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October 12, 2020Las Vegas, Nevada
I was sleeping as the phone rang twice this morning. I just let it ring while wishing it would stop. Scam calls stop after a few rings. It did not occur to me that the reason it rang so long long both times was because the calls were going to voice mail. When I woke up I saw two messages. One was from my friend Eric and the other was an unknown number. Eric had left a message about a dinner invite with his wife Mary and sister-in-law and a few other questions about Mo (who Eric and Mary really have affection for) and he wanted to ask me about some of my needs. The second message from an unknown number, I was about to delete as I do not listen to phone solicitations. Also the call was from back east where I grew up and that usually translates into political solicitation... but something just urged me to listen. It was from one of my brothers telling my that my oldest brother went into the hospital last month from a stroke and the situation does not look good moving forward. I let go of my family, separated totally fifteen years ago. This present journey resulted largely as a result of that. I've had no contact with the brother for at least twenty years, I do not think we have had more than five personal conversations in my entire life. It is what it is, sad but true. My relationship with all my siblings have never been worth very much unfortunately. The ways we are very different from each other well, I am glad I do not have to be in relationship with any of them through this trump period of history. They respond to authoritarianism as a whole and I respond to individualism as part of the whole in life. They know respect more as a demand and I know it more out of choice.
Still, there is no escaping family just as there is no escaping religion when you are indoctrinated enough through fear, loyalty, obligation and expectation. I have had to accept what they are about and who they are as part of my being and learn to deal with it accordingly throughout life... as detached as possible. I was raised as a fundamental, republican Catholic. Thank God I escaped the ideology and manipulation of it all. I have no respect for any of it what-so-ever, although I will always have a deep respect for the religion at its core. Same with my blood family, thank God I escaped the dysfunction of it all but I still have a deep respect for the idea of ""family in general. My religious upbringing and family upbringing were of the same type of indoctrinations all built around symbolism, title, hierarchy and with little substance or depth for my life. After hearing Eric's message first today, I knew it was a "God Thing" as I call it. His reaching out to me served to fill me with reassurance, caring relationship, nurturing and validation so I could handle the second message from my brother and not fall into old family dynamics that could have taken control of me in the worst of ways. Then I turned to my emails. The same brother had emailed me with more detail saying my oldest brother had also had a heart attack yesterday and is now moved into hospice care. And then the phone rang again, it was Eric. I wondered why he had called so soon again and had not waited for a return call from the original message. It felt unusual even though I've known him for a few years we are just beginning to relate outside of work. The call was full of more reassurance and validation, he had no clue he was doing that. After I hung up it felt again like a "God Thing" to keep me going strong after the email. I am being taken care of. We all are. All is well.
It has been very fortunate indeed, to be able to see from a spiritual perspective almost in realtime throughout my life how I am being taken care of. I cannot see it all the time. It takes work and practice to see it. I have not said this in a while... it happens because I acknowledge it, am grateful for it and then I share the experiences with others. There are literally hundreds of amazing experiences written in this blog throughout the years. They are amazing synchronistic and spontaneous experiences of every type on every level. By the way, I am still creating music outdoors almost everyday and have not been writing about it very much because there is nothing interesting or new for me to write about. How many times can I just repeat the same old, same old over and over? In the old days the change of environments and situations were constant. And then the varieties and types of people and experiences of personal relating were constant. Now, it is basically the same people in the same environments with me playing and not much else. The worth and affect the Traveling Piano has is as strong as ever but I am just not interested in constantly trying to spin that reality to make it exciting and different everyday. I just continue as always for better or worse to state everything as it is. This website and everything about it has never been about impressing anyone. And so, as I become less impressive with age or as the Traveling Piano becomes less impressive through images and words... it is what it is! I'm still loving doing it all to the best of my ability and I love that people care, no matter how few and if only one... that is enough. This pandemic has really been a downer for the Traveling Piano for sure. Still going... onward.