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July 6, 2018Las Vegas, Nevada
Mo and I drove to the rescue mission for our commitment there every Friday. Today is the first Friday of the month and afterwards I usually work with the Traveling Piano on my street corner while an Arts District event happens few blocks away but... it was just too hot, like a hundred degrees in the dark hot with little breeze. This afternoon my thermometer showed past the recorded numbers at one hundred twenty degrees in the sun, downtown where I live. Instead, we headed over to my friend Alex's house where she was having a classical music jam as in a few weeks ago. I played the Maple Leaf Rag for them all and it just felt very strange having the need to hide my insecurity of being judged while at the same time making the decision not to care while at the same time trying to be honest with myself that I did in fact want to impress them so they would respect me and my abilities.
I was too chicken to do my improvisation because I knew it would not hold their attention, maybe next time I'll do it whether pay attention or not. It is an offering and if they cannot accept it in the spirit given... I don't need to reflect it for myself. I can't tell what they thought about my playing of the Maple Leaf Rag, should I care? Lol... They are all young, accomplished, working classical artists and... it is what it is. I enjoy their company so will continue to explore relationship through friendship as well as music. Also, I'll need to learn to become a team player and move past playing solo into a jamming situation. I'm the only one to have played solo. A life long issue...