sport, people just don't know about it, remember Vick?
C. In China dog is served as an appetizer!... In England they serve humans as appetizer, did you see the movie Sweeney Todd, why do people continue to go to England?
D. They are going to eat Boner!... Answer: They are not.
E. Will they eat Boner?... Answer: No.
Please people... it hurts to have to expand on this. If people are eating dogs in other countries, those people are eating them in your own neighborhoods also. What are you going to do? People eat cats and horses too. Do you think someone is going to look at Boners old meaty bones and salivate? That is silly, very ... People do the most strangest god-awful things everywhere, everyday... just check the daily news. Prioritize your fears here! This particular concern needs to be way, way, way down at the bottom. Would you let someone eat your child? I am not going to let anyone eat my dog unless they eat me first and my meat is so tuff it will take them a lifetime to finish me off. They won't want Boner's meat by the time they are done with my piece of meat!
January 02, 2008
Today, I received a taste of my own medicine, karma, whatever you want to call it. The experience created a need to reevaluate my gifting practices. It also made be think of Christmas day. On the way to New York, I stopped at a gas station to fill up my tank. The final cost was $16 so I gave the guy a $20 and rode off yelling Merry Christmas! The first thing that happened in New York was for Bo and I to get out for the car for a stretch. Immediately and as usual, Boner attracted a family walking down the street. They were on vacation from South Carolina and we started a conversation about my present agenda with Bo and how I want the world meet him. We parted with the guy handing me $4 for the journey. Isn't that interesting?
Before Christmas, I created several fun deeds. For example, I decorated a few houses in the neighborhood with some of my Christmas decorations and left a card in the mail box's saying the decorations were, say for "Johnny" because he's been such a great guy all year, and I signed them as one of Santa's elves. I decided never to let on where the decorations came from because it was fun for me to drive the parents crazy with wonder.
Well, enough of that! I dug into my pocket today to pull out what I thought was two $20 bills that people had given to me on New Years Eve as a contribution. One of the bills turned out to be a hundred dollar bill and I do not know who gave it to me and I cannot thank them!!! Shit. Frustration... Hahaha... A bit of my own medicine.
From now on I am going to look people in the eyes when I give them something or I'm going to gift... make happy... support in a way that the focus does not get convoluted with my personal fun. I want people to feel the pureness of being gifted and not have to think about the where's and how's. I am all about relationship and personal intimacy anyway. I do not want to role play as a God of un-knowingness creator. They deserve the opportunity to respond one-on-one with gratitude or whatever ...and that in of itself is good.
January 01, 2008
After Bo and my start of the New Year with a Party Hearty Morning of Performance, Fireworks, Friendship and Publishing it all... the details and pictures for the website... I finally got to bed at 7AM. I rolling out at 3PM in the afternoon and after having the usual several cup's of morning coffee, taking in some nourishment, saying hello to a few friends by email, we went for a walk to enjoy some daylight. There was not much of it left. The most open and peaceful area I could think of where we could feel the most sun was the local cemetery. Have you ever been to a cemetery at Christmas time? I have not and I was very surprised. It was beautiful with decorations everywhere. The natural trees were decorated. Christmas trees were decorated on tombstones. As it became dark I found many trees lit up with miniature solar powered Christmas lights! The place reminded me of the graveyards in Denmark where plots are adopted as an expression of beautifully created works of natural art full of flowers and nature of all sorts. There is nothing somber about any of it. The feeling for me is of natural love, care and remembrance. I thought, "people use this place and these decorations as tools for positive past memories... tools to keep the remembrance of satisfaction, joy, beauty and lets not forget fun!" This is good stuff.
This is my first ever writing of a New Year's thought... actually its the first thought I think I ever had about new years :) it is for everyone even though I write with "I". During this New Years continuum of measured time I desire everyone's desires. I embrace awareness and the ability to focus, to allow and accept my reality. To have dreams small and large and manifest them all with joy and love ... through fun, friendship and respect. To be conscious of choices and flow with them good, bad, ugly, and wonderful... and to continue on with greater than ever before imagined never ending strength and energy. I desire amazing musical thoughts with good secure feeling so I can emotionally create, empower and inspire all.
Yikes, I never used to talk this way! What happened to... I want lots of money for good sex, drugs and rock and roll. I want that too! Let it Be! There's still plenty of time.