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October 10, 2017Las Vegas, Nevada
There certainly are a lot of dickheads in this world and for every one of them there can be a unique specific reason... or not. God help me not to become one of them! It takes conscious awareness to not pick up on their ways of thinking and behavior which for most dickheads is completely natural. I remember saying I was fearful of running into them in Los Angeles well, here in Vegas it is no better. The polite nastiness of LA or straight out cut throat nastiness in Vegas... same difference. A few examples and learning experiences: Trust no one, be aware of total self-centeredness, people wanting to use everything about me, lol... acting friendly when that is not the intention, attempting to put me on a subservient level concerning respect. I've been having encounters with well, some would saying influential people in Las Vegas. One guy tried to give me $20 for sharing the Traveling Piano for an event of his. When I said it was a gift as a neighbor he lost it on me screaming in public because I would not accept his level of respect for my worth. Others have bonded over my generosity only to turn on me behind my back when it suited them to trash me for their agendas. There was a place I had given to several times with the Traveling Piano and as a result instead of giving back when they could, tried to take advantage of me to get and give more. While I don't want to write down too many specifics I also do not want to forget.
I ended up doing something very significant without obligation or expectation of any sort. As a result I was asked to lunch and I was not thinking reciprocation but friendship. Wrong. To them it was pay back. A sandwich? Worse, they had no intention of sitting down for lunch. It was like, "lets buy him lunch as a payback so we don't "owe" him anything. We sat down and ordered, then the co-worker went to the bathroom, called the guy sitting with me on the phone so the guy could say an emergency came up that they had to leave while asking if would I mind accepting "take out". Then as we were separating I heard the one guy say, "ok where do we want to go now, want to say hi to George?" Lol, what elaborate theatre to cover their asses in being able to say they reciprocated. Problem is, I wasn't looking for reciprocation and if I was, it would be for a lot more than a sandwich! I felt violated and disrespected but suppose I'm just going to have to be more on the look out for moronic behavior in the future, not get jaded from it. I want to get quicker with my responses to command respect and also mark them off as the nature of the business animal in this day and age. I know I will just need to let it a lot of the crap wash over me, over and over and over while not taking any of it in personally for myself.
On a good note... Mo and I drove out to Redrock Canyon and took a short hike and then headed to a spot where I played back in 2011 when I was last in Vegas. It was a lookout where of course there were people and I wanted them to leave so I could just be by myself. That was not going to happen. It took awhile to extend and get out of myself to create music and as a result I could see the music was affecting everyone in a beautiful way. We had a few fun interactions with people. The music I was creating was coming from sadness, sadness for the recent mass murders here in Vegas and about all the people who lost their homes and possessions in the California wild fires that are happening. For all the people listening it was just beautiful music perfect for the nature and environment they were in. I was feeling not only sad but poignant, natural, intimate and yes, also beautiful. When I bring my life down to the core, it is just me and Mo in the world on our own. Is that a bad thing or should it be different? It is what it is... unless I continually extend myself to others. Concerning the fires in California, last year I stayed in Lake Isabella where a community burnt down and well, pictures cannot show the reality of how awful it can be. Also I know the feeling of being in a fire as well as living with the need to for constant attention to the threat of a sudden wildfire. While having compassion and empathy for what others are going through I need to keep a professional like wall of protection for myself because as I said before, I am becoming more empathic as I get older and emotionally that can be dangerous.